17. Carolina
Chapter seventeen
Carolina
M ost days, Berg does everything in his power to make it home for bedtime, much to their delight. I get it, I’m really fun for a few hours, but when it comes to reading story books and cuddling, dad reigns supreme. He’s had a hell of a lot of practice. In fact, he’s even home for supper most days. March sneaks up on us, and our routine is beginning to feel natural. Each evening after we’ve eaten, I make excuses about how I should head out, but I always end up staying. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t feel like a family when we all squeeze in around the circular table, elbows bumping as we pass around the dishes. I’m always included in the highs and lows, and it makes my heart race when Berg says his high is the meal I made or Natalie sings my praises for a craft I helped her do after school .
When Berg slips into their room to read, that should be my clear cue to exit, but instead I putter around the house. I’ll flip laundry to the dryer, straighten shoes by the door, or scoop puzzle pieces into their box. Tonight my feet slow in the hall and I hover by the girls bedroom. Mostly, I like listening to the low hum of Berg’s voice as he narrates and his gentle shushes when the girls interrupt. I’m about to sneak out, because I figure after a long day at work he might want his space, but he surprises me by coming out into the hall right as I’ve got my hand on the doorknob.
“Will you sit with me while I eat?” he asks.
I hesitate, not because I don’t want to, but because I know I probably shouldn’t want to. If I truly viewed this as a normal job, I’d be outta here the minute he walked through the door.
“You’re done for the day. I understand if you’re ready to go.”
“No! I want to.” I toe out of my shoes. “Actually, I didn’t eat very much with the girls. Maybe I’ll join you and have some more.”
I ease into the chair at the table that has quickly become my own while Berg heats up bowls of chili.
“Did the girls actually eat this?”
“Nope,” I say. “Why do you think the pot is practically full?”
He laughs, easing into the chair next to me. “I admire your dedication to trying something new. But beans are usually a hard no for them.”
“Bedtime easy?”
“Yeah, they fell asleep fast. ”
“Probably because I fumbled it last night when you were late and they’re tired,” I say, blowing on a spoonful of the steaming chili.
“You did not fumble it. They don’t really have a lot of experience with people other than me. It means we’re really close, but it also means that they’re set in their way.”
He shrugs his shoulders, chewing and swallowing a bite.
“I’m set in my ways too.”
“You don’t say?” I tease. I drop my voice an octave lower. “I make the sandwiches around here. Watch and learn.”
“Is that an impression of me?”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
“Fair enough. I’m trying.”
“Why haven’t you hired a nanny before? It seems like a no-brainer for a single dad.”
I hope that isn’t too forward of me to ask, or that he thinks I’m implying that he’s been struggling.
“When Trudy passed away I took full parental leave with Louisa. When she turned one there was a spot for her at Natalie’s daycare. I don’t know. I guess I’ve been managing everything, but Isaac asked me to take on a bit more at work. I want to fill that role, don’t get me wrong, but I want them to have a bit more attention than being the last kids in the after school care room every afternoon. It’s not like it was when I was a kid. I’d walk home after school. ”
“Chris and I too! He had the key and we’d walk home and get a snack and watch tv and our parents would be home not long after.”
“Right. You can’t do that stuff anymore. Not that I’d want them here alone anyway.” He winces at the idea.
“The idea of a stranger in my house was sort of weird too. Going through a whole hiring process? No, thanks.”
“I was a stranger.”
Berg rests his hand on the table, his fingers brushing absentmindedly against my arm.
“You have never felt like a stranger, Caro.”
His sincerity is obvious as he watches me.
“Maybe it’s because you’re related to a friend, but I think it was because of how naturally you interacted with them. It set me at ease right away.”
His thumb finds my upturned hand and strokes down the lines of my palm. The simple touch sends a tingle up my spine.
Not strangers. Not lovers? What are we? Do we even have the potential to be anything but a couple of people with unreal sexual chemistry? Bonds were forming between all of us, that’s undeniable. I squeeze his hand once before pulling it away.
I stand, faking a tired stretch.
“I think I should get to bed early tonight. Friday tomorrow!”
Berg rubs his hands on his thighs, looking as frustrated as I feel.
“Caro… ”
He always walks me to the door, hovering there while I put on my shoes. It’s a part of our weird routine that just makes sense. It’s like the end of a date, except without the awkwardness. But tonight I don’t want that. I need the space because without it, I fear that the yearning I possess for this man will only grow.
“I’ll let myself out. See you in the morning.”
Like he can sense I require the distance, he stays put at the table, and it’s as though I can feel his eyes trained on me until I leave the room.