Chapter 19
Of course, we fell asleep next to each other.
It wasn’t part of the plan—well, not my plan—but somewhere in the quiet hours of the night, his arms found their way around me.
At first, I was only half-aware of it. The soft brush of his hand at my waist. The solid weight of his chest rising and falling against my back. His warmth wrapped around me like a blanket, steady and quiet. In my drowsy haze, I didn’t resist. I couldn’t.
The room was still, lit only by the faint blue glow slipping through the curtains. Outside, a car passed in the distance, tires humming against the street. Inside, the only sound was Topher’s breathing—slow and even, like it was tethering me to something I hadn’t known I needed.
When morning came, I woke before him. For a few long seconds, I didn’t move. His arm was draped across my waist, its weight anchoring me in place. His hand, still lightly curled, rested over my heart.
And my heart—traitorous thing—ached with the sweetness of it.
I knew I should get up. I needed to. His arms felt safe, yes, but distance was safer. I couldn’t let this become real. I couldn’t let it mean something.
But then, in his sleep, he shifted. His arm pulled me closer, not tighter, just… nearer. Like, even unconscious, he didn’t want to let go.
And just like that, every reason I had for pulling away disappeared, one by one, until I wasn’t sure I remembered any of them at all.
No. I had to wake him up before this went too far.
Because I knew exactly how this would end.
I’d let myself get close, allow myself to begin to believe that maybe I didn’t have to carry everything alone—that maybe someone else could share the load.
I’d start to rely on him, and then, when it mattered most, he’d be gone.
It wouldn’t happen right away. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but at some point, he’d leave.
Maybe he’d be pulled back into his work, or maybe he’d realize that I wasn’t worth staying for.
That was the part I couldn’t control, the part that terrified me.
Because if I let him in, if I let myself depend on him, then I’d be vulnerable.
And once he left, I’d be left picking up pieces of myself I wasn’t sure I’d be able to put back together.
I’d been here before. I knew the heartache of losing people you’d let yourself depend on. That feeling had shattered me once, and I’d vowed never to let it happen again.
So, no. I couldn’t afford to let this feeling deepen, to let myself believe that this could be more than it was. Because when he left—and he would—I’d be right back where I started, but worse.
I leaned in close, feeling the weight of everything I was about to push away, and whispered the first words I could think of that would break the moment. Words that I’d heard Topher say but that meant nothing to me: “Quick, what’s our policy on non-compete clauses in international subsidiaries?”
Topher mumbled groggily, “Uh… it depends on the jurisdiction…”
I forced a smirk, trying to lighten my own heavy heart. “Wrong. That’s the old policy. We updated it last quarter.”
His eyes snapped open, panic flashing across his face. “Wait, what?”
A bittersweet laugh slipped out before I could stop it. “Relax. I’m kidding. You’re fine.”
He blinked, realizing what had just happened, then let out a groggy chuckle. “Really? That’s how you wake me up? You’re going to give me a heart attack, you know that?”
I shrugged, still managing a faint smile. “Cruel but effective,” I murmured, something warm flickering in my chest even as I fought to ignore it.
Topher smiled, and I watched him for a second, the lines of stress gone from his face. The playful banter was a reminder of why I liked him so much, but its effect on my heart also reminded me why I needed to keep my distance.
He stretched, his eyes finally meeting mine, the smile fading into something more serious. “Last night… thank you.” His voice was low, almost hesitant. “For being there for me. I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with that alone.”
I shrugged, trying to brush it off. “It’s nothing, really.”
But Topher shook his head. “No. It meant everything.” He studied my face for a moment before continuing. “I want to be there for you, too, you know. The way you were there for me.”
His arm was still draped over me, a gentle embrace.
But his words hit me hard, sinking more deeply into me than I had ever expected they would, and suddenly, the room felt too small, too warm.
There was an intimacy in his offer that pressed on a wound I hadn’t even realized was still raw.
My heart clenched, the vulnerability overwhelming, and I could feel the walls inside me rising, fast and instinctive, to protect myself.
“I’m fine,” I said quickly, pulling away from his arm and sitting up, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. I shook my head, as if trying to shake off the weight of what he’d said. “I don’t need help with anything. Really.”
Topher’s jaw tightened as he shifted, frustration flashing in his eyes. He sat up, but he didn’t look away. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I’m not,” I protested, getting to my feet and walking over to the edge of the bed, needing the distance. But we both knew I was lying. He could see right through it.
He stood slowly, his movements deliberate as he closed the gap I’d just created.
He rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating a moment before speaking.
“Kathleen, I know you asked for distance, time to focus on yourself without distractions, and I want to give you what you want. But I need you to know… I’m waiting for you.
No matter how long it takes, when you’re ready, I’m here for you. For us.”
Part of me wanted to fall into him right then and there. Another part—the scared part, the self-protective part—tightened its grip. I wasn’t used to someone being so romantic. Not for me.
Then, in a softer, almost-too-casual tone, he added, “You know, there’s an open house for the social work program at Tulane this afternoon. You should go check it out.”
I blinked, caught off guard by the shift. “This afternoon? Really?”
“Yeah, I’ve got some work to do this morning, but my driver can pick you up and take you there.”
Excitement flickered inside me, but almost immediately, a wave of nerves followed. The idea of going to the Tulane open house made my stomach twist in knots. I hadn’t even finished college. What if I didn’t belong there? What if I was wasting everyone’s time?
“Your driver?” I raised an eyebrow, trying to mask the mix of excitement and anxiety swirling in my chest. “I don’t know… I’ve never even finished college. What if—”
“Hey.” His voice was gentle but firm, cutting through my doubts before they could spiral. “I’ll go with you.”
I stared at him, the sincerity in his offer catching me completely off guard. He’d come with me?
“You’d do that?” I asked, my voice softer than I intended. “You’d come with me?”
“Of course.” He shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Why wouldn’t I?”
My mind buzzed with the weight of his offer, the way he’d so easily volunteered, no hesitation. I wasn’t used to someone showing up for me like that. And maybe that’s why the knot in my stomach loosened a little.
“I don’t know… I didn’t expect you to offer,” I admitted, my voice tinged with surprise. Part of me wanted to believe I could handle it on my own, but his offer felt like a lifeline I didn’t realize I needed.
He gave me a small, reassuring smile. “Well, I’m offering.”
As I looked at him, the anxiety didn’t disappear entirely, but it softened, replaced by a flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I could go back to school and make something of my life.
“Okay, but you do realize this isn’t some fancy gala or board meeting,” I teased, crossing my arms. “You’ll probably be the only billionaire there.”
He laughed, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “Lucky for you, I’m adaptable. I can mingle with the commoners if I have to.”
I rolled my eyes. “Commoners, huh? Good luck blending in. Maybe don’t tell anyone about your yacht.”
“I’ll try to keep it under wraps,” he teased, his voice dropping as he closed the distance between us. “But you know, I think they’ll be more impressed by my charming personality.”
“Oh, really?” I raised an eyebrow, trying to keep my tone playful, even as something fluttered in my chest. His closeness was doing things to me that I didn’t want to admit.
My breath caught for a moment. His presence felt electric, and before I could think too much about it, he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss. It was quick, but it sent a rush of excitement through me, leaving me stunned—and wanting more.
As he pulled back, Topher smiled, the look on his face so genuine and happy that it made my heart skip a beat. “I’ll see you this afternoon. Three-thirty, okay? My driver will pick you up.”
Still a little breathless, I nodded, trying to play it cool despite the flutter in my chest. “Three-thirty. Got it.”
He gave me a warm look before disappearing into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he re-emerged fully dressed, adjusting the collar of his shirt and slipping on his watch. “I’m looking forward to this,” he said, pausing by the doorway, his eyes soft and sincere.
My heart swelled with a hopeful warmth. “Me too.”
He shot me one last smile, then headed out, his footsteps fading down the hall. I stood there, holding onto the lingering thrill of his touch, his words, the way he looked at me.
As he smiled and walked out, a flicker of doubt tried to creep in, but I pushed it down, refusing to let it ruin the moment. The excitement still hummed beneath the surface, and I pushed the doubt down, focused on the lingering thrill of his kiss instead.
Turns out, I should have listened to that doubt.