Chapter Eleven
Damon.
I’m so lost in thought, peering outside of the window, watching the snow fall, I don’t smell the bacon burning until Maverick shoves and then pushes me out of the way, grabbing the handle and throwing it into the sink.
I finally think to look at my surroundings.
The air is smokey and tinged with the smell of the burnt strips of turkey bacon.
I blink at him as he grabs a dish towel and fans the air, turning on the ventilator above the stove.
“Christ, Damon, we’ve already been through one house fire. Let’s try not to burn this one down.”
I blink again, watching the disaster.
“You want to talk this out?” He asks.
“You want to tell me why you left Paris without letting us know?” I retort.
“You first.”
I sigh. “She thinks we’re figments of her imagination.
” Like an asshole, I left her upstairs with Jonas, seeing as how he tends to lighten the mood.
“Christ, I feel like I’m running in circles.
She gets better, then she self-harms. These episodes are worrying me.
I have to find a way to help her before she regresses. ”
“Wouldn’t you?” He asks sincerely, going to the coffee bar, (Amourette’s idea) grabbing a mug from the top shelf, placing it under the Keurig’s drip, and pressing the start button.
He moves about the place as though he’s lived here the entire time and I definitely don’t mind that he’s here. This is good for him. For her.
However, when the kitchen begins to smell like burnt bacon and coffee I almost gag.
“Think this is all a dream, I mean. I saw the medication she takes last night on the bathroom counter when I went in to brush my teeth. If she woke up in your ward while she was doped up and now she wakes up and sees you, I’m sure it’s a hell of a mindfuck.
Not to mention you said there was a small contusion in her brain. ”
I open the window I was just staring out of to rid the smell, letting in the bitter cold and I shiver. “I’m slowly weaning her off her medication.”
He turns to face me, crossing his tattooed arms over his chest, and leans against the counter. “All of them?”
“She’ll always have to take some form of anti-anxiety medication. She’s gone from taking them daily to only when she feels an attack coming on.”
“How are her episodes?”
I sigh again, closing the window because it’s too damn cold. “Infrequent. But when they do come, they’re…”
“Violent?”
I shake my head. “Maverick… she’s only violent to herself.”
He nods solemnly. “The time she wasn’t with Jonas. When they broke up for a month… she didn’t eat, did she? That’s what you meant when you said she self-harms.”
I let out another sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “We just have to find a way to make sure she doesn’t… have an episode while she’s… fulfilling her… agenda .”
He doesn’t say anything, just reaches to grab his steaming mug of coffee and blows on it, takes a sip, looking at me over the rim.
“I think I read a sleep study while I was doing part of my psychology courses that when we dream, we think we recognize faces, but they’re usually distorted.
Words, letters, numbers… they’re squiggly, right?
They don’t exactly spell or say an ything, but your mind thinks it does.
It’s why strangers in your dreams are often faceless. "
“Shadow saw… Shadow was there… Raven bled for Shadow.”
I keep that portion to myself as I break out in goosebumps at the memory of the tired rasp of her voice. But I nod at the former FBI agent standing in my kitchen. The article he talks about was released almost fifteen years ago. “Faceless people and words without meaning.”
“So then we get her a bracelet or something with our names on it and she can look down when she’s unsure. If the words make sense, she knows she’s awake. She knows we aren’t a hallucination.”
“It’s a good idea. But if she drops it or forgets it or simply doesn’t feel like wearing it because it’s a trying day,” I shrug. “We need something more permanent. Something she can see and touch.”
I watch as he tugs on the cuff of the Henley he’s wearing that hugs his body a little too well and remind myself to hit the gym downstairs with Jonas later.
I know he’s uncomfortable. Not about being in my house.
Maverick seems to be right at home here.
No, he seems to be looking for the right words to say.
There’s a bit more awkward silence and then, “I left Paris because I…
I just kept thinking, ‘ fuck. She really lives like this, you know? She left her shitty marriage, her shitty, backwater town, her shitty son so she could wake up in Paris or London or her fucking sky rise overlooking some city every day while dad could barely keep a roof over our heads.’
“It had nothing to do with Raven and everything to do with me, Damon.”
It’s the most he’s spoken about his mother and as soon as I open my mouth to tell him he’s wrong, there’s no possible way he could have been a shitty child , there’s a clatter upstairs, and then, “Baby!” Before there’s another thunk and then Jonas laughs. “I’m gonna win! Hey, wait!”
Maverick and I both stare as Jonas races downstairs and Raven slides down the banister with a gorgeous smile on her face.
They’re both suited in snow suits like they’re going to go skiing.
She jumps off the banister and does a summersault on the ground before Jonas gets to the landing. “You cheated!”
Raven shakes her head furiously. You said the first one down wins!
“In a race!”
You’re a Wide Receiver!
“And you’re a sneaky little fox.” He replies with a roll of his eyes, helping her up.
She turns to face us and then points at Jonas. Tell Jonas I win!
“That’s not fair! He’d be on your side because you blow him.”
She feigns shock, throwing her hand over her heart as though she can’t believe him. Maverick hides his smile behind his mug.
Jonas said whoever gets to the bottom first, wins. He didn’t specify how.
“Seems she wins on technicality.” Harrington huffs and Raven is smug. I love this side of her. Playful and light. Little by little she blossoms daily. I just hope it stays this way.
“You’re all against me. I hate it here.” Jonas replies dramatically.
If you hurry up and help me build a snow family I’ll blow you in the shed. She’s wiggling her brows with a mischievous look on her face.
“Oh, fuck yeah. I love it here. Let’s go!” He grabs her hand, brushing past us to get to the door where their boots and gloves are. They open the door and before they close it Jonas says, “Damon, nix the coffee, make some of your chocolate!” And the door slams shut behind them.
“You live like this?” Maverick chuckles.
“Never a dull moment,” I reply dryly as we watch both Jonas and Raven run around the yard, throwing snowballs at the other outside from different sections of the kitchen.
A phone rings from upstairs. Maverick sets down his cup and takes the stairs two at a time to retrieve it but seems to answer the call instead.
I can hear his muffled voice from where I am as I watch the young lovers rolling a snowball to massive proportions, laughing together.
My heart feels like it’s exploding at so much tenderness and all I can hope is that Raven is replacing every terrible memory she ever had with new and happy ones.
We aren’t in a place right now where I can guarantee her happiness, there are still so many demons she has to fight but regardless, I want her to be so incredibly happy Lorne Wood is nothing but a faint memory.
A bad dream.
“That was Jonas’ phone. Seems there’s a blizzard set to come through and the animal shelter Kronos was transferred to in Boston wants to know if you can pick him up before tonight?”
I don’t draw my eyes away from the love birds. “Tell them yes.”
I see Maverick nod from my periphery. “Hey. Yeah. They’ll be there in a few hours. Yeah. Okay great. I’ll let him know. Sure. Sure. Sounds good.” He hangs up and places the phone on the counter. “Who’s Kronos?”
“A surprise for Little Bird. Jonas… adopted a former veteran’s service Doberman for our girl in New Jersey but had him transferred closer.
He’s been getting called more and more often to do…
things for the Syndicate. He comes back at odd hours and she’s alone a lot if I have late sessions.
This place is secure but if we can have something else that protects her as well as helps soothes her, we’re willing to do whatever it takes, Maverick.
” I say, hoping he understands the double meaning there.
“She can… I mean, I can… I need my TA back.” He blurts.
This time I do look at him, deadpanning to meet his nervous gaze.
I’m beginning to believe he’s the one who needs speech therapy since he never says what he truly wants to say.
The tops of his cheeks flare with a tinge of pink.
I roll my lower lip in, biting it, and then nod.
“Actually, Kronos is supposed to be a surprise for Raven. He and I need to pick him up. ”
“Yeah, I think I know the perfect way for Raven to be able to differentiate between real and dream or hallucination. I can take her to distract her. I’ll drop her off afterward.”
“Or you can just stay, Maverick.”
He visibly tenses before taking a sip and then relaxes. “Or I can stay.”
_______
“Hey, Lisa!” Jonas greets.
“Jonas, hey.” Lisa is a petite thing with too many nasal piercings and pink hair.
“Thanks for coming all the way out here. As you can see, the transfer went smoothly but unfortunately, our generator has been faulty, and the property manager hasn’t exactly been around unless it’s to grab their check.
The last thing we want is for your new best friend to freeze if the power goes out. ”
Jonas grimaces when he hears that. Lisa kindly walks us to the back where the cages and kennels are mostly empty.