Chapter 20 #2
His hand came up and gently pushed her hair back again, trailing his fingers through it, and maybe if she had been able to form a coherent thought, she would have noticed that he seemed to enjoy the way her hair felt against his fingers as they moved slowly down, allowing the strands to slide through.
“I know that wasn’t good. I just wanted you to know that I didn’t mean anything by it.
I quit doing it after I saw you, your children, the difficult things you had been through, and found out your story.
That’s when God clearly told me that what I was doing as a Secret Saint wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing.
And I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t think it was necessarily to help you.
I think God knew that I needed you. I needed your children. It was for me. Not you.”
Her eyes widened as he spoke in the dim light, saying words she wasn’t expecting to hear.
“I thought maybe marrying me was just an extension of the Secret Saint. Taking it a little bit too far.”
“No. I promise you. I’ve never lied to you.
Everything I’ve said has been the absolute truth.
I know it looks bad that I didn’t tell you about it, but I was done with it.
I had given it up. I wasn’t doing it anymore because I knew I couldn’t do that and take care of my family.
And this is where I’m supposed to be. Right here, with you. ”
That wasn’t what she was expecting to hear, but it was exactly what she needed to hear. Everything he said was exactly right. She just hoped it was the truth. Because if it was, it was exactly the right thing for him to do and say.
“You gave up a lot for me.”
“I gained more,” he said softly.
She nodded, although she didn’t necessarily agree. She didn’t really see it that way. She saw someone who was good at everything being benevolent, and maybe giving up his opportunity to fall in love on his own, and being saddled with someone he didn’t choose. Except he really did choose her.
“The rings are beautiful. Thank you so much,” she finally said, looking up at him, not knowing what else to say.
“I wanted you to have them. Not just for you, but because when people look at you, I want them to know that you belong to me.” He held up his hand, letting go of hers, as he flashed his ring at her. “And I belong to you.”
That was really the way it was supposed to be.
She knew that some people bristled at the idea of belonging.
Like they were a possession, but that was really what marriage was, forsaking all others and belonging solely to the one to whom you pledged your life.
You had a person who was totally and completely devoted to you.
Unless they cheated. Which hurt more than words can say.
Maybe that was why she had such a hard time believing Wilson.
Because Clancy had said the same vows, and he was supposed to belong to her, except he shared himself, without her knowledge, with others.
In fact, he ditched her and told her he didn’t want her anymore.
Treated her like yesterday’s news. Sadly.
“All right. I don’t want to keep you any longer. I know it’s been a big day, but I wanted to celebrate our anniversary. It’s the first of many, I hope, and I just wanted you to have that, the rings, and I’ll let you go.”
“All right. Thank you. I…don’t have anything for you.” She remembered that wasn’t the first gift he’d given. If he was the Secret Saint, there had been a gift for her under the tree as well.
He had started to move away, going down the steps, but she needed to thank him for that.
“Wilson?”
“Yeah?” he asked, his hand on the banister, stopping abruptly as soon as she spoke his name.
“Thank you for the candle you gave me for Christmas. I didn’t know it was you.”
He smiled a bit. “I didn’t usually pick out things myself, but I did get that. With a little help from my mom and my sisters who have children and know what it’s like, and they said that that would be something that you might appreciate.”
“It is. Thank you. I just realized that these rings aren’t the first gift you’ve given me.”
“I enjoy giving you gifts. I hope it’s okay.”
“I don’t know what to get for you. It seems like you have everything.”
“Now that I have you, I do,” he said softly, and then, pausing for just a moment, he turned and went the rest of the way down the stairs.
His words hung in the air as she turned back to his room.
They were sweet, and she believed he truly meant them.
The problem was she wanted to give him something physical, something tangible, but she couldn’t think of anything, and even if she could, she had to use his money to purchase it, which kind of defeated the purpose.
Maybe, now that they were moved in and settled, they could work on getting her baking business up and running.
There was a small shed with electricity near the house, which he had said she could use to make her baked goods in. She had to get to work on that.