Chapter 35
Chapter thirty-five
“Balls, parties, or whatever name Mother wished to call these affairs are horrendous. I spend the night pressed against the wall, hoping to not be seen, all while wishing someone would ask me to dance.” – from the diary of Oren Byrne, age seventeen.
“You are miserable,” Aidan commented before taking a sip of punch.
I was. My face hurt. I was shoved into a tight jacket that made my shoulder burn.
Mother had practically thrown Miss Quirke at me before parading other available choices before me.
To make all other matters worse, Abnus wasn’t here.
I had no idea where he was, but he wasn’t here. Neither was Cethin.
“Several people have asked you to dance, and you’ve said no each time, even though you love to dance,” he said.
“Lord Abnus asked me not to dance with anyone else.”
Aidan turned toward me, blocking my view of the ballroom. “In all seriousness,” he asked in a low voice, “how do you feel about Abnus?”
“What?”
“How do you feel about him, Oren?”
“Aidan,” I said, drawing his name out.
“I don’t ask this to pester you. I need to know. I’m trying to protect you and...”
“Why on Earth would you need to protect me from Abnus?” I asked, eyes going wide. “He would never hurt me. Not ever.”
“I know.”
I stared at my older brother, trying to figure out what was going on, but his expression gave nothing away, nor did the serene weather outside.
“Are we interrupting?” Cethin asked with Abnus by his side.
“No,” I said. “Lord Abnus, would you care to dance?”
“Certainly.”
I took Abnus’s hand, leaving Aidan behind. He immediately turned to Cethin and they spoke in hushed voices. I took the lead since I’d asked Abnus to dance, and he moved into the following position, though I couldn’t hold him properly because of my injured shoulder. But we managed fine.
We moved in time to the waltz. My eyes never deviated from his. I wanted to drown in the purple depths.
“I waited for you,” I said.
His lips quirked. It was rare to pull a full smile from Abnus, but I reveled in the small smiles as well. “I want to be the only one to dance with you.”
“As you said.” These cousins were similar in many ways. Cethin didn’t like Aidan to dance with anyone besides him or our family. He didn’t even let Aidan dance with Abnus.
Abnus held me tighter, pressing closer than was strictly appropriate. “I mean it, Mr. Byrne. I wish to be the sole person you dance with.”
A flush settled in my cheeks. Searching for anything to say, I muttered, “I like what you’re wearing.” Abnus was back in a tailored jacket, cravat, waistcoat, and trousers. The clothes hugged his frame and made his shoulders seem even broader and his waist even thinner.
“You do not like my other clothes?”
“No,” I burst out, then blushed when the closest couples glanced at us. Lowering my voice, I continued, “I like all of your clothes, but you are especially fine dressed as you are now.”
Abnus smiled—a true smile. The sight sent my heart racing. He said in a low voice that only increased my erratic pulse, “Thank you very much, Mr. Byrne.”
I made a non-committal noise, as it was impossible to get even a single word out of my strangled throat.
He leaned even closer and said so quietly than none but I would hear, “You look lovely in everything you wear, Oren, but I much prefer you naked and needy.”
I swallowed, heat racing to my fair cheeks and no doubt making them bright red.
We whirled around the ballroom until the music ended. I couldn’t clap for the musicians well with one of my arms in a sling, but I still tapped my hands together in appreciation.
Abnus led me off the floor, but not to where Cethin and Aidan stood. I was more than fine with that. Me and Aidan were at odds, and I wasn’t entirely sure what we were fighting about, which was ridiculous. But until Aidan told me exactly what was going on, I feared that was how we were to remain.
Settled near the doors to the balcony, I simply stared at him. It was chilly in the night air with snow blanketing the silent grounds, but braziers kept the worst of the winter air at bay, and I truly didn’t think that I could be cold with Abnus right beside me.
His thigh was pressed to mine, and his eyes never left my face.
I wanted to wrap him in my arms and kiss him.
Of course, the room of my peers and family kept me from doing something that inappropriate.
Nonetheless, I was tempted. From the way Abnus’s eyes flicked to my lips, I assumed he was as well.
“Where were you with Cethin?” I asked.
“Out.”
“How informative,” I teased.
“We simply walked around to make sure all is well. Cethin is uneasy. He has never known a necromancer to die so easily. In all truth, the necromancer he dealt with was old and powerful, whereas Eilis Duffy hadn’t been a long-term practitioner.”
I was uneasy as well. The flash of fear in Mr. Duffy’s eyes when I attacked him wouldn’t leave me. Perhaps I should bring my own concerns to Aidan. I wasn’t misreading the situation if Cethin was also worried about the ease in killing Mr. Duffy.
My gaze moved to Abnus’s face. I’d have to speak to Aidan later. Right now, I wanted to dance with Abnus once again for the dinner dance, then eat with him. Afterward, I would steal him away so we could take tea in the library together.
Our time was fading—I felt it with every movement of the clock’s incessant hand—and I would spend every second I had with him.
I awoke with a start, blinking. It was late, and the fire had burned down to little more than coals.
Abnus was stretched out beside me, deep asleep.
He had gently fucked me again last night while his lips had stayed pressed against mine to silence my moans.
I loved each brush of his mouth, because every one had been hard won.
Snow was softly coming down outside and all was silent.
I had no idea what woke me. I shifted toward Abnus and kissed his chest before slipping out of bed.
Maybe a book would help me sleep. I normally kept an extensive amount of books in my room, but I’d been spending more time with Abnus than reading of late.
Robe securely wrapped around me, I slipped out of my bedroom and headed toward the library. I wound through the darkened halls with only a candle in my hand to offer light. I didn’t need more to find my way.
As I passed by a window, I came to a stop. A woman stood outside in her nightgown, blonde hair tumbling over her slight shoulders. I recognized her as the patient that Mrs. Maher was treating. The woman had escaped again, and it was far too cold for her to be outside.
I headed down the stairs and stepped outside, searching for her. She was right where I saw her, staring up at the moon through the break in the clouds.
“Hello again,” I said.
She didn’t glance at me. “The moon is so bright.”
“It is indeed, but it is far too cold for you to be out here, Miss.”
“I’m not cold. I’m never cold. Not anymore.”
I spared a glance to her bare feet buried in the snow and the thin nightgown hanging around her slight form. “You must be.”
“Must I?” she asked. “Must I be anything now? I don’t believe so.”
It had been like this last time I spoke to her. She was confused. “Please, Miss, you need to go inside.”
“Why?” she asked, finally looking at me. A shiver went down my spine from the utter emptiness in her eyes. “Why must I go inside? What would be the point? Inside. Outside. They’re all the same, but I am not. I’m fundamentally changed, and I can never be what I once was.”
“I don’t understand.” My pulse hammered in my ears.
“Oh, Mr. Oren Byrne, I think you do. You were once to be lord. Now you are nothing. You were once to command the forces of nature, and now you command nothing. The walls, halls, people, and the land are the same, and yet, you are not. You can never be who you were born to be, just as I can never be who I once was.”
I swallowed, shaking. “Who are you, truly?”
“I am air. I am shadow. Once I was called Rachel, and now, I am nothing.”
That name tickled something in the back of my mind. I should have known it, but I didn’t.
“We should go inside, Rachel,” I said slowly.
She smiled sadly. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“That.”
Something hard smacked into the back of my head, and I went down into the snow with a grunt. My vision went blurry as I rolled over. Mrs. Maher stood over me with a long stick.
“You?” I asked.
“I do wish you hadn’t heard all that, my dear, but in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say.” She raised the thick stick again, and I tried to defend myself, but it came down, and I lost consciousness after a flash of pain.