6. Luke
CHAPTER 6
Luke
I watch Luna’s big dark eyes open wider at what I said, the lovely flecks of gold sparking with uncertainty.
But it’s true.
I’ve loved her ever since the day I met her.
It was Christmas break my senior year of college. Adrian had invited me and a few of the other guys who often played music together home for Christmas, and we had all gone out to dinner.
Playing music was the only way the knives in my brain receded, but also an easy way to get what I wanted. I had learned a long time ago that a song and a smile was a good way to get people to give me things. Money, mostly. People offered up a lot of shit I didn’t want, like pussy or cock, but they also offered money. Scholarships to college.
I was aware that I wasn’t like other people. Other people seemed to have emotions or care about things, and I did not. I cared about being left the fuck alone and playing music. I did need money. However much money I needed wasn’t clear, because I wasn’t great with numbers. However much I would need to deflect my problems if anyone found out how my mind worked. Or about what had happened at the group home.
Where other people seemed to be heated, inside I was only cold, my brain full of shards, sharp jagged things that at any point could break off and shatter someone.
I was aware that my body and face were appealing to both women and men, so I was used to getting lots of attention, their faces turned hopefully up to me, heartbeat throbbing in their throats as their hands reached out to touch me. People always wanted to touch me, wanted me to touch them .
The sensation of human touch was unpleasant, like ants crawling over my skin, and I made every excuse to avoid it but it seemed unavoidable to have to talk to people.
They just couldn’t touch me at all.
But Adrian’s little 18-year-old sister did not reach out for me, or even pay me any attention.
We had gone out to some shitty burger place, and she sat across the table from me with her nose in her book. I craned my head to give her sidelong glances.
What was this book?
Financial Accounting 101
Oh, so she was smart.
I felt something unfurl inside me, a trickle of interest, my stomach clenching and my hands itching to stretch across the table and pull the book, make her look at me.
There was something different about Luna, the uninterested way she had her long dark hair twisted up into a loose bun, the little flyaway tendrils clinging to her neck.
I wanted to take that hair and yank, twist it up in my fist and feel it between my fingers. I had a sudden desire to know what she smelled like.
This was different. Having interest in another person was not a feeling I had ever experienced before.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have opportunity to before. I just had no desire to before.
The idea of fucking someone seemed vaguely repulsive, and certainly unnecessary. Sexual attraction was something that happened to other people.
People would ask me if I was into guys or girls, and I’d just shrug.
I idly wondered if it was something about being a psychopath. My cock didn’t give a shit about it either. It was always fucking bored as fuck, just like I was.
But there was Adrian’s little sister, with the serious face and the way her full lips pursed in concentration as she read her book.
As I watched her, I felt my cock suddenly harden in my jeans, my balls fill with cum, making me clutch the table with pure shock, the veins standing out as I attempted to stabilize myself.
What the hell
That was definitely different. I was 22 years old and my cock had never so much as twitched at the sight of a woman. I had never even gotten a semi.
Well, that was in the past, because my cock was hard as a rock now, a thick solid length tenting my pants as I tried not to stare at Luna.
I wanted to go over to her, my whole body suddenly craving it, but I couldn’t very well do it with this huge erection.
Instead, I scooted closer to the table and looked at her, watched as another strand of hair fell across her neck.
I wanted to twine that hair between my fingers, inhale it, then suck it dry in my mouth.
Her breasts rested on the table, big and heavy. I thought I saw the tips of her nipples poking out through her shirt and I felt drool begin to pool in my mouth.
My brain was often like a spiderweb, long periods of an almost fugue sleepwalking state, then unknowable bright strands connecting shards of glass and sudden violence.
But now my brain was molten hot lava. I was filled with boiling need, the craving to take her, sink my teeth into her flesh, trap her under my hands until she stayed there.
Pure raging lust flooded my body, sending every cell on fire with need.
In my suddenly fucking feral mind, I imagined tearing her shirt off, sinking my teeth in her tits, plunging this hard cock between her legs.
But I suddenly realized I had another craving.
For her to look at me.
Say things to me.
I wanted to see what came out of that pretty plump pink mouth.
I wanted that pink mouth to tell me things.
Fuck, she could talk to me about every one of the 101 Financial Accounting items.
I wanted her attention, craved it so badly my stomach was tightening and pulsing with need.
But Luna barely looked at me, and I didn’t know what to say to her.
I was strong and I could grab her, force her to submit to me, but how the fuck was I supposed to force her to talk to me?
I had never needed to talk to women to get them to pay attention to me. Usually they paid attention to me whether I wanted them to or not.
What were those books in her bag? I thought I saw Accounting and Accounting Software, and then another paperback. I could only read a few of the words. Pride and Prejudice . That didn’t look like a textbook.
She still wasn’t looking at me, and I saw her phone light up with a little soft ding. Luna immediately dropped what she was doing to look at it.
My body was suddenly flooded with a jealous rage so low and urgent I tasted blood on my tongue and the table made a cracking noise under my fingers.
Was this some other man? Hell fucking no. No other man was going to get close to her.
Did she have a boyfriend? If so, I was going to kill him.
I suddenly couldn’t fucking stand the idea that anyone else would be getting her attention.
My eyes straining, I saw that it was a text from someone who seemed to be bitching about her boyfriend. So a friend maybe, not a boyfriend.
Why can’t they be like Mr. Darcy? The friend demanded.
Luna hearted the message, her fingers flashing over her gifs, until she brought one up of a guy in an old-fashioned white shirt dancing in a ballroom.
Well, who the fuck is that? I thought, my insides twisting with jealousy. I was going to kill this bastard and hang his corpse out to dry in the sun.
I didn’t even have a phone, because I had no desire to get in touch with anyone, but my fingers itched for one now, to look up Mr. Darcy’s address.
I fucking wish she wrote.
Hell, I’d even settle for Mr. Bingley. Just someone who is a gentleman
A gentleman. . .
Since Adrian wasn’t looking, I swiped his phone and rested it against my massive boner under the table. Swiping impatiently away from all the tit pics he’d been sent, because if they weren’t Luna’s perfect breasts I might as well be looking at naked mole rats, I typed in Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley.
The good news was that I was a moron and they were fictional characters.
The bad news was that I was an amoral reptilian psychopath according to my childhood psychologist, and I had no idea how to be ‘chivalrous, courteous, or honorable.’
The world had been divided into people who got in my way and people who did not, and either group was just as disposable to me.
Now everything had changed.
I concentrated on breathing normally, pretending like this wasn’t the most important information in my existence.
Whatever the fuck she wanted, Luna Gallagher was going to get.
If she wanted a gentleman, I’d be exactly that.
My cock remained hard for almost the entire meal, softening just enough so I’d think I could get up and go to her side of the table, maybe talk to her, then she’d twist sideways or stretch slightly backwards so her large breasts were pulled against her gray T-shirt.
And my cock would be back to full fucking strength, the tip fucking leaking like I was going to start shooting cum under the table.
At the end of the meal, Adrian was dividing up the bill and I wasn’t even listening, just pulling out my wallet when Luna spoke.
“Oh, he didn’t get that much. Give me that bill, Adrian.”
He began to protest, but she snatched it from out of his fingers.
“You’re trying to foist $37.95 on this fucking himbo over here when all he got was a burger and beer? Don’t pay that, Luke.”
Luke
Raw molten heat flooded my spine, cascading sweat down my back at her voice.
She was talking to me.
My name in her mouth was the most delicious sound I’d ever heard and I wanted her to say it again.
“It’s OK,” I said, my voice sounding raspy to my ears as my thighs started to shake. “I don’t mind paying it.”
“No,” Luna insisted. “You’re not paying that.”
“OK,” I said. Because I would have done anything Luna wanted.
What did she want, though?
I felt desperate to know.
She gave Adrian a little slap upside the head and then bent down to the bill with her pencil.
“Bitch,” he said, reaching forward to give her a return slap.
Without even thinking about it, my hand darted out to grab his arm.
“ Don’t touch her .”
Adrian looked at me, a little disgruntled.
“I wasn’t going to hurt her, man.”
“Don’t do that ever fucking again,” I repeated.
Luna was ignoring us, then she glanced up at me as she flicked the paper across the table.
“$19.50, that’s your portion. I added a tip, if that’s all right. What do you usually tip?”
My tongue seemed glued to the roof of my mouth. Usually I just paid whatever Adrian said to. I looked down at the bill. It gave an option of 18, 25, and 30%.
“50%,” I said.
Her face broke out into a smile, two dimples appearing in her cheeks, and her dark brown eyes danced at me.
What colors were in her eyes? I thought I saw intoxicating little flashes of gold there. My cock was starting to pulse, and I knew if I didn’t get control of myself I was going to cum in my pants.
But the way she looked at me.
I wanted more of that. A lot more.
It was easy to get an invitation to stay over at their parents’ house for Christmas break. They were well-off, her parents barely interested in their kids, the whole place managed by a housekeeper.
Wherever I went, women Adrian wanted to fuck followed, so he eagerly said yes when I asked if it would be ok.
But it wasn’t so much a question. I knew I was going to do anything to get near Luna, have her look at me like that again.
Luke invited other friends over, but when they all cracked beers and went out to the hot tub, I went looking for Luna.
My whole body was buzzing as I found her in the den, curled up in a blanket and taking notes in her textbook.
Standing behind the couch, so she couldn’t see how my cock hardened in my pants, I asked,
“Want to watch something? What about Pride and Prejudice?”
“ You want to watch that?” she asked, looking up at me with her nose wrinkled so adorably that I tightened my fists so hard my nails cut through the skin.
“It’s my favorite movie too,” I said.
And that began a yearly tradition of Luna and I watching it together at Christmas.
And everything she said, I listened to.
I read that goddamn book and every other book Jane Austen wrote, multiple times, trying to decode the secret of what would make Luna smile at me.
I had already found it useful to smile at people. If I wanted something, smiling at someone, being charming to them, was the way to get it.
But with Luna, I didn’t have to pretend to smile. There was something about her, the way she was quieter, more introverted, smart and practical.
That night I broke into her room for the first time, came up to her bed.
Pure, primal need raged through me.
But would goddamn Mr. Darcy or Mr. Bingley take Luna roughly, raise her cunt in the air, and sink his cock deep inside no matter what she had to say about it?
No, they wouldn’t.
And suddenly it was the most important thing in the world not to make Luna Gallagher angry.
Careful not to make a noise, I reached out a hand for her hair and I realized my fingers were shaking like an addict.
Fuck. It was just as soft and silky as I thought it would be, the soft moonlight over her bed illuminating the dark waves. I knew in light her hair would be that brilliant blue-black.
My cock was so hard it ached and when my fingers accidentally brushed by the soft curve of her throat I came for the first time in my life, a pleasure so unexpected and all-consuming that I had to bite down on my knuckle to keep myself from roaring aloud.
My cock twitched hard, coated my sweatpants with hot, sticky release.
And still I craved her.
I couldn’t stop stroking her hair.
Locks of that glorious blue-black were between my fingers when my aching, raging cock exploded again, pumping cum down my thighs and soaking my sweatpants.
Fuck
I couldn’t stop unless I found some way to feel this again.
I’d always carried a knife in my pocket and I brought it out, my fingers carefully, convulsively stroking a lock of her hair.
With careful movement, I brought the sharp blade up and cut a shiny lock of hair off with a satisfying snip.
The relief was instantaneous. Having that lock of her hair in my hand meant I could go back to my room and change my pants, my hands still rubbing the silky strands.
And I couldn’t stop.
Every time I saw her, I did it again. And after graduation, I kept going, seeing her as much as I could.
And as I began to earn money from my music, the more ways I found to give Luna money, until every year I bribed hundreds of people to go into her crystal shop and buy crystals.
I broke into her room, brushed her long, thick hair, stroked her beautiful, silky skin, even dusted her bedroom and cleaned her baseboards.
Becoming the best, most gentlemanly brother’s best friend a freshman in college could ever have while my fingers plaited each lock of hair into a thicker, stronger, more powerful braid.
I was the world’s most patient lover, and I didn’t try to fuck her.
I didn’t because she might be mad .
And suddenly I, who had never given a shit what anyone thought of me, found it very important not to make Luna Gallagher mad at me.