Kieran #3
I went on and on about how I’d just hated seeing him around other guys and how much I’d worried about what would happen to him, and how everything had spiraled and escalated between us until I’d ended up realizing how in love with him I was and how I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
By the time I’d gotten every stupid, insecure thought and every pathetic apology out, my breath was heaving out and I felt kind of sick, but I still couldn’t stop babbling and saying that I was sorry.
“Kieran,” he interrupted me gently, placing a warm hand on one of my shoulder blades. “It’s alright. I’m not upset with you, and you don’t have to be sorry about anything.”
“No,” I argued, hanging my head. It couldn’t be that easy. “I… I went behind your back, and…”
“Kieran,” he repeated, this time a note of slightly amused exasperation in the word. “Do you think I don’t know what Jordy is like when he sets his mind on something?”
Swallowing hard, I shifted my gaze up from the stained wood rail to his face. He was grinning, in a weary sort of perturbed way, but it was still a grin.
“I know I’m a beta, so you must think I don’t understand any of this, but when Jordy presented as an omega… I made sure to learn everything I could about these things, so I wouldn’t feel so lost bringing him up. I know it’s not something you could help.”
“It’s not,” I agreed quietly, only because admitting out loud that the biological urge to fuck and bite his son had been beyond my capability to resist, felt vulgar and embarrassing.
“And… And I know you probably imagined him with someone different but I swear I’m going to take care of him and make sure he has everything he needs all the time.
I’m… I’m going to work harder and make sure I get to a point that I can provide for him.
Well, I mean, not that he really needs me to, but…
I won’t be a burden on him or anything like that. Really.”
He waited patiently for me to finish before giving me a slow nod, pursing his lips in a thoughtful way.
“Can I tell you a story?” He asked, and I felt my brows furrow together.
“Yeah,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure it was exactly the ideal time for stories.
“So, like I said, back when everything happened and we had Jordy tested for the omega gene, I started researching everything I could to try and understand. I joined forums of beta parents with alpha and omega kids, and asked questions there, and read about other peoples’ experiences with it.”
I didn’t find it very hard to imagine him doing that. He’d never been the kind of parent to half-ass it or put in the minimal effort. I wasn’t sure if my mom had done anything like that for me, but she’d had enough bullshit going on that I couldn’t exactly blame her.
“And some of the stuff I read was so… Scary,” he hesitated before finally deciding on the word.
“I read parents talking about when their teen or young adult omega found their alpha, everything changed between them. That alpha became their kid’s whole world, and the alphas weren’t always exactly nice or considerate, especially about keeping the parents in the know about changes in their life.
I don’t mean every alpha is like that,” he tacked on hurriedly.
I guess he thought I’d be offended by the critical description of alphas.
I wasn’t. Most of the other alphas I knew were complete pricks.
“It’s just that those are the stories that scared me. And… I’d already lost his mom.”
I’d always known that part of his hover-style of parenting, the reason he was always so worried about Jordy’s health, was because he’d already gone through the pain of losing someone that important to him. It was part of why it was so difficult to feel irritated with him when he got like that.
When I gave him a small nod, indicating for him to continue, he went on.
“And Jordy is so… single-minded,” he mused, squeezing his eyes closed and shaking his head. “When he decides he wants something, it’s all he thinks about until he gets it. I know that.”
Usually, that was a good thing, like when he decided he wanted to graduate top of his class and get accepted to his first choice college. But when it came to stuff like romance… Well, I hadn’t stood a chance in hell against him.
“It was so easy for me to imagine him as that kind of omega they talked about, that he would put his whole everything into that relationship. And I’d be left behind,” he finished.
“I wouldn’t do that,” I said. “I mean, not that I could, anyway,” I added quickly. “Jordy doesn’t, uh…” I stopped, clearing my throat. “He’s not exactly, um…” Don’t say submissive. Don’t say submissive. “He has his own mind and makes his own decisions.”
Chester nodded at my assertion of Jordy’s willfulness, and that kind patience for me was back in my eyes.
“So one day, after I’d read so many of those awful stories on those forums, I came out into the living room.
And I saw you with him,” he said. “You didn’t realize I was watching you, but I was.
He’d fallen asleep on the couch watching some show, and he was half hanging off, with his arm on the floor.
I watched you move him up so he wouldn’t roll off, and cover him with a blanket. ”
All I could think was thank god I’d never given in to the urge to kiss him or stroke his hair all those times he’d fallen asleep next to me.
“And when I saw you do that… I thought about how you were always looking out for him, and always making sure he was safe and happy. I thought about how nice it would be for Jordy to end up with someone like you. That someone like you would take care of him, and never manipulate or take advantage of him. And that someone like you would be compassionate, and understand why it would hurt me so much to have him taken away.”
Like so many other times in my life, I didn’t know what to say.
But his words put this crazy feeling in my chest, a feeling I couldn’t exactly pinpoint or describe.
He’d always been good to me, and I’d never felt like it was because he was trying to suck up to my mom.
But to imagine this ultra strait-laced do-gooder type guy looking at someone like me and thinking about how compassionate I could be, and how he’d want someone like me with Jordy… I wouldn’t have ever considered that.
“I’m not saying I actually thought it would be you or anything, and not so soon,” he clarified, with a somewhat sheepish grin. “I mean, I didn’t think I’d someday have a stepson that was also my son-in-law.”
I winced, my mouth twisting into a grimace despite the heartfelt, emotional moment. That definitely didn’t sound right, once he said it out loud.
“But I can’t complain about getting what I wanted for him. And I know you won’t ever disappoint him. Or me,” he added. “You never have, Kieran.”
Clearing my throat again, only because I could feel hot tears burning the back of my eyes, I just nodded.
But we stood out there for a long time after that, and he never took his hand off my shoulder.