79. A Conversation
A Conversation
After everyone else was gone,
I turned to Pallas. I tried to ignore
the way my heart pounded
when his eyes met mine.
The way his dark hair curled
like a halo around
his perfectly chiselled face.
‘And do you agree with all of this?’
I asked him quietly.
His handsome face creased
in confusion, then cleared.
He looked down at his hands
(rugged, beautiful hands),
and said gently,
‘Styx, I am not good with words.
Hand me adamantine and I will
make you a weapon unlike any other.
But words are not made in a forge
and I do not know what to say.’
He looked into my eyes.
‘Our parents have decided.
What else is left?’
I stared at him, disbelieving.
‘Is your life forfeit so easily?’
I crossed the room so that
we were closer. ‘Look at me!’
I told him, anger and hurt
and fear in my very bones.
‘Is this what you want
to be tied to for all eternity?
Do you understand
what it would mean to be wed to me?
Split eyes and coldness,
my sisters say my real mother
is a serpent because I could not have
been born from Tethys’s sacred womb!’
He watched me closely.
‘Do you see yourself
as such a great burden?’
I opened my mouth with a retort
then bit my tongue to reconsider.
I took the empty seat Perses had left.
‘I am under no illusion, Pallas.
My sisters are beautiful.
One of them will suit you better.’
It hurt so deeply to say these words.
But I knew. I knew I was not beautiful.
Not like them. I was a nymph
without beauty, my punishment
for being firstborn.
Pallas shook his head.
‘I never saw myself with a consort.
But if I ever had one, I would want
her to be spirited, a companion,
an ally. I want her to challenge me.
Beauty was never my interest.’
I considered his words.
He was so different from the shallow
Gods I had come to know.
Finally, I took a deep breath.
‘But what if we cannot learn
to care for each other
as consorts should?
What should we do then?’
Pallas reached out gently
and placed a hand on mine.
‘Then we learn how to care
for each other as allies
and friends.’ I felt the warmth
of his fingers radiate through
my hand, through my skin.
He spoke to the water
inside my body in a way
I never thought possible.
I looked up into his eyes
and said quietly, ‘If I return
with you, it will feel like
my father has won.’
Pallas studied me
with an unreadable expression.
Only those amber eyes
betrayed his own inner turmoil.
‘Styx, I will not force you
into being my consort.’
I considered his words.
Then I thought about
the dream I had had
of what was coming
toward us.
What was coming
toward all of the Titans.
I lifted my head high
and took a deep breath.
‘I will return with you,
Pallas. And we will learn
to make the best of what
we have been given.’