Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
JAKE
I couldn’t believe I'd been brave enough to ask Esme to help me get my pajamas on. It wasn’t like I’d brought anything super embarrassing with me. My pajamas had little stars and moons on them and I didn’t even need to take my underwear off.
The bright green and blue undies I ’ d put on earlier to make me feel more little.
The colorful, snug briefs had worked to make me feel little, but how was I going to feel when Esme saw me in them?
Mortified?
Horrified?
Totally and inexplicably fine?
The way he was looking at me as I closed the door behind us made me think it might be the latter. His eyes hadn’t left me since I’d taken his hand to head toward the spacious bathroom on the first floor. With a door separating us from the rest of the house, he placed my backpack on the counter.
On autopilot, I stepped forward and began to unzip it to get my pajamas out.
A warm hand landed on mine and I looked over to see Esme giving me a hesitant smile. I could see the questions raging in his eyes. He was probably trying to figure out what the fuck was going on and still trying to process helping a grown man get ready for bed. Or why the hell I’d asked him.
He wasn’t alone in trying to figure that out—I was right there with him. My heart rate could attest to it.
He swallowed twice before speaking and when he finally did, his accent was thick. “Let me.”
My hand fell away automatically and I stepped back to allow him access to my bag. There was nothing in there that would embarrass me more than I already was and my pajamas were warm and snuggly for the chilly evening. When I’d packed my bag, I’d done so knowing we’d need to go outside again, so I’d packed appropriate pajamas for the weather. I didn’t have diapers in my bag as they weren’t something I often incorporated in my little time. And I’d left my bottle at home since it always felt strange to hold my own when all my friends had a Daddy to give them theirs. Logan had given me a bottle one time, and while it had been nice, it still hadn’t felt right . I’d settled on sippy cups I could hold on my own since then.
The only things in my bag were the clothes I’d gone to dinner in, my pajamas, and…
Esme held up a diaper I didn’t remember packing. Hell, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d put a diaper in my bag. I didn’t even know how long it had been in there. It was one of the cuter ones in my small collection, though. With a green alligator on the seat and pastel blocks along the front, it was a favorite when I did wear them. I knew my face must have turned the color of a tomato but there was nothing I could do to stop it as he looked between me and the diaper in his hand.
He finally opened his mouth to say something. I had no idea what it was going to be and I honestly didn’t want to know. Instead of letting him say anything at all, I started talking way too quickly. “I-I don’t know where that came from! I-it’s, it’s not. I-I-I don’t usu?—”
I’d built up a head of steam in my rambling and was actually thankful when Esme’s finger landed on my lips and stopped the word vomit trying to spew from my mouth. “Hush.” He didn’t sound angry or disgusted, and my mouth clamped shut before I could say something even more embarrassing. With my rambling no longer filling the space and my eyes darting anywhere but at him, Esme had time to form his own words. “Is this something you were planning to wear tonight?”
I couldn’t detect any repulsion in his voice or his body language, but I still shook my head. “No.” My fingers found Elle and I rubbed her soft fur anxiously.
Esme cocked a single eyebrow in question. “No?”
I shook my head. “I don’t normally wear them.” At least my voice had come out stronger.
“But it was in the bag?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I honestly don’t know how it got there. I can’t remember the last time I took one out of the house.” Words were easier to find when he asked direct questions and didn’t look like he wanted to run screaming.
He pulled his lips between his teeth as he thought about his next words. After a few slow breaths, he released his lips and I braced myself for him to tell me I was disgusting, already mentally fortifying my walls. “Would you like me to put it on you?”
“I can’t help—” My brain caught up with his words and I blinked in confusion. “Wait, what?”
Esme held the diaper up. “Now we know it’s here. Do you want to wear it?”
“I… I don’t know.” I stared at him for so long my eyes burned before I finally blinked. The day had gone sideways when he’d shown up at my front door shortly after I'd woken up. Nothing had gone as I’d expected, and now Esme was standing in front of me holding one of my diapers and asking if I wanted to wear it. If his question hadn’t been sincere, I was certain I’d have noticed something in his expression. Yet all I saw was a man waiting for an answer, no judgment, no disgust, no desire to run the other way.
Dropping my shoulders from where they’d become attached to my ears with tension, I let out a long sigh and answered as honestly as I could. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
For some reason, Esme nodded like the answer made sense—I was glad it did to one of us—then turned back to my backpack. He moved a few things around and I held my breath, terrified something else would be in there I wasn’t expecting. Not that I could think of anything more embarrassing than him pulling out a diaper.
When he took his hands out, he only had my pajamas.
He smiled to himself as he set them on the counter, then placed the diaper on top of them. I watched his hands carefully as he moved. They were long and thick with corded muscles dancing under his skin as he set the items down.
When he turned to me, all I saw was caring in his eyes. It was a look I’d seen my friends’ Daddies give them countless times, yet I’d never had someone direct a look like that my way.
My heart was pounding so hard it was difficult to breathe and I swore butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach. And it was all thanks to a look. I couldn’t imagine what my body would do if he touched me.
When he spoke, his voice was soft and his accent barely noticeable. “Let’s get you ready for bed. I believe your friends are looking forward to a story.”
I couldn’t help the smile growing on my lips. Trent was a great storyteller. I loved it when he read bedtime stories to us. With something to look forward to after getting ready for bed, I nodded. “Story.”
Esme let out a soft chuckle. “Yes. Story. But first, pajamas.”
He didn’t wait for me to overthink and stepped over to crowd my space. His hands moved slowly as he reached for my pacifier and the clip connecting it to my shirt. He held the pacifier out to my lips and I opened for it, not only welcoming the familiar object but also the ability it gave me to stop trying to find words.
When I began to suck on it, he moved his hands down and unclipped the ribbon from my shirt as though he’d done it a million times before. I didn’t protest and his hands went to the hem of my shirt, giving it a gentle tug until I raised my arms, letting him pull it over my head.
A smile formed on his lips when he saw me shirtless. “Fucking perfect,” he said quietly. He didn’t let his gaze linger longer than a few seconds, and I wondered what he saw this time compared to when we’d hooked up months earlier.
He looked long enough for me to feel seen and appreciated but not long enough for the gaze to turn heated or for me to become uncomfortable. When he looked away, he turned his attention to my shorts and tugged them down my legs. When they hit the floor, I automatically stepped out of them.
I should have felt exposed standing in front of him with just a pair of bright, childish underwear on, yet I felt warm and safe.
And if that wasn’t a mindfuck all on its own.
Then Esme reached for the waistband of my underwear and broke the peaceful silence between the two of us. “Unless you tell me otherwise, we’re going to get your diaper on, then put you in your pajamas.” He looked me in the eye as he spoke. Then to make sure I’d heard him, he added, “Do you understand?”
I nodded once, resisting the urge to glance away from him.
“You will tell me to stop if you don’t want your diaper.”
I nodded again.
“Good boy.” For the third time that day, he’d called me a good boy, and for the third time, I thought I would float away at the praise. He turned his attention to removing my underwear while I gave myself a moment to continue reveling in how good the praise made me feel—at least until I could feel air on my dick and balls and felt Esme’s hands at my ankles. Then the warm fuzzies turned into annoying little balls of anxiety that prickled my skin.
I stepped out of my underwear without him needing to tell me, and he stood, his eyes raking over my naked body in appreciation. “Merde,” he whispered so quietly I didn’t know if he knew he’d said anything. Turning toward the clothes on the counter, he continued his quiet monologue. He was speaking French, so I didn’t know exactly what he was saying, but from the look on his face and the awe in his voice, I imagined it was good.
As he picked up my diaper with his right hand, I caught his left moving to palm the bulge growing in his pants.
When he turned around, he looked picture-perfect, but looking in his eyes, I could see his dilated pupils and the smile barely visible within his full beard. “Lie down.”
Sinking to the floor of the bathroom was hard to do gracefully. I probably looked like a beached whale trying to move my body onto the big plush rug so my ass didn’t freeze on the tiled floor. And once I was seated, it took more time for my body and brain to decide to lie back.
I’d been diapered before. I knew the drill. Except the person holding my diaper had never been a man I’d had a crush on. I reached for my elephant only to realize it was in the pocket of my shorts. “Elle,” I said around the pacifier’s nipple.
“What was that?” Esme asked with a chuckle. “I think you tried to say something.”
I looked around to see where he’d put my clothes and found them in a neat pile on the counter, Elle still tucked into the pocket of my shorts. I pointed to the pile and repeated, “Elle.”
Esme’s brow knitted into a straight line as his head followed where my finger was pointing until his eyes landed on my blanket. “Ahh.” He leaned forward to grab her. No sooner did he have her in his hand than I was reaching out with grabby hands and breathing a sigh of relief when she was placed in my hand.
Esme sank back on his heels between my legs, a smile on his face as he watched me. “I should have guessed. The two of you are basically attached.”
I glanced down at Elle and nodded.
He hummed. “She goes everywhere with you. You had her in Knoxville.”
My eyes flew open and I stared at him in shock.
He smiled as he began to explain. “You fell asleep before I left. I saw her in your hand. Well, no, I saw the blanket part of her, not her body or head.”
He said it so casually, my brain was trying to figure out why my face was so heated. I’d been given way too much information in too short of a time when my brain wasn’t in a position to process it all. My brain had all but shut off, but Esme hadn’t forgotten why we were on the floor in the first place, because he had my diaper in his hand and was prepared to get me ready for bed.
“Okay, here we go.” Looking at my diaper, Esme was clearly anxious and it made me forget about what he’d just told me.
“You don’t have to,” I said to him, trying to give him a graceful way out.
Esme shook his head. “No, it’s not like that. I kind of figured it’s something you like since your friends do too.”
I blinked in surprise, wondering just how much he'd talked about with Canyon and Trent. Esme didn't notice my shock and continued. “I’m just trying to figure out how to do this. I haven’t put a diaper on someone since… Well, I don’t know that I ever have. But I watched my sister diaper my niece a few times. I’m just trying to remember how it worked.” He looked between me and the diaper and eventually opened the diaper to shake it out. “This should be the same mechanics, right?”
I didn’t know if he was asking me or talking to himself, but I nodded just the same, hoping to give him some confidence. And if he didn’t ask me a direct question, I didn’t actually need to use words, which was definitely a plus given I didn’t know if I had any.
Esme looked upward, deep in thought, before nodding to himself and turning his attention back to me. He had the diaper oriented the right way when he spoke. “Hips up for me.”
My hips lifted automatically and my grip tightened on Elle. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been soft when a diaper was being put on me, but with the surreal situation I found myself in, my dick hadn’t taken an interest in being naked in front of a gorgeous man with a dick that stretched me until I saw stars.
He placed the diaper under me, moved it around a few times, and eventually removed his hands. “Butt down.” I sank down, the diaper rustling beneath my ass. I could tell it didn’t feel quite right before he told me to lift up again so he could move it around. We repeated the process a few times, but on the third attempt, it felt right and he looked satisfied with his work.
When he pulled it up over my stomach and smoothed the front panel across my belly, he seemed to know what he was doing. It took a few attempts to get the Velcro tabs adjusted so the fit was snug, but when he finally declared himself “Done,” I had nothing to complain about or ask to be adjusted.
He gave me an anxious glance and I nodded. “Good,” I said, for the first time wondering where I’d lost my pacifier. I groped around my head aimlessly until Esme took pity on me and grabbed my pacifier from by my shoulder. He examined it for a second, then got up to rinse it in the sink. After having him diaper me, I couldn’t find it in me to care about him washing my pacifier off before handing it back to me. I was just happy to have it back.
Esme beamed with pride and reached for my pajamas. Getting my star and moon pajamas on was the least eventful thing to happen in the last ten minutes. In what felt like the blink of an eye, I was dressed for bed and Esme was putting my play clothes into my bag.
“I liked your sushi shirt,” he said to me as he clipped my pacifier to my pajama shirt. “It was cute.”
Tired, and now diapered, in warm pajamas, and with my pacifier in my mouth and Elle in my hand, the adult world was harder to stay connected to. “I like sushi.” My pacifier fell from my mouth with my words but was caught by the ribbon.
Esme nodded sagely as he retrieved the pacifier and placed it back at my lips. “Good to know.”
He looked closely at my face, his expression turning sad. “I’m sorry you got hurt last night.”
I lifted a shoulder, fighting to find words through the warm, comfortable haze my brain had found. “It happens.” It may be the first time it ’ s happened to me since I joined the police department, but it still means it happens.
Esme still looked sad but schooled his expression and glanced toward the door. “I think I hear your friends. We should probably get out there before they start the story without us.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond before he took my hand to lead me down the hallway.
In the end I did most of the leading since he didn’t know his way around the house the way I did, but I liked how he walked with me and never let go of my hand.
In the kitchen, Canyon was already making bottles for bed. Logan’s favorite straw tumbler was on the counter beside Aiden’s bottle. At least we weren’t late for story time since Trent and his boys weren’t back.
Canyon looked up, his always present smile turning soft when he saw us standing in front of him holding hands. His eyes looked me over from head to toe before he nodded to himself and turned around. He put the sippy cup in his hand back in the cabinet and reached for another bottle.
“I think you might like this more tonight.”
There was no embarrassment left in me and despite my body attempting to find a blush, my cheeks never warmed.
Canyon had just finished filling my bottle with milk when Logan, Aiden, and Trent came into the kitchen. Logan looked just as tired as Larson and Aiden, his blue eyes drooping slightly as he reached for his straw cup with the hand not holding his favorite stuffie. Aiden didn’t bother reaching for his bottle, letting his Daddy grab it from the counter on the way to the living room. It wasn’t until I reached for the bottle Canyon had made for me that I realized Esme was already holding it.
“Come on, sleepyhead. I think the story is about to start.”
I followed him to the living room. When he took a seat next to me, he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me so I was mostly draped over his lap with my head on his shoulder but angled just enough I could see Trent and the book he’d picked up.
Logan had curled up on one side of him and was holding Aiden’s bottle while Trent started to read. I forgot all about my own bottle until the nipple teased at my bottom lip and I opened automatically for it. I heard Esme hum but was more focused on the book and the warmth in my chest. Everything about the evening had felt perfect. Perfect enough I didn’t feel at all strange to be lying across Esme’s lap while he held my bottle.
I had no way to know if this would ever happen again. If it didn’t, I wanted to put every moment to memory.