Chapter 36
SARAH
I smile, blinking away tears as Ollie wiggles his hips and shakes his jingle bells, trying to stay in time with the song.
Frankie bounces on my lap, bracing one hand on Slade’s shoulder so she can bob to the music.
The song ends, and the row of guys next to me whistle and cheer for Ollie, who grins and throws his bells in the air.
I put a hand over my face when they land at the teacher’s feet, rather than placing them back in the basket like the rest of the kids.
“Look at that aim.” Carson elbows Trig. “The kid’s got an arm on him.”
The room settles, and the kids finish the evening with “Up On The Rooftop,” complete with all the hand motions.
I soak in the smiles and joy that come with the season and the fact that Ollie has a row full of people here just for him.
A year ago, I couldn’t have imagined this was possible.
But beyond the Christmas bliss, a new year awaits, and I worry about what it might bring.
I swallow the burning lump in my throat and glance up at the big guy next to me. The one who, despite all sound reasoning, has become my closest friend and someone I trust. The man I almost kissed.
I’m not sure I even contemplated what was happening, but I wanted to kiss him. I reeeaaally wanted to. Thankfully, a well-timed car alarm saved me from making a huge mistake.
This man has snuck in and flipped a switch inside me I thought was permanently disconnected. But the minute his hand slid around my back to guide me closer, I wanted everything that was about to happen.
Have I lain in bed every night since, wondering what it would have been like to feel his lips on mine? A million times yes. Have I let my mind wander further than that? You betcha. Do I need his friendship more than giving in to temptation, only to get slammed with reality? An overriding yes.
Slade told me the other night that “we’d” figure something out.
I wanted to push him away and tell him I got it.
But I don’t got this. I cannot fight Miles alone this time.
The thought of losing Ollie and Frankie, even only part-time, is gut-wrenching.
If I’m going to make it through the next however long until I know what will happen, I need someone to hold my hand through it.
We stand and clap as the kids beam, bowing and waving.
I grip Frankie’s hand, letting her toddle along as we gather in the atrium to wait for the little stars.
“That kid knows how to put on a show,” Krissy says, taking Frankie’s other hand.
“He gets it from his grandma,” I say, knowing I’ll never hear the end of it once I send her the video.
Ollie runs toward us and straight to Slade, who sweeps him up in his arms.
“Dude, that was awesome. Who knew you could rock out like that?” Trig says, extending his fist for a bump. Carson and Wind follow suit.
“Mama plays music and sings and d-d-dances every night when we eat.”
One of Slade’s dark eyebrows lifts.
I roll my shoulders back. “Dinner should be an experience. It’s way more fun to eat your vegetables when you’re dancing.”
“It’s true,” Krissy says. “I can jam every night now that I don’t live upstairs from the Grinch.” She throws a thumb at Slade .
“Swade’s, not the G-g-grinch. The Grinch gots red eyes until his heart grows bigger.” Ollie holds Slade’s face. “See, his eyes aren’t r-r-red.”
The guys snicker, but I smile at my boy, who knows a tender heart when he finds one.
“I don’t know, Ol. He’s been pre-tty growly this year.” Carson crosses his arms. “I’m guessing there’ll be a large rock under the tree for him.”
Slade rolls his eyes. “Careful, or you’ll find a pink slip.”
Ollie’s eyes grow wide. “S-s-santa is bringing me a train. I’ve been very good this year.” He lifts his shoulder to his ear. “Except I p-p-peed in the trash can yesterday.”
The guys’ heads fall back with laughter, and Ollie grins.
I exhale, swinging Frankie to my hip. “All right, well, now that we know who’s been naughty and nice, should we get cookies and punch?”
“Yeah!” Ollie throws his hands in the air. “I w-want a snowman.”
We follow the snack line and find a table.
“You got your sled ready?” Trig asks as Slade helps Ollie with the folding chair. “It’s supposed to snow tonight.”
“We’re going to see Grandma Susie,” Ollie says, biting off the head of a snowman cookie.
The guys slide their phones from their pockets to check the predictions.
“You’re going home?” Slade asks softly, and it almost sounds as if there’s a hint of disappointment in his tone. It’s probably more that I want there to be. Dammit. Things need to remain in the uncomplicated friend zone, which does not include hoping that he’s a little bummed we’re leaving.
I raise and lower my shoulder. “I can’t just sit here and wait for a court date. It’ll drive me crazy.”
“But do you want to go?”
I inhale and let it out. “I don’t want to face the barrage of questions about what I’ll do if Miles wins.
Everyone means well, and they care, but gossiping and drama are what they live on.
I want the kids to have some Christmas magic, though.
My mom is good at bringing the fun to avoid anxiety, so maybe we can just hide from the town. It’s only two days.”
We finish our cookies, and Ollie hugs everyone goodbye. “Merry Christmas, Kissy.”
Krissy hugs him tightly. “I can’t wait to see what Santa brings you. I’ll be over to play. Ok?”
He nods and jumps to high-five all the guys.
Slade lifts him onto his shoulders and walks us to our car, helping Ollie buckle.
“Swade, do you think S-santa knows to bring my train t-t-to Grandma Susie’s?”
Slade’s eyes meet mine over the car seats, and I nod subtly. “Santa. . .has the best navigation system on his sleigh.”
Thankfully, I was able to find a Thomas the Train set in amazing condition on the other side of town. It’s not motorized, but Ollie will love laying the track in different formations.
“D-d-do you think you’ll really get a rock?”
Slade groans, tickling his belly, and Ollie giggles.
I strap Frankie in and close the door. Slade rounds the back of my car, tucking his hands in his pockets.
“Were you able to get any more information on the petition?”
I shake my head. “I called my attorney and left a message. The receptionist said he’d get back to me after the holidays.”
“You should talk to Macavoy. He’ll help you.”
My shoulders fall. “Slade, he’s my boss. I don’t want all of my past personal business to taint what I’m trying to build here.”
His brow furrows. “Talk to Kat, then. She won’t say anything.”
I know he wants to help, but very few know Miles the way I do. I have first-hand experience of him manipulating even my closest friends. It’s easy to do a lot of damage when you have a massive audience that believes what they see on a screen .
I smile. “You’re awfully bossy.” He rolls his eyes, and I move into him, wrapping my arms around his middle. “Thank you for caring and wanting to help me.”
His arms slowly slide around me, pulling me close. “What time are you leaving tomorrow?”
I move to release him, but his arms stay locked, holding me to him. All righty, then. “You smell so good.” Like cedar and car. I squeeze my eyes shut tight, having let that little bit slip out.
He huffs a laugh, his arms cinching me in a little tighter.
“In the morning, if it doesn’t snow too much.”
“I’ll run over when we get home and check your oil and tire pressure.”
I peer up at him. “You don’t have to. I can do that.”
“Will you have to Google it?”
I pinch him, and he flinches. “You know, Google has saved lives.”
“It’ll take me two minutes. It might take you all night.”
I groan. “Fiiinnnne.”
“You sure you want to go?”
I inhale his comforting scent and let it out, resting my head on his chest to stay warm, but also, it feels really nice. “Maybe it will snow three feet, and I’ll be saved from having to perform a Christmas duet with my mom during karaoke.”
“Is that really a thing?” He sounds mortified.
I rest my chin on his chest. “You’ve not met my mother.”
“I’d like to see that.”
“Oh, but everyone who attends has to sing. Now, that I would like to see.”
“It’d be a cold day in hell before . . .”
I laugh, and he releases me. “Thank you for coming tonight. It was the highlight of Ollie’s preschool experience. Make sure to tell the guys and Krissy, ok?”
He opens my door, waiting for me to climb in. “I’ll follow you home.”
I slide in. “See you in a few. ”
I watch him walk to his truck, wondering what it would be like if life were different. Different place. Different time. Different circumstances.
Slade is too good a man for me to allow him to get caught up in whatever I’ve got coming. It’ll entail reliving the nightmare of what was, but if Miles wins, Ollie and Frankie won’t be going anywhere without me. If I have to move to New York City, it will mean saying goodbye to Slade.
His brake lights flare along with my heart, and that’s one more thing I’m not even close to being ready to think about.