26. Shane
“Got a minute?”
Declan pauses at the top of the stairs to the basement for a long moment before he turns to me.
“Can I refuse?”
“No.” Come to Jesus time, buddy.
He rolls his eyes. “Then, sure, Shane. I’ve got a minute.”
I nod. “Great. Let’s go.”
He frowns as I walk toward the garage. “Where are we going?”
“It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” I say over my shoulder.
“That’s what they say.” He scoffs as he trails after me. “Just the two of us?”
“Linc’s with Lex.”
“I see.”
I glance over, smirking at the look on his face. “I get it. I’d rather be with her, too.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You’re a bristly bastard these days, you know that?”
He grunts in response, settling into the passenger seat of my Jeep Wrangler. I eye him as I back out of the garage. He’s tense, as he has been for months now. Ever since things ramped up for Solum and Lex became a fixture in our lives, Declan has been a ball of nerves. We have a week before we’ll be in Paris, and it’s high time he gets his shit together.
“Relax, Dec. It’s just me.”
“I’m relaxed.”
“Right. You’re so relaxed you’re about to tap a fucking hole in my door.”
Dec glances down at his fingers as though unaware he started drumming a beat when he sat down. “Sorry.”
I flick on my blinker. “I don’t care that you’re tapping. I care about why.”
“Dunno, Shane. Seems like you have a theory, though.”
“Yeah, that’s not how this is gonna go.”
He scoffs again, and I feel the urge to smack him upside the head.
“I miss my friend,” I say in lieu of corporal punishment. “Linc misses his brother.”
“I’m not the one who disappears most nights or every morning.”
Sighing, I pull into the parking lot of a dive bar near our lab. “Don’t get me wrong, Dec, you’ve been physically present. But that’s about it.”
“We’re all busy, Shane.” He climbs out of the car.
“You tired of this?” I follow, closing my door.
Meeting him behind the vehicle, he finally looks at me. “Tired of what?”
“Me and Linc, living in your house. Being around. The three of us being a unit.”
His eyes widen. “Fuck, no. First of all, it’s our house. Second, why would you think that?”
I walk us both toward the bar entrance. “You’ve been pushing Lex away so hard, you’ve pushed us away, too. Hard not to assume you want us all gone.”
“That’s the opposite of what I want, Shane. Seriously, the absolute last thing.”
“What do you want?”
We slide into a worn booth, ordering a couple of beers when the server stops by. The place is dark and quiet, a few regulars at the long bar and a handful playing pool in the back. The surrounding booths are empty, cracked pleather seats shiny with wear.
“It’s complicated,” Dec says.
“I’m a smart guy. Try me.”
He stares at his hands, lips pursed.
“You know,” I drawl, “I’ve joked about how you consider ‘help’ a four-letter word, but you seem to need a reminder that getting help isn’t a weakness, Dec. There’s strength in knowing your limitations and having the wherewithal to get support when you need it.”
His green eyes meet mine.
“Seems like your internal processing isn’t getting you very far. Let me help you.”
He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “I…I kissed her.”
I didn’t expect him to cop to it so quickly. A smile curves my mouth. “I know.”
“Wait, what? How do you know?”
“She told me.”
He straightens, his back hitting the booth. “She fucking told you.”
I thank our server and pick up my pint glass as she walks away. “We talk.”
“You talk about me.”
I raise my IPA, inviting him to cheers with me. Hesitantly, his eyes on my face, he does.
“We talk about a lot of things, Dec. Just like you and I do. Or did.” I study him as he gulps his lager. “Do you really think it was a mistake?”
“Yes,” he answers vehemently. My eyebrows raise, and he groans. “And no. Fuck. I told you it was complicated.”
“Break it down for me,” I suggest.
“Hang on. You’re not mad?”
There it is. “Why would I be mad?”
The crease between his brows deepens. “I kissed your girl.”
I chuckle. “Sure did. But I kiss Linc’s girl, so.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?”
Setting my glass down on the worn tabletop, I relax against the seat and drape an arm over the back of the bench. “You’ve always been pretty tight-lipped about your romantic relationships, man, so forgive me if I’m wrong. But I assume you’ve never been in a relationship with more than one person at a time?”
He exhales sharply. “No, I haven’t.”
“But you’re interested in it.”
“Never was before.”
I smirk. “I get it. She’s hard to say no to.”
“Try impossible. I’ve been fucking miserable keeping my distance.”
Nodding, I watch as he picks at the cardboard coaster, shredding it in his fingers. Can’t say I’ve ever seen Dec fidget before. This is entertaining as fuck.
“Why are you keeping your distance?”
He looks up at me through his lashes. “Need to figure my shit out first. And talk to you, Linc.”
“That’s fair. Talking to us before you kissed her would’ve been preferable–”
Dec looks down, guilt heavy in the set of his shoulders.
“Hey, man, no. It’s okay.” I reach out and grip his forearm through his black henley. “This is new for all of us. I’m not mad, neither is Linc.”
“You don’t care that I kissed Lex,” he says, flat and disbelieving.
“I care. I’m not mad you kissed her.” I tilt my head. “I’m a little pissed you told her it was a mistake and pushed her away like a total jackass, but I’m not mad you kissed her.”
“Fuck,” he mumbles, dropping his head onto his crossed arms on the table. “I’m fucking it all up.”
“You’re sure trying to.”
“Gee, thanks for sugarcoating it.”
“Not my strength; you know that.”
“What the fuck do I do, Shane?”
“About what, exactly?”
He groans. “You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you? You stubborn fuck.”
“Guilty.”
Lifting his head, he sighs heavily. “I’m…christ, I sound pathetic. I’m scared, man.”
I glance at my beer, giving him a reprieve. “You’re not pathetic, Dec. What are you afraid of? Linc thinks it’s the Anne-Marie shit, but…it’s not, is it?”
He chuckles wryly. “It certainly started that way. Now? I…I don’t want to drive a wedge between us. But watching you three all cozy feels like I’m on the outside.”
“How does that feel?”
“Like absolute shit, Dr. Phil. Thanks for asking.”
I laugh, tipping my glass toward him. “I hear you, man. You know you put yourself there, though, yeah?”
My best friend has never been the best at introspection, but he’s a smart man. A frown tugs at his mouth as I watch him grapple with himself.
“I mean…”
“Dude. You’ve done literally everything to keep Lex at arm’s length.”
Huffing, he hangs his head. “I know I have.”
“Except for kissing her. That was a step in the right direction.”
His wide eyes snap to mine. “Are you fucking kidding?”
“Nope.” I pop the ‘p,’ because I know it’ll get under his skin. “You let your walls down, maybe for the first time, around her.”
He looks off into the distance. “They were down, all right. Been a bitch to get them back up.”
“So leave them down.” I watch him frown at the pile of coaster bits on the table. “You want to tell me why you’re jealous of Linc?”
The pensive look disappears from his face. “I’m not jealous.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
Scoffing, he crosses his arms.
“Tell me, Dec. What is it about Lex that has you in knots?”
“I’m not in knots.”
He’s dangerously close to pouting, and I have to swallow my smirk. “You are. I want to know why.”
“I told you. I’m on the outside.”
“Why do you care about being on the outside? Linc and I have shared before and you’ve never joined in.”
He shakes his head. “Not like this.”
“What makes this different?”
Fucking say it, Dec. I regard him, waiting it out. He hates every time Lex does the same, but she only does it because it’s so effective.
“It’s not the same,” he finally says. “She’s different and you fucking know it.”
Nodding slowly, I agree. “She is.”
Dec swallows roughly. “He’s in love with her, isn’t he?”
I hold his gaze. “He is.”
He looks away. “I thought so. Saw it all over his face when she was over last.”
“I know.”
Seeing Dec’s realization, and how things unfolded between him and Lex after, was my primary motivation for this little chat.
“He thinks you’re still hung up about the business stuff, Dec. That you don’t trust Lex like we don’t trust Anne-Marie. You get why that’s a problem?”
He frowns as he turns back to me.
“He thinks you’re making him choose.” I give him a pointed look. “Between the woman he loves and the brother he would give anything for.”
My words are hard-hitting. Dec dated a few women over the years, though only one came close to lasting. Shortly after their engagement, she grew tired of the time he spent with us, both for work and as friends. She issued him an ultimatum: either he prioritized her and reduced his time with us, or she walked.
The decision had been an easy one because he was never in love with her–not that he’d ever admit it aloud. It happened around the time we started Procerus, and, after he recovered from the shock, he never once looked back.
“Shit,” he groans.
“Indeed.”
Dec eyes me. “You’re awfully calm.”
I cock an eyebrow. “All these years together, and that’s a surprise?”
He smirks. “No, it’s not. You’re seriously not worried?”
“Shockingly enough after the last few months, man, I trust you. I know you’ll fix it.”
His expression sobers, and he nods, looking down as he clears his throat. “Thanks, man.”
“I’ve got your back, Dec. Always. You gotta fix it, though.”
“I’m not sure I know how, Shane.” Vulnerability swims in his eyes. “Where do I even start?”
“Do you want her?”
He releases a slow breath, shifting in the booth. The bar is still mostly empty, and it’s almost like we’re the only people existing in the space. The groove between his eyebrows deepens.
“I don’t think it matters, Shane. According to her rules, isn’t it all over after the Summit anyway?”
“Fuck off, man. Rules are meant to be broken, and you know it.” I study him, knowing in my gut he’s off base about the Summit. And it matters to me if he wants her, and I know for a fact it matters to Linc and Lex.
“What business do I have wanting a woman like her?” His voice is low, as though he’s speaking to himself.
“What business do any of us have thinking we deserve the privilege of loving her?”
Dec searches my face. “You love her, too, then.”
I nod. “Yeah, Dec. I do.”
He chugs the last of his beer. “I’m happy for you.”
Laughing, I reach out and slap his shoulder. “You sound it, asshole. I love you, too. Not like I love her, but I do. And Linc.”
He looks as gobsmacked as Linc did the other day. These fucking Wildes are allergic to emotions.
“I love us together,” I continue. “There’s room for all of us, Dec. And as much as you’ve tried to fuck things up with her, I see the way she looks at you. Linc and I? We want you there. You two are the only family that’s ever counted, and I want our family whole. With Lex.”
“Jesus, Shane,” he rasps, rubbing at his eyes, “I can’t fucking cry in a dive bar.”
“Sure you can.” I say brightly.
His chuckle is low and short, but it’s there. Thank fuck. I relax into the booth and smile.
“Anyway, Linc and I need your help.”
Dec looks up as he sniffs. “With what?”
“Paris. Lex has only ever been for work; she’s never seen the city. I got Miles to build some extra time into the schedule so we can play tourist for a day.” I give him a small smile. “You’re the Paris expert, Dec. Linc set a bunch of stuff up, but he’s stumped on what to do for dinner.”
“You want me to plan a romantic dinner for the three of you in Paris?”
“For the four of us. And share whatever other ideas you have. We’re done with the asshole attitude, yeah?”
He barks a laugh. “Being done with the attitude and joining your date day are two very different things, Shane.”
“That’s not a no.”
He sighs heavily as he slides out of the booth. “It’s not a no.”
I follow him, leaving some cash on the table for the tip. “Thanks, man.”
“Don’t push it,” he grunts, but it lacks bite.
Eyeing him, I can’t help but push one more button. “So…you gonna add some big romantic gesture to the itinerary? Apologize for being a sack of shit for months and confess how you feel?”
I laugh as he glares daggers at me.
“Fuck all the way off, Kelly.”