Chapter 8 Kieran #3
I had a good few more messages than normal from potential clients asking about my portfolio or open appointment slots.
I wanted to work on answering those while I ate breakfast, but when I came down the stairs I was greeted by the sight of Jordy, Chester, and my mom sitting together at the bar.
She was flipping through a magazine, laughing at some observation one of them had pointed out about something on a page.
I’d forgotten this was everyone else’s day off.
My brain jumped to the same train of thought it always did when I saw them spending time together.
My mom was beautiful, even with her blond hair chopped into a short, low-maintenance cut that barely hung to her chin.
She had light features and light eyes, just like the two of them.
They looked like they belonged together, a tidy little unit.
I looked like my father. Dark hair and dark eyes.
Jordy had this innocent, cherubic softness to his looks, which was probably part of why he always got away with so much shit.
My bone structure and general appearance had never afforded me that luxury.
I stuck out like a sore thumb from the three of them.
But they’d never treated me like I wasn’t part of the family, so why did I always have the nagging feeling that I didn’t belong?
When my mom glanced up and saw me standing at the edge of the kitchen like a weirdo, she smiled. “Morning, honey.”
“Morning,” I answered, nodding at Chester when he waved and greeted me as well.
Jordy glanced up from the counter, his eyes locking onto me for a moment before returning to the magazine.
He hadn’t been exactly thrilled with me since we’d made out the night before.
He’d actually been open and honest with me, pretty much straight out telling me he had feelings for me, or at least an attraction to me, which was something I’d never had the balls to do with him.
And I’d had to reject him and push him away again, which was the last thing I ever wanted.
But even if he wanted me like I wanted him, it didn’t matter.
We couldn’t do anything about it. If he knew how strongly I really felt for him, I knew it would just motivate him to try even harder.
It felt like everything was happening all at once, like a towering ocean wave was building and building, ready to crash over my life and destroy it and all I could do was scramble to try and bolster what I had, knowing it wouldn’t be enough.
But I couldn’t let that happen. My suffering was one thing.
It was inconsequential. But actually giving in and letting myself be with him was just unthinkable. It couldn’t happen.
He might be happy with me, at least for a little while, but eventually he’d start to realize how much he’d settled, and how much more he deserved.
On top of the fact that he was on track to have this amazing, successful life that I could never really contribute to, he would eventually start to notice the parts of me that I’d tried so hard to hide from him.
I couldn’t live through it if he started to resent me for robbing him of the life he deserved.
So if he hated me for turning him away, then so be it. That would just make it easier on him.
Even if the way he’d been looking up at me, with his fingers clutching the front of my shirt like he was pleading with me not to leave him, made me feel like my heart was melting in my chest. If anyone else had given him that wounded look in those big blue eyes, I would have wanted to tear their head off their shoulders and hand it to them.
“What’s been going on with you?” Mom asked as I opened up the refrigerator to scrounge up some breakfast. “I feel like we’ve barely talked lately.”
“Nothing much. Just working a lot.”
“So you’re not going to mention that you’re totally going viral on Instagram?” Jordy questioned, though he didn’t look up at me.
“Viral?” My mom repeated, looking confused. “Like these… memes you kids talk about?”
“Uh, no,” I answered, suppressing my smirk at her stereotypically out-of-touch but kind of endearing adult answer. “I did a tattoo on a pretty famous influencer yesterday and he gave me a shout out. So it’s a lot of exposure for me.”
“That’s great!” Chester piped up, giving me a congratulatory little pat on my shoulder on his way to the coffeepot for another cup. “Congratulations!”
“Do you think that means more people will come to you for bookings?” Mom asked.
“I hope so,” I said. “I’ve already gotten a lot of messages about it, so…” I trailed off, awkwardly glancing around until my eyes landed back on Jordy. “I didn’t even know you were following me.”
He looked up, giving me that you’re so fucking stupid and I’m so tired of it expression that I absolutely despised.
“Of course I follow you, Kieran. I love your art.”
The sincerity dripping from his voice, coupled with the expression on his face that suggested he’d rather have swallowed razor blades than admit it to me in that moment, had my heart skipping in my chest and heat washing over me.
I had to look away into an empty corner to compose myself. Why did he have to be so… Like that?
“You ought to show your boss today when you go in,” Chester suggested. “Probably get you a little closer to a promotion.”
He was one of the most genuinely nice guys in the world and had always been really supportive of me, but the ultimate midwestern dad who wouldn’t even curse or watch a TV show with drugs in it wasn’t too knowledgeable about the tattoo industry or the various tiers therein.
But there wasn’t any point in correcting him.
“Yeah, I’ll show her.”
When I pulled a can of soda out of the fridge, Jordy eyed it in my hand.
“Is that the last diet Dr. Pepper?” He asked.
Giving him a wry look, I set it on the bar and pushed it over to him.
Looking just a little too pleased with himself, he popped it open and took a sip, his blue eyes locked onto mine.
It felt like a taunt, like he was reminding me that it was a waste of my time and energy to try and deny him of anything he wanted.
Chester watched the little exchange between us with a slight chuckle, shaking his head, before stating that he’d make sure to buy more at the store later when he and my mom went out shopping.
When I sat down at the table instead of the bar with them, my mom moved over to sit next to me and asked to see a picture of the tattoo I was becoming famous for.
When I showed her, she raved about how cute it was and how talented I was and how she was so glad she never scolded me about doodling all the time as a kid.
Jordy didn’t speak to me again, and ended up retreating back upstairs, with the soda I’d wanted, before I headed out. Whatever. I’d just get something on the way to work.
THE NEXT FEW days felt like a blur. The post kept gaining more and more traction, getting crossposted to other sites and talked about by tattoo accounts.
I took advantage the best way I knew how, by posting a lot more than usual while eyes were on me, and making sure to show off all my best work.
It felt like half my energy was going to that, and the other half was expended in the effort of avoiding Jordy like the plague.
“Well, you could at least try to look happy about all the new customers,” Barbie remarked, putting a hand on her hip as the customer I’d finished tattooing sailed out of the front door. Another satisfied and happy client.
“I am,” I answered instantly. We’d already gotten a handful of people into the shop that had brought up the post and wanted to be tattooed by me specifically. It was a little overwhelming, but all the extra money was awesome. And Barbie was thrilled about all the exposure.
“You don’t look happy,” she said. “You look like whatever’s been eating your ass for weeks is still eating it.”
Disdain for her odd metaphor aside, I sighed. “You’re still on about that?”
Giving me a very light smack to the back of my head, she waggled her finger in my face. “Yes, I’m still on about that.”
“Fine. I’m on drugs. You caught me.”
“Nope,” she answered, crossing her arms and shaking her head. “I’ve been watching you. You’ve been daydreaming.”
Scoffing, I rolled my eyes. “Spacing out is not daydreaming.”
“Tomato, to-mah-to. It’s not drugs that have you distracted like that. It’s just like I thought before.”
“And what did you think before?” She’d accused me of so many things I couldn’t even remember.
“You’re stuck on some omega. Don’t deny it,” she interrupted me, before I could protest. “I know that look. I’ve been that look,” she added. “I remember what I felt like when I first met my wife.”
“Whatever.”
“So tell me about it,” she invited, propping her butt up onto the sales counter. “Things are moving too fast for you?” She guessed. “Or maybe not fast enough?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, at least tell me about the omega. Is he cute? You like guys, right?”
I sighed, leaning my head back into the chair I’d plopped down into, but didn’t answer.
“You’ll feel better if you talk about it, Kieran. I’m serious.”
“I don’t want to,” I repeated. She gave me a dry look, letting out a slow breath.
“Alright. Tell me about him or you’re fired.”
“Seriously?” I asked, eyes wide.
“Completely. And you won’t be eligible for unemployment either.”
“Alright, alright,” I grumbled, even though I was 99% sure she wouldn’t really fire me. “There’s nothing to tell, anyway.” There was too much to tell. “What do you even want to know?”
“All I really want to know is what’s got you so down. Is he treating you bad or stressing you out?”
“It’s not really him that’s stressing me out,” I admitted. “It’s…” I trailed off, gesturing widely. “It’s just the situation.”
“You didn’t knock him up, did you?” She guessed, wincing.
“No! God,” I groaned, pressing my palms into my eyes to ward off that particularly horrifying thought. “Nothing like that. It’s just that… I can’t really be with him like I want. And it’s hard. But I’ll get over it,” I promised. “I’ll try harder.”
“You’re doing fine, kid,” she said, moving around the counter to rub my back in comforting circles. “You don’t have to worry about trying harder. So what’s the deal? What’s this big issue?”
“I really, really don’t want to talk about that part,” I said, trying to inject as much pleading into my voice as I could. I knew she probably wouldn’t judge me, but… I wasn’t ready to voice all the fucked up shit yet.
“Alright,” she conceded. “You’ve said enough. Just remember that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
“Yeah, I know.” And Jordy Nolan and I were most definitely not meant to be.
“Why don’t you head out early and get some sleep?” She suggested, jerking her chin toward the door. “Henry and I can handle the rest of the walk-ins for today.”
“Really?”
“Only if you promise you’ll get some rest and stop brooding about your little darling. What’s his name, anyway?”
I hesitated, racking my brain for if I’d ever mentioned his name to her before in the context of being my stepbrother. I was almost completely sure I hadn’t.
“Jordy.”
“That’s cute,” she remarked, giving me a satisfied little smirk because she’d finally succeeded in prying my private information out of me.
If she ever did meet Jordy, she’d probably love him because he was a champion at nagging, just like her.
“Alright, get some rest and you better come back in looking refreshed or there’ll be hell to pay. ”
“Aye-aye, captain.”