Chapter Six #2
“It’s nothing health-related, or disastrous.
I think.” Kit took a deep breath and twined her fingers into a tight ball.
She’d worked for Tish several years now and believed the two enjoyed a close relationship for their environment.
They rarely hung out outside the store, but during the occasional get-togethers Kit felt comfortable talking to the older woman.
Still, butterflies. Two words, why couldn’t she simply say them?
“Kit, what’s wrong? You’ve gone all pale.”
Kit leaned forward on the desk. The double-handed fist thunked down in front of her. “Tish, I’m gay. I wasn’t sure if you knew that or not. I thought… maybe you’d like to know.”
Could that have sounded any weaker? She’d fixed her gaze on Tish’s desk as she spoke.
A rose quartz paperweight in the shape of a butterfly caught her eye, and she recalled Tish saying Vinnie bought it for her at a souvenir shop at the beach.
The baby pink gemstone represented love and affection, so she’d read once on a website about the healing properties of crystals.
Seemed like a strange gift for Vinnie to give his wife, seeing as they had little trouble expressing their desire for each other.
Then she tried to remember if Vinnie had bought her the paperweight before or after she caught them in the walk-in that time, but Tish’s hand crossed her line of vision and she fidgeted.
Tish reached for her and she loosened her double fist. “Kit, I had suspected as much. It was never my business to pry into your personal life, though I confess I’ve heard things around the store and town.”
“Like what?” Kit’s stomach roiled.
Tish shrugged and leaned back. “Well, last time we were at the park. You went to get lunch and two women at our booth watched you leave. One of them mentioned seeing you at The Woolf’s Den, and I know that’s a lesbian bar.”
She tapped her desk and Kit looked up. “Kit, your personal life is yours. If it doesn’t affect your work performance, I’m not concerned who you date. If you thought I might fire you because you’re gay… well, I hope I never gave you that impression. I like to believe I’m a good ally.”
“Oh, no. That never crossed my mind,” Kit cut in. “It’s just that my family doesn’t know, and when I was in school I kept it to myself.” She sighed.
“Honey, I’m sorry. I had no idea. You don’t talk much about your family, but I figured at least they knew.” Tish came around the desk and pulled her up into a hug. “Yeah, you get busy and you don’t call often. I’m bad about it with my mom, I write to her on her Facebook feed and it’s an event.”
Kit snickered and slouched back in her chair when Tish pulled back. Her boss rested her hip on the desk corner. “I’m not really concerned about them right now,” Kit said. “There’s more I need to tell you, about me and Sid.”
“When you say it like that, I don’t have to guess, huh?” Tish asked with a short laugh.
“It sort of happened. People might call it ‘instalove,’ but when you’re attracted to somebody you want to act on it if the other person is open, right?”
Tish nodded. “Vinnie and I didn’t exactly experience a slow-burning romance, so I get it.”
After a beat, Kit revealed her relationship with Sid, summarizing the month spent in each other’s company, leaving out the recent adventure with the hidden toy and remote Kit had stuffed in her jeans pocket. She kept the details PG-13 rated at best, and watched as Tish silently processed the news.
“We don’t fool around at work, honest.”
“I don’t need the particulars.” Tish waved her to hush. “To be honest, in the back of my mind I may have suspected something. I’ve seen you two exchange glances now and then, and a more perceptive person would know there’s an attraction.”
Kit turned hot, and imagined she flushed bright enough that Tish couldn’t miss it.
“Look, Kit, if you and Sid want to have some fun on your time, it’s not my business. After committing an, ah, indiscretion here myself it would be hypocritical of me to say you can’t date a co-worker.”
“But Vinnie doesn’t work here,” Kit said, “and he’s your husband.”
“Still, though. What kind of chocolatier would I be if I didn’t approve of young love?”
“I’m not that young. Neither is Sid.”
“Everybody younger than me is that young.”
Kit inhaled and let it go in a rush. Why did she ever think this conversation would devolve into tears or heartache?
Tish put her at ease, and it relieved her that the world hadn’t collapsed on her when she announced her sexual identity.
Would it be this easy when she finally faced her parents, though?
“I’m glad you don’t have a problem with me and Sid, but here’s the thing…” Kit paused and listened for noises. Vinnie had an extra key to the place and she didn’t want him sneaking up on them. “I don’t know if what Sid and I have is love.”
“Lust, then? Nothing wrong with that. I remember lust.” Tish’s expression turned wistful and she leaned on her elbows.
“Come on. You and Vinnie are great together. I’d like to have something like that. It’s just… well, I enjoy being with Sid, but we had kind of a spat today. It’s the reason she left early.
“About every night since we met, I go home and shower, then go to her place or she comes to mine. We have dinner and hang out, watch a show, then we enjoy nighttime activities,” she added with a laugh.
Tish didn’t raise a brow, to her brief amusement.
“I thought everything was fine. We connect on different levels besides the job. We talk about music and agree on political issues. Lately, she wants us to be more public in our relationship, and even though it’s new I prefer things the way they are. ”
“Do you like her, Kit?” Tish asked. “I mean, do you honestly believe you and Sid could make a relationship last? If you do, it’s worth the hard work you put into it. If she wants you to open up more, acknowledge your feelings without fear of repercussion, you know what’s involved there.”
“Yeah. It’s not like I haven’t tried. We danced at the Den the first night. What’s wrong with being a homebody?”
That got her a laugh. “Absolutely nothing. Baby steps, Kit. Nobody’s forcing you to wave a flag.
Take it slow and be aware of her. Go to a movie, that’s easy because it’s dark and nobody’s looking at you.
If you’re comfortable, then go out for dinner,” Tish said.
“You’ll adjust to being out in public in time, and you’ll find people aren’t going to make faces and chase you out of town. ”
Simple suggestions, and Kit couldn’t argue about any of them. She’d think nothing of licking Sid’s clit, but holding her hand in front of people? That ought to be a given. Why’s my stomach still queasy, though?
“Let’s say I come out on a grander scale, and Sid and I end up quits anyway?”
“You’d rather end it now while you’re somewhat closeted, and spend your days at the double boiler wondering what might have been?” Tish asked. “Why hook up with her in the first place?”
Kit’s head pounded. The interview for the job hadn’t been this strenuous. “She’s pretty and stylish, and nice and funny. I like her coordinated retro-Eighties outfits, and her pancakes, and her sense of humor.” She missed Sid now, and ached as her mind replayed their last exchange.
“Good answers. I hadn’t pegged you for a pessimist, Kit.” Tish rested her chin in her hands, her elbows propped on the desk. “Not the ideal person you want in a chocolate shop, selling candy as gifts for lovers.”
“Hey, I had a hand in strong Easter sales.” She wagged a finger and brought a smile to her boss’s lips.
“Thanks for listening to me, though. It upset me when my friend Annalise swept in and asked Sid to come to the Den for karaoke. I’ve always been jealous of her, how open she is to everybody.
She doesn’t care what other people think about her, and I guess I figured if I tried to act the same way I’d get all the heat. ”
Tish frowned. “Annalise… you’ve mentioned her before. She’s the one who has a new girlfriend every week?”
“Sometimes a minimum of,” Kit said, an unbidden image of women marching through a turnstile attached to her friend’s bedroom door flashing in her mind.
“You think that’s related? Maybe you associate Annalise’s openness to her inability to keep a partner for the long term? You worry that will be you.”
Kit pondered the possibility, and decided not with a shake of her head.
Annalise never struck her as the type to settle down with one person forever.
She enjoyed threesomes and group activity, and the freedom to move freely without commitment.
So she said to Kit. She’d probably be the same person in or out of the closet.
“When Sid left with the intent of meeting her at the Den, I got upset,” she said. “Sid likes her fun, too, and I worry what Annalise has in mind.”
“Then why are you talking to me?” Tish stood and made a shooing motion with both hands. “You like Sid and want to be with her?”
“Yeah.” More than anything, she wanted to cozy up in bed tonight with Sid and surrender this horrible afternoon to sleep. Even if they didn’t make love tonight, she’d be content with spooning the shorter woman, her arm tight around Sid’s waist and their legs twined.
“Go to her, now. Listen to what she wants. You believe she’s worth it, so give it to her. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
Kit remained in place, and Tish steered her by the shoulders out the door. “I don’t care if you’re gay or straight, but I care for your happiness, Kit. Be happy.”
“Okay,” Kit said, standing still.
“Go. Now!” Tish barked, and Kit skidded out of the office.