12. Lila
CHAPTER TWELVE
Lila
The laughter from the cabin seemed to carry on without me, a distant hum that barely reached my ears.
My heart was racing, my mind clouded with everything that had happened today. Colt’s relentless flirting, Jaxon’s quiet intensity, and Ryan’s steady presence… it was too much, too many feelings crashing into each other.
I needed a break.
I needed air.
Space to breathe.
I stood up abruptly from my seat by the fire, excusing myself without a word, but bringing my whiskey-spiked hot chocolate with me.
I slipped out onto the porch, the night air hitting my skin like a splash of cold water. The snow had slowed to a gentle fall, the flakes dancing in the glow of the porch light.
It was beautiful, peaceful, and exactly what I needed. I wrapped my arms around myself, taking in a deep, shaky breath.
For a moment, it felt like the world had paused. Like I was the only person alive in this frozen landscape.
But then the door creaked open behind me, and my name floated on the wind.
“Thought I’d find you out here,” Ryan’s voice said softly.
I jumped, startled, but when I turned, I wasn’t surprised to see him there. Ryan stepped onto the porch, snowflakes dusting his dark hair, his shoulders broad against the night.
He looked like a man who belonged in the winter, like the cold didn’t bother him. His calm presence was exactly what I needed right now.
“You good?” he asked.
I nodded my head, feeling the weight of the day pressing down on me.
“I just needed a minute,” I muttered, my eyes drifting back to the falling snow. “It’s been… a lot.”
Ryan didn’t move, didn’t speak at first. He just stood there, leaning against the railing, his quiet energy wrapping around me like a blanket.
I could feel the weight of his silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was the opposite… peaceful, grounding.
“I get it,” he said after a beat, his gaze steady as he watched the snow. “Being cooped up with this group can be… intense.”
I let out a soft, bitter laugh. “That’s an understatement.”
For a moment, the only sound was the soft crunch of the snow beneath the trees, the rhythmic breathing of the night.
“You seem different out here,” I told him.
“Different how?”
“Calmer. More… settled.”
Ryan looked at me, his expression thoughtful. “Maybe because I am. Out here, it’s just us and the quiet. No noise, no distractions.” He paused, his gaze meeting mine, steady and unwavering. “Sometimes it’s easier to think when everything else is stripped away.”
I nodded slowly, the weight of his words sinking in. That was exactly what I’d been craving. Clarity, a moment to sort through the mess in my head.
He shifted closer, just enough to close the distance between us without making me feel crowded. His presence seemed to settle into me, like he was a part of the stillness of the night.
“You don’t have to say anything, Lila. But if you need to talk, I’m here.”
The sincerity in his voice hit something deep inside me. My throat tightened and I blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.
Instead, I stared out at the snow, my breath fogging the cold air.
“I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions,” I admitted. “And I don’t know how to handle it.”
Ryan didn’t say anything right away, but I could feel him listening, really listening. When he did speak, it was with that same calm, grounded tone.
“You don’t have to figure it all out tonight. Or tomorrow. Take it one step at a time. You’ve already been through so much. No one expects you to have it all figured out immediately.”
I looked up at him, drawn in by the quiet confidence in his expression. “How do you stay so… calm?”
He smiled faintly, the curve of his lips soft.
“Years of practice,” he said with a shrug, but there was something in his eyes, something that hinted at deeper truths. “And realizing that some things are out of my control.”
I let his words settle into my chest, feeling a small measure of the tension ease.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“For what?”
“For being… you,” I replied, meeting his eyes.
We stood there for a long moment, my heart racing as I searched his gaze.
There was something in his eyes now… something deeper, flickering with an emotion I couldn’t quite place. But it made my chest tighten.
The alcohol in my system had already given me a little more courage than usual, a little more desire to reach across the distance that had been so carefully built between us.
Maybe it was the way it smoothed the edges of my nerves, or the way it lit a fire inside me.
Whatever it was, I couldn’t ignore it.
I swallowed hard, trying to catch my breath, but my pulse raced as I felt the heat between us build even further.
And then, he did something that made the world spin a little faster.
Slowly, he lowered his forehead to rest against mine, our breaths mingling in the cold night air.
His body was so close, but it felt like the space between us was filled with something that was pulling me in, making me want to close the distance even more.
I closed my eyes again, letting his touch, his presence, overwhelm my senses. The silence was deafening, and yet, in that silence, I could hear my heart beating in my ears.
Everything had led to this moment, everything in me wanting nothing more than to bridge the gap between our bodies.
“Lila...” Ryan murmured my name again, but this time, it was softer, filled with a longing that made my breath catch in my throat. “I don’t want to hold back anymore.”
His voice sent a shiver down my spine, and I opened my eyes just as he did, his gaze locking onto mine with a burning intensity that stole my breath.
There was no hesitation there now, no uncertainty.
It was as if he was giving me a piece of himself, offering me the raw truth in his eyes.
His heart pounded against mine, and it seemed like everything was building, the pressure between us rising to an unbearable intensity.
The space between us was no longer enough to contain it.
And then, in one swift, electrifying motion, Ryan closed the distance, capturing my lips with his.
It started softly, tentative, like we were both testing the waters. But then his hand slid to my face, warm against my cold skin, and the hesitation melted away.
His lips were firm, sure, and a spark shot through me, igniting every nerve in my body.
My hands found his jacket, gripping the fabric like it was the only thing keeping me standing.
The cold air around us vanished as the kiss deepened, replaced by a heat that made my knees weak. Ryan was steady, even in this.
His movements were controlled, measured, but there was something undeniable between us. Something that couldn’t be ignored.
When we finally pulled apart, my breath was ragged, my heart hammering in my chest. I didn’t know what to say. My mind was a tangled mess.
But Ryan didn’t pull away. He just looked at me, his hand still resting on my cheek.
“Lila,” he murmured, his voice rough. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure if I was lying to him or to myself. My thoughts were spinning, emotions all over the place, but in this moment, with him so close, I didn’t want to think.
I didn’t want to analyze or regret. I didn’t want to question. I just wanted to feel.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, though I wasn’t sure for what.
The kiss? The feelings it had stirred? The complications it added to everything that was already so messy?
Ryan shook his head, his hand dropping from my face. “Don’t be.”
His voice was quiet but firm, and there was a sincerity in it that made my chest ache.
But the weight of everything that had just happened pressed down on me, and I stepped back, even though it felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done.
“I should go inside,” I breathed out.
Ryan didn’t stop me. He just nodded, his gaze following me as I turned and walked back into the cabin.
The warmth of the fire wrapped around me as I stepped inside, but it couldn’t chase away the lingering heat from the kiss. My hand drifted up to my lips, still tingling, and my heart was still racing, my mind still whirling.
I didn’t know what had just happened.
But one thing was for sure: I’d just made everything a whole lot more complicated.