20. Lucas
20
LUCAS
“Why are we here again?” I asked, standing at the back of the dark pub.
“Because they don’t card.” Jayden handed me three red darts. Likely he wanted me to throw them at the target, not take them back home and stab my stepbrother.
I took a few practice throws. I was a little rusty—but so were the stools lining the bar. “How’d you find this place?” He’d driven us twenty minutes away to Janson Falls, one of many small towns nestled in the hills.
“Tori’s friend Hailey told me about it. This is her hometown.” He took a drink of his beer. My soda was untouched on a table nearby.
I frowned. “When did you meet her?”
“One day when I gave Tori a ride home. They were hanging out while she waited for my class to finish.” I stepped aside as he took aim with a blue dart.
“And you just marched up to this woman you don’t know and demanded she tell you about a weird little pub in her hometown?”
“Basically, yes.” Jayden threw his darts, one after another, with a quick flick of his hand. “That’s what I do.”
That was valid. He was a collector of odd, out-of-the-way places. And it wasn’t bad here. It was Saturday afternoon, so it wasn’t crowded. Just kind of dark and empty. At least I didn’t have to worry about any scenes like the one last night.
Jayden plucked his darts from the board. “Not bad, if I do say so myself.”
“And, of course, you do.”
“We could talk about something else,” he said, stepping back. “Like, say, movie night.”
“No thanks.” I threw a dart harder than necessary, making it thud into the board. Jayden didn’t even look to see where it landed. He just stared me down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yes, you do.”
Shit. I didn’t—not really. But he knew me almost as well as I knew myself. This best friend thing was a double-edged sword. They could see right through you and call you out.
My next two throws were worse than the first, and I grumbled as I plucked them off the board. Jayden was still studying me as I returned to the throwing line. Finally, I exhaled sharply. “He needs to leave.”
Jayden didn’t miss a beat. “It’s his house, too.”
“That doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants to people.”
“To her, you mean.”
“Yeah.” I watched as Jayden took aim. “He was harassing her.”
“No, he wasn’t,” Jayden said quietly. His dart landed cleanly in the triple ring, giving him twenty-four points.
Not that I cared about the score. “Are you blind? Did you see what he was doing?”
Jayden sighed. “Yes. But it wasn’t… unwelcome.”
My head swung around, but he was staring down, eyes focused on the red darts I kept transferring from hand to hand. “How can you say that?”
“Because I was there.”
“He uses people. Uses women. You know that.” Jayden was my best friend, and he knew how my whole world had come crashing down when Kyle had taken Natalie from me. He knew that better than anyone. “He’s a fucking predator. And I let him sleep in the room right next to hers.” As mad as I was at Kyle, I was also furious with myself.
Jayden looked around, but the handful of other patrons weren’t paying any attention to us. “She doesn’t need you to protect her.”
“The hell she doesn’t.”
“She could’ve stopped him anytime she wanted to. And she chose not to.” Since I wasn’t throwing, he gathered his darts and let them fly again.
I waited until he was done. “What choice did she have when he was right next to her, putting his hands all over?—“
“Lucas, he gave her a safeword.”
For a moment, I couldn’t even comprehend that. “ What? ”
“I talked to him last night, after you went to sleep.” Jayden sighed. “I know this is hard to believe, but Kyle’s trying to be careful with her. He knows he can push too hard, so he gave her a way to shut him down.”
“By giving her a fucking safeword?” Rage filled my head, drowning out all thoughts. “She’s into that ?”
With a low laugh, he shook his head. “If you mean bondage or BDSM, I would strongly assume not.” He sighed again. “I know you can’t see it this way, but I think he was trying to make sure she felt safe. That’s what a safeword is for, after all.”
“How can you say that? If he had any concern for her at all, he’d leave her the fuck alone.”
“You know he can’t do that. She’s tutoring him.”
“Most tutoring sessions don’t require a safeword.” I began to pace. “I have to talk to her. I have to tell her what he did with Natalie?—“
“She knows,” Jayden interrupted. When I glared at him, he took a deep breath. “I told her the basics. She’s living in the same house as both of you. She needed to know.”
My shoulders tensed as I thought that through. Tori now knew about the worst moment of my life. “It wasn’t your story to tell,” I said bitterly.
“I know. And I’m sorry. But—she’s kind of in the middle of it now. And I hate to say it, but I think you’re the one putting her there.”
I raked my fingers through my hair, glaring at Jayden, who was suddenly keen on examining a torn poster on the wall. “I’m not putting her anywhere, but maybe I should. Starting now. You or I can drive her, she doesn’t need to be alone with Kyle in his truck. And no more movie nights or letting him come to the study group. And as for the tutoring sessions?—”
“No.”
“What?”
“I’m not doing that.” He stared at me, his face unhappy. “Let’s sit down. I think this talk would go better without sharp projectiles.”
A waitress came by with another beer for him, and he thanked her as she walked away. Then he slid it over to me. I gulped some down because the look in his eye warned me I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“Tori’s your friend, and she likes you. But that doesn’t mean she has to hate Kyle just because you do.”
“But the way he took Natalie from me?—“
“Was a really shitty thing to do. We’re in agreement, there. But that doesn’t mean your friends have to hate him for the rest of time.”
My breath hitched. “Including you.”
“I don’t hate him,” Jayden said simply, and it was like a punch to the face. “I’m sorry, but I don’t. He’s not my best friend, but I don’t hate his guts.”
“I get it.” I looked away. “Neither of you have my back.”
“You mean me and Tori, I assume. And you’re wrong on both counts.” He leveled a look at me. “It’s not that simple, and it’s not a fucking loyalty test. Tori’s free to like any of us—or none of us.”
“If she likes him, she has no idea what she’s getting into.” The thought was both painful and alarming. “Do you think Tori is a—“ I swallowed, feeling like a bad friend for even discussing this.
“A virgin? I don’t know. But my guess is that she hasn’t had a lot of experience—and probably even less good experience. Guys in high school or even college aren’t always known for their finesse and for putting their partners first. Present company excluded, of course.”
I took another swallow of the weak-ass beer. “We shouldn’t be talking about her and her experience level, whatever it is.”
“Yeah. But… just like your history with Kyle, we’re all living on top of each other—almost literally. So issues are bound to come up.”
“I just don’t want her to get hurt.”
“I don’t either, but that’s something we can’t protect her from. Helping her with her creepy ex roommate is one thing. But this… we’re young. We’re all just trying to figure things out. What we want. What we like. How to get those things.”
“Kyle’s sure got it figured out.”
Jayden sighed. “Don’t be so sure. He needs to pass that comp class to avoid getting kicked off the team—which is another reason we need to work this shit out and not be at each other’s throats. Tori needs to pass, too.”
“What a mess.”
“In some ways, yeah, but not all. We helped her out. We’re getting to know her better, and vice versa. Would you rather go back to seeing her just a few hours a week at the study group?”
“No.” I raked my fingers through my hair again. “But it just feels like Kyle has the advantage here. He doesn’t have to worry about being a nice guy. I do.”
“Just a thought—nice guys usually yell a little less.” He started to take a sip of his beer before remembering it was empty. “And Kyle doesn’t have the advantage. Not if you’d stop getting in your own way.”
“Women just seem to like him, for some fucked up reason. I guess he’s better at dealing with them than I am.”
“No, he isn’t. Of the three of us, you’re the only one who’s had a real relationship. I know it didn’t end well, but it was the real thing. You were in love. I’ve never experienced that, and I bet Kyle hasn’t either.”
“So?” I frowned.
“You and Natalie didn’t just date. You spent every second you could together. You had what a lot of us would’ve killed for.”
“Not Kyle,” I muttered. He’d wanted Natalie, that was for sure, but not to have a lasting relationship—just to spite me.
“Dude, high school is over. You have to get past this. Think of it this way. How many girls do you think Kyle banged over those four years?”
“A lot.”
“Yeah. But which one of you had sex more often?”
I started to answer and then hesitated. No matter how much Kyle had gotten laid on the weekends, Natalie had let me sleep over most nights of the week, especially during our senior year. Her parents didn’t care, and my mom considered us as good as engaged. So yeah, we slept together a lot. Even if Kyle had been with a girl each weekend, the math was on my side. “Me.” I couldn’t help the small smile that thought produced. Jayden grinned, too. “I know I teased you about it, but you two were happy. Anyone could see that.”
“Until we weren’t.”
“Yeah. But you’ve still been in a real relationship. Most of us haven’t.”
“That doesn’t seem to count for much around here. Apparently groping women on movie nights is what guys do these days.”
“They might if the woman is into it,” Jayden said gently. “He gave her every chance to bat his hand away. To move away from him or use the safeword—and she didn’t.”
“That still doesn’t mean that she?—“
He cut me off with a wave of his hand. “Do yourself a favor and don’t put her on a pedestal, like you did with Natalie. Tori’s not an angel, and believe it or not, Kyle’s not the devil. They’re both just people. Like us. Just people trying to figure this all out. This—real adult relationships—it’s all pretty new for us. Boundaries, consent, we’re all trying to figure it out.”
“Kyle could use a few lessons,” I muttered. “Did you see her afterwards? She was upset.”
“She was upset that you were upset.” A small smile tugged at his lips. “And a little embarrassed.” He looked like he was remembering something specific.
“She told you that?”
“Yeah. We went out back last night while you were yelling at Kyle. You didn’t notice?”
Truthfully, no. Last night was a red, angry blur in my head.
“That’s happened more than once,” Jayden said quietly.
My whole body tensed. “He’s touched her like that before?”
“No. At least I don’t think so, but that wasn’t what I meant. That wasn’t the first time that you two were fighting, and she and I left to get out of the line of fire.”
I scoffed. “I’d never do anything to hurt her. Or you.”
“But you are hurting her. Do you realize how often you’re pissed off? I know having Kyle move back in sucks, but this isn’t the same thing as what happened with Natalie. The main person keeping Tori from becoming closer to you is you , dude.”
“Then why’d she go on a date with me?”
Jayden grinned. “I have no idea.”
“Funny,” I said dryly.
“But I know what she told me about it afterwards.”
Despite my best intentions, I couldn’t help wondering about that. “What?”
“She said she had a nice time—and that she liked seeing you and Kyle work together without arguing. She’s grateful to you both for putting that creep in his place, and that wouldn’t have happened if you two hadn’t put aside your differences to do what was best for her.”
I looked away, staring at nothing in particular. I hated what he was saying to me—but that didn’t make it wrong. Kyle and I had worked in tandem the other night. And I think we did help her.
“I don’t know how Tori feels about you, me, or Kyle. That’s her business. But I wanted you to know that you’re pushing her away.”
I nodded absently, but then focused on his words. Did that mean he was interested in Tori, too? His eyes had lit up when she’d worn that dress last night. Of course, any straight man would have done the same.
But she was so much more than her looks. On our date, at the restaurant… her eyes had sparkled, so full of life as she told me about her dreams to teach a high school English class. I’d started out the evening thinking why the hell would anyone want to do that, but she’d been so enthusiastic. She truly cared about students and wanted to help them. Hell, by the end of the date, I was half tempted to change my major.
She was perfect.
Drop-dead gorgeous, but also kind. She had a good heart. And—shit. Maybe Jayden was right. Maybe I was putting her on a pedestal.
And that wasn’t fair to her. And… well, it wasn’t what I should want, either. I needed to look at Tori for who she was, not who I thought she should be. Because otherwise it wasn’t real. You couldn’t get close to someone when you were refusing to recognize the whole of who they were.
When we left, I paid for the drinks. It was the least I could do. Jayden had given up his afternoon to set me straight.
And it turned out he wasn’t done.
“There’s two more things I need to tell you,” he said as he drove along the twisty little road back.
Shit.
“What now?”
“First, Tori and I are going to the game tomorrow.”
“The baseball game?” In other words, Kyle’s game.
“Yep. You’re welcome to come.”
“Thanks.” We both knew I wouldn’t.
Jayden sighed, his eyes still firmly on the road. “And the other thing is about what happened on the sofa.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “I get it. She was into it and Kyle’s apparently not evil incarnate—at least in this case.”
“She wasn’t the only one into it.”
I frowned. “Yeah, he made his interest pretty clear. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her once she put that dress on again.” That was another thing that bugged me—the way he’d gotten her to do that.
“I meant me,” he said softly. “I liked watching her. And not just those amazing legs. I looked at her face, too. She knew I was watching. And I’m pretty sure that she liked it. That it made it more exciting for her.”
Fuck.
“Am I the only one in the whole damn house who’s not being driven by raging hormones?”
“Probably. But I’ve got to be honest—that aspect of Tori kind of caught me by surprise. I’d bet it did her, too.”
I rubbed my eyes. “I don’t want to know this.”
“You should, if you want to see who Tori really is, not just who you want her to be.”
“Shit,” I muttered. “What am I supposed to do with that information? About either of you?”
“I don’t know, man. But we’re almost back, and I know what will make you feel better.”
“What?”
“Clearing crap out of the basement with your best friend.”
My eyes closed as I shook my head, trying to figure out whether to laugh or cry. But one thing I did know—for once, I didn’t think I’d be able to focus on homework.
I sighed. Jayden was my best friend, and no matter how much I’d hated this conversation, deep down, I knew he was looking out for both Tori and me. And given that, it was hard to stay mad at him.
“What the hell. Let's clear crap out of the basement.”