Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Ayden
I’ve been dreading this day for weeks, but I need to do this.
Say goodbye to Howie Adams, my childhood best friend.
The man who was there for Laney when I wasn’t, who knew my daughter before I did, and one who didn’t deserve to die so young.
Serena said she wants to cook supper with me tonight and that it’d cheer me up once we got back from the cemetery.
It’s the only thing holding me together. After drawing a bath and ordering dessert for Laney last night, I wrote him a letter while I waited for her to get done. I poured my heart into it, knowing I’d struggle to say those words to him today.
“Ya ready?” Laney asks in her bedroom doorway, looking stunning as usual. Her golden blond hair is down, feathered around her shoulders, and her green eyes meet mine.
Once I finish putting on my shoes, I stand and blow out a breath. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
Serena skips down the hallway as Laney takes my hand and squeezes.
I know this is hard on her, too. She called me after the funeral and cried.
She held it in for the sake of Howie’s family and Serena.
But when we spoke on the phone that night, I told her it was safe to release her grief.
I hated that I couldn’t be there to hold her as she cried.
Howie was a really good friend and helped out a lot with Serena.
Losing him caused a big hole in her heart.
I feel even worse knowing her support system is gone, and I wasn’t back soon enough to thank him.
During the drive, Serena rambles about when Howie dressed up as a hippo at her last birthday party. She cracks up at the memory of Howie letting her friends hit him with a plastic baseball bat until he gave them candy.
I shoot my gaze to Laney, brow furrowed in a what the fuck expression. She bursts out laughing and shrugs.
“He loved kids.”
I know he wasn’t married, but I never asked about kids. “Did he have any?”
She shakes her head.
“Uncle Howie couldn’t get married,” Serena tells me. I hadn’t realized she was listening.
Narrowing my eyes, I turn around to face her in the back seat. “How come?”
“Because we’re in the Bible Belt!”
“I...I’m missin’ something.” I turn to Laney, her face pale as she focuses on the road.
“Um...” Laney clears her throat, but Serena speaks up before she can continue.
“Uncle Howie and Uncle Reagan weren’t allowed to be married,” Serena states. “But they had a vows ceremony.”
“Who’s Reagan?” I ask Laney.
“His partner,” she tells me.
“Howie was gay?”
She nods. “He came out to his family five years ago. But I knew long before then.”
I blink, shocked that Howie never told me and that Laney didn’t either.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was gonna.”
“That’s why Howie moved out. He wanted to live with Uncle Reagan instead,” Serena adds.
“He lived with you?” Why the hell didn’t she tell me that, either?
“Yeah, for a while...”
“What aren’t you tellin’ me?”
She pulls into the cemetery and quickly glances at me. “Can we talk about this later?”
“Sure, but we will be talkin’ about it...”
I loved Howie like a brother and wouldn’t have cared either way if he was gay, but why wouldn’t she share these details with me after talking for the past few weeks?
Once she parks, she grabs the bouquet of roses we picked up earlier and leads me to his plot. His stone isn’t set in yet, but a variety of flower arrangements are around it. I kneel, rubbing a hand over the fresh dirt and grass.
“Hey, buddy...” I manage to choke out. God, I wished I’d seen him at least once more before he died. How goddamn unfair.
“Uncle Howie, I got to meet my daddy finally!” Serena gushes, and a new wave of guilt and emotions floods my veins. “He’s a rancher now.” She giggles.
I laugh at the unexpected admission she tells him.
“He’d find that funny too,” I admit with a grin. A football star turned ranch hand.
Pulling out my folded letter from my pocket, I tuck it into the roses and place it next to a set of dying ones. “Read that when you get a minute,” I murmur.
“What’s that?” Serena asks.
“Just a little thing I wrote him.”
“Can I read it?”
“Serena Mae. Manners,” Laney interrupts.
Serena frowns.
“Sorry, kiddo. It’s adult stuff.”
“I know a lot about adult stuff,” she exclaims.
“I know you do, baby, but it’s personal and for Uncle Howie only,” Laney explains.
Serena furrows her brow at being left out. “I’ll write him my own letter, then.”
“That’s a good idea.” Laney smirks.
“I’ll give you the CliffsNotes,” I tell Serena.
“The what?” Her upper lip curls in confusion, and Laney and I both laugh at her not understanding the reference.
“I told him how awesome it was to finally meet my daughter and how cool you are,” I say, standing and giving her a side hug.
“Well, obviously,” she singsongs.
“And I told him how you and your mama are as pretty as a peach,” I continue.
“You did?”
Smiling, I nod and steal a glance at Laney’s expression. Her cheeks are tinted pink.
“Ever since I was thirteen, I thought your mama was the most stunnin’ woman I’d ever seen.” She stole my heart, and I never wanted it back. “And we have a beautiful little girl.”
“I saw photos of Mama when she was younger wearin’ braces and glasses.” Serena snickers.
“Hey, don’t make fun.” Laney scowls.
“And she was the prettiest four-eyes there ever was,” I taunt.
Laney playfully smacks my arm.
I hope Howie’s looking down at us, smiling and laughing.
After another few minutes, Laney takes Serena’s hand and says she’ll give me some privacy.
Kneeling, I blow out a breath and try to find words to express my gratitude.
“I owe ya one, Howie. I should’ve been a better friend and contacted you when I settled.
I’m sorry I didn’t. I was a scared kid.” I go on and on about ranch life and thank him repeatedly for taking care of Serena and Laney when I wasn’t here to do it.
“I wish I knew about Reagan sooner. Maybe I’ll meet him before I go.”
After a few more minutes, I decide it’s time to return to the car. Laney and Serena are jamming out to country music, and hearing them sing makes me smile.
“You okay?” Laney asks once I settle in my seat.
The grin on my face is sincere. “Never been better.”