14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Juniper
A nother loud thud shook the entire cabin. As Rachel asked what it was, another thud followed. It repeated the action with enough force to make the front door creak and groan. The snow from the roof now covered the windows in the living room, so as I peered through the bedroom windows upstairs, the worst-case scenarios flooded my mind first.
There was a chance it was that incessant reporter from before. Maybe my mother was paying a surprise visit. Preferably, it was my dog’s namesake, though a literal Sasquatch would still mean certain death. Or, maybe there was some skiing version of Jason Voorhees who haunted the lodge that no one told me about when I purchased the property.
My jaw clenched as I watched a full-grown male elk banging on the front door with his antlers. As much as this sucked, at least it was better than the alternatives. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“What do you see?”
“It’s an elk. Come on, look.”
Rachel joined me by the window where she peered through the glass. “Shit, he is really going at it. Is he pissed or hoping to find a lady friend? What do we do?”
“It’s past their mating season, so I’m gonna wager he’s pissed. I don’t know what’s got him so riled up, but we should stay put.”
“Let me rummage through this place and see if there’s anything we can use.”
“We can tag team it,” she offered. “I’ll check the bedroom.”
“I’ll start in the kitchen.”
With a nod, Rachel looked in the areas we’d cleaned up. I moved downstairs, and while the kitchen had nothing in the fridge, I set out some mugs, individual packets of chamomile tea (thankfully, with an expiration date set for next year), an unopened box of crackers, and silverware on the countertop.
Great. We can feast on flowers and stale Ritz. It’s almost like a proper charcuterie board if we close our eyes.
“Hey!” I heard Rachel’s footsteps padding down the stairs. “I found an old radio.” She set it on the coffee table in the living room. “Let’s see if the batteries still have any juice.”
After turning the dials for a few minutes and giving the radio a gentle smack on the side three times, it sputtered to life. A static feed jolted out of the speaker, making both of us wonder before Rachel adjusted the dial again. Then we heard the Parks Service’s frequency.
“Is this their radio chatter? Why is this tuned in to that?” Rachel asked.
“Sounds like it. Looks like this thing used to have a handset, too, but the cable for it broke.” I twirled the cable around my finger as I sat next to her on the couch. It looked like an animal chewed through it. “It’s perfectly legal. We should hear what they have to say.”
As we continued listening, another worst-case scenario happened, one I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even thought of.
“10-13.”
“Avalanche risk…”
The static jumbled the rest of the feed and made it hard to make out.
I sighed. “Fuck.”
Rachel pushed some of her hair out of her face. Fittingly, she was wearing deer earrings today. How ironic. “Oh God, now we’re really gonna need to call Mia Farrow for help.”
“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes.
“I cope with humor. You’re going to have to get used to it. We’re probably stuck here for the night if the storm’s got that elk all riled up.”
“You’re right. Fuck, I hope Squatch is okay.” I checked my phone and pocketed it, trying to ignore the still-banging door that made the whole place vibrate and would inevitably cause a headache. “No service, either.”
“I’m sure he will be fine. Oh, and if you need your meds, I have some.” She patted her front pack with one hand.
“Wait, you do?”
“Yeah. Okay, confession time. I went to the local dispensary when I was running errands this morning with a picture I snuck of your label over Thanksgiving. We spend so much time together, so I thought it would be good to always have some on hand, just in case.”
The issue of her having snuck a photo of my medication label went over my head; this was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I blinked at her, unsure of what to say to convey my thanks properly. “That’s really kind of you. Seriously, thank you. I hope you used the company card I gave you.”
She shrugged with a giggle. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t that much, plus they gave me a coupon for being a first-time customer.”
“I’ll reimburse you on your next check.”
“Juniper, seriously. It’s fine. Back home, I had a friend who was allergic to acetaminophen, so I’d carry ibuprofen in my purse all the time. This is no different as far as I’m concerned.”
“Well, Rachel, thank you. You’re a lifesaver. That elk really fucked us over, but I’m glad at least one of us came slightly prepared.”
“The guy who comes out with the snowplow should be here tomorrow morning, anyway. We’ll be able to survive the night, I’m sure. I also have snacks in here.”
“My water bottle has a filter in it, so we’re good on that front, too. The plumbing should work in here, so assuming the pipes don’t freeze, we can grab it from the kitchen sink.”
“Perfect! See?” She moved to the sink to turn the faucet enough to let it drip. “We’ll be fine.”
As much as I wanted to believe her, I was very much not fine. As Rachel took her protein bars from her bag to set them on the table, I sat on the edge of the couch to collect my breath. While snowstorms weren’t uncommon, there hadn’t been an avalanche risk on this part of the mountain since my snowboarding accident.
My breathing felt sharp, but not from the cold. As my elbows landed on my knees and my hands pushed back my hair, my gaze unfocused on the floor between my wool sock-covered feet. I wasn’t sure how long I sat like that or when Rachel approached since I hadn’t heard the shuffling of her feet, but I snapped out of it when she was crouched in front of me.
“Juniper?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I wasn’t sure what to tell her. Rachel seemed to understand me even without words, though.
“Anxiety attack? Hey, we’ll get through it. Come on, let’s take some deep breaths together. I know it sounds cheesy, but it can help, okay? Ready?”
Rachel took the lead, taking slow breaths in and out with purpose. I followed suit until we synchronized, at which point she conducted three more breaths. After the third, she reached up for my lower eyelids and wiped one at a time with her thumb.
“Fuck.” It was all I could say. I yanked my beanie off my head and tossed it on the coffee table.
“It’s okay, Juniper. I’m here. We’re gonna be okay.”
“This is so embarrassing.” As my head fell between my knees, my bun unraveled.
“Nothing embarrassing about it, I promise.”
“Easy for you to say. No one’s ever seen me like this. Ever .”
“Look at me.” It was a gentle command accompanied by her fingers lifting my chin up, forcing eye contact. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, and I wager it’s healthier to let it all out.” Rachel lifted herself from her spot between my legs to sit on the couch beside me.
When Rachel gingerly reached out a hand to place on my upper back, testing the waters to see how I’d prefer to be comforted, I buckled. Had my head been clear, I’d have brushed her off with a shove, but tears blurred my vision as anxiety did to my senses. After bottling everything up for the last four, almost five years now, I couldn’t run from my feelings anymore. I pulled her into me and buried my face into her hair as I let the tears flow, a cross between mortified and relieved when her arms wrapped around my torso.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“As you saw when you got sick, I’m kind of a worrywart. Have been since the accident, all because my dumb ass decided to push myself on a day I shouldn’t have. I was feeling the pressure, ignored the warning signs, and the next thing I know, I hit a tree. Fucks you up when your life flashes before your eyes like that, you know? Ever since then, my head goes to dark places quicker than it should.”
“We have everything we need and each other. I won’t let anything happen to you, and I know you’ll do the same for me.”
I took another deep breath as my tears spilled. Rachel reached for the coffee table for the tissue box on there and grabbed me one, dabbing my eyes with it. Her touch was so gentle that it snapped me out of my panic.
“Thanks. After today, please pretend you never saw this.”
“So, what made you buy this place, anyway? I don’t think you ever told me.”
I licked my lips as I thought about how much to say. Maybe it was the way we were trapped in here with nothing else to do but talk to each other, but my heart tugged me toward her. As much as I didn’t want to say anything out of habit, I said, “This was the first place I ever went snowboarding. My parents and I used to come here all the time. So, when I saw it shut down and for sale, I felt like it was my calling.”
“Your calling?”
“What the hell else am I gonna do, you know?” I sniffled. “I’m a retired snowboarder who has no other life skills. Sure, I had a few brand deals, but no one wants to work with the guy forced to retire because of an injury when active athletes can sell it better. I’m useless now.”
“Juniper, you’re not useless. Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I’d dedicated my whole life to snowboarding. Then just like that, poof, it’s gone. So, without running this place and breathing new life into it, I don’t know what my purpose is. Maybe I can give other kids a chance. Focus on maintaining safe conditions and educating people so what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone else.”
“While that’s noble and I’m glad you found a new purpose, you not being able to snowboard doesn’t mean you’re useless.”
“Tch. Tell my family and the press that.” I frowned. “So, I haven’t told anyone this, but I can never snowboard again. Strictly forbidden by my surgeon.”
“Oh, shit. That has to be hard. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Everyone keeps asking me what’s next or when I’m going to have a comeback. Except there is no comeback from this, and no matter how many times I try to tell them I’ve retired without getting into detail, they don’t believe it. They tell me they believe in me or that this won’t be forever, except it is forever and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just letting them down.”
“There’s so much more to you than that, Juni.”
Juni? She’d never called me that before. Normally, I hated nicknames, but it sounded right coming from her lips. “Is there? All anyone cares about is when I’m going to hit the slopes again.”
“Yes! It’s not your fault they’re not willing to look past an old job. That’s all it is: a career. It’d be no different than if people only asked me about my old job before I came here. And believe me, some people have been, but my point is there is so much more to you than that.”
“Well, I’m glad at least one of us thinks so. Thanks, I guess.”
“You haven’t told anyone that?”
“No. You’re surprised?”
“Yes and no. I mean, I get that you’re quiet, but it’s got to be a hard pill to swallow by yourself.”
“Enough people have burned me to make it hard for me to trust.”
To my surprise, Rachel reached for my hand. Her own wrapped around my fingers and gave them a squeeze. My mind demanded I yank it away, but her hands felt so warm against my own that it made my heart thrum in my chest.
I haven’t had physical contact like this with someone in over four years. Even hand-holding had me dizzy.
“Well, thank you for trusting me with this. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”
I stared at my hand in hers, feeling like a weight was off now that my secret was out. “You have a good heart. No wonder you left corporate America. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Hold on, is that a compliment I hear coming from you?”
I couldn’t help my smile as I looked up at her, finally feeling confident enough to meet her gaze now that I wasn’t crying. Her eyes held such a warmth that I thought it would make me combust. “Don’t push your luck, Rach.” As I said it, I realized then she’d asked me about the lodge to help distract me from my anxiety, and it had worked.
She grinned at the nickname. “You’re not wrong, though. I busted my ass there and for nothing. The day I applied for this gig, I had my annual performance review. I spearheaded this massive marketing campaign that looped in a bunch of different departments, and it made the company a stupid amount of money. But I only ‘met expectations,’” she said, using her free hand to make air quotes, “which meant, I wouldn’t get a proper raise. Then, I had a mental breakdown as I asked myself what the hell I was doing with my life.”
“Well, I’m glad this place can give both of us a sense of direction.”
“Me too. I will say, being out in the mountains like this has done wonders for my mental health.”
“Even though I’m kind of an asshole?”
“You’re not an asshole, Juni. I can see right through that icy exterior of yours. Maybe it’s because we both care a lot.”
“Watch it. I have a reputation to uphold.”
Her laughter was contagious. The air between us was thick as my heart continued racing, even as my anxiety subsided. Before things could feel too tense, she reached for a small box in her front pack.
“This is what you take, right?”
I turned it over in my hand. “This is it.” As I removed the bottle from the box, I said, “You’re the most thoughtful person I know, you know that?”
She blushed and looked at her shoes as I filled the dropper a quarter of the way and squeezed its contents under my tongue.
“Sorry if you hate the smell.”
“Oh, it’s fine. Barely noticed it.”
We did manage to get the television to work, so we kept the news on to monitor the storm. A few hours later, Rachel got a spot of service in a random spot in the hallway when she went to use the restroom, so she used it to call Edgar.
“Hey, listen, I gotta be quick. Service is spotty out here. But can you make sure Sasquatch is okay? Juniper and I got snowed in at one of the cabins. With the avalanche warning, we’re gonna stay put until the plow comes tomorrow.” She turned to me. “Do you have a spare key?”
“Behind the front desk. There’s a box with a keypad. Tell him the code is 1990.”
Rachel filled in Edgar and then once she gave him the code, her phone beeped. “And the call dropped. Well, at least we don’t have to worry about Sasquatch now.”
“That does make me feel better.”
She smiled as she returned to me. “Good. You seem yourself again.”
“Thanks to you. I’d probably still be panicking if you didn’t talk me down and also be some sort of weed fairy.”
“Is that my official job title now?”
“Yeah, actually.” I yawned. When I looked outside, it had already gotten dark. “We should get ready for bed. I reckon they didn’t leave behind toothpaste or anything in here.”
“I didn’t see any spare toothbrushes, but the bathroom does have some mouthwash that hasn’t expired yet.”
“That’ll do for the night.”
We shared the mouthwash side-by-side, spitting it into the sink at the same time. The mundane made me feel closer to her, even as we shed our clothes to sleep in our thermal long johns.
“You’re okay with sharing a bed, right?” I asked.
“Not that we have a choice. Besides, with the weather, it’ll be better for us to cozy up.”
I nodded as I took my side, feeling a lump in my throat. “Right.”
As she slid into bed, the mattress dipping beneath her weight before adjusting, an awkward silence fell between us. After baring my soul to her tonight, I wasn’t sure where things stood. Given how vulnerable we both were, this shouldn’t feel as strange as it did, but the intimacy wasn’t lost on me.
Rachel broke the silence. “Well, good night, Juni.”
“Are you warm enough?”
“Mhm. You?”
“Yeah.” The fleece blanket above the comforter warmed my skin right up, especially when paired with my long johns. “G’night, Rach.”
Rachel rolled over onto her side, her back now facing me, and was asleep almost instantly. I envied her ability to conk right out as I tossed and turned, struggling to get comfortable. My hip and lower back felt extra tight in the cold, even with the blankets and my tincture helping relax the surrounding muscles.
But my mind silenced, focused on only one thing: Rachel beside me. I hadn’t shared a bed with someone in four years, not since the accident. It was difficult enough to find a sleeping position that helped ease my leg pain, never mind with another person in the bed. Typically, I’d hike my leg up over a bundle of pillows, allowing it to stretch out as sleep won me over. If I didn’t know any better, I’d be tempted to replace the pillows with Rachel right now.
As she turned back over to look at me, eyes blinking open, I wondered when my chamomile tea and medication would kick in. When combined with my tinctures, I usually fell asleep much faster than this—still not as quickly as she had, but not this long. Rachel reached out and brushed some of my hair back, fingers combing my bangs out of my face and running along the top of my head. My body betrayed me and nuzzled into her touch, yearning to feel the pads of her fingers against my scalp once more.
“Trouble sleeping?”
“What else is new?”
Rachel gave me a sad smile. With those doe eyes of hers that made my heart stop, looking at me through her long lashes in the dark, she asked, “Can I help?”
I cleared my throat and smacked my lips. A familiar tightness formed in my groin as I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach for the first time in years. I was scared to speak, afraid that somehow a literal butterfly would fly out of my mouth if I were to open it. My mind screamed no, to not get close to her or to anyone, but my body betrayed me as I nodded an affirmation.
Rachel’s hand moved from my head to my chest. Once it landed right in the center, her hand drifted down the front of my body, making each of my hairs stand on end.
“You don’t want me to stop, do you?”
Still unable to speak, I shook my head, no longer denying myself what I truly wanted. Rachel’s hand reached for the waistband of my thermal pants and slipped beneath it, causing the elastic to lightly snap against her knuckles. Her hands were so warm that I couldn’t help but crave her touch, needing more as I gave in to desire instead of my logic and reasoning. Her name played like a mantra in my mind, but I still couldn’t bring myself to say anything. At least it wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for me to be this quiet.
Then I jolted awake. Rachel was still next to me, but with her back turned like it had been when she went to sleep. The sun streamed in through the thin sliver the blinds didn’t cover, illuminating the room and making her hair shine with an almost reddish glow.
It had been a dream.
But to my horror, my erection carried over from my dream into reality—and apparently, I had hiked my leg over Rachel’s body as if she were the stack of pillows I typically piled beside myself.
My breath hitched and felt stuck in my throat. I had two options: either stay like this and try to play it off when she wakes up or move immediately and hope she doesn’t notice my boner when my shuffling inevitably wakes her.
Before I could decide, a third option happened I hadn’t considered: Rachel woke up. She stirred with a little wiggle, her rear rubbing against my morning wood. To my surprise, she said nothing about it directly, but there was no way she hadn’t felt it. Words caught in my throat, and I was almost certain my heart stopped.
“Who would have thought that you were such a cuddle bug?”
“Rachel, I am so sorry.” The heat rushed to my face, unfortunately not leaving my groin in the process. I began to pull my leg back, but she wrapped her arm around my thigh to hold it in place.
Her touch certainly didn’t help my predicament.
“Are you comfortable like this?”
“Huh?”
“Your leg. You’ve got sciatica from your back surgery, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Is your leg comfortable like this? Be honest.”
I nodded and wished I could tug it back, but her grip on my thigh was too tight to risk a worse flare-up fighting her on it. “Again, I’m so sorry. I usually fall asleep like this but with a bunch of pillows. Habit must have taken over.”
“It’s okay. If this is comfortable, leave it like this.” She shifted beneath my leg so she could face me now, though my knee kept its place hooked over her hip. I swallowed as my erection pressed against her thigh now, mere inches away from the space between her legs. She was close enough I could see every eyelash.
This proximity is going to be the death of me.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she said. “Seriously, I don’t mind. I imagine the cold can cause flare-ups.”
“Yeah, tightens everything up.”
She licked her lips. “Everything, huh?”
There it was: the inevitable addressing of the elephant in the room. The butterflies from my dream made their real-life debut as I met her eyes. Rachel was so close it would take no effort at all to kiss her.
Rachel, who was thoughtful enough to keep an extra bottle of my medicine with her at all times in case I needed it.
Rachel, who didn’t care that I used her as a human body pillow if it meant soothing my sciatic nerve pain with a good stretch.
Rachel, who didn’t care that I used to be famous and warmed my heart even on the coldest of mornings, no matter how much I didn’t want to admit it.
So even though it would take no effort at all, my hands landed on her shoulders as I pulled her in and kissed her with maximum effort, giving her everything I had.