Chapter 33
Chapter thirty-three
“There is but one voice I love more than any other in the world. A long time ago, Mrs. Ryan told me that soul mates didn’t always present in a romantic concept.
I hadn’t understood, but now, I think I do as I stare into the green eyes of the person whose soul matches mine far better than even if we shared blood.
” – from the diary of Oren Byrne, age sixteen.
Ifelt like I’d just closed my eyes when someone was waking me up. A face I knew better than my own stared at me. “Aidan.”
“Oren, what the fuck happened to you?”
His voice made me smile as a tangible relief spread through me. Aidan was home. He was here. Everything would be perfectly alright.
With a grunt, I tried to sit up, and Aidan moved to assist me.
My arm was folded and bound to my chest to keep the weight off my shoulder, which had been dislocated.
My nose was broken, but I was hopeful it would heal without too much of a bump.
I was a tad vain about my face, though I would hardly admit it out loud, for my brothers would tease me something horrid.
Resting against the headboard, I tried to smile at Aidan, but it hurt too badly. He settled beside me and pulled my head down to his shoulder. I rested against him with a sigh, taking his hand. This. I had missed this. Aidan wasn’t only my older brother—he was my best friend.
This short separation had been too much.
How was I to bear going to town without him for years on end?
Caring—loving Abnus might make me hesitant to follow my dream, but leaving Aidan near incapacitated me.
I hated not being around him. So few times in our lives had we been separated, and I despised it.
I wanted to be next to him and yet I wished to go. If only I could take Aidan with me.
Wishes didn’t always come to fruition.
I could have my dream, but I’d have to go after it alone, all while knowing Aidan was here, hopefully cheering me on.
“What happened?” Aidan repeated after my long silence.
“Didn’t Nevan and Neil tell you?”
“I didn’t stay to listen. I heard you were injured and then here I was. Abnus had come and retrieved me and Cethin after telling us about what had happened. He says the necromancer is here.”
“Was,” I croaked, as my stomach churned. “Eilis Duffy. I killed him.”
Aidan’s arm tightened around me. “He was the necromancer?”
“Yes.” I pressed my face against his shoulder.
He remained silent for a moment, holding me. “Tell me.”
The story of Mr. Duffy attacking me spilled out of my lips, and Aidan nodded, not commenting. “He wasn’t making sense,” I said. “He kept talking in circles.”
“Necromancy corrupts the body and soul, supposedly. If any human looked like a skeleton, it was him.”
“True.” And I’d killed him. I didn’t know how I felt about it. I’d never taken a life before, not human, not fae. I’d protected myself when light fae attacked the manor as Aidan was taking the mantle of lord, but I hadn’t killed those fae. I would have, to protect Aidan, though.
Like he could sense my swinging emotions, Aidan cupped the back of my head. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Leaving. I should’ve been here to protect you. Sídhetír is no longer your burden.”
A sweeping sense of worthlessness washed through me and settled heavily on my soul. On its heels was a churning fire that singed my veins, making me tremble. In a bland voice, I said, “You couldn’t have known.”
“If I had known of a necromancer here, I wouldn’t have left. Still, I should’ve stayed here regardless.”
“All is well if you need to leave again,” I commented. “Besides, Father is here to watch over everything.”
“I will not be going anywhere. Christmas is in a few days, and I wish to spend it with our family.” He smirked. “Though not all. I did abandon Thomas and Whit when I flew back with Cethin. They are following, but I believe they will miss Christmas.”
“Georgie and Frances are going to kill you,” I mused.
He laughed. “They might try.”
Aidan held me as close as possible as he took long, even breaths. The weather outside reflected his unease with swirling snow in the sudden wind. “Do not scare me again. I thought I’d come too late when Nevan told me you’d been hurt.”
I squeezed his hand. “I’m alright.”
“That is a lie.”
I chuckled, but it was forced. “Fine. I will be alright.”
Aidan kissed my temple and held me close, and I snuggled against my older brother. We remained like that until Cethin came into the room without knocking. He leaned against the door jamb with the slightest smile on his lips. “I’m glad you’re alive, Oren.”
“As am I.”
“Aidan,” he said, staring at his mate.
He didn’t respond, holding me tighter.
“Please, dearest. He needs to see him,” Cethin said in a quiet voice.
Aidan sighed, squeezing me gently before kissing the top of my head again. He helped me lean against the headboard and slid off the bed. “I suppose I can leave for a few minutes. I need to talk to Nevan and Neil anyway. They invested some of my money, and I have no notion in what.”
I shook my head, smiling in sympathy. When I used to do the accounts, that was a very common issue.
When Aidan reached the doorway, Cethin snagged him. “I appreciate this, and I will show you how much in your bookroom, if you’d like.”
Aidan nodded, bright red, grabbing his husband’s hand and disappearing from sight.
I scoffed. They were as obvious as ever. At least Cethin hadn’t brought up me marrying Abnus. My brother-in-law could hardly be a fool where Abnus and I were concerned. Cethin had to know what we’d continued doing in his absence.
Still, though, I couldn’t figure why he wished for me to marry Abnus. I wanted to, but why would Cethin try to force Abnus when he claimed to love his cousin as a brother?
The door creaked open, and Abnus stepped inside, sliding the bolt behind him.
His eyes were hard as he stared at my face; his hands curled into fists.
The room grew chilly, making me shiver. Instantly, the unusual cold disappeared, but Abnus didn’t approach, but rather leaned against the solid oak door.
I held out my unbound hand. He crossed the room and slid onto the bed, hauling me into his arms, making me suppress a whine of pain from my well-bruised ribs. His movements were slow and his touch gentle as he explored my frame.
I settled quite comfortably into his arms, resting against him. I ran my fingers over the exposed skin of his neck, relishing the smooth, supple texture and the chill.
“I’m alright,” I whispered. Abnus might not love me as I did him, but he cared about me. I knew he did.
He gripped me tighter, his fingers digging in, before he relaxed. “I shouldn’t have left you.”
“You needed to get Aidan.”
“You got hurt. I promised to protect you.”
I tried to shift away, but Abnus wouldn’t relinquish his hold.
“You didn’t break your promise,” I said in a hard voice, brooking no argument. “You said you’d allow nothing to happen while I was beside you.”
“I should’ve been here.”
I started to move back again, and this time, he allowed me to.
I cupped his cheek, thumb brushing the sharp line of his cheekbone.
I wished he would drop the glamour he wore, for I quite liked his horns and rougher appearance.
I didn’t ask, though, because I didn’t know if it would be considered rude or not.
“I needed you to get Aidan, and you did. I got hurt, but I survived.”
Abnus pressed his forehead against mine, his hand holding my hip as I straddled his lap. We simply shared our breath for a minute, existing in the same time and space as each other. No hurry to end this true intimacy.
“Please do not do this again,” Abnus whispered in a broken voice. “I cannot live through you being hurt.”
“Well, I’m human. You’ll have to get used to it.”
He scowled, making me kiss right next to his lips. He pulled back and his eyes flicked down to my mouth. My breath stopped and my heart stalled. This was it. He was finally going to kiss me.
Abnus leaned forward as if he intended to claim my mouth, but at the last moment, he retreated.
My heart shattered, but I tucked my face against his neck to hide the devastation. Abnus sensed it regardless, because he smoothed a hand down my back and pressed frantic kisses to the top of my head. “Don’t leave me. Please, a ghrá.”
“I won’t.” My heart relaxed, and the tension leeched from my muscles the longer I remained in his arms. My Abnus. I never wanted to let him go. I fisted the silky hair at the nape of his neck, and he released the loveliest moan. I wiggled, craving him, but my body protested.
He held me fast and ceased all of my movement. “I will never get used to you being hurt,” Abnus said. “I refuse to, regardless of you being human. I will protect you.”
I shook my head at his utter ridiculousness, yet my heart throbbed at the sweetness of his words.
I wanted to mean more to Abnus than I did, for he meant the world to me.
I brushed a kiss to his cheek before I settled against him again.
He stroked my back, careful of my damaged shoulder, as his head rested against mine.
My eyes turned heavy as sleep began to take me away. I patted his chest. “You need to go. They’ll figure out you’re in here.”
Aidan might not care, but Father had made his ultimatum and Cethin was still a threat that could try and force us to wed, especially if he aided Father and Mother.
“No.”
“My father will force you to marry me if he finds you here.”
“I am not leaving, Oren.”
A shiver went down my spine. “But—”
Abnus cut me off. “No.” He kissed my temple. “Do not force me away. Please. I need to be here.”
How could I do what was best for him when he asked me in such a soft voice?
If Abnus was discovered here by either Father or Mother, they would try and force us to marry.
Nevan and Neil wouldn’t tell them. They would tell the rest of our brothers, but none of them would try to make Abnus take responsibility for fucking me.
He was of higher status and had the money, so he would be the head of the house if we wed.
Of course, Abnus could never be forced—I wasn’t truly certain if Cethin could—but if he could…
I should make Abnus leave because it was better for both of us, but I didn’t want him to go.
That was the crux of the matter. I should do one thing, yet my heart wanted another.
I should have married Miss Quirke, but I didn’t want to.
I should have been content with my life, but I wasn’t.
I should have told Abnus to leave, but I couldn’t.
For once in my life, I wanted to choose what I wanted. And I wanted Abnus.
I kissed his neck. “Stay.”
“Thank you.”
My heart thrashed. Fae never thanked someone. I’d honestly thought they couldn’t because it acknowledged a debt between them.
“What?” I had to have heard wrong.
“Thank you, Oren. Thank you for surviving. Thank you for letting me hold you. Thank you for letting me stay. Thank you for being you. Thank you for staying beside me. Thank you for everything.”
I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat as the backs of my eyes burned. That was a lot of debt, and he didn’t seem to care. “You shouldn’t say that.”
“The words are my choice, as are whatever consequences they incur.”
Unable to help myself, I kissed his neck again, hard, hurting my nose.
Abnus stroked my back. “Go to sleep. I will be here.”
With my eyes closing, I grinned. I should get off his lap, but I didn’t.
I preferred to stay in his arms, so I did.
My choice. A tremor went through me. I had to start making my own choices, but that thought frightened me.
It would mean disappointing people. My parents.
Miss Quirke’s mother. General expectations.
A kiss on my head drew me out of my thoughts. “Sleep, Oren. Whatever you are worrying about will wait. I am here. You are safe.”
And so I was, and so I did.