Chapter 29 #3
The memory evaporated, leaving me in the middle of a storm of moths beating their wings. My body shook, my fists clenched so tight my knuckles turned white. Crystallized tears had piled up at my feet. Arawn was already standing. I pushed myself up and slapped him square across the face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I screamed, pounding my fists against his chest again and again.
He stood unmoving, impassive, letting me strike him until I was out of breath.
“Stop. You’re starting to lose your sugared skin,” he remarked dryly. “Hurt me as much as you want, but don’t hurt yourself because of me.”
“Take me seriously, for once!” I cried, wiping away fresh tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“And how exactly do you imagine that conversation would have gone?” he said, tilting his head.
“‘By the way, I knew your mentor. She made me promise to kill her if her heart was corrupted, and I did. And even she (your perfect idol) couldn’t manage to make the elixir to kill me, because the sucremort in my heart demanded too much strength. So, ready to give it a try?’”
I blinked. He wasn’t wrong. If I had known, I would have given up before I even started. But that wasn’t the point.
“I can’t believe you let me talk about her all this time without saying anything. Add ‘liar’ to your list of flaws!”
He raised a brow. “List?”
“Yes, a list.” I crossed my arms and started ticking them off on my fingers. “Arrogant. Cold. Condescending. Insensitive. Sarcastic. Evasive. Rude. Whiny. Prideful. Unbearable, and—”
“All right, all right, I get it,” Arawn cut in with a grimace. “Well, at least I can stop worrying about your feelings for me. Clearly, they’ve disappeared.”
I slapped him again, my palm burning against his cheek. Ouch. His skin was so damn hard. “Feelings don’t just disappear like that!”
Arawn’s eyes widened, his usual coldness faltering. Was that… a hint of red on his cheeks? No, impossible. Must’ve been from the slap. I let out a frustrated sigh, my emotions tangled into a knot I couldn’t untie.
“Nyla considered me her daughter,” I murmured, a bitter smile tugging at my lips.
“That’s what you take away from all this?” Arawn said, incredulous.
My heart pinched. “What happened to Nyla… it’s what she wanted. She wanted to save her soul. You gave her the end she chose, the happiest one of all.”
“What I did to her…” Arawn’s voice was lower, rougher. “You can’t forgive that. You should hate me.”
“I don’t forgive you. I don’t know if I ever could, but…
” I still didn’t understand why Nyla had gone to Zelda.
I couldn’t change the past, but in the future, I intended to have a say.
This had to end. “Zelda took everything from us. I won’t let you spend eternity chained to her.
Even if Nyla didn’t believe in me, and I’m your confectioner by default, I’d rather kill you myself than let that happen! ”
Arawn’s mouth curved into a half smile. “Is that jealousy I hear?”
I bit my lip, fighting the urge to slap him again. “What was your relationship with Nyla? Were you… close?”
The idea made me sick. My mentor, and the only man I’d ever felt anything for, bound together like that? No. Please. No. Anything but that.
“We didn’t like each other much, but I respected her,” Arawn answered. “Her thoughts and feelings resonated with me. I could feel them. About you. So in a way, I was closer to her feelings for you than I ever wanted to be. What you heard about yourself—”
“I know. I don’t have the right kind of heart to be a confectioner. Sugar never wanted me, which explains a lot.”
“Yet now it answers you. She didn’t just see your flaws, she saw that spark you’ve always had.”
I nodded. A spark of hope. The same hope the boy in the orchard once had of becoming a powerful sorcerer. The hope Arawn carried to not become a monster. The hope I carried to become a confectioner as great as Nyla. And what if that was enough? My throat tightened.
Nyla had told me there was a confectioner for every sorcerer, and vice versa. They went in pairs. Always. But not all pairs were equal.
Soulmates.
That’s what existed between confectioners and sorcerers. And what if Nyla had been Arawn’s soulmate? She was the most gifted confectioner I had ever known. And he, the most powerful sorcerer. It made sense.
I should hate him. Yet, I found myself still standing, after everything I’d just learned.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Arawn noted.
“I accepted the witch’s invitation to the first harvest ball of winter,” I said firmly, my whole body stiffening. “I’ll go, and I’ll break my curse in front of her. Don’t even think of trying to stop me!”
“Why am I not surprised? Fine. You’ll be the perfect distraction while I retrieve my heart.”
“As for the elixir…” I sighed, squaring my shoulders. “I’ll think about it after I’ve solved my own problems. You’ve waited this long. A few more days won’t kill you.”
I had never been anyone’s chosen anything, but that wouldn’t stop me from fighting. Even if I wasn’t Arawn’s true confectioner soulmate, I was convinced he was mine. Just like I wasn’t Nyla’s real daughter, but it had never stopped me from loving her as a mother.
And maybe… that would be enough.
“I’m glad you’re reconsidering killing me. There’s no one else I’d rather have do it.”
I frowned, lips pressed in annoyance. “I can’t decide if you’re the best or worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
But one thing was certain: I was no longer the Lempicka I once was (whether because of him, or in spite of him). I would become the confectioner who would silence that cursed witch. Just a human, but not less than anyone else.
“The worst,” he said with a sharp grin. “Remember that. Because better things will come to you.”
He paused, his shoulders tensing imperceptibly. His gaze slid over me, slow, measured, as if he were taking me in one last time.
“But nothing worse than me. That, I promise you.”
For a moment, I wondered if this was his way of making sure I’d never forget him.