Chapter 34
“When the mayday went out, I knew I was in trouble.” I said, staring at the candle burning on the coffee table. It was early evening, the sun was setting outside, but the three of us had just gotten out of bed a little while ago.
There was something so incredibly peaceful about the dynamic forming between Tanner, Goldie, and me. It flowed so naturally with an ease I had never experienced before. And I was quickly becoming obsessed with the high it gave me to simply exist in their presence.
Goldie sat down on the arm of the chair across from the couch, wiping her hands on a towel from the kitchen where she was making dinner, refusing to let us help.
Tanner kept his large, warm hands wrapped around my foot in his lap, slowly working the tension out of the arch with his calloused fingertips.
But neither of them spoke as I re-opened the conversation to the fire again.
All day long, I’d worked hard to avoid it, using their bodies and their peace to shelter myself within, hiding from reality for just a little while longer.
That time had passed, though, and they deserved to be let into my mind.
That was what adults in relationships did with their partners, right?
“I’ve never had anyone to worry about if I didn’t make it home at the end of a call.
” I pushed on, glancing up at Goldie. Her bright blue eyes were wide with emotion as she listened.
“But Martinez was lying there, unconscious, and my ears were ringing so loud from the blast I couldn’t even think straight.
All I saw was you.” Her lips pressed together tightly as she wrung her hands in the towel, staying silent so I would keep going.
I closed my eyes and turned to Tanner, forcing them open to look at him.
“I saw you both. And for the first time, I worried how it would affect you if I didn’t make it out.
And then I worried what everyone would say if I did.
If I had made it out alone without my team.
In a split second, I knew I couldn’t leave him there, or they’d doubt me and my commitment.
It was either get him out or die trying.
And I hated myself because I knew I chose my own wants over yours. And that was fucking selfish.”
“That’s not selfish,” Goldie said gently.
I forced a deep breath into my lungs and played with a frayed string on the blanket covering my legs, pushing on. “I was paralyzed with fear the whole time.”
“That’s new for you, isn’t it?” Tanner urged, and I smiled down at the blanket, knowing he understood that better than anyone, probably. “Yeah, I figured it would be.”
“I hated it.” I replied honestly. “I’ve never felt torn between duty and desire before. I’ve never worried about myself or my lo—” I paused, “those I care about like that.”
“I won’t say that I hate that.” Goldie stated, crossing the room and sliding in behind me on the couch so we were all nestled together. “But either way, I’m glad you got out of there.”
I snorted, snuggling deeper into her arms. “Martinez kept saying thank you.” I shuddered slightly. “Like he didn’t know what else to say. Like he had to say anything at all. Which he didn’t.”
“That was the shock and adrenaline.” Tanner added. “He’ll come off it in time and things will go back to normal.”
“Normal.” I sighed, staring off at that same candle flame, reminded of the heat from the explosion earlier. “Is anything normal anymore?”
“What do you mean?” Goldie asked.
“That truck didn’t drive into the rink by accident.” I said, voicing the concern I’d had almost as soon as we got on scene. “This was them—Bakewell Industries.”
“You think?” Goldie questioned, and I could feel the tension in her arms.
“I do.” I replied.
“I do, too.” Tanner agreed, tightening his hold on my foot. “And we’re going to find the proof and expose them, once and for all.”
Tanner’s phone rang on the coffee table, and we all froze for a moment, hesitating before he leaned forward to pick it up, as if none of us wanted to break the bubble we’d hidden in all day.
But our time was up, I knew that.
He silenced the ringer but swiped open the screen to check the other notifications on his screen. “Damn.”
“What?” I asked.
“They’re really pushing that story.” He mused, turning his phone to show us a headline that had been sent to him.
Hero Firefighter Saves Fellow First Responder in Suspicious Scene At Hometown Ice Rink.
“Damn,” I whispered, hating the way the word hero made my stomach churn.
“It’s a good thing, though,” Goldie said, taking the phone to scroll another headline saying the same thing. “They’re not just noting how incredible you are, they’re also noting the suspicious fire. That’s good.”
“Yeah,” I mused, looking away from the screen. “I know.”
She chuckled, handing Tanner his phone back. “You really hate the hero arc, don’t you?”
“It’s just—” I whined and then untangled myself from them to pace.
“I was just doing my job. And now people are going to be watching me, waiting to see me do something else like that. Something else heroic. And I don’t want that.
I just want to go to work and come home and forget the rest of the world exists. ”
“Give it time,” Tanner stood up to stop my pacing and held me tight in his arms. “It will die down, and you can go back to your anonymous hero activities without anyone taking note.”
I huffed at him, but felt a smirk on my lips as I buried my face in his chest. “I hate you.”
“Lies.” He said, rubbing his hands down my back and getting a groan from me. “You’re actually quite fond of me.”
“Speaking of which,” Goldie said coyly from the couch, and I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. “I want to talk about that.”
“Oh God,” I joked, but turned to face her, giving her my attention.
“Earlier, Tanner, you said something that I want to point out. Now that everyone seems a little more levelheaded.”
“Uh oh,” He smirked, and I laughed, glad that the attention was off of me. “Whatever it was, I’m sorry.”
“Typical man,” I scoffed and sat down on the edge of the table, facing her. “What did he do now? Can we hold it over his head for the rest of the night to get him to do the dishes? Or maybe we should tie him up this time?”
“Rude.” He deadpanned, “I was already going to do them. And I don’t do bondage. Unless you’re asking for a repeat of last time, in which I’ll tie those pretty thighs open anytime you ask. As long as you say please.”
“You said,” Goldie interrupted with a stern look on her cute little face. “That Rhea was my girlfriend.”
Something in my chest tightened immediately, as a million worst-case scenarios ran through my mind.
“Isn’t she?” Tanner asked with wide eyes.
“Obviously.” Goldie spat out without a care in the world for the panic she set off and settled in my chest in the mere span of seconds.
“Girl.” I scoffed with alarm. “Are you trying to hurt my feelings? I’m a little raw right now.”
She pursed her lips at me and my dramatics before turning her attention back to Tanner, who was standing with his arms crossed. “You called her my girlfriend.” She repeated pointedly, “But not your girlfriend.”
“Ah,” Tanner replied, and my heart fell to my stomach again as my entire body went through an emotional roller coaster.
“I’m gonna go—” I stood up, but Goldie and Tanner both simultaneously pulled and pushed me back down onto the table.
“Can it, Hotshot.” Goldie glared at me sweetly and then turned her attention back to Tanner as she crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebrow at him. “Tanner, do you have something you’d like to ask Rhea?”
“No.” He replied instantly, and my cheeks burned with embarrassment. Years ago, I found myself in a situation similar to this one where I was passed over and forgotten, as if I didn’t matter, and I knew deep down in my chest that it would happen again. I wasn’t what Tanner wanted. He wanted Goldie.
And I had been okay with that.
Truly.
But then—
Damnit. Goldie had pushed and pushed until we acted on our mutual sexual attraction to each other, and now I was sitting there, like a dumbass, about to hear Tanner say in his stupid calm and easy going voice how he didn’t want me to be his girlfriend and I was going to freaking cry like a teenage girl because I had been through a shit ton of emotions today and they were going to make this so much harder on me than I ever wanted and—
“I don’t have anything to ask, because at this point, I don’t really think there’s an option.
” Tanner said, drawing my attention to him.
He was looking down at me with those steady eyes I once hated.
Now I hung on every reliable emotion in them like a lovesick puppy.
“Not for me at least, I’m in this Rhea. All in. With you and Goldie both.”
Goldie squeaked one of her adorable cheerful noises and took my hand, “So can we make this official? Can we mark today as the day this was real? Like, really real.”
“I—” I stammered, shaking my head and trying to figure out what had just happened.
How had we gone from the worst day of my life, the day that I suddenly worried I didn’t have the guts it took to do what I did for a living, to this?
To then solidifying the very reason, it had all changed for me. Them.
It was them.
Tanner and Goldie were the reason I hesitated and worried inside that inferno today. They were the things outside of those flames that I envisioned not getting back to alive.
They were important to me.
Really fucking important.
“Yes.” I replied firmly, looking between the two of them as it clicked in my brain in a way it never had before. “I mean, I would like to. I’m in.” I looked at Tanner. “All in.”
“Me too!” Goldie clapped her hands and then got on her knees in front of me. “Girlfriend.” She said wistfully and looked up at Tanner with his cocky but never arrogant smirk. “Boyfriend.”
“Girlfriend.” He replied evenly, before turning to me. “Girlfriend.”
A stupid, pathetic smile pulled my lips back, even as I fought it before giving into the corny moment. “Boyfriend.” I said to Tanner, before looking down at Goldie and smoothing my fingers over her pink cheek. “Girlfriend.”
Was that moment one of the goofiest and uncool moments of my life?
Yes.
Did I feel ridiculous labeling human beings with trivial, modern-day names that were overused and undervalued every single day in society?
Yes.
Was it also one of the most moving moments of my adult life, having not one, but two incredible people choose me, openly and proudly, by making it official and declaring their commitment to me?
“Hell fucking yes.” I whispered and caught Goldie as she lunged at me, happy and excited with her infectious glee.
All the way, yes.