Chapter Thirty-Four #2
“He knows I’m bi,” I clarify but am pleased my hair is in front of my face so I can’t catch her or Radia’s eyes.
“Then why the fuck didn’t he tell you?” Radia asks.
“Exactly,” I say.
“Hold up,” Chloe interjects. “How does Giles know you’re bisexual?”
I swallow and start twisting the hair around my hand. “We’ve kind of… done stuff. Together.”
There’s silence and then just as I’m about to tighten it around the knot on top of my head, my hairband breaks
“Shit,” I say, holding the broken elastic out in front of me.
I don’t have another. I hate having my hair down when I’m working.
It gets in the way and overstimulates me, but I guess I’ll just have to put up with it.
I don’t know why I expect this personal crisis to have distracted Chloe and Radia from what I just revealed to them, but when I finally look at Chloe and Radia I see that it hasn’t.
They are both staring at me, slack-jawed.
“Since when?” Radia finally asks.
“A few weeks now.”
“How? Why?”
“I asked him to give me sex lessons,” I admit and I feel as foolish as I expect saying it out loud. “Queer sex lessons. To help me confirm if I was queer or not.”
Another beat of silence, this one heavier than the last.
“Ja Allah.” Radia rolls her eyes. “It was you!”
“What was me? What have I done now?”
“Ages ago when he was asking us about sleeping with someone he had feelings for but he didn’t think that person had feelings for him.”
What, wait… ages ago? I open my mouth to ask Radia for clarification but Chloe’s already talking.
“You really asked him for queer sex lessons?”
“Er. Yeah.”
“I can’t work out if that’s the best or worst idea you’ve ever had.” Chloe shakes her head at me and then a small laugh ripples out of her.
“It’s both,” I say and join her with my own chuckles. “It’s definitely both.”
“So by the sounds of it, Giles has caught even more feelings from these sex lessons and so have you and neither of you have actually confessed it to each other?” Radia surmises.
“If what you’re telling me is true about Giles, then yes, that’s exactly what’s happened,” I concede with a sigh.
Chloe’s eyes narrow as she speaks, “You didn’t tell Giles because?”
“Because have you seen Giles? And have you seen me?”
Radia crosses her arms. “What’s your point, Marcello?”
“Giles is a fucking Greek God who owns his own designer tailors, and I’m the Italian geezer who makes cappuccinos and eats too many pastries.” I pat my stomach for effect.
Chloe pinches the bridge of her nose. “Are you going to tell him, or am I?” she asks Radia.
“Go ahead.”
“You are a not just the Italian geezer who makes cappuccinos. You are a kind-hearted, successful business owner who makes every single person who walks through these doors feel welcome. You’re the best boss I’ve ever had.
And you look after the people you care about, like your sweet mamma and even that waste of space cousin of yours. ”
“She who shall not be named,” Radia adds in a flat tone.
“Indeed.” Chloe nods. “You’re funny and easy to talk to and generous with your time and energy. And I’ve already told you this but when I first met you I thought you were very cute. Sexy, even.”
“Steady on,” Radia says but when I look over at her, she gives me a quick wink.
“My point is, Giles would be lucky to have you. You are more than worthy.”
“But…” I say but I don’t have anything else to add.
“I know from the look of Giles, you think aesthetics is all Giles cares about,” Radia says. “But he really doesn’t. I sometimes think his appearance is a cover for something, although I haven’t quite discovered what exactly.”
My ribcage expands again but this time it’s not hope, exactly, more the warmth of my knowing Giles a little better than Radia. That he’s trusted me with a side of him that he’s kept hidden from so many others.
“So you mustn’t get all hung up on that,” she continues. “Giles will care much more about what’s going on inside you than what you look like or what job you do.”
“Yeah, the thing is.” I laugh awkwardly. “My insides are a bit of a mess too.” I suck in a breath. “I have ADHD.”
“I know,” Chloe says with a shrug.
“Yeah, I also thought as much,” Radia says.
“You both knew?”
“It’s really not a big deal. My brother-in-law has it,” Chloe says.
“Brother-in-law who is also her ex-boyfriend,” Radia clarifies.
“Er, what?”
“A story for another day.” Chloe waves dismissively.
“And my sister is autistic with some overlapping traits of ADHD.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I envy your ADHD. It’s why you’re good at your job. You don’t get annoyed or overwhelmed when it gets busy. You just crack on with it,” Chloe explains. “Meanwhile I feel like I could explode with the stress during some lunchtime rushes.”
I’m momentarily speechless as this compliment sinks in. Maybe, I’m not the mess I think I am. Maybe, what Radia said about Giles looking at a person’s character really is more important to him.
No, there’s no maybe about it. Of course that’s what Giles looks for. What matters to him. That’s the Giles I know. That’s the Giles I…
Love.
Oh, cazzo di merda. I really fucking love Giles.
“I need to talk to him,” I say.
“You do.” Chloe holds out her hand and gestures to me. “Give me your apron and keys. I’ll lock up.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I can’t go now while he’s on a date. I’ll speak to him…” I mentally try and recall my schedule this week. “Shit, Friday, at the gym.”
“No, no way.” Chloe shakes her head. “You’re going to speak to him before then.”
“But not now,” I clarify, although there’s a hint of a question in the way my voice goes up at the end, searching for reassurance.
“No, not now. Let Giles hopefully work out for himself that he shouldn’t be on this date after all,” Radia says.
An uneasy churning starts in my stomach, because maybe Giles won’t realise that. Maybe Tony knows exactly what to say and when to say it and their drink will go better than Giles expects.
The churning turns into a sharp ache. An agonising pain I know I’ll have to put up with as I clean up the café and lock up.
“Go on, both of you, get out,” I say.
“But we need to close up?” Chloe says.
“I will close up.”
“I don’t mind helping,” Radia says looking anything but keen to help.
“No, it’s okay. Go enjoy the sunshine and each other. I kind of want to be on my own and then I may go to the gym after.”
“Really? You’re not going to mope about Giles being on a date with another man.”
“Only a little bit,” I reply honestly. “But I’m also going to spend the time figuring out what to say to him because I think you’re both right. I am worthy of him.”
“You so are,” Chloe says with a proud smile and I turn to see Radia’s lips twitching, holding back her own grin.
“And he’s more than worthy of me,” I say. Maybe I just need to help him see that he is.