Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
JAKE
Now that my stomach was full and my hands were once again washed—with a warm washcloth Esme had produced after taking my plate to the sink—I had Elle back. My fingers immediately found her ear and I rubbed it as I tried to make sense of the last hour or so of my life.
I’d woken up expecting a slow, easy day. It would have given me time to pack my bag for the evening with my friends but also given me plenty of time to watch some cartoons and maybe get myself ready to sink into little space when we got to the club.
Instead, Esme had shown up at my house, taken me to his, and I’d unintentionally found that warm, hazy headspace where I let my worries go, all while sitting on Esme’s kitchen floor petting his cat and capybara.
I was still trying to wrap my head around Esme actually having a capybara despite having spent nearly a half hour petting her. Once breakfast had been served, I’d ended up in a different fuzzy headspace, though it wasn’t as comforting as my little headspace. It was confusing and frustrating. I wanted to let go and let the adult world slip away but also knew it wasn’t the right time.
Not right now. Not with someone who didn’t know about my little side. And especially not with a coworker I’d have to see on Monday morning.
Esme held his hand out to me once again, and I automatically reached for it. His fingers around my hand made me feel safe, unlike how the same touch had made me wild with lust the first night we’d met. We made our way from Esme’s kitchen to his living room. “What time do you need to meet your friends tonight?” he asked as he directed me to his couch.
The answer fell from my lips without thought. “Six.” Then something clicked and I turned my head to focus on him. “Wait, how do you know about that?”
Esme suddenly looked guilty and struggled to meet my eyes before answering. “Turns out, your voice travels and your friends don’t really know how to be discreet.”
I groaned. “Logan.”
He laughed at my reaction. “You know, I think I’ve heard that name a lot since I started. Almost every time, it’s uttered in a frustrated or exasperated way.”
“That tracks.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Logan’s a bottomless pit of energy and happiness.”
Esme shrugged. “There are worse things to be. He could be an insufferable ass. Believe me, I have firsthand experience with the latter.”
His words drew me up short and I studied him before I put the meaning together. “Wait. Are you saying you think you’re an insufferable ass?”
“I mean, if the shoe fits.”
I pushed at his shoulder. “I’ve never thought that about you.”
He gave me a tentative smile. “Thanks. I’m glad.”
We sat without speaking for a long stretch of time. It wasn’t awkward, and I spent the time looking around his home, trying to figure out who Esme St. Claire was outside of a bar and a hockey arena. There weren't a lot of personal touches around the room, though I could brush that off as him not wanting to unpack just to repack a few weeks later.
I looked at the few shelves and the entertainment center, finding nothing of interest. Next my eyes landed on the floor by the window where Chloe and Stank must have spent a lot of time. There were countless toys, a few balls, and a large box filled with straw.
Continuing my visual exploration, my gaze fell on a little table to the side of the room where things were definitely not as expected. There were two dinosaur stuffed animals, a coloring book, crayons, and a large-piece puzzle. The uncreased spine of the coloring book, the unopened crayon box, and the tags on the feet of the dinosaurs told me they were all new, and I was reminded of what he’d said about tonight. My head snapped in his direction so fast, my neck popped.
He was looking at me expectantly, though I didn’t know what he was expecting me to do or say. It didn’t really matter what he was expecting—I had a pressing question on my mind and I needed an answer.
“Wh-where am I going tonight?”
Esme bit his lower lip, worrying at it for an uncomfortably long time before releasing it. The wet, swollen skin was tempting me to lean in and kiss it, and it was almost distracting enough for me to forget the question I was waiting for him to answer. Almost. “You’re going to a littles night at DASH.”
“How?” I wasn’t exactly sure what I was asking him since there were a lot of hows and whys I didn’t understand, though one question kept working its way to the forefront of my mind. How did he know about DASH? I could readily admit my friends and I had probably spoken of littles night too openly, though I’d always thought we were careful about who was around and if we could be overheard. But I couldn’t remember any of us ever saying the name of the club within walking distance of the arena.
“Well.” Esme started slowly. “It wasn’t easy to figure everything out. I didn’t fully start putting everything together until earlier in the week when I ended up sitting close to you at lunch.”
At my confused stare, Esme clarified. “You went out to PenAlety Box with Larson. The two of you were talking about plans this weekend. Granted, I only heard snippets of your conversation and went back to work absolutely flummoxed as to what a little was. It took most of the afternoon and early evening, going down one Internet rabbit hole after another, before I finally figured out what a little was. It took hours more before I finally learned about DASH. Things began making more sense after that.”
I didn’t say anything, my brain working too quickly for any words to form. He knew. He knew I was a little. And now I was at his house. And he’d bought me toys. And he was looking at me expectantly, like I should have something to say. But what could I say?
“They did?”
Okay, there was that.
Esme nodded, then gestured toward the table. “It didn’t take much time for me to figure out I like the idea of taking care of someone.” He paused. “Scratch that. Not just anyone. I like the idea of taking care of you. Last night, when I saw you after the game, my protective instincts kicked into high gear and all I wanted to do was make sure you were safe.”
I somehow managed a fully formed thought. “I do appreciate it. Especially getting me home. I wasn’t in any condition to drive.”
He shook his head in agreement. “You wouldn’t have made it out of the parking garage. You barely got your address out before you fell asleep. When I got you back home, you stumbled up the walkway like a drunkard and couldn’t get your door unlocked. Getting you to put your gun away was akin to a hostage negotiation, and getting you out of your clothes and into bed could have been an Olympic sport.”
“You helped me do all that?” I had no idea what the appropriate response was to his admission, though gratitude tainted with crushing embarrassment was where I had landed.
“And find Elle before I left.”
I fell back against the couch with a mortified groan.
Esme’s hand landed on my thigh and he rubbed gently. “It’s okay. Look.” He gestured to the table. “Have I done anything to make you think I’m bothered by your interests?”
I looked around me as I gave his question serious thought. Eventually, I shook my head. “No. You really haven’t.”
He smiled. “Good. I don’t know what any of this means. I’ve never dated a man. I’ve never been a Daddy. I’ve never known a little. All I know is I thought about you countless times between Knoxville and you giving me a ticket. And after I saw you the second time, you have basically taken up residence in my brain. Finding out you’re a little hasn’t been enough to change that. I… I want to know where this goes.”
“Oh.” His admission had rendered me nearly speechless, every emotional defense I’d begun to erect when he’d told me he’d discovered my secret crumbling as he’d spoken. And now I was left trying to find a reason not to agree to seeing where things went for us.
Not even twenty-four hours earlier, I’d have told him we were colleagues and I wasn’t going to date a colleague because it would end in disaster. But my worst fear had already come true, and he was still sitting next to me, asking for more.
I let out a laugh that fit the discomfort I was feeling but nodded my head at the same time. “Um. Okay. This is new to me too, though. I’ve never dated someone from work, and I’ve never had a Daddy.”
With my words, worry melted from Esme’s body and his eyes lit up. “Good. Then we are in the same position.” Either nerves or relief had made his accent more pronounced and I had to admit I found it sexy.
He then glanced to the things he’d bought me. “I don’t have much here, but we can get more.”
“It’s okay. I don’t keep things at my house. I’m used to not having little things around. This is more than I’ve got.”
My statement put a pout on his lips I refused to let linger, and I leaned forward to kiss it away. The kiss turned into a long, lazy makeout session on the couch that left us both hard in our pants but oddly in no rush to take care of the situation either. We spent the better part of the afternoon curled up on the couch talking about life and getting to know one another.
When I drifted off to sleep halfway through one of our conversations, it was with my pacifier in my mouth and my head resting on Esme’s chest, his heartbeat in my ear. It was the best rest I’d had in months, and it was only disturbed when texts began to ping my phone.
Esme already had the offending device in his hand when I convinced my eyes to open enough to look at what my friends were saying. To my surprise, it was already five in the evening and the sun was setting.
“Shit!” I cursed when I noticed they were discussing departure times from their respective homes. “I need to go home and get ready. I’m supposed to be at PenAlety Box in an hour.”
Esme was already getting to his feet. “We forgot to eat lunch.” He looked at my face, his lips twisting to a sad smile. “And we forgot to ice your eye.”
“Breakfast was filling and more like a brunch anyway. And my eye will be fine. Someone is bringing stuff to help me cover it. And don’t even ask—I don’t know. There’s apparently a difference between sponges you put makeup on with and sponges you wash elephants with.”
He scratched his head, his expression perfectly blank. “I’m thinking something was lost in translation.”
I shook my head. “No. I said exactly what I meant. But I need to get home and get downtown. And… double shit! I never went downtown to get my car!”
Esme lifted a hand to still my word vomit. “It’s okay. I’ll take you home. You can shower real fast, change, and pack, and I’ll drive you back to your car. It’s only right since I’m the one who drove you home last night.”
“Thank you.” I brushed a kiss on his lips before I scooped Elle and my pacifier up from the couch and placed them safely back in my pocket.
The drive downtown wasn’t necessarily awkward, but there was an underlying unease I couldn’t quite shake. Esme had a smile on his face and kept the conversation light, but there was a slight pinch in his expression I couldn't read.
For my part, I was also tense and couldn’t figure out a way to release that tension. Until a few hours earlier, I’d expected to be heading to dinner by myself, then on my way to DASH with my friends and surrogate Daddies. Now I had Esme. He wasn’t quite my Daddy, but we were working toward it.
He wasn’t a member of DASH, though, so it wasn't like he could go, even if I wanted him to. But did I want him to come to dinner? Hell, I was starting to question if I still wanted to go to DASH at this point. It felt wrong to go with other Daddies when I had a sort of Daddy.
The drive ended up being the longest fifteen minutes ever. Though Esme hadn't said anything about me going out tonight, I could tell he was thinking about it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell what his thoughts were.
I actually sighed when we pulled into the parking lot, but to my surprise Esme pulled into a spot and turned the car off. He looked at me, his face showing as much indecision as I was feeling. “I know you're going to DASH after dinner and I know it’s a members only place, but at least let me walk with you until you find your friends.”
“Yeah, that works.” I stepped out of the car and turned to grab my backpack.
Before he locked the doors, he looked down at the bag in my hand. “Do you have Elle?”
“Yeah.”
“And your pacifier?”
“Still attached to Elle.”
“Good boy.”
My breath caught and I tripped over my own two feet at his praise. I'd never known how much those two little words would mean to me. Esme didn’t give me a chance to fall, his arms wrapping around me before I'd processed I was going down. He supported my weight until I had my feet under me again, though he kept his arm loosely around my waist as we began to walk again.
“You good?”
I glanced up, surprised to see the genuine concern on his face, and felt bad when I started to laugh. “I’m fine. You just broke my brain and I forgot how to walk.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “How so?” His grip tightened around my waist.
“I’m not going to fall.”
Esme didn’t look convinced. “I didn’t think calling you a good boy would make you fall, but for some reason it made your brain forget how to brain and you almost face-planted.”
“It wasn’t a face-plant! I just tripped.”
Before he could challenge my statement, a throat cleared in front of us. We looked up to find Trent standing barely three feet ahead. Canyon was beside him with Aiden, Logan, and Larson standing next to them. Trent had his eyes narrowed and focused entirely on Esme and his arm around my waist.
Trent and Canyon created an impressive wall of deadly Daddy Doms—well, probably not deadly , more likely overprotective and on high alert—ready to jump into action if they detected that Esme was a danger to me.
Trent continued to study the two of us, and then his eyes found mine. I almost shivered at the steely-cold expression on his face. “Is he bothering you?”
As the sheriff in a neighboring county, Trent being the one to step in wasn’t surprising to me. Under normal circumstances, Logan would have been staring Esme down with Trent, but he tended to let his guard down when he was ready to shut his brain off to play.
Knowing Trent wouldn't stand down until he knew I was safe, I began to nod. It was a jerky movement as I was suddenly nervous. “No, I’m fine. He’s not bothering me.” When Trent's eyes relaxed slightly, I spoke quickly. “Trent, this is Esme. He’s?—”
“The hookup-turned-new guy at work,” Trent answered before I could finish.
“Yeah, that.” I could feel my face flush and refused to look Esme in the eye.
Esme looked around at us, but unless someone asked me something directly, I wasn’t going to open my mouth.
When the silence grew uncomfortable, Esme finally addressed my friends. “I was actually bringing Jake to meet you guys. His car is still in the garage, and I hear you've got a playdate to get to later this evening.”
Logan’s, Aiden’s, and Larson’s expressions varied between shocked and embarrassed.
Canyon raised a questioning eyebrow. “You’ve heard?”
Esme's confidence finally broke and his shrug looked both confused and nervous. His discomfort faded to a soft smile when he glanced at me. “Someone's friends have voices that travel well.” He winked at me and I nodded in agreement.
Trent finally laughed and looked over at Logan. “Bets on it being you?”
Logan grinned guiltily and didn't deny Trent's assumption.
Canyon studied our entire group, Esme included. His eyes flitted between each of us a few times, his lips pursed in thought. He focused on us for so long, even Larson was staring at him in confusion by the time Canyon’s eyes finally stopped on Esme and he spoke. “And you're okay with our plans?”
Esme paused to gather his thoughts before carefully answering. “If everyone is going of their own accord, I don’t see anything wrong with it.”
Trent hummed, his head nodding and a smile slowly spreading on his face. The question he asked Esme surprised all of us. “Would you like to join us?”
Esme looked at me and I gave a nod. After a short pause, he looked around. “Are you sure?”
I hadn’t been comfortable extending a dinner invitation to someone my friends didn't know, but Trent had done it for me, and my friends nodded their agreement as well.