45. Tori
45
TORI
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
Panic filled me. I hoped I was just misremembering. What we had—it was new, and maybe it was just about sex, really good sex, for them. And it should be for me, too. Women my age shouldn’t fall in love with multiple men. The words had just tumbled out of me somehow.
Had Jayden and Kyle even noticed what I said?
They were both climbing into the truck on either side of me, and I busied myself with fastening my seatbelt, making it take three times as long as necessary so I wouldn’t have to look at either of them.
As Kyle drove through the dark streets, Jayden made small talk about the party, which I couldn’t bring myself to participate in. Then Kyle brought up the exam coming up in Comp 102 and tried to get me to talk about upcoming tutoring sessions.
Just normal small talk, but nothing about it was normal because of what I’d said
Finally, on the rest of the drive, Kyle and Jayden talked about football. I guessed they’d given up on drawing me into the conversation.
As for me, I hung my head and wished I could turn back time. It felt like I’d ruined everything. I knew them well enough to know that they weren’t going to do anything to risk my heart getting broken. Had I just put an end to all the fun the four of us had been having—in the bedroom and out of it?
And it had been so much fun tonight. Grinding against Jayden and Kyle when we danced. Sneaking off to the pantry with Kyle. After that, he’d said how much fun it was. That’s what he’d said after our date, too. It was supposed to be about enjoyment, and I was the stupid girl who’d used the L word.
I thought of Lucas. Of the three of them, he was the least likely to freak out by what I’d said, and he hadn’t even heard it. For a moment, I missed him so much it hurt. I was supposed to sleep in his bed tonight, but who knew what Jayden and Kyle might say to him once they dropped the pretense that everything was normal.
Kyle pulled up to the dark house and shut off the engine. I wanted to make a beeline for the door, but neither of them moved. Finally, Jayden began, “Tori?—”
“Thanks for driving!” I said to Kyle with a manic attempt to sound casual. “I should get inside. Gotta use the bathroom, too much beer!”
Jayden moved then, letting me slide out his side as I cursed myself once again. That was how I’d chosen to try to save face? To announce I had to pee?
Where the hell was a lightning strike when you needed one?
Lucas opened the front door and turned on the porch light as I neared. He gave a low whistle as his gazed raked over my tiny costume. “I missed you.” He folded me into his arms and, for a moment, I let myself take comfort in his embrace. But then I wiggled free and hurried past him.
“Tori?”
The others came in and I heard Lucas speak again. “Why’s she upset? What the hell did you two do?”
Jayden responded. “We didn’t do anything. But hey, you didn’t automatically only blame Kyle, so that’s progress, right?”
Kyle snorted. “Yes, being jointly blamed is such wonderful progress.”
I didn’t hear anything else as I hurried into Lucas’s room and closed the door behind me.
Lucas had left out clothes for me on the bed—my favorite oversized sweatshirt and leggings. Seeing them almost made me cry. If he’d been there tonight, I would’ve told him I loved him, too. Because I did—even though I knew I shouldn’t.
That’s not what this was about—at least not for them. People experimented in college. They tried new things. They were horny and did sexy things because it felt good.
They didn’t fall in love their sophomore year. The guys understood that—it was just my heart that hadn’t gotten the message.
I changed and cleaned the makeup off my face and then climbed into bed. I hoped Lucas would join me soon, but they were probably out there right now, freaking out that I’d caught feelings or something like that.
Finally, a knock came at the door. “Yes?” My voice was almost too soft to be heard.
But then Lucas opened the door, the light from the hallway cutting through the dark room. “Can I come in?”
I nearly smiled at that. It was his room, his bed. Yet he’d knocked and asked permission.
“Please do.”
But after that, he knew what I needed without asking. He kicked off his shoes and carefully climbed across me, positioning himself between me and the wall. And once he was under the covers, he took me into his arms.
His scent, his warmth, his steady heartbeat under that sculpted muscle—those were exactly what I needed right now. I rested my head on his chest and just let him hold me.
After a few minutes, there was another knock at the door. This time when I said come in, two men did.
They’d both changed, and Kyle hadn’t bothered to put a shirt back on, which normally would’ve distracted me in the best way, but not now.
To my surprise, he climbed into bed next to me. He rolled onto his side, his body pressed against mine, his hand resting on my hip. If I’d thought it was comforting snuggling up to one man in the dark, two were even more amazing. Then I felt the mattress shift—Jayden had sat at the foot of the bed.
Everyone was quiet for a while, and never before had I appreciated just how comforting this kind of touch could be. But then Jayden broke the silence. “We need to talk.”
Instantly, the tranquil feeling vanished. “I didn’t mean it!” I said rapidly. “I meant I like hanging out with?—”
Jayden grasped my ankle through the blankets, squeezing lightly. “Why don’t you let us go first?”
My words trailed off, and I nodded. This was the point where they told me that while they cared for me, this was all just good fun, and if I let myself catch feelings, my heart would get broken.
I wanted to pull the covers over my head to spare myself from that conversation.
Jayden took a deep breath. “We were talking, and we think we kind of… skipped a step. Namely, the one where we figure out what the hell this is. You deserve to know, Tori. You deserve to know if it’s something longer term or if it’s just… “ He trailed off.
“Really hot sex?” Kyle supplied.
Jayden rolled his eyes. “Yes, thank you for phrasing that exactly right. What I mean is, this could be all just for fun… or it could be something else.”
“We should all be on the same page about that,” Lucas added. “So I’ll go first. I want a relationship with you, Tori. A real one. I want to be your boyfriend, or one of them. If that’s what you want.”
My heartbeat sped up at his words, but I didn’t know how that could work. Not when there were four of us here.
He was thinking along the same lines. “I know it doesn’t just involve the two of us, but that’s what I want. A relationship. Not just really hot sex.” He shot a look at Kyle with that last part.
I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t. Not yet. Not until I knew where Kyle and Jayden stood. So instead, I found Lucas’s hand and squeezed.
“I do too,” Jayden said. “I want something real. But this is one of those two yeses, one no situations.” He looked around. “Or four yeses, one no situation.”
I frowned, meeting Lucas’s gaze. He looked just as confused as I did. “We’re not following,” he told Jayden.
“It’s like in a marriage,” Jayden began. “If there’s a big decision like whether to have another kid or move across the country, you only do it if both of you say yes. And if one person says no, you don’t do it. So, it’s two yeses, one no.” He stared at us for a long moment and then shook his head. “Jesus, didn’t any of your parents have a healthy relationship?”
There was a beat of silence, and then Lucas, Kyle, and I all said, “No.”
He rolled his eyes. “In this case, it would need to be four yeses, not two. And I’d say that your answer is the most important one, Tori.”
“Not most important,” I said quickly. “I mean, if we do this, then we all get an equal say.”
“Yeah, but you’re the cornerstone of this arrangement,” Lucas said.
Kyle laughed softly. “And what woman doesn’t like being called that?”
I elbowed him. This conversation was too important for joking.
Lucas lightly kissed my temple. “So what do you want, Tori?”
I gulped. I knew what I wanted, and I was still afraid that it would scare them away. “Um, can Kyle go next?” I shifted his way. “Please?”
“All right.” His voice was gruff, and he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. And then he didn’t say anything.
“Kyle?” Jayden finally asked.
“I’m thinking how to say it.” He took another half minute to do that and then cleared his throat. “At that party tonight, that was the kind of scene I’ve been going to ever since I started here. Since before that. But it felt different tonight.” He reached between us and clasped my hand.
“Different how?” Jayden finally prompted.
It took Kyle another moment or two. “Pretty much the whole time I was there, I wanted to be here. With you.” He squeezed my hand and then he sighed. “With all of you. Like the Spaghetti Night we had the other day. And it makes no sense. It was a great party. Do you know how many girls hit on me? Or offered to?—”
“Stay on message, dude,” Jayden cut in.
“Right. I just… I wanted to be here with you.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “With all of you, actually, but I’m only kissing her.”
“Fair enough,” Jayden said.
“So I guess I’m in,” Kyle concluded, and happiness filled me.
“Your turn, Tori,” Lucas said softly as he stroked my hair.
The first part of my answer was easy. “I want this. With you three. But I also want more.” I looked over at Lucas. “I want to be a girlfriend. To all of you. I know that’s messed up, but?—”
Lucas put a finger to my lips. “It’s not messed up if it’s what we want, too.”
“Yeah, don’t judge yourself, Tori, or think that we will,” Jayden added.
I nodded, my lashes growing moist. “I want a real relationship. Because… because… because I love you guys.” I couldn’t look at them after saying that, but I squeezed the hands of the men on either side of me and pressed my foot against Jayden’s leg.
Then Lucas leaned in. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Tori.” Before I could process that, his lips met mine. My eyes closed and some of the tension drained out of me as his warm mouth moved slowly over mine. This was different from when we’d had sex downstairs on the pool table and the bed. This was an entirely different kind of kiss, and it meant so much more.
When Lucas pulled back, I was still in a bit of shock at what he’d said. But then Kyle turned toward me, and I panicked. “No one else has to say it,” I said in a rush. “It’s too early. I’m not expecting anything, I just?—”
Kyle’s large palm covered my mouth, and my frantic flow of words stopped. When he deemed it safe, he let go and then he whispered in my ear. “I love you too, Victoria.”
Shock shot through me, and then he was leaning over me, his leg sliding over mine as he claimed my mouth. I cupped the back of his head as he kissed me. I was still stunned but also thrilled.
He kissed me longer than Lucas had, and despite the tenderness of the moment, my blood started pumping harder—and traveling between my legs. Finally, he eased back, capturing my bottom lip between his teeth, stretching it out before letting go. Then he laid back on the bed. “So let’s see if we get that fourth yes.”
I chuckled softly, feeling happy and giddy. But then my eyes met Jayden’s.
“Don’t tell me I don’t have to say it,” he warned before I could speak. “Because I know that.” He leaned forward, crawling over me, supporting himself in a pushup position. Lucas and Kyle both eased back, giving him space. When he was hovering over me, he lowered his head. When his lips were an inch from mine, he whispered, “I love you.”
He kissed me thoroughly, then sat up, his knees between my body and Kyle’s. “I’ve never kissed a crying woman before,” he said.
“Happy tears,” I managed to say.
“Good to know,” he said softly. “So I guess that’s four yeses.” He stroked my calf through the blanket. Kyle worked his arm under my head, and Lucas put his hand on my stomach, his fingers splayed.
It was like they were all claiming a piece of me. Or just that they were all claiming me . Which made me so happy. “I love you guys,” I said softly. I’d already said that a couple of times, but this was different. Now I knew they loved me too.
Jayden smiled down at the three of us. “So, now, we could all go back to our rooms or?—”
I cut him off. “Please stay here.”