Birdie
Iforgot to check the lunar calendar, but it had to be a full moon.
I’d already delivered a little girl and a little boy, with three moms still on the floor, laboring.
These were the shifts I loved. Where time sort of suspended between the starting point and end point, while all the in-between stuff was filled to the brim with supporting women, some as they brought new life into the world.
But more often than not during the last few shifts, in the quiet moments I used to use for catching up on charting and taking a moment to breathe, I found myself missing Beau and Juniper so much.
He’d thankfully sent me at least twenty pictures before he put her down for the first stretch of the night, but I was sad I couldn’t be there to do her bedtime routine with him.
She was smiling in some of the pictures, clearly milk drunk and ready for cuddles in the ones closer to the end.
I’d barely had time to look through them, but I knew each one was etched on my heart from the minute my eyes landed on the messages.
Especially the one Beau sent of Juniper fast asleep on his bare chest, the tattoos I loved so much just visible beyond the in-focus face of the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.
They were both probably fast asleep now; it was the dark hours of early morning still.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
“Mom in room 3 is starting to feel some pressure. She’s asking for you, but I know it’s close to shift change and Dr. Witten is here—”
“No. Absolutely not. I’m staying until that baby is here. Thanks, Miche. I’ll go check on her now.”
It only took a few seconds to walk down the hall into room 3. I couldn’t help but smile as I grabbed some sanitizer from the dispenser on the wall and rubbed it all over my hands.
My sweet friends were here in this room, getting ready to welcome their first baby into the world.
I had been here when they bustled in, a flutter of excitement and nerves following a spontaneous rupture of membranes and a few hours of consistent contractions they managed at home.
I was already pushing back my emotions knowing everything it took for them to get to this day after they suffered a miscarriage a few years ago.
Stone was standing at the head of the bed, gently running his hand over his wife’s head. Mae’s eyes locked on mine, wide with anticipation.
“Well, I heard someone is a star pupil and is already feeling some pressure?” I chuckled as I sat down on my stool at the foot of the bed.
“It doesn’t happen that fast, does it?” She laughed. “I mean, I only got the epidural an hour ago.”
I nodded. “It can. Once your body gets a break from the pain, it can really help speed things along. If you feel up to it, I can check how dilated you are so we can see how things are progressing, or we can listen to the signals your body is giving you?”
“Check,” she answered almost immediately. “Check, please. I have to know if I’m just imagining things. I can’t feel any pain, but I feel…”
“Full?” I asked as I reached back on the wall for a pair of gloves.
“Yes! It’s so strange. I don’t know how to describe it other than this feeling in my chest like I need to push.”
“That’s a good sign, Michaela. You’re doing so well.” Stone leaned over and pressed a kiss to his wife’s forehead.
“It helps having a great coach, Sully.”
My eyes went wide as I tried to find the edge of Mae’s cervix.
“What is it?” Stone asked, a tinge of nervousness in his voice.
While he might have been a big and strong Navy SEAL once upon a time, I think everyone in town knew that the newest paramedic in the Silver Springs firehouse was also an extreme softy when it came to his wife.
Besides, having medical knowledge added a whole different level of stress to the situation.
“Your baby is really ready to meet you. I don’t feel any cervix left! You’re at a ten, and I can feel the baby’s head right there.” I turned to Emily, the nurse who was assigned to Mae, and nodded. “Let’s prepare for delivery.”
The room was a flurry of activity as we dropped the bed into the delivery position. Stone stood on one side while one of the nurses on shift helped with Mae’s other leg.
“Oh, Birdie, I think…I think I need to push. My body’s just…”
“I’m good, Mae. Listen to your body and push until the urge starts to fade.” I watched as the baby’s head came into view. “Just like that! Amazing, Mae. She’s going to be here in no time.”
Mae gasped as the contraction faded.
“Stone, on the next contraction, if you want, I think you’ll be able to see your daughter’s head. Do you want a mirror, Mae?” I asked.
“No! God, no! The epidural is amazing, but I just know if I look, I’ll be able to feel the pain. And he’s not allowed to look, either. Not until she’s here.”
Stone chuckled. “I was hoping you’d let me hip-check Birdie out of the way and catch her myself.”
“No. No way. You’re my support person right now. Our daughter is in the best… hands…”
“You heard the boss.” Stone turned back to Mae, coaching her as her hands went back around her thigh and she started to push again.
But as the next contraction peaked, Stone’s eyes were locked on his daughter making her way into the world.
“Her head's out! Mae, you are doing such a great job!” I cheered a minute later.
“You’re doing it, sweetheart. God, you’re doing it, Michaela. She’s almost here. Just breathe. You’re doing amazing,” Stone encouraged her, and I knew everyone in the room could hear the tears in his voice just as clearly as I could.
This was the part where I had to try not to cry. Because no matter how many times I witnessed this process, holding a brand new life in my hands still felt sacred.
The baby turned, and I gave Mae the cue to push one last time.
A shoulder popped free, and I was holding their baby girl in my hands in the next heartbeat.
I cleared the fluid from her mouth and nose, noting how pink she was right from the get go.
Standing, I placed the baby up on Mae’s chest, where she let out the most adorable, strong cry.
“You did it. She’s here. Our baby is here.” Stone placed his hand over Mae’s, who was already snuggling the baby tight to her.
“I can’t believe it! God. She’s perfect, Stone. She’s really here…and she’s so beautiful.”
I sat back down on the stool, my focus shifting from my friends to the last bit of the birth we had to attend to.
I watched as the baby’s cord stopped pulsating, turning an opaque white before I applied the clamps.
A nurse directed Stone on where to cut while Mae delivered the placenta.
If she noticed it was going on, she didn’t say a word.
But I had a feeling my sweet friend was soaking in every minute with her baby.
After a few more minutes, the nurses and I had everything squared away in the room.
The baby started nursing, and I stayed to make sure we got her official stats taken care of once she was done.
A very sweet peanut, at seven pounds even and nineteen inches long.
I repeated them in my mind over and over as I walked around the room, because I’d need them to make a newborn teddy bear for Mae and Stone.
The tradition began a few years ago with Jessie when she had Beckett.
Now, each friend who had a baby would also get a newborn bear that weighed the same as their baby when they were born.
It was a small gift, but I knew babies grew so quickly and sometimes moms just want to feel their littleness again.
“Alright, you three.” I squeezed Mae’s ankle and smiled. “My shift ended an hour ago, so I’m out of here. But Dr. Witten will be by in a little bit to check on you, and I’ll be back in tonight.”
“Thank you for staying,” Mae said, her eyelids drooping as she rested her head against the pillow.
“Of course! I wasn’t going to miss this little lady’s birthday celebrations. Congrats, Mom and Dad. Stone, you make sure she gets lots of rest today, okay?”
Stone bent forward and scooped the baby from Mae’s arms. “Already on it.”
I waved over my shoulder as I left the room. Forty-five minutes later, I finally had everything squared away and walked out of the hospital to my car. The familiar sting of tears pressed on the back of my eyes.
No. I wouldn’t fall apart before I got in my car. That was unprofessional and unfair to the beautiful thing I just was a part of. My own sadness, my own unrealized dreams, would not cloud my joy for my friends.
My keys trembled in my hands. Stop it, Birdie. This is ridiculous.
I pressed the button to unlock my doors, hurrying to sit down and close myself off from the world.
It wasn’t getting any easier, as the years passed.
I’d focused so much on my sister, so much on my career, that a chance at carrying a life through pregnancy and giving birth felt like it was slipping through my fingers.
I backed out of the parking spot, turning onto the road that would lead me back to Silver Springs.
Because as tired as I was, I still needed to stop at my house.
Not only to grab some more clothes—I was rapidly running out of my own at the ranch, and didn’t want to have to keep taking things from Beau’s closet—but for that special little promise I made to him.
Although, I wasn’t feeling like having sexy time right now.
Maybe I should just head back to the ranch.
No, I couldn’t. I wanted to get the material for Stone and Mae’s bear out of my closet. My chest felt tight as I looked down at my flat stomach. Would there ever be a day I made a bear for my own child?
Juniper. I needed to make one for her! Maybe I could use some of the fabric from the outfit she was wearing the night we met her. She was growing like a weed, and wouldn’t be able to fit in it much longer, anyway.