Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
KASEY
Idon’t sleep.
For two nights, I lie awake in the dark and watch as moonlight shifts against the ceiling, thinking about Ava and all the things I want to tell her.
There’s so much I wish she knew, so much I don’t even know how to express with words, about how deep and unyielding my love for her is.
As scared as I am that she left, I’m choosing to trust that she’s not running.
I know she’s been through so much and she has every right to process things in a way that feels best for her.
But goddammit, I miss my wife.
A roll of light shines through the house. Approaching headlights. A quick glance at my phone tells me it’s just after midnight. I jump out of bed and pull on a pair of sweatpants, heart bursting with the hope that Ava’s back.
But when I get to the front of the house and look through the window, it’s Rhett’s motorcycle sitting just beyond the porch steps. Rhett stands beside it in clothes that also look recently thrown on. He’s pulling off his helmet. And then he’s looking up at me.
Fuck. Something’s wrong.
I move to open the door and step out onto the porch. “What is it?” I ask? My pulse is uneven, breath hitching. “Is it Ava?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Brooks?”
“No. It’s all right, Kasey.”
“Tell me why the fuck you’re here then,” I grunt.
He sighs. “Colt called.”
And just like that, the world stops spinning. I lean against a wooden beam and brace myself for the worst. “What did he say?”
“Cops showed up at Rustlers Ranch about an hour ago. Ellis told them everything.”
Shit. Shit shit shit. “Everything?”
Rhett tosses his helmet on the seat of his bike and comes up the steps to stand next to me.
Wrapping a hand around my shoulder, he says, “He told them he was hosting a game night. That he’d invited Maverick’s crew and a couple new friends he made too.
He said Maverick was losing the game, and then losing his cool, and the two new friends turned out to be cops who tried to shut Maverick down.
That Maverick pulled a gun, shot the cops, and then pointed it at him. So Ellis shot him first.”
Relief slices through me like a whip. I let out a long, slow breath. “He said he did it.”
Rhett nods. “Yep. Didn’t even say we were there. Didn’t say Colt and Wylie Jo were there either. He took the fall for all of it, told them where to find the bodies, and they arrested him and took him in.”
“Fuck.” Ellis promised me he’d take the fall if it came to it, but Ellis himself is a selfish career criminal and I didn’t exactly trust him. “What about ballistics? I still have the shotgun—”
“Colt said Ellis told them he ditched the gun over a bluff, hours out of town, scared about getting caught. He said he doesn’t remember exactly where. They obviously aren’t going to find it, but he did his best to explain it away. I’m sure they’ll try to look but . . .”
“So it’s over?”
“Well, there’s obviously still a bit of a process. With Ellis admitting to everything, there’s not a whole lot of reason for those badges to investigate anyone else. And without placing any of us at the game, the cops don’t have anyone else to talk to.”
“There was that one guy, who came with Maverick. The one who ran.”
“I doubt he’s going to come forward. His boss is dead, he doesn’t owe him anything anymore. And coming forward means putting himself right in the middle of it all. There’s nothing to gain from it.” Rhett shakes his head. “He would be stupid to say something.”
“How’s Colt?”
“A little shaken up. But . . . he said the way the cops were talking to Ellis, it sounds like they’re more interested in Maverick being dead than in Ellis’s gambling.
Ellis’s story means he acted in self-defense.
And he’s cooperating. Colt thinks his time away won’t be too long, and that Ellis will be a better man for it. ”
“Damn.” I look out into the distance, where the dark sky meets moonlit trees. “That could have been you, Rhett. It could have been me. It could have been every one of us, at some point or another.”
For a while, Rhett doesn’t say anything. And then he takes a deep breath and mutters, “I know.”
I look at him. “We have a second chance too. With this ranch. With each other. I know you aren’t exactly happy that I got married for it, and I want you to know that I understand.
Regardless of my feelings for Ava, it was a little reckless.
But it should get Huck off our backs and .
. .” I scrub a hand over my face. “This family has struggled in every fucking way that counts and, fuck, I don’t want to suffer anymore.
I don’t want to have to scrape together good days.
We deserved so much more than we were given from Dad and his brothers, and I want to make sure we give the boys something better than we have now. ”
Rhett squints at me. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying . . . no more fucking around.
Let’s look at the books on the ranch, find ways to be financially stronger so we aren’t killing ourselves to stay ahead.
Let’s look at the bar and do the same. No more fucking illegal bullshit.
No more fighting or reckless behavior. We need to stop giving the people in this town more reasons to hate us.
Let’s find ways to mend our relationship with the community.
Find ways to bring in some fucking peace. ”
“Shit,” Rhett grumbles. “I expected you to be kissing the ground, not waxing poetic.”
I shove him on the shoulder, and he laughs. And then his face grows serious.
“Look,” he says. “I’m sorry. For being there that night, for not letting you in.
I thought I was doing the right thing, but it’s no excuse.
I knew I was putting myself in danger. And if you hadn’t come, I .
. . Fuck, man, I might be six feet below ground.
You’re talking about second chances, and I get it.
I’m living out mine, and I want to be worthy of it.
I want my family to be proud of me, and a long life with Olivia, and maybe some of our own kids one day, you know?
I refuse to be like Dad and raise them with an iron fist that’s wrapped around a fucking bottle. ”
I grin. “Change, Rhett,” I agree. “It starts with us.”
He looks at me with a knowing smirk. “Speaking of kids, jackass. When did you find out Ava’s pregnant?”
“Before the wedding,” I admit. “She didn’t want to get married without me knowing.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” he mutters. “How do you feel about it?”
I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I don't think I’ve been happier about anything in my entire life.”
Rhett chokes out a sound of surprise. “Oh fuck, man. I knew you were in deep with this shit, but I didn’t realize it was like that.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “I’m fucked.”
“What about her? What does she think?”
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “She’s spooked.”
“She’ll come around.”
“I hope so.”
He looks at me, swatting me on the chest with the back of his hand. “Did you see the hit she got in on that fancy fucker?”
I nod, grinning. “Yeah. I saw.”
“Kinda hot.”
“Kinda like when Olivia hit you.”
Rhett frowns. And then smirks. “Guess we like ’em feisty.”
Ava’s waiting for me on the porch steps when I get home from work at the barn.
It’s been a long day, and the sun is just about to set.
The light from the sconce by the door illuminates her with a golden halo that makes her look like a goddess, like an angel sent just for me.
She’s got the comforter from my bed wrapped around her shoulders and a six-pack resting on the step below her.
Two bare feet peek out from the blanket, two sets of toes pressed into the grainy wood.
“Hey cowboy,” she says, eyes sparking in the twilight surrounding us.
I stand still in front of the house. Look up at her. Drink her in. I’d readied myself for another night without her here, but . . . damn, the relief is almost indescribable. “Hey, sugar.”
“How was your day?” she asks.
“Long. But good.”
She nods. Stays quiet.
“That for me?” I ask, jutting my chin toward the beer.
She shrugs. “Depends.” Her eyes are darker tonight, more ocean than sky. They regard me deeply. Knowingly.
The corner of my mouth lifts, just a little bit. She’s baiting me, looking for me to chase her. So achingly familiar my heart kicks to life inside my chest. “On?”
She pats the porch next to her. “Come sit.”
I take off my hat and hang it from the end of the porch railing before slowly climbing the steps, careful not to knock over the beers before settling down beside her. There’s an inch of space between us—far too much for my liking, but she’s in control tonight.
“Thank you,” she says quietly, turning to look up at me.
“For knowing what I needed, and supporting it. And I’m not just talking about the last couple of nights—I mean all of it.
From the beginning, it feels like you’ve known what I need even before I do.
You see me in ways most people don’t, and I’m not sure how to explain how much that means to me. ”
I tap a knee against hers. “I’ll always see you, Ava. Sometimes you’re all I see.”
Rosy lips curve into a soft smile. And then she looks down at the ground. “Why do you want to be a part of it?” she asks.
“A part of what?”
“The baby. Her life.”
“Oh.” I nod. And all at once I understand.
I lean forward to rest my arms against my knees and look out into the setting sun, tracing the golden rays that stretch deep into the dark blue of impending night.
“When I first saw you, I knew I wanted you. And not just physically, you know? I hung on every single smile you ever gave, even if it wasn’t for me.
And . . . I thought about what it would be like to have you. To have a future with you.
“I think I was always careful about sharing my feelings with you, because I didn’t want to scare you.
But, sugar, I was literally planning it all inside my mind.
I love the ranch, but I’m not sure I’ll stay forever.
And I found myself imagining the house I would build for you.
The kids we might have. What you’d wear on a beach vacation. ”
Ava sputters out a laugh. “Not much, probably.”
I smile. “Trust me, that’s how I imagined it too.”
She leans her head against my shoulder. “It sounds beautiful.”
“Yeah.” I suck in a breath. “I guess what I’m saying is, when I closed my eyes to dream up a future of everything I might ever want, it was always with you.
Even after you left, even when my heart was broken, it was like any visions of the future just sort of dried up.
I’ve probably created a thousand different versions of it in my head, but it always included you.
And, Ava . . . this baby is a part of you.
Over the course of these past few weeks, I’ve been able to dream again. Except now, she’s in all of them too.”
Ava’s eyes well with tears. “Dammit.”
I frown. “What, sugar?”
She sniffles. Wipes at her eyes. “That was a really good answer.”
I laugh, and so does she. Deciding the space between us can get fucked, I wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her into me, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. She smells like sugar and vanilla, like everything good and right.
Ava slips an arm out of the blanket to reach for a beer from the cardboard package and twists off the top. “I told my dad about her,” she says, handing me the bottle.
I take it and look at her carefully. “You saw him?” I ask. “Did he find you at Olivia’s?”
She shakes her head. “I went to his office and asked to meet.” Leaning back into my side, she presses a kiss to my shoulder. “I’ve been running from a lot of things for a long time, Kasey. And I think it’s time I started facing them instead.”
“What did you tell him?” I ask, taking a long sip from the bottle.
“That I wanted to try to make things better. He spoke honestly about this ranch dispute with your uncle, and in return I told him the truth about you.”
I take a second to think through what she’s saying. “You told him about our deal?”
“I told him that I love you,” she counters. “That my choice to be married to you is one I would make over and over again if given the opportunity. That I’m having a baby, and you’re going to help me raise her.”
My heart stops. I pull away to look down at her, catching her eyes. “I am?”
She nods, smiling. “Yeah.” Her eyes are full of tears again, and this time they spill over onto her cheeks. “I think what I’m saying is . . .” She stops.
“Say it, Ava,” I gently coax.
“I want to stay,” she finally says. “For good. I want to be with you. I don’t want to pretend anymore.” She opens the comforter that hangs from her shoulders, revealing her bare body as she stands, lifting one foot over my legs so she can settle herself down in my lap.
Firecrackers blast through my chest as I groan, setting my beer down to grip her ass in my hands and look her in the eyes. “This was never pretend to me, sugar. Not a single fucking minute of it. ’Bout time you finally caught up.”