Chapter 16 #2
He’s hanging in there. Mostly miserable from his phantom pain but I’ve been trying to keep him occupied and his mind busy. Playing cards and board games, doing puzzles, reading him books, watching TV.
Waylon
That’s sweet of you.
Harlow
Yeah, but I think he’s getting sick of me.
Now I’m the one laughing.
Waylon
I don’t think anyone could get sick of you.
Harlow
Really?
Waylon
Yeah. How could they?
Harlow
You don’t ever seem excited when I’m around.
Shit. That stings.
Waylon
Don’t take it personally. I’m exhausted most days and keeping Wilder alive is a full-time job.
Both figuratively and literally.
Harlow
I can understand that. I feel the same about my dad.
Waylon
How so?
It’s been years since I’ve seen Mr. Fanning, so I haven’t stayed updated on him since Delilah and I broke up.
Harlow
His mental health isn’t great. Between his depression and pain, I’m always fearing the worst. When I first saw him unconscious on the bathroom floor, I assumed he was dead. I thought…yep, this is it. He’s overdosed on pills or took something.
My heart jumps into my throat because I’ve been there too many times to count.
Waylon
Damn, that’s traumatic. I’m sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, I understand those fears all too well. Never gets easier either.
Harlow
Nope, not in all the years since his accident but it got worse after I recovered. It was like as soon as I was back to “normal” he had nothing to live for anymore.
Waylon
You gave meaning to his life during a time he felt like he had none. Now he needs to find a new meaning.
Harlow
Sadly, I don’t know that there is one besides his family, but he thinks he’s a burden and that our lives would be easier without him. I always tell him he’s wrong, but his mind is set on it.
Waylon
He said that?
Damn, I can’t imagine that’s easy to hear from your own father.
Harlow
A few times, usually during his darker moments when the pain has been nonstop for days and his meds aren’t strong enough to help. Those are when my mom takes him to the ER for a morphine drip. It’s stronger than pills but even if it’s short-term relief, it’s something to keep him off the ledge.
Waylon
Fuck, that’s a tough one. No one deserves to live that way. It’s understandable he struggles mentally when you’re constantly at war with your own body.
Harlow
I know. I’m torn between begging him to fight to live and giving him my blessing to surrender. I can’t imagine losing him, but it feels selfish to want him here when I know he’s suffering.
Waylon
Life can be so unfair sometimes. I think the best you can do is be there for him and love him as much as you can and it sounds like that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re not responsible for how he chooses to deal with the pain, but you can make sure he’s not alone with it.
Harlow
You’re right. It’s why I’ve been trying to keep him distracted from the pain as much as I can with activities.
I even busted out my old paint set and we painted portraits of each other.
They were both horrible and we laughed. But then it was ruined a couple minutes later when his pain got so intense it brought him to tears.
My heart aches for her. It’s such a tough position to be in, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. Watching someone you love suffer and being helpless to stop or fix it is the worst.
Waylon
Not to sound pushy on the topic, but does he see a psychiatrist for his mental health issues or a pain therapist?
Harlow
He saw both the first three years but then got sick of going with no results—his words, not mine. Mom tried to talk him into going back but she got sick of fighting with him and let it go.
Waylon
I know how that goes. Been trying to get Wilder to go to therapy for years so he can get the right medication for his depression, but he refuses. I’ve even offered to go with him, but he’s so stuck on the stigma that he’s too blinded to see how the benefits could outweigh it.
Harlow
So we both have insufferable stubborn men in our lives…
Waylon
Seems that way.
Grabbing my beer, I down the rest of it but then nearly choke when I read her next message.
Harlow
A guy just messaged me and asked if my kitty cat was purring…I feel so dumb because I don’t even know what that means?? I know kitty means pussy but what does purring mean?
Nothing in the world could’ve prepared me for that question.
Or her so easily texting the word pussy.
Waylon
It means he’s a creep and you should block him.
Harlow
Oh come on…tell me. No way I can Google it or ask him myself without looking stupid.
Waylon
You really wanna know?
Harlow
I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.
I sigh, blowing out a frustrated breath. At this point, she probably thinks of me like an older brother more than anything. No way she’d talk to me about guys she’s chatting with if she saw me another way.
So fuck it. Might as well tell her.
Waylon
He’s asking if you’re turned on. Ya know…purring like a cat in heat.
Harlow
Oh God.
Okay, so while that makes sense, now he’s asking if the kitty is thirsty? Thirsty for what…
Jesus Christ.
She’s gonna fucking kill me.
Waylon
For his CUM, Harlow. He’s asking if you want to fuck him.
Harlow
I told you I was bad at this!
Waylon
And I told you he was a creep.
Harlow
Because he wants to fuck me?
I growl.
Waylon
He wants to fuck anyone who will fuck him. Not the type of guy you should be with.
Harlow
And what is my type?
Waylon
I don’t know but you have higher standards than that.
Harlow
Maybe I wanna lose my virginity and get it over with so I don’t sound like a prepubescent girl around these men.
Waylon
Your first time should be special, not just some rando on a dating app looking to get his dick wet.
Harlow
I’m tired of waiting.
Waylon
You’re only 20. You can’t even buy alcohol, so I’d hardly say you’ve been “waiting” a long time.
Harlow
And how old were you when you lost yours?
Waylon
Again, we’re not talking about me.
Harlow
Was your first time “special”?
Waylon
You don’t want me answering that.
Harlow
Why not? Tell me. I can handle it. I’m not a CHILD.
Waylon
Harlow, drop it.
Harlow
Why can’t you just tell me how old you were?
Waylon
Because it’ll make things awkward so let’s change the subject.
Harlow
Or we could play hot and cold. I’ll guess your age and you tell me if I’m getting close or not.
Waylon
No.
Harlow
15?
Waylon
I’m not playing.
Harlow
16?
Waylon
Stop guessing.
Harlow
17?
Waylon
I’m not answering.
Harlow
14?
Waylon
No.
Harlow
18??
Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose and surrender.
Waylon
20.
Harlow
20?! No way. It’s almost like…that’s MY age. Which means I have to lose it before I’m 21 or I’m officially a loser.
Waylon
Who’d think that?
Harlow
Every man looking to hook up. I can’t be 21 and tell them I’ve never had sex before. They’ll know I’m inexperienced and won’t be able to please them.
Waylon
Not that I want to talk you into giving up your V-card to just anyone but most guys don’t care about that. If they’re into you, they’ll respect your body and your boundaries enough to wait until you’re ready.
Harlow
Ugh, you sound like Delilah. Even though I know she was having sex before my age.
Waylon
Then you know she’s giving you advice based on experience and her wishing she hadn’t rushed it.
Harlow
Maybe…but let’s backtrack to you being 20. That means you didn’t have sex in high school. How’s that possible? Didn’t you and Wilder have the biggest manwhore reputations?
Of course that comes back to bite me in the ass over a decade later.
Waylon
There’s other stuff people can do that don’t include penetration. Hooking up doesn’t always mean sex.
Harlow
Really? What does it mean then?
My head falls back against the couch in disbelief that I’m having this conversation with someone I like and having to pretend I don’t in that way.
That’d be my damn luck.
But at this point, if this is the only way I get to talk to her, then I’ll take it.
Consequences be damned.
Waylon
It means getting each other off from touching or kissing down below. Could also be dry humping until you both come.
Harlow
Ohh. Dry humping sounds fun. Does it feel better with the girl on top or the bottom?
I adjust myself because the more she talks about this, the more it’s confusing my dick.
My jaw is also about to snap at how hard I’m grinding my teeth.
Waylon
Both feel good but everyone has their own preferences.
Harlow
What’s yours?
Fuck me. How do I get out of this conversation without coming in my pants?
Waylon
Uh…I guess I prefer the girl on top, straddling my lap and taking control. That way she can go as fast or slow as she needs to help her orgasm. And I can play with her nipples and kiss her neck easily to help her come harder.
And with that, I should burn my phone.
Harlow
Jesus. See, now that’s hot. Why can’t these guys talk to me like that?
Waylon
Because they’re dipshits.
Harlow
Clearly. One guy asked me how long it took to get myself off. I didn’t know how to answer, so I lied and said five minutes.
I furrow my brow, confused.
Waylon
Why would you have to lie about that?
Harlow
Because I’ve never been able to.
Waylon
Not even with a vibrator?
Harlow
You think I have a toy? Please. I wouldn’t even know where to buy one.
Holy fuck, she really is pure and innocent to the core.
Waylon
There’s only like a dozen sex shops within a fifty-mile radius and hundreds of online ones.
Harlow
I’m not gonna order one to my house! I would die of embarrassment if my parents saw that. Perks of living at home.
I laugh at her upside-down smiley emoji.
Waylon
I guess you’ll have to use your hand like the rest of us mortals.
Harlow
Ha! I’ve tried…I just don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe you can teach me?
I blink twice to make sure I read that correctly.
Waylon
Teach you? How?
Harlow
Tell me what to do so I can get myself off. That way I don’t have to risk my mother opening a package with a sex toy inside.
Waylon
I don’t know if that’s a good idea.
Harlow
Why not? Save me from the humiliation of my father somehow finding a rubber penis in the house.
Christ. I can’t believe I’m about to agree to this…
Waylon
Fine. But only because I don’t want to give your old man a heart attack.
Harlow
On behalf of my family, we thank you for your service.
I snort at her salute emoji.
Waylon
Put two fingers together and then rub circles over your clit. Play around with the pressure and speed to see what you like or what helps get you there. You can also thrust them inside yourself and when you’re nice and wet, rub the pad of your thumb over your clit to help you finish.
When she doesn’t respond immediately like she has all night, I panic.
Oh God.
That was fucking creepy, wasn’t it?
She’s gonna think I’m a sicko.
I bang my head against the back of the sofa until she finally replies three minutes later.
Harlow
Wow, that almost worked. I got close but like…lost the sensation? But that was helpful, so thank you. I’ll keep trying.
How is she talking about masturbating so freely like we’re discussing the weather? This is a new one, even for me.
Waylon
Sure, no problem.
Because what else am I gonna say?
Harlow
My friend Natalie says that it sometimes helps when a guy dirty talks you through it. Is that true?
Waylon
Yeah, that can help elevate the fantasy of someone else touching you.
Harlow
Okay, so I just need to find a guy who will voice or video chat while I try to give myself an orgasm.
Waylon
I’ll do it.
Fuck, why did I just volunteer?
Because I don’t want anyone else to do it with her.
Harlow
Really? Do you want to now?
NOW?
I’m seconds away from coming in my pants as it is.
Waylon
Okay, sure.
Harlow
Great, I’ll video call you in a few…
How the hell am I going to compose myself and not completely lose it when she moans to the sound of my voice?
The simple answer is, I’m not.