Chapter 16 #2
Bram rolls his eyes. "You used to be so sure about everything that it meant Seb and I could just coast along following your lead.
Didn't realize how much I relied on that to guide me until you stopped doing it.
Not your fault, but I think that's why it took me so long to realize I was trampling over what you wanted because I assumed you'd speak up if you objected.
Before your accident and everything, you never gave me the option to not listen.
" Bram flaps his hands vaguely to indicate all the trauma that everything encompasses.
He's not wrong about any of that. Including the part where my newfound cautious streak doesn't absolve him of his pushy, overbearing ways of showing his love.
I didn't need him to pull strings with specialist shifter surgeons pioneering new techniques to restore flight that I didn't need to feel whole.
I'm past resenting him over the entire thing though.
I might as well blame the tides for washing away a sandcastle.
He had grandiose ideas that didn't work out and we've moved past it.
"I know. And that is sounding suspiciously close to an apology, Bramble. You're the only one still holding your meddling against you.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know how to help you and it hurt to realize sometimes love can’t heal everything.”
“I get that. A lot changed for me that night.
It shook my confidence, and the healing process sucked.
But it didn't break me the way you all seem to think sometimes.
I'm still me, now with more perspective.
I don't assume I can dictate plans to you anymore because I learned the hard way that I can't guess what's in someone else's heart and acting as if I can only ends in heartache.” I shrug.
“It was more than that. You acted like trusting anyone was a fool’s gamble,” Bram insists.
He’s not wrong. For a long time, I blamed Dale and his non-existent avian heritage for setting me up to fall at the top of that cliff.
I blamed him for leading me on, and leaving me at the bottom of the cliff because anything else would have meant facing having his lies exposed along with his hidden motives for pursuing shifters.
I saw echoes of him in anyone who showed any interest in me, endlessly questioning their motives and my own judgement.
Eventually, I twisted all that blame around onto myself for trusting Dale in the first place.
“It seemed safer not to let anyone past my guard,” I say, distilling my sparse dating history into a single phrase.
“Yeah, I noticed. For what it’s worth, I’m glad Gillian changed something about that for you,” Bram bumps his forehead against mine. “She sounds like a keeper.”
“She really did. Gillian makes me think that I might have overcorrected.
She's showing me that I can be decisive and assertive while respecting her needs and desires.
I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't want her to be my mate, but we haven't discussed that yet, so I'm not going to assume she wants the same things.
When the time comes, we'll talk about that, but it's way too soon to go there.
I only just met her when your kid tried to swallow her niece. "
"Oh, feathers. I meant to ask if Leighton's mishap at the pool is how you met her." Bram groans and covers his face in both hands. Then he brightens. "So, wait. My kid introduced you to your potential future mate? That's amazing! They better be in your mating ceremony."
Bram seems delighted at the prospect, without letting go of me, he turns to his big bear of a mate and runs his hand down her arm sweetly. "Ty! Did you hear that? Our Leighton is a lucky charm. They totally had fate guiding them!"
"Bramble! I'm serious, we aren't there yet. Don't scare her off with fated mates talk so soon," I scold him.
"Too late, now that you've got him invested in preserving Leighton's reputation as a matchmaker." Ty chuckles. They know my brother far too well, those two were made for each other, apparently.
"Sorry for being excited for you, sis. It's so good to see that spark in you again.
I can't wait to meet the shifter who made you take a chance on loving someone again.
" Bram turns back to me, and squeezes me in an even tighter hug, and then I'm hugging everyone and they're all congratulating me on a mating that feels real to my raven even though loving Gillian and her agreeing to date me and live with me, as roommates damn it, isn't the same as her agreeing to be my mate.
There's not going to be any convincing my family, or my insistent raven for that matter, of that truth, but I try anyway. My family’s nosy need to be elbows deep in my business is the downside of having all of them meddling in my life.
The upside is that once I finalize our apartment furnishing plans with Gillian, my family brings all that loud, chaotic energy to my move with them.
I don't have that much stuff, but there's extra bits of furniture and various homewares folks don't need floating around the building.
So in the space of an afternoon, our side of the duplex goes from echoing and empty to furnished, mostly decorated, and full of family stuffing their faces with the pizza and soda that Harvey sends over with Rollie.
Harvey is watching Amari until the baby wakes up from their nap, so Rollie is the first of my sibling’s mates to join us. He brought over plenty of refreshments to feed our hungry moving crew and then some, and Rollie isn’t the only one who brings food.
Which is good since the kitchen is still in disarray.
I didn't even consider that we wouldn't already have half the stuff my moms and Trudy unpack in our kitchen.
Don't kitchens just naturally come stocked with pots and can openers and stuff?
Apparently not. Good thing Gillian has a clear idea of the most logical places to put stuff in the cabinets.
I'd have ended up with the pots and pans left out on the stove after filling all the shelves with food before Gillian pointed out the funny closet next to the fridge is a pantry and the shelves are for the plates and cups and various pots and pans.
Guess the last time I lived on my own, I was Briony's age and my brothers and I either went home or ate out for any meals more complicated than cereal.
This is why I needed to do this now, though.
I need to know I can rely on myself and be independent.
I refuse to be a burden on my roommate. She deserves an equal partner.
I deserve to know I'm worth her time. I feel a little less inadequate when we get around to installing the washer and dryer and a few minor repairs that are easier before carpets and furniture are in the way.
I can handle the DIY bits just fine as long as I take it easy on my shoulder. With so many helping hands, we get paint touched up, creaky hinges greased, curtains installed, and furniture assembled in short order.
As the sun sets, our move turns into more of a house warming party. Bram and Trudy's mates arrive with their kids and various foods in tow. Clara and Luca bring over cookies and lemonade. Several of my closer relations from the flock show up with trinkets to decorate the house.
It seems like everyone I love is here to congratulate me on my move, and everyone brings more refreshments than we can possibly eat tonight. I guess Gillian and I won't have to worry about using out most of the kitchen gear for a while yet.
I look around for Gillian, to check in about all the people descending on us unannounced, but every time I try to catch her, someone pulls one of us aside to talk and compliment the apartment.
We both end up thrown into hosting, like it or not.
Mostly, I do like it, and Gillian’s bright smile as she chats is all I have to go on since she's not flashing her chromatophores in her human form tonight.
It's just as well that we didn't have any plans for the evening, because I don't think the party is ending anytime soon. More shifters arrive to welcome us to the neighborhood. Harvey brings Amari and a few of his strays with him. Hilda, Marilee and some of the regulars from the pool. I’m also pleased to meet several shifters who introduce themselves as Gillian's friends and co-workers. I’m glad this isn’t just a flock party, that she’s included in the impromptu celebration too.
We don't have nearly enough seating for everyone, but a few of the guests spill out into our backyard despite the cold weather and take to their animal forms for a rousing game of capture the flag or something. Honestly, I’m not sure what game they’re playing, just that it keeps the older kids and teens entertained.
Inside, Briony and Elric produce a portable speaker and after a brief squabble over which music to play, they have my living room full of dancing shifters.
It feels like all the flock parties we grew up having.
My extended family is here to make this apartment feel like home and the love in that gesture threatens to overwhelm me.
This is even better than a flock party in one crucial way.
It isn't marked by birds flying in and out of the mix.
Sure, some of the guests do shift, but they aren't showy about it.
Those who want to frolic in their animal form go outside to do it.
For once, they're the ones who need accommodation and those of use who prefer to socialize in our human forms can do so without judgement or feeling pressure to join.
A few of the younger kids curl up in their animal forms to snuggle with their adults as the night unfolds.
But that's kind of a given for any group of shifters relaxing in good company.
There's a vibe to it that doesn't make it feel like I have to take flight to belong.
Hopefully Luca doesn't feel excluded either.