Chapter 50
SLADE
I park in front of Krissy’s townhouse. The street light reflects off my windshield while I watch the sunrise, waiting for her to get home from work.
I could have continued to lie in bed and think about Sarah telling me that we need to be careful, but I did that all night, and I’d had enough.
So, I wait for the other most important woman in my life to tell me if she’s ever going to forgive me.
Headlights flash in my rearview and slow as they get closer. She pulls into the short one-lane drive.
I climb out of my truck as she gathers her stuff from her car.
“Seriously, Slade. It’s been a long night, and I’m tired.” She shoves her car door closed with her hip.
I tuck my hands in my pockets. “Just five minutes, Kris.”
She heads to her door, not even glancing at me. “Slade, I don’t have anything to say right now.” She twists the lock and steps inside.
I follow her in as she sets her things down and finally turns toward me.
“Just what? Say what you need to say so I can go to bed.” She crosses her arms, looking as tired as I feel.
I should have prepared for this. I should know what I want to say, but I don’t. Telling her I need her forgiveness seems like one more selfish request .
My stomach clenches tight, and I exhale, admitting the thing that’s stuck with me since she stormed out of the shop. “I think you were right.”
She stares at me.
“Part of the reason I didn’t tell you was because I didn’t want to face it all over again. But. . .I also couldn’t stand to take anything away from how you remember Mom.” I pause. “I knew it would hurt you.”
“Hurt?” She scoffs and shakes her head. “It’s all one big fat lie. I was such an idiot.” She huffs a laugh. “No wonder she always avoided questions.” Her eyes meet mine. “But you could have told me. You made the rule that we never lie to each other.”
The force of her words slams into me.
“I didn’t lie.”
She rolls her eyes. “Keeping the truth from me is equivalent.”
I can’t even defend myself.
“It was him that day at the shop, wasn’t it? He brought Sarah to get her car.”
I nod, having no doubt she’s spent hours researching Griffin Macavoy. “She works for him.”
She shakes her head as it falls forward. “I’m so stupid. I just thought you were pissed another man was helping her.”
Krissy stares at the floor. “Does she know?”
“Yes.” I look at my boots, knowing I am about to make things even worse. “I went to see him,” I admit softly.
Her gaze locks on mine.
“Once, after I found out Mom was sick. I wanted him to talk to her. See if she’d continue treatment. Then again, recently. Sarah’s ex is petitioning for custody of Ollie and Frankie. Macavoy has seen us together. I had to be sure he’d help her if she asked. Not refuse because of me.”
She lifts her chin. “And what? We’re still nothing more than their dirty little secrets?”
I’m not sure how to answer that.
“You helped them hide it.” Her tone is sharp .
I shake my head, stating the truth inside it all. “No. We’re still you and me.” My throat swells with the way I’ve always seen us, and my eyes sting, needing her to feel it.
She blinks, swallowing, and her gaze drops from mine.
I try to choke it all down, but it’s difficult. “I don’t know why they did what they did or why Mom allowed him in her life for all those years, but I know she loved you like crazy. I’ll never understand it, Kris. I tried, but all it did . . .”
She won’t look at me.
“For a long time, I was angry and confused and wondered how she could be with someone who only used her while he was building a family with someone else.”
“Slade, he had two fucking kids and a wife!” Her voice charges forth with heartache that’s so familiar it flares in my chest.
I nod, hearing the fresh anger and grief. “I know, but what they did has nothing to do with us. We have our own family. You and me and the guys.”
The urge to claim Sarah and the kids as part of it is so great that it overwhelms me again. I run a hand under my nose.
Her lip quivers, and she sniffs. “I can’t do this right now.”
Sarah said I’m the target. Kris can take this out on me as long as she needs. I can handle it.
“Ok,” I whisper, swiping at my cheek. “Kris, I’m not going anywhere. Be mad at me. Hate me. Get it out.”
Her watery gaze drifts to mine.
“I let the hurt fester and steal. It wasn’t ever mine to own. It’s not yours either. Then Melissa . . .” I pause, remembering, and I find it’s not as painful as it once was. “I shut everyone and everything out. Don’t do that. Let the guys in. They love you.”
Tears spill from her eyes, and she wipes her cheeks. I want to hug her, but I know that’s not what she needs right now.
I grip the door knob but stop. “You know how they say beauty comes from ashes?” She blinks her glossy eyes, trying so damn hard to hold it all back.
“Krissy, you are the beauty inside a messed-up situation. I was terrified to take on raising you, but so far, it’s the best damn thing I’ve ever done.
I screwed up a lot, but we did ok, didn’t we? ”
My nose burns, wanting to believe we did all right.
She nods, blinking so fast, but one more tear sneaks out of the corner of my eye.
“I love you. Always. Remember that.”
I leave her for now, but I know we’ll be ok. We have to be. All we have is each other.
I climb into my truck and drive home so I can talk to Sarah.
I can’t handle another sleepless night or let fear steal one more day.
What I told Krissy was true. I closed myself off out of anger and fear for what others did, but I never should’ve allowed their actions to have that kind of impact on my life.
I take a long, hot shower, hoping it will help me figure out exactly what I want to say. I know Sarah’s worried about what will happen with the custody case, but I can’t see my life without her. She and the kids turned my sad, miserable existence upside down, and I can’t go back to that.
She’s like a wrecking ball, taking down one protective wall at a time. She, Ollie, and Frankie have stolen my sealed-off heart.
I pull on jeans, a T-shirt, and a flannel. I leave my room, rolling up my sleeves, wondering if she’s up yet.
A rapid knock comes from my front door, and I tug it open.
Brandon stands there with his wiener shoved under his arm.
“Uh . . .” His gaze travels across the street, and mine follows.
I slide my feet into my boots, taking two steps at a time.
“Don’t kill him!” Brandon hollers.