Chapter 16 #4
I want to run my fingers through her hair too, leave her rumpled and sated.
It's hard to tear my eyes off her, but I do.
Then I fortify myself for the inevitable teasing to come by rubbing surreptitiously at my wrist to reassure myself that her bead is still there.
Her shell is right where it belongs, whatever that means.
Okay, good, that plus a steadying breath and I'm ready to face the music. Except when I look up, I'm taken aback to discover only a handful of people are still here.
"Where did everyone go?" Gillian asks, looking around as if they might be hiding to surprise us.
Harvey crawls halfway under the table to retrieve the last fledging still camping out under there, Luca. The kid is snoring up a storm. He doesn't even wake up when Harvey lifts him.
Clara gives us a fond, if tired, smile as she collects her son’s braces from where they’re propped up nearby. "We figured on giving the two of you some privacy to settle in after that last dance. You looked like you barely realized the rest of us were still here."
"Sorry about that," I say sheepishly.
"Don't be, it's late and there's a lot to do to get ready for Solstice and only two more days to do it in. Luca doesn't have swimming in the morning, so don't worry about picking him up for that."
"Oh, alright. Well, would you two want to join us for dinner then?
We've got more leftovers than we could eat in a week.
" I gesture toward the counters, only to realize that our guests must have put away to the food before they left.
The only thing still out are a few closed packages of cookies, several bags of chips, clipped shut with the cutesy ocean themed bag clips from Trudy, and some unopened sodas and juice.
"Sure, we'll figure out the details in the morning." Clara nods.
"Okay. Well, thanks for coming, I didn't plan for it to be a big flock party like that. I hope it was alright? None of the flight essentialists were here, I did tell my moms to be sure of that when they mentioned folks wanted to stop by to celebrate."
"I noticed that. It was good to have a flock around us again. Thanks for that, Winny." Clara comes over and hugs me.
She's wearing her half of the silly hospital gift shop friendship necklace that we exchanged before we went home to our separate lives.
The chain on mine broke ages ago, but the charm is on my keyring and I have it hanging by the door, dangling next to the shiny new key to her house that she gave me along with the keys to mine and Gillian's apartment.
The necklace is corny, but she really is my best friend as much today as she was when we clipped the necklaces around each other's necks the day Luca got discharged and she finally took him home.
"I've missed this,” she says.
"Me too. It's good to remember, this is what flock is for." I hold her until her fierce grip on me slackens. She doesn't need to elaborate for me to know that what she missed was more than our friendship, though that's a big part of it.
She missed the future she imagined for herself with Luca and the illusion of safety that comes with being part of a big flock.
She missed out on years of seeing her kid accepted amongst his peers so fully.
Years of impromptu moments to unwind and just be an adult with other adults knowing that she isn't the only one looking out for him.
She missed having enough support to let down her guard because every second has required her full vigilance.
Flock is safety in numbers and we both needed to feel that safety without the constant awareness of how illusory it truly is.
I pat her back once more, then loosen my grip so she can step away.
“Welcome to the flock, Gillian, I’m glad you’re here too,” Clara turns to face my girlfriend.
“Thanks,” Gillian says, she shoots me a questioning glance, but she doesn’t seem upset about the hug.
"Goodnight ladies, I've got to get Luca to bed. Harvey, are you sure you don't mind carrying him?" Clara turns to the older wolf.
"Not at all, lead the way," Harvey says. He calls a goodbye over his shoulder as the three of them leave through the front door. And then it’s just me and Gillian in the living room.
“Is that everyone?” I ask, glancing around for any other stragglers.
"Nope! Don't mind me, though, I'm just packing this up and I'll get out of your hair," Elric calls from behind the TV stand where they’re messing with their speaker setup.
"Nope, time's up, Elric, now." Briony pinches their ear and frogmarches them toward the nearest exit, out onto the back patio.
"Ouch! Let go, who made you the boss of me? Winny, don't you want us to help tidy up?" Elric protests, reaching for their precious electronics.
"Don't be such a brat, Elric. She moved out so we aren't barging in on her at all hours, right?" Briony insists. Elric pouts, but they let themself be hauled out the door.
"You can come over tomorrow if you want to help us tidy up." I stifle a laugh at Elric's sour expression.
"Perfect, and you can get your speaker back too. It’s not like you're going to carry it home in your beak tonight, are you?"
"I could walk with it." Elric pouts.
"Nope.” Briony shakes her head. “I didn't bring a warm enough coat for that and our moms might throw me into the stew if I let you wander around town with fancy electronics alone in the middle of the night.
Let's go, pest." Briony pauses at the door and throws back over her shoulder, "Congrats on the new place, Winny and Gillian.
You should swing by the diner when I'm working sometime for pie, I give all my siblings-in-law the family special rate. "
"Notice she didn't offer you free pie?" Elric pipes in. "That's on purpose. There'll be grilled octopus on the menu, with all her nosy questions and trying to give you the shovel talk. Briony thinks she's all grown up now that she's the oldest of us not to have a mate."
"Well, you didn't leave me much choice seeing how you usurped my title as the mouthy teenaged sibling." Briony ruffles Elric’s hair. "Say goodnight, brat."
"Goodnight, brat." Elric sticks their tongue out at Briony, then twists out of her grasp to face us.
"Goodnight, Winny. Nice to officially meet you, Gillian.
Winny probably won't tell you this, but she hasn't dated anyone since her ex left her at the bottom of a cliff with a broken wing.
She swears it was all a misunderstanding and she fell by accident, but then why wouldn't he have stayed to help, ya know? "
"Oh." Gillian gives me a wounded look and I glower at Elric for making my life sound like a bad soap opera.
"They're being dramatic." I insist, shooting a scowl at Elric as Briony pulls them out the door.
"I'm not, and she should know how much it means for you to trust another shifter with your heart, Win," Elric insists. “I’m helping.”
“You’ve said enough for tonight, Elric. I think you ‘helped’ yourself to Ned’s barley wine.” Briony hauls them outside.
"Fine, good night Gillian, what's your favorite color?" Elric gets a hand in the way before Briony can shut it behind them.
"Well, I'm finding myself rather partial to this midnight purple color," Gilian wraps a strand of my hair around one tentacle tip and lifts it toward my sibling in answer.
“OMG. You two are adorable.” Elric practically swoons over the gesture. I do too. Gillian likes the color of my feathers. She likes me. I mean, she said as much, but flirting so casually in front of my siblings hammers that point home.
“Why are you asking?” Gillian looks uncertainly between us. “Is this a raven thing?”
"No reason at all!" Elric plays coy for about two seconds before a mischievous grin obliterates any semblance of nonchalance.
"Unless Win's already told you that we accept new flock members with presents?
In which case, welcome to the flock!" They yell the last part to be heard as Briony slides the door shut to prevent further interjections from that quarter.
My sister leans in for one last parting word. "They've got that part right anyway, welcome to the flock, Gillian."
We both watch as my siblings walk into the trees to stash their stuff and shift, and then I track their flight toward home. Gillian turns to me once they’re out of sight.
"I didn't realize it wasn't an accident," Gillian says, choosing her words with care. Dancing around the word neither of us used to label her mom either. Ugh.
"It really was,” I swear.
Gillian gives me a skeptical look, but doesn't argue the point.
“I was impatient to surprise Dale, my ex. And I sort of had this idea that if he thought I was in danger he might be able to shift. He told me he could when he was younger. He claimed that he was adopted by static human parents and lost the ability to shift from disuse and he came to Four Corners looking to reconnect to his lost heritage.”
“And you trusted him.”
“Yeah, I was young and gullible.” I swallow down my self-recriminations with an effort.
“Now I know better. Anyway, the plan was to startle him into shifting to save me.
I didn't mean to actually fall, but I didn't realize it had rained and the rocks were wet. I slipped for real. And I hesitated too long before I shifted, thinking the shock of it would get past his mental block.”
“Did it at least work?” Gillian asks with a wince. “That’s a silly thing to ask, sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. It didn’t. Dale wasn't actually a shifter, so he just stared at me as I fell, and I shifted too late to get free of my wet clothes before I hit the rocks below.
My ex panicked and left, but it's not like he could have helped me if he had stayed.
I was lucky the EMTs got to me in time. I made stupid choices, and I paid the consequences.
That's all. It was worse for Cora and Luca.”
“Huh? I don’t follow,” Gillian frowns at me.
“So, Clara and I found out that Dale was seeing both of us after my accident. She was at the hospital having Luca the same week I had my accident and we figured out that we’d both been seeing the same lying shifter chaser who was at least partially responsible for landing us there.”
“Wait, does that mean your ex is Luca’s dad?” Gillian looks horrified.
“His sperm donor.” I nod. “He never told Clara that he doesn’t have any shifter heritage at all, so she ended up getting induced thinking she was weeks overdue for an avian shifter baby, when Luca was actually months premature for a shifter baby with one static human parent.
It’s why he had so many complications they weren’t sure he’d make it out of the NICU, and why he still needs the braces and stuff.
It might be part of why he’s a latent too, but that’s impossible to be sure of. "
“Oh. That’s messed up. I’m sorry someone like that hurt you, Winny. It wasn’t your fault he preyed on you.” Gillian taps my wrist, near my precious shell bauble, gently stroking my arm to offer me comfort.
I don’t know what I expected her to say, but it wasn’t that. My eyes burn at the unexpected relief of someone else seeing my worst thoughts and absolving me of blame. She’s going to make me cry if she keeps treating me so tenderly.
“Come here, dragon, you know that, right?” Gillian prompts, pulling me into a hug.
“I know. And it’s good to hear it,” I say. “That applies to you too, princess. You didn’t deserve to be hurt either.”
Gillian huffs out a breath. “Rude of you to throw my words back at me. I know you’re right though. Kiss me?”
I peck her on the lips. I want so much more, but it’s late and I’m exhausted, emotionally and physically.
“I want to kiss you more,” I ask, pressing another chaste kiss to her cheek. “But I’m exhausted, come to bed with me, Gillian?”
She wavers. “To sleep?”
“Yes, and maybe kiss. I just want you close to me.”
“Okay then. I want you close too.” Gillian nods.
I take her to bed and we curl up together under my familiar blanket nest in the unfamiliar room that smells of new furniture and fresh bedding. I want to suffuse this space with the sweet brine of my girlfriend’s scent. I drift off to sleep kissing her chastely and dreaming of our future.