Kieran #3
You couldn’t leave the aquarium without going through the gift shop. When we exited the room for the last exhibit, it led straight into it. There were lots of souvenirs for sale, like magnets and coffee mugs and t-shirts, along with giant bins of stuffed animals.
“I’ve been meaning to ask this but we kept getting distracted,” I started, hoping I wasn’t bringing up the wrong thing. “You had fun, right? I mean, you’re not feeling… Sad or anything?”
He bit down on his lower lip, giving me big puppy eyes like he thought I was the most amazing person in the world, before shaking his head.
“No. Honestly, you made it really great. I don’t feel sad at all. I really, really appreciate you.”
Relieved, I nodded. “It’s okay. I had fun.” It was true, to my surprise. “And… I’m glad you liked it.”
“Yep,” he agreed, clinging onto my arm again. “You’re such a good date.”
I was pretty sure I’d never been told that by anyone else I’d gone out with. Maybe I was only good at it because I was with him. None of the other dates I’d ever gone on stood out in my mind enough for me to even try to remember if I’d done anything wrong.
“So… Do you maybe want to get a friend for your fish?” I wondered, gesturing around the room. “What’s the name again? Orange-o?”
“It’s Orangey,” he corrected me, glaring for a second before laughing. “Fantastic name, I know.”
“Well, you could also get a Greeny,” I said, pointing to the turtles. “Or a Pinky?” Starfish.
He pursed out his lips, thinking. “Well… I think I want a Black-and-Whitey, actually.”
“A penguin?” I guessed, remembering how much he’d liked their exhibit.
“Yeah!” He said. “They’re really cute. Remember how it said they give each other gifts as part of the courting ritual?”
Carefully grabbing a penguin plush off the shelf, I slowly pushed it into his hands. He squealed, burying his face in it.
“Oh my god, stop. You’re going to kill me,” he said, but he was obviously happy.
Once we were back in the truck, he carefully set the penguin upright between us.
“Are you actually naming it Black-and-Whitey?” I asked, and he laughed, shaking his head.
“Nah. I think Tuxy is a good name. Like a tuxedo, you know?”
“Sounds good to me,” I said, once again navigating the somewhat irritating parking garage. I was glad I didn’t have to use one of these things every day for work. “So there’s some pretty nice places around here to eat. Did you have anything in mind?”
“You want to take me out somewhere nice?” He asked, sounding surprised.
“Well, if you want.” I hadn’t known it would be a big deal or anything.
“Um, honestly?” He started. “I hope this doesn’t sound lame or ungrateful or anything but I kind of just like hanging out with you, so… I don’t really need to go anywhere fancy. We can just eat in the truck for all I care.”
“Ungrateful?” I asked, snorting out a little laugh. “No. You’re just odd.”
“That’s fine,” he said, shrugging. “I don’t mind being odd.”
If he didn’t want anything fancy, that was fine with me.
I’d never been that kind of guy, anyway.
I watched out of the corner of my eye as he pulled out an insulin pen from the pocket-sized mini-cooler thing he carried around, quickly going through the injection process and then putting everything away.
When we pulled up to the drive-thru speaker, Jordy told me he’d had a big lunch, so he wasn’t that hungry, he’d just eat some of whatever I got. Typical.
It was a Saturday night, so it was pretty busy, but once I got the food I pulled into one of the only spots I could find. There were teenagers in cars on either side of us, like it was some big hangout spot. Annoying. But I just rolled up the windows to block them out.
“Relax,” Jordy suggested, grinning a little at my obvious irritation.
“I’m bad at relaxing,” I reminded him, taking a giant bite of the barbecue bacon burger I’d ordered.
He smirked, swiping one of my fries. “You seemed pretty relaxed this morning, when we were driving here.”
Staring at him wryly for a few seconds, I cocked an eyebrow. “You are very, very mistaken about that.”
He laughed, again looking way too pleased with himself. If I ignored all the issues that made it impossible for us to be together, he was the easiest person in the world to be around.
When I’d finished eating and he’d finished picking at my food, we decided we’d had enough excitement for one night and were ready to head back to the room and relax. Not that I was convinced I’d be able to relax being trapped in a bed with him. But that was a bridge I’d have to cross then.
Stuffing all the wrappers and cardboard fry boxes into the paper bag, he balled it up and headed over to the big trash can near the side of the building.
I hated having trash littering my truck, so I appreciated the gesture.
Tapping my fingers to the beat of the lame pop music he still had playing on my radio, which I would absolutely never admit was starting to grow on me, I watched him as he walked over.
My eyes narrowed as he stopped, looking around like he’d heard someone call his name. A guy with broad shoulders and dark, curly hair jogged up to him. When the hair on my arms pricked up, my muscles twitching, I knew he was an alpha.
But unlike with that asshole Andrew at that party, Jordy’s body language was totally comfortable, even friendly.
He looked surprised to see the guy, like he knew him from somewhere.
I slapped down the volume knob on the radio and wrenched open my door a crack so I could try and hear their conversation, but there was too much noise from the people around us.
I hated the feeling coursing through me, making me grit my teeth and clench my jaw. Separating him from someone who was obviously harassing him and making him uncomfortable was one thing, but this clean-cut guy with the friendly mannerisms was obviously no threat.
Still, after about another minute of them chatting, I couldn’t stop myself from stepping out of my truck. As I walked over, I could hear Jordy laughing.
“Everything okay?” I asked as I approached, even though it was more than obvious that it was.
“Oh!” Jordy looked surprised as he turned around to see me, like he’d forgotten he was there with me. “Sorry, we got caught up talking about OU,” he apologized.
To support Jordy’s statement, the guy pointed to his sweatshirt, which had the logo of the school on the front. “Cougar life,” he stated proudly, referencing their mascot. “Are you going there too?” He asked me.
“No.”
Of course I wasn’t going to their uppity college, full of future politicians and lawyers. I couldn’t even hack it in community college in my own hometown.
“Oh,” he answered, probably surprised by the flatness in my tone.
Jordy cleared his throat. “Um, well, anyway we were just leaving, so…”
“Right!” The guy laughed a little, shaking his head like he was amused at himself. “Sorry for holding you up! I didn’t realize you were here with somebody!”
“It’s okay,” Jordy assured him. “See you later!”
“I’ll DM you!” He said, giving a final wave as he sprinted back off toward the car he’d come from.
I felt my hand clench into a fist at my side, but I tried to ignore it as I marched back to the truck, Jordy at my heels. The second he’d closed the passenger side door, I revved up the truck.
“Kieran?” He questioned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied, whipping through the parking lot and onto the road, glad our hotel was only a couple of blocks away. After a few more moments of silence, I couldn’t hold in my next question. “He said he was going to DM you?”
“Yeah, on Instagram.”
“You gave a guy your Instagram after talking to him for two minutes in a parking lot?” I asked, the words coming out slowly and deliberately. When I glanced over at him, I could see now that he’d realized why I was upset.
“No!” he said. “Well, I mean, yes. But not just then. I met him earlier today. It was weird seeing him again like that!” He tacked on.
“You met him earlier today? I thought you were staying in the room.”
“I did!” He promised. “I went out to the lobby to get my food. He was delivering it. That’s all.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My mind was racing, but my thoughts were sluggish and dark, like they had to wade through black oil to make it from one end of my brain to the other.
It was all so normal and easy for him, to meet people and make friends and network.
To exchange social media with a guy he’d just met, just because they were going to the same school.
Of course it was. For all I knew, that alpha had been valedictorian of his own school, with amazing grades and extracurriculars and sports participation.
That was the kind of person Jordy should have been spending his time with, not someone like me.
“Kieran,” Jordy repeated, his voice more firm this time. “It wasn’t like he was flirting with me or anything. He has a girlfriend. She’s going to our school, too.”
I knew he wasn’t flirting. But that wasn’t really the problem.
The problem was that there would be a million of those clean cut guys with college sweatshirts, with nice haircuts and expensive sneakers, who thought economics was actually kind of interesting, and who didn’t struggle interacting with people or hide away in their room sketching and listening to music.
They didn’t have the past I had. They were normal.
They could have normal relationships, without nightmares and screwed up genetics from a guy who drank too much and hit whoever was in close proximity to him, even if that person happened to be his wife and kid.
It would be so easy for him to be with one of them. Not like how it would be with me.
Somehow I’d managed to get to the hotel on autopilot, even though I could barely remember driving at all. Opening my door I hopped out and slammed it, heading toward the empty beach. The sun had set while we’d been eating, dipping down under the horizon, and now the sky was dark.
“Hey!” Jordy barked out the word, hurrying around the truck to catch up with me. “Where are you going?”
“I need to take a walk. Go back to the room.”
“I don’t understand why you’re upset,” he said, ignoring my command.
“I know you don’t.”
Of course he didn’t understand why I was upset.
For him, we were just screwing around for a weekend, and maybe even a little while longer.
And then he could go off to his snotty, high-achieving school and be fawned over by alphas that actually had a chance at a real life with him.
What was even the point of any of this, anyway?
How had I actually let myself think this would work for me?
“You don’t have any reason to be jealous!” He insisted, stumbling a bit as the asphalt of the parking lot faded into the soft sand of the beach. It wasn’t a huge beach, and the little slice of sand was surrounded on either side by wooded areas.
“I’m not fucking jealous!” I snapped, turning away from him and heading down the coastline toward the forest, where the trees were thick.
It was a lie. I was so jealous I wanted to die. Not of the friendly alpha with a girlfriend in the fast food parking lot, but of whatever rich, successful fuckboy alpha would end up with my omega for real.
“Can you just stop and talk to me?” He begged, keeping right at my side, even though my strides were considerably longer than his. Leave it to me to try to outrun a damn track star.
“I need to think. I need to be alone. Just go back to the fucking room,” I repeated, snarling out the words to him, hoping it would scare him into actually listening to me for once.
“No!” He snapped the words back at me. “I’m not going anywhere until you calm down and actually talk to me!”
He didn’t get it, and I couldn’t explain it to him. Keeping my eyes straight ahead because I couldn’t bear to look at him, sticks crunched under our feet as we entered the wooded area. It was even darker here, the lights from the street blocked by the thickening mass of trees.
I could see everything flashing before my eyes, everything I would lose. Jordy meeting the guy, losing his virginity, getting married. Getting marked, becoming his mate. I couldn’t fucking stand it. Bile rose to my throat. My heart was pounding out of control and my jaw felt like it would shatter.
Finally speeding up so he could get ahead of me and block my path, he smacked his hands onto my chest to stop me in my tracks.
“Is it that bad?” He demanded, panting. “You can’t even stand to see me talk to another guy now?”
“That’s not it!” I denied. “You… You don’t fucking understand, okay!?”
“So explain it to me!” He begged. “I’ll listen! You know I will!”
“You…” I raked my palms over my eyes, trying not to scream in frustration. “You will never understand! Stop trying to understand me. It’s not worth your time, and it’s just going to make everything harder when you go away so just fucking stop it.”
He shook his head, giving me an incredulous look. “Whatever the hell has been going on in your head for the last few minutes, you need to forget about it. Nothing has changed from when we were together at the aquarium.”
His voice was calm and even, a direct contrast to how I was feeling. He didn’t lose his cool like I was always doing. He was perfect. A perfect little virgin, perfectly preserved for his future husband, that would get his perfect degree and have some perfect job and a perfect life. Without me.
But there was one part of that I could change. There was one part of him I could take, and whatever stupid fucking faceless alpha he ended up with couldn’t have.
Reaching out, I gripped the back of hair, forcing his head back as I captured his lips.
He let out a shocked sound against my mouth, and I waited for him to try and push me away.
His hands twitched on my chest, tightening and then loosening, before he slipped them up over my shoulders and hooked his arms around my neck.
His fingernails dug into the collar of my shirt, gripping me there like a lifeline as I fucked his mouth with my tongue.
Finally releasing him once I needed to breathe, I dragged my hands over his body until I was gripping the waistline of his sexy little shorts. Staring into his eyes for a heartbeat, then two, my fingers trembled as the overwhelming urge to claim him threatened to swallow me up.
His next words broke all of my resolve, all of my reservations, and everything I’d tried so hard to avoid for so many years.
“It’s okay.”