Chapter Twenty-Seven
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Milo
Lately, it felt as if all my days blended into one. I felt as if I were moving through life at turbo speed. Between school, tutoring, therapy, and practicing using my cane, I felt extremely overwhelmed. I didn’t even know if I actually needed to learn to use a cane, but I figured it couldn’t hurt. I lost my balance enough for it to be concerning.
I’d spent hours wearing sunglasses and walking up and down my driveway with my cane, learning how to feel the different textures of the driveway pavement and grass. I’d learned that swaying the cane back and forth, along with tapping every now and again, helped me. There was a strap on the handle, which I thought I was supposed to wrap around my wrist. I quickly learned not to do so, seeing how if the cane got hit by a car, I’d be dragged along with it if it were attached to me.
My forearm felt sore at first from holding the cane so tightly. It was a lot harder than it looked, and I felt tired from the learning curves. I updated my friends and Weston on everything going on, and some days, they’d join me for evening walks to help me get used to using the cane.
Weston told me to start bringing it to school, but I didn’t feel ready for that. I knew the second I did, the whole situation would become even more real than I was ready for. I wasn’t willing or interested in hearing outsiders’ opinions on my blindness. Plus, I felt embarrassed. I knew that was stupid, but I did. I didn’t want people to know I was different. It was never my plan to stand out, but now I knew I would, no matter where I went. I only had a couple more months of high school to get through. I’d rather stub my toes and bang my legs a few more times in school if it meant others wouldn’t know about my issues.
Dad was seemingly handling everything pretty well, up until a Thursday evening after my group therapy session. I walked outside to meet him, and his car wasn’t parked where it had been when he dropped me off. I pulled out my cell phone and called him, but it went straight to voice mail. It was pretty cold out that evening, so I headed back inside the building to wait for him to come back.
Hours passed, and I was still waiting.
The security guard of the building came up to me and smiled. “Hey, sorry, but we’re locking up the building for the night.”
“Yeah, of course. No worries. I’ll get out of your hair,” I muttered, brushing my hands against my brows. I stepped outside into the chilled air that assaulted my face. I pulled out my phone and tried Dad one more time. Still no answer.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Starlet asked when she answered my call. “How was your group session? How are you feeling?”
My left hand fiddled with my coat buttons as I leaned against the building. “It was fine. Look, I’m in a bit of a situation. My dad was a no-show to pick me up and—”
“You’re still there? What’s the address?” She cut in.
She didn’t hesitate to come get me.
I felt humiliated when she picked me up about fifteen minutes later. I climbed into her car, freezing my ass off. “Thanks,” I shivered, tossing my hands in front of the vents on her dashboard, blasting out heat. I was in desperate need of defrosting.
“Oh gosh, were you standing outside this whole time? Your face is so red.”
“I’m okay,” I lied. It felt as if my skin was seconds away from falling off.
“Here,” she said, turning me to face her. “Give me your hands. Mine are warm.”
“I’m fine.”
“Milo. Hands. Now.”
I grumbled and turned toward her, giving her my hands. A wave of instant comfort raked through me simply from her touch. I was still in a bad mood, but she made it feel a little better.
“I’m sorry I had to call you,” I whispered, ashamed. “I didn’t know what else to do when no one else answered.” I could’ve called a car service, but truthfully, I needed her. I knew it was selfish, but I did.
“Don’t apologize for that. I don’t mind at all.” She frowned as she rubbed my hands between hers. “I hate that I’m unable to be your first call.”
“Soon,” I swore. “We’ll get there.”
“I just feel you need me more now than ever, and I hate it. I want to be there for you so bad, Milo. I hate this feeling.”
“You’re here now. That’s all that matters. Let’s get moving. I’m exhausted.”
She agreed, putting the car into drive. Once we reached my house, I saw Dad’s car in the driveway. An instant burst of comfort hit me seeing it. At least he was home and not hurt. That comfort shifted straight to humiliation within seconds.
Starlet cleared her throat. “Um, a guy’s pissing in your front bushes.”
I looked to my left toward the house, and there he was, Father dearest, pissing in the bushes with his ass out on public display.
“Shit,” I huffed, hopping out of the car. I darted over to him, not making it before he stumbled backward and fell to the ground with his damn dick in his hands. “What the hell are you doing, Dad?”
“Fuck off,” he muttered, waving his hand toward me. Then he began singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” by Frankie Valli, and my heart shattered because that was his and Mom’s wedding song. They used to dance to it all the time in our living room.
“Dad, get up,” I urged, pulling up his boxers and pants. I buttoned them as he rolled back and forth, still singing, still drunk out of his mind. I tried to lift him, but he was too heavy to do it alone. When he looked at me, his singing came to a halt, and his already glassy eyes intensified as he said, “You have her eyes. I can’t look at you because you have her eyes.”
Another fracture to my heart.
“Come on, Dad. Let’s get inside,” I whispered as my voice cracked.
“Today’s our wedding anniversary,” he told me before returning to singing his song. There they were—my father’s cracks. I didn’t even realize what today had been. I didn’t hesitate to go on with life that morning when I woke up. But for him, it was a day of hurt. Of struggle. Of pain. Another day, another memory of the woman he loved more than life.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my eyes stinging as I tried to get him up.
“Here, let me help,” Starlet said, rushing over. I looked at her with such shame on my face, but she didn’t say anything. She simply bent down and grabbed Dad’s other arm.
“It’s their anniversary,” I whispered to her, feeling embarrassed that I hadn’t remembered.
She nodded in understanding and went to help him stand. “Don’t worry. We got you, Mr. Corti. We got you.”
“Jacob,” I softly told her. “His name is Jacob.”
She smiled a little. “We got you, Jacob.”
Dad’s drunken eyes fell on Starlet as we got him to a standing position. “Dance?” he asked before taking her into his arms and swaying her back and forth.
“Dad—” I started.
“I’d love to,” Starlet replied, holding him up the best she could. I stood back, watching the two of them sway. Dad sang his song to Starlet, holding her as if he refused to let go. The situation was odd, heart-shattering, and absurd, but it was happening.
My father drunkenly danced with my secret girlfriend as he sang his wedding song on my parents’ anniversary. He leaned against her as if she was the last hope he had left inside of him. Starlet allowed him to do so, to feel what he needed to feel at that very moment.
Then she began to sing along with him.
***
After a while, Starlet and I managed to get Dad inside the house. I put him to bed while Starlet grabbed a glass of water and ibuprofen to set on his nightstand. We moved out of the room, closing the door behind us, and I felt an overwhelming need to have her in my arms. I pulled her close to me, and she fell into my body.
“I’m sorry about all of that,” I whispered.
“Don’t be. I’m glad I was here to help.”
I dropped my hold on her and rubbed my hand against the nape of my neck. “I feel like such a dick. I didn’t even realize what today was. The whole time I was waiting for him to pick me up, I was cursing him out in my mind. Thinking he was a shit dad for leaving me stranded. When, in reality, he was drowning all day. He was trying his best. I’m an asshole.”
“You’re not. You didn’t know, Milo.”
“Which is another issue. I didn’t know. I should’ve known what today was. I should’ve been there for him or something, but I’ve been living in my own shit that I didn’t even consider how he was doing. Or how many days he had that held importance that I didn’t even think of.”
“I think you’re both just doing your best at every moment. Life is hard, complicated, and tiring. You’re both just tired. It’s okay to rest. Please don’t be so hard on yourself or him. Today’s a hard day, and that’s okay. We’re strong enough to make it through the hard days. Everything’s gonna work out fine.”
“How do you always know what to say?”
She laughed. “I don’t. My dad gave me a pep talk not long ago, and it struck me pretty well. I’m just passing on his teachings. If you ever get an Eric Evans pep talk, count yourself lucky.”
“Is there a waiting list I could get on for one of his talks?” I semi-joked.
I held a hand out toward her. She took it, and I pulled her into me. We began swaying back and forth to the music that didn’t exist. I buried my face into her neck, breathing her in. I never knew I could need a person as much as I needed her.
“Stay the night,” I whispered against her ear, kissing it gently.
“Mi…I can’t… What would your dad say if he woke up?”
“He won’t be up before sunrise. He wouldn’t even notice. Stay the night,” I murmured, this time my mouth against her neck.
“Mi…”
“Please, Star,” I pleaded quietly as my lips grazed against hers. “Stay with me tonight. I’ll let you go in the morning. I promise. But please…stay the night.”
She pulled away slightly and studied me. Her head tilted slightly. “Come on. Let’s go to sleep.”