Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
ESME
I pinched the bridge of my nose, thankful I’d gotten more sleep last night than I had Wednesday night. There was no way I’d have been able to deal with everything today had brought my way without sleep.
At the moment, I was hanging out in the Grizzlies locker room as the guys got ready. The Parliament locker room before the game had been quiet in comparison, and I’d thought their locker room was chaos. The Parliament was always loud and rambunctious compared to what the Bulldogs locker room had been like, though a funeral would have been more exciting than a Bulldogs locker room some days. There had always been an oppressive tension there.
It had taken me a few games to not feel overwhelmed by the teams’ antics. Thankfully, I was finally getting used to the insanity that followed both teams around. The afternoon had started with the Parliament and a lively game of hide and seek, though the team had collectively put their foot down about Connor being the seeker, all saying he was too good and the rounds were over too quickly.
Listening to them bicker had made me remember Wednesday morning’s hide and seek game that had led to Jake and me in the closet. Those memories needed to stay at home, though, where my dick could get uncomfortably hard and I could get relief once the desire became too much.
Fuck, there I go again.
I’d made it through the Parliament pregame activities and taken in the first period of the game with some of the Grizzlies players in the players’ box. We’d headed to the locker room after the first and if I’d thought the Parliament pregame locker room had been loud and rambunctious, the Grizzlies was utter pandemonium.
The team had family come for every home game. Kids were running around playing knee hockey in the hallways and husbands and wives of the players hung out and talked. Even some siblings and parents showed up to the festivities.
As I stood there, I couldn’t help but think about Jake and how this many extra people had to present a security nightmare. Then again, Jake had only made a brief appearance. He’d popped his head into the locker room, looked around, then disappeared before anyone but me had noticed he was there.
My job description included team building events and finding ways to bring the team together. It also meant I needed to be involved with the events the teams participated in. This was a long-standing tradition for the Grizzlies, so it was only right I was here.
Except the longer I stood here, the more I questioned if the Grizzlies needed a player relations director at all. This team was a well-oiled machine and I felt I was only in the way.
Despite knowing this was a tradition, as I looked around the packed locker room, this level of chaos before a game felt like a lot to me. Of course, no one else seemed overwhelmed.
I scanned the room again and my eyes landed on a familiar face. It was the giant of a man who had been in Jake’s office yesterday and at the restaurant on Wednesday. It was impossible not to notice how big he was as he stood next to Seth. His hand was in the grasp of the imposing man he’d been with yesterday, and their bodies dominated the space.
Seth had said his name. What was it? I swore it started with an L but I wasn’t getting anywhere with it.
The two men were engrossed in an animated conversation with Seth, though it wasn’t until Jake’s lunch friend and Seth both turned and greeted a man with silver hair as “Dad” that I realized they were brothers. I’d heard Seth had a massive family, and judging by the number of people standing by him, I was willing to bet it was bigger than I’d been led to believe.
Seth’s much bigger brother finished his conversation with their dad and turned around and looked in my direction. When his eyes brightened, I thought he had seen me, but when he waved, I noticed Jake standing a few feet from me.
The noise around me faded to the background as my attention fell completely on the two men as they talked to one another.
Fuck, what was his name? Leo? Liam? Luis? I swore it started with an L .
“We just picked up new toys for the club,” he was telling Jake and Jake's eyes widened with excitement.
“Really?”
I moved sideways, wondering what they were talking about and just too far away to hear them clearly. Neither had noticed me yet, and I wanted to keep it that way but was also desperate for more information.
I’d made it close enough I could hear their conversation if I strained, though I'd only picked up the friend saying “yes” before someone walked between us and stopped in front of me. They didn't move, and I finally dragged my attention to the person who had interrupted my eavesdropping and was surprised to see Easton grinning at me.
“Small world around here.” He winked like he knew I'd been listening in on Jake's conversation and I felt my face heat with embarrassment.
“Um.” Not the most eloquent response, but it was the best I had for the moment.
Easton grinned and nodded toward his best friend, Brax, and for the first time I noticed Brax was standing beside Jake and his friend. Easton and Brax had shared a condo in the same building as me when they’d both played for Boston. They’d been inseparable, to the point I'd honestly thought they were dating. That assumption had been debunked shortly after Brax was traded to Nashville and rumors of his relationship with the Grizzlies team captain popped up. By the end of his first season with the Grizzlies, the rumors had been confirmed.
Easton must have thought I'd been looking at Brax since he was standing so close to Jake. “He’s sickeningly happy,” Easton was saying and I forced myself to focus on the man next to me and get out of my own head. ”And just so you know, I take all the credit for that relationship.”
My mouth flapped open and closed a few times before I gave up and dumbly nodded at his statement.
“Can’t believe we all ended up in the same place.” He elbowed me. “You especially. Don’t get me wrong, Cap. I’m glad to have you with us, but I didn’t see this organization being what you were looking for. Especially not in this role.”
I blinked, then blinked again. “Why’s that?”
Easton lifted a shoulder. “Mostly because you never really got behind the LGBTQ+ initiatives, however grassroots they were for the Bulldogs. You're not the most… How do I say this nicely…”
“Compassionate? Friendly? Caring?”
He laughed lightly and bumped his shoulder into mine. “Hey, you said it. Really, I was going for inclusive. The Grizzlies and Parliament are all about inclusion in hockey and in all sports.”
“I don’t know that telling me I’m ex clusive is any better than saying I’m not compassionate, friendly, or caring. Especially when you knew me as the long-time captain.”
Easton looked me over closely. “I get what you’re saying, and before you landed here, I would have willingly admitted you were not my favorite person in the world. I was a little leery of you in the beginning, but the guys on the team have taken a liking to you. And you smile more too. Truthfully, a smile goes a long way on you.”
At his words, I felt a smile twitch at my lips. “Thanks. And as for not being inclusive, I’ve found you often push back hardest against the things you don’t want to admit about yourself.” The words were out of my mouth before I’d thought them through and a deafening silence stretched between us for what felt like an eternity.
When I finally ventured a glance toward my old teammate, I saw how his face had softened and he was studying me with great interest. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he nodded sagely. “This is true. I’ve been lucky. My family has always had my back. I know it’s not always like that. I’ve met a lot of people who haven’t had it so easy.”
His gaze never left my face and whatever he saw in my expression made him close his eyes as he worked out what he wanted to say. When he opened his eyes again, the only thing I saw reflected in them was genuine care. “Thanks for telling me. I’m going to take a guess that’s a new thing for you to say—at least if your expression is any indication.”
I nodded and had to clear my throat twice before words came. “Yeah. It’s new. At least owning it is. Of course, an entire team found out without me saying anything.”
The compassion that had filled Easton’s eyes left as quickly as a candle being blown out. Anger and disdain filled them instead and a muscle twitched in his jaw. “Your sudden retirement.”
All I could manage was a nod of my head in acknowledgement.
“Fucker. I knew I hated Anders.” His nose flared and his voice was laced with venom. “I’m going to talk to Blaise. I swear, every game we play against that homophobic prick is going to turn into the biggest fucking display of rainbows. If that means I have to find unicorns shitting rainbows, I will. He’s going to get so much gay, he’ll be pooping glitter for a month!”
No matter how sour my stomach was, his words had me laughing. Easton laughed too and elbowed me gently. “Yeah, you’re thinking about his face just like I am right now. It’s really priceless, isn’t it?”
The image of Anders being forced to play an entire game at an arena adorned with rainbows and Pride flags was almost too clear in my mind. I could see his beady eyes narrowing and the way his nose would twitch every time he looked up. “It would be satisfying.”
Jake let out a loud laugh then and my eyes found him immediately. Of course Easton didn’t miss it. “Jake?”
I nodded, unsure where he was going with the question. “Um, yeah?” I leaned around Easton to see if I could catch a glimpse of Jake’s face as he laughed.
Easton made a surprised noise in his throat and I gave up the attempt. When I looked at Easton, his eyes were huge with knowledge. “You have a thing for Jake Robinson?”
“Don’t you have a team to coach, or wrangle?” Sometimes with the Parliament, the answer could be both.
Easton shook his head. “Nope. They’re just getting changed. Tom already talked to them. I’m free for the moment and desperately curious about this thing you have for Sergeant Robinson.”
I groaned. It couldn’t be helped. Easton had gone from pissed as hell at Coach Anders to giddy as a schoolgirl and desperate for gossip. “I don’t think it can be called a thing .”
It totally is a thing.
“That look says it’s a thing .”
“It can’t be a thing if we’ve hardly talked since I started here.”
But it might be a thing if I ’ d slept with him before I worked with him and I ’ ve fantasized about him almost every night since I ’ ve taken the job.
“Nothing has to happen for it to be a thing . And that look is definitely a thing look. How long have you been crushing on him? And does he know?”
“For the love of God, Lafferty. Keep your voice down. The world doesn’t need to know.”
Easton didn’t look the least bit apologetic at my words. “Jake’s a sweetheart.”
That wasn’t what I’d expected him to say and I was momentarily struck silent.
He didn’t wait for me to say something. “Have you seen his dinosaurs on his desk?”
And that was a weird question, but I was nodding my head.
“What do you think about them?”
I lifted my shoulder. “They’re cute? I mean, maybe not my style, but they suit him.”
Easton nodded. “I’m going to say you might have to start liking them if you want to be with him.”
Had I said something about wanting to be with him?
“Uh.” I cleared my throat and tried again. “I think you might be jumping the gun a bit, Lafferty. You’re going from thing to with . That’s a big jump when we’ve hardly spoken.”
Easton brushed my concern off. “Bullshit. He’s always flustered around you. I say the feelings are mutual. Just… go slow, St. Claire. I don’t think he’s going to be an easy nut to crack. If my suspicions are right, he’s looking for a very specific type of boyfriend.”
How much does Easton know about Jake?
“Thanks. I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” And I desperately wanted to pick his brain, but I just didn’t know how, not to mention how inappropriate it would be in the locker room.
Easton was still staring at me, and I could see the gears turning in his head, but then his eyes widened suddenly. “Oh! There’s Dane!”
I turned to see the social media director and resident photographer for all the events for the Grizzlies and the Parliament in the doorway.
Easton clapped my shoulder. “I need to go ask him about all things rainbow… I’m here if you need to chat, Cap.” I had no idea what had just happened, but I was once again alone. With a sigh, I turned around and came face to chest with Jake’s friend. I stepped back a few steps to be able to look him in the eye. Once I’d gotten a good look at his face, he didn’t seem nearly as intimidating as his stature would have led me to believe. The same couldn’t be said for the man I assumed was his boyfriend or husband, who was standing next to him and giving off don ’ t fuck with me vibes.
“Hey, Esme, right?” The man I now knew was Seth’s brother as well as Jake’s friend asked, studying me like a bug under a microscope.
I nodded slowly, trying to fight a sudden embarrassment I couldn’t explain. “Yeah. That’s me.”
“The man Jake gave a ticket to and—” The man beside him elbowed him and shot him a look that told him to stop talking. He clamped his mouth shut, then started again. “I’m Larson, Seth Johnson’s big brother. This is my husband, Canyon.” He pointed to the giant man next to him, whose expression hadn’t softened any, though I was excited to finally have a name. I would have never come up with Larson on my own.
Larson was still talking and I, once again, had to force myself to pay attention. “Welcome to Nashville. Hope the police and my brother aren’t driving you insane.”
Just like I’d struggled to see Jake as a little earlier in the week, I also struggled to imagine this giant of a man as one. There was so much I still had to learn about the lifestyle, no matter how much I’d researched already.
At least his last sentence gave me something to latch onto. “No more tickets so far, and honestly your brother has barely talked with me.” I hadn’t spent much time with the Grizzlies, though. I was still trying to find my feet and understand their team dynamics. Most of my communications with the Grizzlies had been through the coaches more than the players.
The shock on Larson’s face was comical as he turned to Canyon. “Did you hear that? Seth’s not driving him insane.”
Canyon cracked a genuine smile, the tough exterior giving way to softened lines and a warm smile. “Must be losing his touch.”
Larson shook his head in disbelief. “Austin will never believe it.”
I had no idea who Austin was but figured he was a sibling or someone closely related to one of them.
“Do you have anyone here with you tonight?” Larson asked while glancing around the room as if he were looking for someone, his tone too casual to be natural.
I blinked in confusion and shook my head. “No. I’m painfully single.” For the first time in my life, I actually meant it. I didn’t want to be single anymore. Until my move to Nashville, a meaningful relationship had been the last thing I'd wanted, even if I’d desired one. Despite liking a woman’s company, I’d always known if I settled down, it would be with a man. Therefore, dating someone I’d actually been attracted to would have been a career nightmare.
That was then, this was now, and I finally had a chance to be with someone I was attracted to. Unfortunately, I had no idea how to broach the possibility of a relationship with that person.
Canyon narrowed his eyes at his husband and when he spoke, his voice was filled with a warning. “Lars…”
Larson batted his eyes and gave him an angelic smile even I wasn’t buying. “I was just curious!”
Whatever Canyon whispered into his ear was enough to have him blushing to the roots of his hair, yet he didn't break eye contact with me, studying me like I was a bug under a microscope before he finally nodded slowly. “Interesting.”
Before I could figure out how to react, my name was called and I turned to see Irvin Cunningham, the Grizzlies head coach, waving me over. “Sorry,” I said instead and turned away. I seriously needed to have a conversation with Cass about the insanity she’d dropped me in the middle of. More warning would have been appreciated.