Stuck With You

Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The next two days passed in a numb blur.

It was rainy and gray, which so perfectly matched how I felt inside that I almost laughed at the coincidence of it all. I convinced myself getting back into a routine would help me, that I was out of whack because I didn’t have any semblance of normalcy.

So, I worked out in the mornings, and I washed my face at night. I wrote in my planner and I got back into reading the mystery I had bookmarked in the middle. The days were spent on shore with my camera, the nights in bed with my laptop. I edited photos until my eyes were too dry to stay open. I wrote captions for each photo before uploading them to the staging site for my web portfolio. I answered all of my sister’s texts with lies telling her everything was fine.

I stayed away from Theo.

Joel stayed away from me.

It was like living in a nightmare, in an unending swirl of color and light that had no purpose. I wandered through those days like a lost soul, and the only proof I had that I was still living at all were the photos that slowly filled my memory card.

On the afternoon we anchored off the coast of Capri, I was sitting in bed editing photos when out of nowhere, I had the urge to put on the sapphire earrings Theo bought for me.

If anyone would have been there to ask me why, I never could have found the right words to explain it. It was like a sudden jolt of electricity, a force so strong that I slapped my laptop closed and popped up out of bed like I just remembered I was late for a meeting. I walked straight over to the dresser, and then I frowned, because I’d set the earrings between the cords of my headphones the night I’d first come home with them and I hadn’t touched them since.

But they were gone.

Panic niggled inside me, and I turned everything on that dresser upside down, checking ridiculous places like the cap of my lip balm and the inside of Joel’s shoe. I emptied my backpack completely with my heart racing faster and faster with each minute that passed and the earrings didn’t show up.

Oh my God.

I lost them.

The panic I’d held at bay took over completely, and I dropped to my knees, searching the ground around the dresser as I chanted no, no, no over and over and over. I convinced myself it was because those earrings were expensive, and that they were pretty, and that I liked them so much that losing them would be devastating.

It was not because Theo bought them for me.

It was not because I wanted to hold them in my palms and feel a connection to the last good day I’d had.

I crawled from the dresser over to the bed, yanking on the compartment underneath. It was locked.

Cursing, I started picking up Joel’s pants off the floor, checking the pockets one by one until I found the key I was looking for. I unlocked the bottom compartment, and just as I did, the door to our cabin opened.

“What are you doing?!”

Joel’s voice boomed before he ripped me back from my search under the bed, slamming the compartment shut as the key went flying from my hand. I fell back on my butt, spine against the dresser, and when I looked up at Joel, his eyes were like a dark forest.

“I told you not to look in there!”

“I… I’m sorry,” I said, shocked and quiet at first before I realized I didn’t need to be sorry for anything. I frowned. “I was looking for my earrings.”

“Earrings? What earrings? You don’t ever wear any.”

“I do, too,” I said.

“What do they look like then?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but then remembered that Joel didn’t know Theo bought me earrings in Positano. He didn’t know about the dress or the swimsuit, either.

And what would he think if I told him?

I shook my head, using the edge of the bed to help me stand up before I brushed off my sweatpants. “Just forget about it.”

“You’re lying,” Joel said, pointing his finger at my chest. “Why are you snooping on me?”

“ Snooping? ” I asked incredulously. “It’s my bed, too. I was just looking under it for something I lost.” I narrowed my eyes. “What are you hiding under there, anyway?”

“It’s none of your business, and I mean it.” He swiped the key from the floor and hastily tucked it in his pocket. “So just don’t—”

“Then tell me what it is!”

“It’s a surprise! Okay?” Joel’s chest heaved, in and out, his eyes crazy as he watched me. “A surprise for you. But you’re going to ruin it if you look.”

My heart squeezed with something between guilt and suspicion, but in the end, guilt won out.

“Oh…” I blew out a breath, shaking my head at myself as I sat back on the bed. “I’m sorry. I swear, I wasn’t trying to snoop. I just…”

I just wanted to find the earrings Theo bought for me because I can’t stop thinking about him even though I know I should .

I sighed in lieu of continuing my answer, because I didn’t feel like lying. I was too exhausted to lie.

“Why don’t you get dressed and come downstairs,” Joel said after a moment, and I thought I heard an ounce of pity in his voice. “You’ve been by yourself too much. You’re…”

“Losing it?” I asked, but it was more of a dare when my eyes met Joel, and he was smart enough not to take it.

“Just come hang out for a while.”

“And watch you hang all over Ivy?” I scoffed. “No, thanks.”

Joel rolled his eyes, ripping the door open. “Fine. Sit in here alone then.”

He slammed the door before I could respond, and I flopped back on the bed, covering my face with a pillow before I screamed into it. I screamed until my chest burned, until my lungs threatened to seize up if I didn’t inhale a fresh breath of oxygen. Then, I pulled the pillow off, staring up at the ceiling with my chest heaving.

I really am losing it .

My nerves were alive like I’d just run a marathon, a combination of the panic I’d felt looking for the earrings and the confrontation with Joel.

He’s planning a surprise for me?

He’s lying.

But maybe he’s not. Maybe he had something romantic planned before I blew up about the Ivy thing.

Or maybe he’s being a jerk.

Did I overreact to the Ivy thing?

No, and why is he trying to make me think I did?

I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t stop groaning and fuming and tossing this way and that in the bed. I was entirely restless.

I laid there for a long time, forcing calming breaths, placing my hands on my stomach to ground me. I felt the breaths there, followed the inhales and exhales as my heart steadied. Time slipped away again, and I relaxed, drawing circles on my belly and listening to the hum of the yacht.

The more my fingers brushed against my skin, the more it tickled to life.

Goosebumps spread out over my navel, up my chest and down my thighs. I sighed at the way it felt to be touched, and when I flattened my warm palm against my stomach, everything in my core reacted.

Joel and I hadn’t had sex in weeks, and alone in that bed with my body buzzing to life with every small wisp of my fingers, I didn’t think about the last time he touched me. I didn’t think about the last time he slid inside me, about the familiar way he filled me or any of my favorite times we’d been together.

Instead, I thought of Theo.

I thought of the way his hand touched my thigh in the hot tub, how soft it had been, so tender I wasn’t sure it had happened at all. I thought of the way he stared at me across the pool when I wore Celeste’s swimsuit, and the way his eyes devoured me when I modeled the orange dress for him in Positano. I thought of all the words he said, his promises of what he would do if he had me alone.

I told myself to stop, but then I thought about our conversation in Positano.

Philautia.

And then in the name of self-love, I let my imagination take over.

I saw Theo there at the cabin door, throwing it open and staring down at me, his chest heaving as he took in the sight of me spread out on the bed.

Why have you been hiding from me?

I let my knees drop open, my hand sliding between my thighs.

I’m not hiding anymore.

With a growl of need, he descended upon me, and I felt the vision like it was the realest thing I’d experienced in days. I could smell his skin, the citrus and the smoke. I could feel his hands wrapping around my rib cage, pinning me to the bed, his weight descending on me. A pang shot between my legs and I chased the sensation with my fingers, running them through my wetness before I circled my clit.

I moaned, arching into the touch, imagining Theo covering my mouth with his palm and urging me to be quiet.

Someone might hear.

My fingers circled faster, hips gyrating as my breath hitched in my throat and my heart rate climbed higher and higher with each touch. I could see his eyes. I could feel his breath hot on my lips, his mouth just centimeters from mine, just like they had been that night in Positano.

Kiss me .

I thought the words so loud I swore I heard them rolling off my tongue in real life. Maybe they had. Maybe I was begging Theo in the quiet of the room where I was alone to take me and tell me nothing else mattered.

Maybe I was summoning him like a spirit on a cold night.

The faster I circled, the more my imagination ran wild. I twisted in the sheets, thrashing this way and that, like I was chasing the feeling as much as I was trying to escape it. Everything about it felt wrong. I shouldn’t be thinking of Theo as I slipped two fingers deep inside me and rubbed my clit hard with my free hand, but he was all I saw.

Just then, three hard knocks pounded on the door.

My eyes shot open and I nearly fell off the bed with how fast I ripped my hands from under my panties. Reality crashed over me like an avalanche of snow, my breaths labored as I stared at the door.

Did I imagine it?

There were three more knocks, and then I wondered if I’d been unknowingly performing a seance, because Theo’s deep voice came muffled through the wood.

“Aspen? Are you in there?”

Oh, God.

I jumped up out of the bed, running over to the dresser mirror. “Just a minute!” I called, and then I ran my hands through my tussled hair, pulling it over one shoulder. My cheeks were too flushed for him to believe I was just lying around, so I ripped off my sweatpants quickly and pulled on a pair of track shorts.

Then, stupidly, I took my shirt off and answered the door in my sports bra.

Theo stood outside the door, just like I’d imagined moments before, only he looked even better than in my fantasy. His emerald eyes sparked in the chandelier light from the salon, and he smirked, letting those eyes trail over my chest, my stomach, my legs.

My body hummed under his gaze like a universe being born from nothing.

“What were you doing?” he asked with an arched brow. “I thought I heard some… noises.”

“Yoga,” I said quickly, hoping my smile was convincing. The fact that I had a light sheen of sweat on my neck and chest would surely help the case. “Just needed to unwind a little.”

Theo grinned wider, but something in that smirk made me feel as transparent as wax paper. “I know the feeling.”

My cheeks burned hotter, and I leaned a hip against the doorframe, looking behind him before I let my eyes settle on his again. “Why are you down here, anyway?”

He shrugged. “Was just taking a walk.”

“Just taking a walk,” I echoed, crossing my arms. I waited for him to tell me the truth, but he just smiled back at me like I already knew it.

A loud chorus of laughter came from downstairs, and Theo cleared his throat, nodding in the direction of the crew mess.

“Why aren’t you with them?”

I fought the urge to scream again like I had into my pillow when I thought of Joel, of our fight, of the way we seemed to always be fighting lately. He was down there now.

With Ivy.

“I’m just over partying,” I finally answered, and the way the words left me was like just saying them was so exhausting I needed to sleep for a decade.

Theo nodded like he knew everything I wasn’t saying, then he took a tiny, minuscule step toward me that felt more like a shift of the entire world. “Want to sneak onto the island with me?”

I blanched. “What?”

Theo smiled. He knew he didn’t need to repeat himself for me to know what he’d said.

My heart hammered harder in my chest, warning me as if my sister had taken over the organ.

You have to stay away from him.

You cannot be alone with him.

You still have a boyfriend.

You need to talk to Joel.

But the more my sister’s voice came into my head, the angrier I became.

I’d tried talking to Joel. I’d tried working things out. All he wanted to do was party and be with the girl he’d groped right in front of me.

He didn’t care that he’d hurt me.

If anything, he was trying to make me feel crazy for being upset at all.

“They’ll be busy for hours,” Theo said on a shrug when I didn’t say anything else, casting a glance behind him before his eyes were on me again. He stepped even closer, his voice just above a whisper. “And from what I heard,” he said, biting the inside of his lower lip, “it sounds like maybe you need to blow off a little steam.”

All the blood drained from my face.

Oh, God.

Theo chuckled, stepping back and allowing my next breath. “Come on,” he said.

Then he turned with the confidence of a man who knew I’d follow.

And follow him I did.

***

Theo didn’t tell a soul we were leaving the boat — not even Captain Chuck. Instead, he motioned for me to follow him quietly as he led us down to where the jet skis and tenders were in the water. Next to them was a rowboat, one I’d seen Theo take out a few times in the early morning. He was the only one I’d ever seen in it.

Until now.

He helped me climb inside the small boat, handing me a few bags before he climbed in, too. Then, he fixed the two oars to the sides and started paddling us away from the yacht.

The sun was beginning to set over the small island of Capri, though it seemed to be taking its time now that Theo and I were on the water. The sky was a brilliant orange, the water a stunning aqua blue, and the white limestone crags of the coast seemed to glow a color somewhere between the two. I longed for my camera that I’d left behind, but took mental snapshots, instead.

Theo watched me as he paddled us toward the coast, his brows furrowed, the muscles of his arms ebbing and flowing with each row. I wore the same shorts and sports bra I’d answered the door in, but I’d taken enough time to throw a t-shirt on before we left, and it was as if that fabric caused him physical pain.

“You’re pretty good at that,” I commented as we made our way toward the limestone.

“Rowing?”

I nodded.

“I try to keep some semblance of my routine when I’m on vacation. Back home in New York, I row every morning,” he explained, leaning forward before he pulled back again. I found myself mesmerized by the way his abdomen flexed with the shift, the way the setting sun played on every rise and fall of his muscles. “Five a.m. sharp.”

“ Five ?” I asked incredulously. “Why so early?”

“Why not?” He shrugged. “There’s only so much time in each day. I want to seize as much of it as I can.”

“ Carpe diem ,” I said with a smile. “How very Roman of you.” I paused. “What’s it like living in the city?”

“Loud. And boisterous. And dirty and bright and chaotic,” Theo said, the corner of his mouth tilting. “So, absolutely perfect.”

I laughed at that. “It sounds like a nightmare for me.”

“Why, because of the people?”

I nodded. “I’m much more at home in the mountains of Colorado.”

Theo shrugged. “I think it’s just because you’ve never been to the city.”

“How do you know I haven’t?”

“If you had, you wouldn’t be so quick to write it off. Trust me. There’s something magical about Manhattan. And as much as I love the mountains the same as you, I think you’d find more of a home in New York than you think.”

I shook my head. “I haven’t found much of a home anywhere at all, to be honest.”

Theo watched me curiously. “I get that. I feel the same way sometimes.”

“You?” I laughed. “You seem at home no matter where you are. I mean, you speak a dozen different languages and make every stranger feel like your best friend.”

“Maybe,” he answered. “But you make every stranger feel human. Seen. Understood.”

“When I have my camera, maybe.”

“Even without it.” Theo paused rowing. “You don’t see it, do you? The way people feel stripped by your gaze.”

I wanted to laugh, but the gesture was stuck inside me in the form of a large lump in my throat.

“Don’t look at me like it couldn’t possibly be true,” he continued. “So many people love to hear themselves talk, or are desperate to tell you what they want you to know about them. They want to paint this beautiful picture. But you? You don’t let them. You’re the creator. In the quiet way you observe others and truly listen to them, you know more about them than even their closest friends within twenty minutes of meeting them.”

My chest tightened. “That’s a lovely way to be thought of.”

Theo smirked, but the smile fell quickly, and he frowned again with his next row. “I haven’t seen you at all since Positano,” he said. “Did you end up sick like Joel was?”

I sighed, casting my gaze out over the water. “No,” I said. “I just… I’ve had some family stuff going on.”

“Your sister?”

I nodded, and as if mentioning her brought her to life in my head again, I heard her voice whispering warnings.

You are playing with fire.

“Is she okay?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?” Theo asked.

I laughed, because the answer to that question should have been simple, but it was so far from it. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s talk about you, instead.”

“Me?” Theo asked with a grin. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

“Hmm,” I mused, tapping my chin. “What’s your family like?”

“Boring.”

I chuckled. “That’s not very nice.”

“I’m not talking about my family. I’m talking about your question.”

I frowned.

Theo looked out over the water, thinking for a moment before he said, “My parents are English. They both grew up in London but migrated to the United States in their twenties, so I grew up on the Upper East Side in New York. My four times great grandfather was in the railroad business, so I guess you could say we come from old money . Dad loves to golf. Mom loves to shop. Both of them love to drink red wine and dote on their one and only son.”

I smiled.

“Now,” Theo said, heaving another row of the boat. “Ask me something more exciting.”

“Exciting?” I chuckled, tucking my hands under my thighs. “Um… I don’t know…”

“Sure, you do. Ask me something you actually want to know.”

“But I did want to know about your family.”

“What else?”

I frowned, and for a long moment, it was just the sound of the water lapping against the boat, and the oars dipping into the sea, and the birds flying overhead.

“Let me give you an example,” Theo said, and he paused rowing long enough to lock his eyes on mine. “Were you touching yourself this evening, before I came to your door?”

My eyes popped out of my head, and that was answer enough for Theo’s lips to spread into a wide grin.

“You were,” he said, leaning back and letting the oars rest. He swallowed. “What were you thinking about?”

My lips parted in shock. Was he really asking me this?

“Or should the question be who were you thinking about?”

This time, my jaw hinged open. “Theo!”

“Oh, that’s right,” he said as he began rowing again. “You wanted to talk about me , huh?”

Theo winked, and I rolled my eyes, playfully splashing him with water as he steered us toward a small opening in the limestone cliffside. Part of me wanted to cover my red face with my hands or leap into the water to get away from his gaze, but he somehow made me feel… comfortable. I couldn’t explain it. He’d just asked me the most personal question anyone ever had, but it didn’t make me angry and I didn’t feel embarrassed, either.

If anything, I was starting to get turned on again.

What is wrong with you, Aspen!?

The closer we got to the island, the more I craned my neck to take it all in. There were stairs that led down to the water from what appeared to be a restaurant above, and Theo tied our boat to the railing before digging into one of the bags.

“Here,” he said, tossing me a pair of swim fins. “Put these on.”

“What is this place?” I asked as I strapped the fins to each foot.

“The Blue Grotto.”

“Really?!” I asked excitedly, eyeing the small cave opening in the side of the cliff. “Don’t we have to pay for a tour boat or something? I was reading up on it because I wanted to take some photos.”

“They run tours all day until about five or so,” Theo said, strapping on his last fin. “After that, everyone leaves, and the only real way to get here is if you have a boat.” He waved a hand over our little rowboat with a grin.

“Sounds like we could get in trouble,” I mused. Then, I held up one of my fin-covered feet. “Isn’t it also illegal to swim in the Grotto?”

His smile widened, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he stood, his eyes cast down on me as he stripped his white t-shirt overhead and let it drop into the boat at his feet. He arched a brow at me, something of a challenge sparkling in his irises, and then he dove over my head and into the water.

The splash of cold water made me gasp, but then laughter bubbled out of me, and before I could even think better of it, I had my t-shirt peeled off and I was jumping in the water, too.

“Ah!” I said when my head emerged again. “It’s f-f-freezing.”

“You’ll warm up,” Theo said, and there was mischief in his eyes when he added. “I promise.”

He nodded toward the small cave opening in the limestone, and then we swam that direction, and I was thankful for the fins because there was nothing to hold onto and no hope of possibly touching the bottom. I followed behind Theo with him checking over his shoulder now and then to make sure I was alright, and when we got to the cave opening, he paused, reaching back to grab my hand.

“Hold onto me,” he said, pulling my hand to rest on his shoulder. “Stay low in the water and watch your head.”

The opening was so small I couldn’t imagine sitting on one of the row boats I read tour guides brought people in with. And once we made it inside the cave, there was a split second where I wondered how more than just a few people fit inside.

Of course, that thought vanished in the next second, because I lost my breath at the grand wonder of it all.

The closer we got to the cave opening, the bluer the water seemed to get, and once we passed through and inside, it was as if the water was glowing from underneath us. It was crystal clear, a shade of blue so illustrious I couldn’t quite put a name to it. It was turquoise, but also robin’s egg, and perhaps a sky at dawn or a fresh fountain in the sun. The limestone stretched up and over us, and it was as if the ceiling was dripping down but had been frozen, the jagged edges caught mid-drip.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, because speaking at a normal level inside that beautiful cave seemed rude and uncalled for. “This is… I can’t believe this is real .”

Theo smiled, swimming deeper into the cave and pulling me along with him. “It’s even brighter when it’s midday and the sun comes in full force, but of course, you have to battle row boats full of tourists if you come then,” he said. He paused when we were in the middle of the cave, turning to face me. “I’ve always come here after hours. Shhh… don’t tell on me.”

I smirked, but something in my chest tightened at the thought. “I’m sure every girl you bring here just swoons right into your arms.”

Theo cocked a brow. “I wouldn’t know,” he said, smiling at my confused expression. “I’ve always come alone.”

My heart tha-dumped in my chest, a quick beat and then pitter-patters that left me feeling dizzy and short of breath.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Yes,” I confessed.

Theo smiled, leaning back to float in the water. “Oh, that’s right. You think I’m a big playboy, huh?”

“Are you not? I mean, I saw you with those French girls that first night I worked for you on the boat.”

Theo arched a brow. “You were watching me?”

“No,” I said quickly, cheeks hot again. “Well… I mean, I just saw you with them all night, the way they were hanging all over you. And then you all went up to your room…”

“And were you in there, to see what happened after?”

I looked away, not willing to admit that I had seen them through the windows before he drew the curtains closed.

Then again… what had I seen, exactly?

“Audrey and Nicolette were both very drunk that evening, as was I,” Theo said, floating on his back with his eyes cast toward the cave ceiling. “I kissed them both, sure, but then I put them to bed and I slept in a different room.”

“You did?”

Theo smiled. “I did.”

“You didn’t want to… to…”

“Have sex with two beautiful women?” Theo answered for me, glancing at me with a grin. “On a normal occasion, yes. But let’s just say my mind was a little… pre-occupied.”

I frowned, tilting my head to the side. Theo waited for me to connect the dots, but I didn’t see the dots at all. And so he sighed, blowing out all the air in his chest until he slipped under the water. When he re-emerged, he swam toward me with his mouth under the water, his nose and eyes over it, gliding through the blue mirror like a predator.

My breath hitched in my throat, and he didn’t stop until the warmth of his body struck me through the icy cold water. He didn’t touch me, but was close enough that everything inside me buzzed to life with the desire that he would.

“I’m growing tired of this game, Aspen.”

“What game?” I asked on a breath, one that was met with his, and the cave seemed to quiet, as if it was closing its doors to all others and locking us inside.

“The one where you pretend like you don’t want me,” he husked, and under the water, a warm palm wrapped around my waist.

I inhaled a stiff breath, shaking violently at the touch, my eyelids fluttering as he slipped that hand around to my lower back and pulled me closer, into him, until we were flush against each other and I could feel his desire pressed against my core that ached for him in return.

“And I pretend like you’re not already mine.”

My next breath shuddered out of me, and I clung to his arms. “But I’m not yours,” I reminded him, but the whisper was so faint, so shaky from the cold and my nerves that I wondered if I truly believed what I’d said at all.

Theo swallowed, and I traced the water as it dripped from his hair and down the bridge of his nose, down the edges of his jaw, over his lips that were rolling together as he watched me in return.

“Is that so?” he asked. He pulled me closer with one hand just as his other slicked up my chest in a way so possessive I felt my soul gravitate toward it like a magnet.

My entire body trembled at the warmth of his palm running over my breasts, up my collarbone, until his fingers wrapped around my neck. He squeezed just a pinch, and then released the grip, trailing his hand up more. His thumb and pinky fingers stayed fixed at my neck, but his index finger skated over my wet bottom lip.

And I opened it as if he’d entered some secret code.

His finger slipped inside my mouth, and I tasted the salt of the sea on his warm skin as a pang of desire shot between my legs. My eyes connected with his, and his nose flared, his erection flexing against me where our bodies met under the water.

“I call that bluff,” he whispered as he pulled his finger free, and I would have sworn it was someone else in my body, because I sucked it on the way out, like I didn’t want to let it go.

Like it was a different part of him entirely.

Theo groaned, his next breath nothing but a hiss, and I yelped when he yanked me toward him in the way a wild beast might ravage its prey. His lips were on track for mine, and I leaned my head back, closing my eyes, opening my mouth, surrendering.

Until suddenly, a flashlight blinded us both, along with a deep voice screaming at us in Italian.

I panicked, shoving away from Theo and shielding my eyes from the light as the man yelled and yelled. His booming voice echoed in the cave, disorienting me even more than the light.

Theo held up his hands, and when the flashlight swung to him, my eyes cleared enough for me to see the man had rowed in on a small boat labeled Carabinieri. He was wearing a uniform and had a baton attached to his hip.

Theo hollered back something in Italian to the man, who continued yelling back and shining the light between the two of us.

“What’s going on?!” I whisper-screamed at Theo.

“It’s the police,” Theo said, but there was no panic in his voice. In fact, he smiled when he looked over at me. “Guess we aren’t supposed to be here, after all.”

My eyes widened. “Oh my God! Are we being arrested? I told you it was illegal to swim in here!”

Theo laughed then, shaking his head and reaching for my hand under the water. “It’s just a little fine. But, sadly, I do believe we have to leave now.”

The police officer continued yelling, and the way he was moving his flashlight, I knew he was saying we needed to swim out of the cave now.

Theo swallowed, not bothering to fight back his smile as his thumb traced my wrist under the water. “What a pity,” he whispered. “Just when things were getting interesting.”

And I couldn’t help it then.

I laughed, too.