Chapter 34 #2
Her gaze drops from mine, tucking herself into my coat, and I want her to stay there always. My chest tightens a little at the thought.
She lifts her chin. “You’re always helping me. But you never let me help you. It feels one-sided. I don’t like that. ”
She told me she always wanted me to tell her the truth. So I do. “You are helping me. All the time. You just can’t see it.”
She bites the corner of her lip, and I stare at it, wanting to lean just a few inches closer but knowing we’re not ready.
“I want to feel it. Somehow.” Her soft words melt through me.
I stare into her eyes. “I’ve been alone a long time.” I search for the rest of the truth. “I’m not sure I’ve ever really let myself need someone.”
Her head dips to the side as her eyes fill with sympathy. “That has to be pretty lonely.”
It is once you recognize it enough to feel it.
One of her hands peeks out of my coat and tugs on my shirt, her eyes dropping to her hold.
“Maybe. . .you could let me help you sometimes. You know, when the house is too quiet or the day is long.” She looks at me under her long, dark eyelashes.
“Think of it as an experiment.” She tucks her bottom lip between her teeth, and my self-control dwindles to absolutely nothing.
I slip my hand inside my coat and around her waist, guiding her closer. She watches me intently.
Her palms fall against my chest, sliding around my back. Her warmth surrounds me, and it doesn’t feel scary at all. It feels exhilarating and safe. Her body presses against mine, and I breathe her in as she closes her eyes.
I fist the velvety material of her dress along her lower back, and she inhales. Her fingers dig into my shoulder blades, holding on as my mouth hovers over hers.
“Slade,” she whispers my name, and it’s so achingly soft.
I brush my lips against—
A car alarm blares, and Sarah jumps. I grip her waist, holding her tight. She collapses against me, my face falling into her neck.
“Shit.” I breathe out.
A laugh tumbles from her, making me smile as she burrows into my chest .
I rest my chin on her head, holding onto her and not wanting to let go. Our pounding hearts ease back to a normal rhythm together.
“I’d better get you home.” I pull her door open, and she releases me. I help her in, knowing I will relive that moment, hoping to get another like it.
I climb in, and the silence falls around us. I glance at her, the reflection of the street lights moving over her face as I drive. The only thing I know is that when I kiss Sarah, I want her to know me. I want there to be no guessing or wondering. I need to be certain it’s real.
“I was seeing someone when my mom died. One of her caretakers.” I grip the steering wheel, letting myself float back for just a moment.
“I’d just started my second semester of college when she told me she was sick.
Once I realized how bad it was, I dropped out and came home.
I was young and looking for comfort from someone I thought understood. ”
Sarah shifts in her seat, tucking her hands in her lap.
“She ended up pregnant. I was so happy. I couldn’t save my mom or take away any of her pain or suffering, but I could show her we were going to be ok. Melissa and I with Krissy and the baby. We’d be a family.”
I inhale and let it out. “I got the job at the shop, bought a ring, put a nursery together, and then my mom died. She was all Krissy and I ever had. She wasn’t perfect, but she would have sacrificed anything for us, you know?”
Sarah nods. “Yeah, I know.”
I can see that Sarah would do anything for Ollie and Frankie.
“I had no idea how to make any of it better for Krissy, but we had this baby coming. Something so beautiful to look forward to while everything hurt so damn bad.”
My sweaty palms slide against the steering wheel as my chest wall shrinks. “A week after she died, Melissa told me the baby wasn’t mine. Apparently, she wasn’t mine either. ”
Sarah’s warm fingers wrap around my forearm.
“I didn’t even see it coming. ”
She tugs my arm away from the steering wheel, and her fingers wrap around mine. I know she understands that kind of betrayal and hurt. But I didn’t keep going. I shut everything out that could hurt me like that again.
I pull into her driveway, and she unbuckles but grips my hand.
“Slade, that amount of heartbreak would take a long time to heal.” Her voice is so soft, and the understanding in her tone reaches in and soothes what still hurts to think about.
She stares at our joined hands. “I keep telling myself that just because I messed up once and trusted someone who never deserved it, it shouldn’t mean no one does.” She glances up at me. “Giving someone’s deception that kind of power allows them way too much control over the rest of our lives.”
It seems so clear and simple when she says it like that.
She huffs a laugh. “There are eight billion people in the world. I have hope there are a decent few who are trustworthy and might think I’m enough to want to stick around for.”
I stare at her. There would be an entire crowd chasing after her, and she doesn’t see it. I want to stick around as long as she’ll let me.
Her beautiful face lights up with a small smile. “Feel like helping me wrangle two kids into the bath?” she asks, saving me from going home to my quiet house with all this swirling through me.
I nod, my lungs expanding with air and hope.
She pops the door open. “Good. Do you think you could teach Ollie how not to pee on the wall while you’re here?”
I smile, climbing out of the truck to follow her into the house.
“Mama!” Ollie yells, running into the kitchen and looping his arms around her legs. Grover dodges them to sniff my hand. “Swade, can you come play cars with me?” He grabs my hand and tugs.
An older woman appears in the kitchen doorway, holding Frankie. “Hello, dear.”
“Hey, Helen.” Frankie leans toward Sarah, and she takes her. “Thank you so much for staying.”
“It was no issue at all.” Her smiling eyes move to me.
“Oh, this is Slade,” Sarah gestures to me. “He lives across the street and gave me a lift home.”
“Very nice to meet you.” She clasps her hands in front of her. “I should scoot and see if I can make the last round of BINGO.”
“C-come on, Swade.” Ollie tugs harder.
We follow Sarah and Helen into the living room, and I sit on the edge of the couch. Ollie dumps his basket of cars at my feet as Helen pulls on her coat.
“They both ate a good dinner, and this one took a long nap this afternoon.” Helen tickles Frankie’s side, and she giggles, curling into Sarah.
“Thank you so much,” Sarah says, hugging her.
“We had the best day. Oh,” Helen stops before opening the door. “This was delivered this afternoon. I had to sign for it.” She picks up an envelope from the bench and hands it to Sarah. “I’ll see you on Monday. Make a list of anything you’d like me to help get ready to go see your mom.”
They say goodnight, and Sarah locks the door but doesn’t move.
“Everything ok?” I ask, watching her.
She stares at the unopened envelope. “He’s going to take them from me.” It comes out in a breathy whoosh.
“Swade, wook at dis one.” Ollie places a car in my hand.
“Hold on, partner.” I set the car aside and move to her.
“What?”
“He’s actually doing it.” Her gaze slowly drifts up to mine. “He’s suing me for custody. He warned me, but I didn’t . . .” She blinks, and I see her swallow.
“How do you know?”
Her gaze drops to Frankie.
“Maybe it’s not—”
“You don’t understand.” It comes out in a rush, and there’s an underlying panic in her soft tone .
She steps away to set Frankie down amongst the toys. Ollie digs through his pile and lines his cars and trucks along the edge of the couch.
She turns back to me, her body rigid as if bracing herself for a blow, and her eyes are wide with fear.
“He took everything when I left. I had nothing. He changed the locks. Tossed all our clothes and belongings as if he could just throw us away. It was a game. He tried to starve us out.” Her eyes press closed, trying so damn hard to suck it all back, but I catch her trembling hands.
I take them in mine and ease her closer. “It’s going to be ok.”
“Slade, you don’t know. He’ll do anything.” Her body slumps as her glossy eyes tip up to mine. “He . . .” She glances at the kids. “He fabricated stories that made everyone question whether Frankie was even his to cover himself,” she whispers, trying to blink the tears away.
“All my sponsors dropped me, and the organizations I worked with asked me to step down. He took everything. My dignity and reputation.”
Her bottom lip quivers, and she can’t hold it back. “They’re all I have left. The only thing that really matters, and he’ll win.” She can barely get the words out as tears roll down her cheeks.
I sweep my arms around her, wrapping her up as if I can protect her. I want to calm her panic and fears, but I can’t. It’s the one thing I can’t do because I don’t know this man. But from what Sarah just described, I’d sure as hell like to get to know him. Up close.
Her head rests against my chest, her body shaking with a hushed cry. I hold her tight, feeling completely helpless, and I hate it.
“It’s gonna be ok.” I don’t know how, but it has to be.
She shakes her head, not believing.
My jaw clenches tight with the only thing I know to do that might help. I force the words out. “You need to talk to Macavoy. He’ll help you.”
She pulls away, swiping at her cheeks. “He’s my boss.
I can’t get him involved even if I could afford it.
” Her frustration is apparent. “Miles knows I can’t fight this.
It’s been his plan all along. He’s been saving up for when he needs it.
Using Ollie and Frankie because he knows I’ll do anything for them. ”
She tears the envelope open and drops the paper to the side in defeat.
I move to her, wrapping my arms around her again, and she leans into me. “We’ll figure something out.”
She buries her head in my chest, her trembling body sagging against me.
I may not be good at many things, but I’ll do anything to protect the people I care about. There’s only one way I might be able to help Sarah, but it will require a visit to the man who never offered me a damn thing.