Chapter 12 #2
“Grief isn’t something you can fully understand until you’ve experienced it firsthand. It’s worse when it’s paired with guilt and is the most painful way to live. Makes ya not wanna live at all.”
She flicks her gaze to mine as if she wants to ask questions, but she places her hand on mine and squeezes it instead. My stomach flips at the skin-on-skin contact, but her expression is filled with sympathy and remorse.
“I can’t even imagine what that was like for you. Jase showed me a few pics of her. She was beautiful.”
My throat closes up as I give her a tight smile. “Yeah, she was. She was filled with so much heart and energy. Loved being outside and tryin’ new things. Nothin’ scared her.”
“Wow, she sounds like the exact opposite of Jase.” She chuckles, and I do, too, because she’s right.
I wish I could explain what happened, but I can’t. I’ve only said those words aloud once when I told my wife and the detectives. But repeating them made it real.
And I didn’t want them to be true.
“Lyla woulda loved it here,” I tell her instead. “She loved watchin’ me work on horses and askin’ a million questions about them.”
I’d do anything to listen to her talk for hours again.
“Reminds me of Mallory. It’s why she and Serena are good friends. They can talk each other’s ears off.”
“That’s Ayden’s daughter?”
She nods. “He and his wife, Laney, have another one comin’ in a couple months. Ayden didn’t even know Serena existed until last year.”
“What?”
She chuckles at my expression. I wish I could bottle up the sound. It’s so sweet and genuine. It makes me smile even when my heart hurts.
“It’s a long story, but basically, Ayden left his hometown a decade ago to escape his abusive father. Laney didn’t find out she was pregnant until he was gone, but he’d ditched his phone and all social media so she couldn’t even tell him.”
“Wow. So Laney raised her alone?”
“Not exactly, and that’s an even longer story.
..” She snort-laughs. “You’ll have to take Ayden out for a drink one night and get the full story because it’s wild.
But the short version is Laney found him on the ranch from a viral video and then flew here to tell him he had a daughter.
He went to Texas to meet her, and a few weeks later, Laney and Serena moved here to be with him.
They eloped, she got pregnant, and in August, they’re havin’ a reception. ”
At least someone around here got their happily ever after.
“Ayden’s a lucky man to get his family back.”
Her fingers intertwine with mine, and she gives me a tight-lipped smile. My gaze wanders to her mouth, desperately wishing I could close the small gap between us.
We stare at each other, neither wanting to cross the lines as the air between us grows thicker.
“Noah...”
A piercing noise echoes from her pocket, and she quickly reaches for it and silences her phone.
“Shit. I set a reminder to check on the trainin’ center.”
“Oh, right. I should probably get back to work.”
“We still have to eat,” she argues, getting to her feet, and I follow her to the horses.
“You sure there’s time?”
She jumps on Donut, and when I settle on Denver, she shoots me a shit-eating grin.
“C’mon, I’ll race ya to the bottom!” She kicks her heels and whistles, making Donut take off.
Christ. I wasn’t expecting that.
“Let’s go, Denver.” My tap is lighter than Noah's. I'm not looking to fall off a cliff today nor am I as familiar with these trails as she is. There are too many trees and curves for me to confidently race her.
By the time I catch up with Noah, she’s waiting with a smug expression.
“I thought you were a bull rider or, at the very least, a cowboy?”
“Ouch.” I laugh. “I put all that recklessness behind me, remember?”
“Oh, right. You traded in your adrenaline junkie card for an AARP one. I’ll go easy on ya next time.”
It’s on the tip of my goddamn tongue to remind her how she’s the one who couldn’t keep up with me that night, but I keep that thought to myself.
But I’ll never forget I had her screaming out my name within eight seconds as she shook through her orgasm.
It’s all I see when I close my eyes, and then I hear her moaning in my head when I stroke myself in the shower.
Noah leads me to The Lodge, where she introduces me to a couple of the receptionists who make it more than obvious they’re flirting with me. And because I can’t help messing with Noah, I eat it up and write down my number when they ask.
“Need I remind you of the no employees datin’ rule?”
Her bitter tone has me smiling.
“No, thanks to you, I’m well aware of it.”
We hit the buffet, where I fill my plate because everything smells so damn good, and find a table.
“Now we gotta fire them.” She sits across from me, and her nostrils flare.
“Why not fire me?”
Her head snaps up as she stabs her fork into a piece of cornbread. “What?”
“Why do you automatically fire the girls and not me? I’m the one who gave them my number.”
“They’re the ones who asked,” she bites out.
“And I coulda said no, so accordin’ to your rules, shouldn’t we all be fired?” I shrug, taking a bite of my chicken-fried steak.
Her chest rises and falls as if she’s annoyed with me, and I choke back laughter at her frustration.
“You don’t think it’s rude to hand out your number in front of me?” she asks and then opens her mouth as if she wants to say something else but clamps it shut.
We both know we’d act on our feelings if we could without consequences, but considering we can’t, we’re stuck in this weird friend zone neither of us wants.
“I thought we were...friends. Like you and Jase, right?”
Ocean-blue eyes stare intently at me. Her jaw is so tense, I'm waiting for it to snap in half.
“Fine,” she grinds out. “Then you can’t get mad at me when I do the same tomorrow night at the bar.”
The hell she will.
“Sure. I’ll even be your wingman. Is that what y’all call it now?”
She scoffs as she shoves bread into her mouth.
The conversation dies, and we eat in silence. Noah acting like a jealous girlfriend is one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to get her alone to tell her the truth.
“We should get back to the barn,” she says as she finishes eating. “Tripp and Landen have finished, so I wanna go check it out.”
“Any word on the cameras?”
“Not yet. He’ll probably check now that they’re done.”
I clear my plate and wave to the receptionists just to further mess with Noah. She turns and walks toward the exit. When I catch up to her, she acts indifferent and opens the door for me.
Neither of us speaks on the way to the Hollis family barn. Once we’re inside, I lead Denver to the groomer’s stall.
Once both horses are clipped in, we remove their saddles, and I follow her to the tack room.
The door whips open and nearly slams in my face when it bounces back.
“Jesus.” I dodge it just in time.
“My bad,” Noah singsongs without a backward glance.
That was definitely on purpose.
She sets the saddle on the stand, and after I do the same with mine, she grabs the grooming bucket. Before she can leave, I snatch her wrist and pull her toward me.
She gasps when her chest presses against mine. “W-what’re you doin’?”
I take a few steps, pushing her with me until her back is flat to the door. Her fingers release the grip on the bucket, and it falls to the floor.
Cupping her cheek, I lift her chin until her eyes meet mine. “Are you done actin’ jealous?”
“I’m not!” Her racing heartbeat tells me otherwise.
My thumb brushes over her bottom lip as mine curve into a knowing grin.
I lean down until my forehead rests on hers.
“I wanna kiss the fuckin’ hell out of you right now, Goldie.
” My mouth moves to her ear. “And after I’d thoroughly devour you, I’d get on my knees and taste between your thighs until you came on my tongue.
But I’d have to cover your mouth because I know how loud you get. ”
Her breath hitches on a soft moan, and my cock jerks at the sound.
“But you—”
“Before you get upset with me for followin’ the rules, just remember all the ways I’d break them for you.” My mouth hovers above hers. We’re less than a breath apart, and a small step is all it’d take to steal her lips.
“You did for the receptionists.”
I meet her eyes and fight the urge to smile. Instead, I grab a loose strand of her golden hair and curl it behind her ear.
“And because I’m well aware of the rules, I gave them Jase’s number, not mine.”
Her brows rise, and I laugh.
“Figured he was single and allowed to date anyone he wants, so why not?”
And I selfishly did it to hopefully keep his mind off Noah.
Her pale cheeks change into a bright red hue.
“Now who’s the one blushin’?” I ask, throwing her words from the bar that night back at her.
“But who’s the hot and aroused one this time?” She lowers her gaze to my noticeable erection.
“Oh, that’s definitely me.” I smirk because it’s not even worth trying to hide.
We stare at each other, waiting for the other to break, but before we can, someone shouts in the barn.
“Noah! You in here?”
“Shit, that’s Tripp.”
I move away so she can open the door, then wait a second for my dick to calm down. The last thing we need is one of her brothers getting suspicious of us when nothing is even happening.
Noah grabs the grooming bucket and goes out to speak with him. She tells him she’ll meet him at the training center once we finish brushing the horses.
“Hey.” I nod at Tripp when he comes into view. Then I glance at Noah. “If ya gotta run, I can finish up here and get them back in their stalls.”
Tripp looks back and forth between us, and I do my best to seem normal. Not at all like I was seconds from cracking and kissing his sister.
By the way Noah looks at us, she must sense the tension coming off Tripp and reluctantly agrees.
“Sure. Thanks, Mr. Underwood.”
Giving her a tight-lipped smile, I ignore Tripp’s narrowed stare before grabbing the bucket and walking away before he sees right through me.