Chapter Eighteen
Damon.
Eleven minutes.
Eleven minutes have passed since Raven perched her gorgeous, heart-shaped ass on my sofa, crossed her strong, supple legs, her arms over her ample chest, and stared blankly – not at me, but at the clock on the wall behind me.
I clear my throat, and her gaze flicks to mine.
“You promised you were going to try,” I say, picking off imaginary lint from the notebook I keep all of my personal notes on her progress as of late.
As her doctor, I’m proud of how far she’s come in just the few short months she’s been out of Lorne Wood.
As her boyfriend, I’m upset she doesn’t want to talk to her doctor.
It’s a vicious cycle.
“You… won’t…” her cheeks turn bright pink, and she turns her head away.
“I won’t what, Raven?”
“Not mmy na…me.”
Her snarky tone warms my heart. It is the sass I knew she kept hidden for so long. I like it. “Okay then, Amourette , I won’t what?”
Her blush is close to crimson. “F…fuck mmy throat. ”
My dick definitely heard that. Doing my best to keep a straight face, I inhale as slowly as possible. I blink and jot down, ‘ Patient is upset I won’t fuck her throat.’
I exhale slowly.
“I see.”
I take a look at the note above it that says, ‘ patient responds very well to outer and inner stimuli during night terrors. Prefers cunnilingus during sleep state to awaken.’
“And this upsets you?”
She deadpans, meeting my gaze straight on. “Yes.”
I jot down, ‘ minimal stuttering with less syllables although slightly resentful.’
“Can you tell me why this causes you grief?”
“You… treat mm…me like I’m f-f-fragile. I’m… not… fragile.” She pauses, and I can see her jaw moving, putting the right words together and her eyes well up with tears as her hands, although tucked into the creases of her arms form into fists.
‘Patient silently exhibits anger through body language, doing better on tapering emotions when directed at loved ones.’
My heart shudders. Christ. Is that what she really thinks?
“You… tr-treat mme like I’ll… br… break. I’m… not” She bites the T “crazy. Sh…shadow was real t…to me. And then he… was v-very real. Not only in… my mind.” Raven looks away again but then turns her focus back to the clock behind me.
Good. We’re finally having this conversation, and I didn’t have to bring it up. I still feel guilty over it even though I apologized. “When did you start seeing your shadow person, Little Bird?”
She shrugs. “Af…ter my dad… died. I th-thought he w-w-was back to… watch o…ver me.”
“What changed? When did you begin to feel as though it wasn’t benign or maybe more?”
“I fed it my fears,” she says clearly, and when I quirk a brow, urging her to continue, her lips roll inwardly and then she says, “And It grew .”
Slivers of chills splice through me .
“Did it ever speak to you or touch you or make you feel unsafe?”
“No.”
“Could you tell the difference between your shadow and Riordan?”
She nods. “And you… a-and Mmmaverick.”
My chin inclines once in understanding and instead of writing down what I want to, which is that ‘ patient has a hypervigilance sense to danger… possibly a conditioned response stemmed from childhood ,’ I simply ask, “Did your shadow ever… appear while you were at Lorne Wood?”
She squints as if trying to remember but shakes her head. Her hands fly up. I was lost a lot in my mind. Always foggy. And I was drugged to sleep during lightning storms.
I growl. “You were what ?”
You would leave for the evening or the weekends, and when there were storms, I was sedated… pretty much until you returned.
My guts churn, a vile sickness sweeping through me.
There was never any mention of meds or new meds on her charts when I would return to work in the mornings.
And I worked every day. I didn’t show my face at the institution every day, but I checked her charts and watched her through the camera feeds every day.
Under my very watchful eye, Raven hadn’t been sedated by me unless extremely necessary.
And even then, those were very far and very few times in between.
When she first transferred to my ward, she had just had multiple surgeries, her leg was still in a cast, and she was bandaged everywhere else.
When I stepped into her room, she was bent in a V position half hanging off the bed as though she had tried to crawl her way out before the medicine took effect and she was a drooling mess.
Her used-to-be chocolate and caramel highlights all over in tangled tresses.
It took a day of me brushing them out so the orderlies could tie it back.
I will admit – I did not love her then. No.
My curiosity for her grew over time and the more I watched her, the more I obsessed, the more I grew attached, like she were a missing limb of mine and the more my need for her grew.
I understood so much about her that I became hyperaware of her.
Every twitch, every blink, every side-eye, every sharp inhale, every tear, everything that is Raven Olivia Monroe is embedded in my mind like an inoperable brain tumor and that’s exactly how I want it.
I will never rid myself of her and she will never escape me.
“Do you trust me?”
She nods without hesitation.
“I never gave the order to dope – to have you sedated unless I was the one pushing the needle into your vein, Little Bird. Even then, it was small doses because the more clarity you had, the better I was able to get to know you. Do not ever think I would ever harm you.”
“I d…don’t.”
“No. You’re just upset because I won’t fuck your throat.” I come full circle.
She smirks.
“Come here, kneel before me.”
She gets up, strides to me in ten short steps, and kneels before me.
“Good girl. Undo my belt, unfasten my slacks, and take me out. I want to grow in your mouth,” I order.
She obeys and I let out a soft hiss when her cool fingers tentatively wrap around my thickening length. I shove away her hair from her face and hold it in my hand, tangling my fingers in the silky strands.
“Mon Coeur,” my heart, “if I am ever too gentle with you it’s because I treasure you.
Even when I have you bent over, ramming myself into your sweet cunt, sharing you or calling you filthy names, je t’adore.
” I adore you . “I want to own your orgasms, your pleasure, and looking at you when you come for me is what I live for . Mine doesn’t matter.
Even when I dream of your lips wrapped around me,” she swirls her tongue around the crown of my cock, licking up a pearl of my pre-cum already accumulating, pulling me in and sucking on my tip like it’s a pacifier while wiggling her tongue on my frenulum, driving me crazy already.
“Like that , Amourette, I still prefer to see you a whimpering mess beneath or above me, watching your face contort in pure pleasure and agony and love and desire. For me .” I rasp.
Using her hair I tug her lower, pumping my hips to feel her gag around me but she swallows, her cheeks hollowing on every retreat to suck me deeper and I stand so I can fuck her pretty little face properly.
“Your every wish is my command, Little Bird. All you have to do… is open your slutty lips and I’ll grant it.
” I push forward until I reach the back of her throat, cupping the side of her face and keep her there until she relaxes around me and then I thrust, deeper, hold.
I pull away until it’s just the tip of me and do it again, losing myself to the way she gags and slurps her saliva.
So sloppy, so messy, it runs down her chin, but my good little slut doesn’t give up, doing her best to swallow and relax and hold her breath only for me to plunge again and again, watching her eyes water and spill over.
My balls feel so heavy when her hand comes up to cup them, tugging, making them draw up, my lower spine heating, my balls tingling. Her index finger finding that sweet spot behind my sac and pressing. “Is this what you wanted, Amourette? Twisted little bird wants my seed down her throat?”
She moans a resounding mmmhmm ! Practically squealing in delight like my perfect little cumslut and the vibrations travel up my cock, adding to my pleasure.
“Jerk the base, so good, Raven, so fucking good. A little goddess at my feet, look at you. Beautiful, beautiful little bird. I’m going to…
oh, fuck… just a pretty girl… yes… yes..
oh fuck. Gonna make you take me… deeper.
Hold your breath. Oh fuck, Raven!” I shove every fucking inch of my dick past her tonsils, curling over her and a torrent of my hot, thick cum spurts to the back of her velvety throat, contracting around me to drink every fucking drop I give her, humming in absolute delight.
My vision blurs and my thighs tremble from the force of my orgasm still receding when I pull out of her slick, hot mouth and fall back.
She follows, lapping up whatever she missed like a hungry kitten and I jerk when she licks the head of my cock, overly sensitive and so, so sweetly does she tuck me back in my slacks and then climbs into my lap.