Chapter Six
Noble
My playing over for the night, as I often did, I lingered to watch others. My mask was still in place.
Heat rushed to the back of my neck as I slid in the direction of the leather-paneled wall behind me. I wore all black as most people did and, with the mask, I could camouflage against the inky walls.
I held my breath, hoping it would work. I liked alphas for impact play, but I knew better than to pursue any of them.
Once they saw my face, they would run the other way, so why chance it?
The air-conditioning in the place kicked on, and I turned my face toward the vent. With so many bodies and lust and passion filling this place, the temperatures rose over the course of the night. The cool air rushed at my skin, instantly chilling me, sending shudders down my body.
I turned my head to look at the display. An omega hunched over the bench, my favorite one, and took his punishment, not with cries of pain but with sounds that rang out in the peaks of climax.
Those alone made me want to stick around.
The alpha in question moved toward me, taking a spot on the wall less than a foot away from me. I was completely cloaked in shadow, but I adjusted the mask anyway, making sure I was covered as much as possible.
My wolf rose to the surface, taking in the scent. Usually it was hard to get a sole scent with bodies packed into a small space, but my animal picked this particular alpha’s scent out with no problem.
His musk washed over me. Dark cherries. Cedar. Cigars. Bourbon. The finer things in life. Things I once could afford with the cash in my pocket. I closed my eyes and let the sensations wrap me up in safety and comfort. Things I didn’t usually allow.
There was no point in turning to check out the alpha’s face or body beyond what I’d seen in between the splotches of darkness.
No one would ever want me once they saw my face. Or the parts of my body that were scarred. Hell, even before the accident, my partner made it known that no one would love me like he did. No one would ever love me at all. He put up with me. Tolerated my presence.
Something he endured like a visit to the dentist’s office or a colonoscopy.
I didn’t want to be tolerated. I wanted to be craved, hungered for, and loved.
That didn’t happen to people who looked like me. Maybe in fairy tales or movies.
I focused on the scene in front of me. The omega’s cries had turned into something more of pleasure and he was being praised for that.
The alpha looked down at his partner, at least for tonight, and smiled at him. The omega, red-faced and glassy-eyed, smiled back. They had an entire conversation that no one could hear.
I wished for that. But any alpha who looked at me would see nothing but a monster.
Goose bumps rose on my skin as the alpha took another tentative step toward me, sliding against the wall. My hackles went up. My heartbeat quickened.
Another step. He opened his mouth to say something, and I took the split second before he did to leave. I pushed through the crowd near the display and made my way to the door.
There was no point in letting him talk to me, no matter how delicious he smelled to me and my wolf.
My body was broken, but I wouldn’t put my heart at risk.
Leave first. Avoid the letdown.
As I moved out of the room and down the hallway, my wolf whined inside me. He longed for the alpha. I stopped to turn, wondering what kind of pull this man had on not only me but my wolf.
I’d never experienced anything like it.
The bass boomed around me, and I took one step in the direction of the impact-play room again. And another one.
Led by my wolf.
He wouldn’t let me leave. His thoughts focused on the alpha, he urged me to continue.
Find him. Let him talk to us.
He would never hurt us.
My wolf was naive sometimes. He longed for a mate. A fated mate. Someone to care for us. See us and not our scars.
Dreams. Imaginations out of touch with reality.
The world didn’t fucking work that way. Maybe for others but not for me.
I forced myself to turn back again and with labored steps, made my way to the bar. I downed a whiskey sour while looking over my shoulder.
A part of me thought I deserved this lot in life. The scars. The pain. The heartache. The brokenness.
I had been too focused on my career. Too in love with the reflection in the mirror and in magazines and billboards. So intent on my success that I denied myself the most basic of things. Rest. Proper food. Sometimes water, depending on the number on the scale that morning.
My vanity steered my life.
Even without the accident, it was silly. One day, my looks would have faded with age. Modeling gigs would be fewer until the phone stopped ringing.
And what would I have been left with? A partner who put up with me instead of loving me. A dead career. A hollow sense of self that could be shattered at any moment.
No depth to me as a person.
Maybe I deserved all of this. For wanting to be envied. For being so shallow, life couldn’t swim in me.
Part of me wanted the alpha to come out. To see my face and get this over with.
My wolf pined. He was so nonsensical about all of this.
Not only would an alpha not want me, but I didn’t merit a fated mate.
I left the club and went home, determined to live my basic life and be grateful for it.