Chapter 14
Fourteen
Sully
I try to act normal, but I don’t know what normal is. I’ve studied it when we watch TV, on apps in my phone, deep in the weeds of comment sections, but my life is so stunted I don’t know what normal means for me.
And more importantly, what it means for me with Ru.
All I know is my face hurts from smiling so much and that laughing can feel exhilarating and free. My limbs are loose, my body warm and tingly. Alcohol tugs at the edges of my caution, and I welcome it, the drinks making me bold.
I relish the way Ru is watching me.
I bask in the golden glow of his attention.
If he realizes he’s staring, he’ll stop, so I try to stay casual about it, glancing back through my lashes as I take another sip of my drink. He gaze hones in on my mouth, and this time, after I swallow the fruity fire, I drag my tongue across my lips, and he follows that too.
My chest is hot.
My skin is hot.
And I want something I can’t quite name.
I shuffle to the couch and settle near the middle. I pat the spot next to me. “Sit with me. Talk to me. Tell me about being here when you were younger.”
He sits close (I gave him little choice, naughty me) and turns to face me with one leg folded between us. “What do you want to know?”
I let a sigh drift from my throat. “What it’s like to be normal.”
After a moment, his expression falls.
Oh. I’ve made him sad. Didn’t mean to make him sad.
But he answers anyway. “Um, I don’t know if any of us are normal, but we had a fun time back then. College can be… busy, stressful. Coming here was a way to relax. Get away from it all, at least for a few days. No lectures, no essays, no exams.”
Interesting.
“I think I’d enjoy lectures and essays. Maybe not exams. But I do like to learn things.” I tuck my legs beneath me, and in the process inch a bit closer. Both my body and my thoughts sway toward him.
For once, he doesn’t back away. “You probably would.”
“I had tutors when I was younger. We all did. To learn to read and write. To learn math. A bit of science. Not much else.” I’ve since come to know that most students are educated much more broadly. Geography, history, cultures, politics, arts, sports, and so on. Not me. They wanted me stupid.
Ru taps his fingers along the back of the couch. “That was before my time. Why aren’t there tutors now?”
I shrug. “Don’t know. They never explained anything important.”
This isn’t what I want to talk about. It’s my fault. I brought it up. But it’s no fun, and I’d rather we talk about him.
Even better, I’d rather we talk about him being naked. “Zoe told me you used to go skinny dipping in the lake, when you were here before.” I’m so jealous I could spit. I want to go skinny dipping with Ru in a lake.
Or the bathtub. Whatever.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject, but no worries. I don’t want to talk about II Tech either. In fact”—he raises his glass—“here’s to forgetting all of it.”
I clink even though I’m not ready to forget. Easier to forget once it’s destroyed. I take a deep swallow and wince at the burn of the liquor down my throat. “Tell me about skinny dipping.”
“I’m assuming you asked Zoe what it means already?”
A grin tugs at my lips as I picture it. “Swimming naked.”
“Right.” Ru smiles back.
“I wish we could, but it’s too cold. The lake is probably frozen. But it sounds fun.”
“It is. Or, it was. Fun. Until you step on something questionable on the lake bottom and remember you’re essentially naked in nature’s toilet.”
“Gross.” I laugh and think, that wouldn’t happen in the bathtub…
He laughs too. “Indeed.”
His gaze grows distant. Remembering those times maybe, when he was a student. Before he lost his parents. Before II Tech. Before me.
Happier times.
I wish I had happier times to remember, but I don’t. I need to make them.
And I’m going to start now. “Ru.”
His attention swerves back to me and zooms in. “Yes?”
My pulse is everywhere. In my throat, my fingertips, my belly button, like my body is one giant nerve ending. I lean in. His breath is sweet and spicy. I want to taste him, if he’ll let me.
I stare at his mouth. “I’ve never…”
His eyes widen. “I know.”
“I want to.”
He blinks. Stares. Long enough to give me time to worry. Then finally, internal battle fought, he wets his lips. “You can.”
A fluster of nerves jitters through me, but I didn’t claw my out of II Tech and into the free world just to be afraid of a kiss.
And yet.
“If I do it wrong…”
His expressions softens. “You won’t.”
I gather up my courage. It’s easy with desire coursing through my body, overriding any sense of caution I should cling to. I tilt my face, close my eyes, and press my lips to his.
His kiss is sweet. Soft. Warm. A quiet hum. A faint push and pull.
And too tentative for my liking.
I cup his neck, part my lips, and demand more.
That does it. Ru’s mouth moves against mine in a way that lights my whole body like a brushfire, a rush of intensity spreading from the source outward and consuming me whole.
I try to match his every move, but it’s easier to give in.
To simply allow myself to be kissed and to enjoy every sensation tingling through me.
When we separate, I’m smiling before I mean to. Probably grinning like a fool. Already wanting to dive back in.
He smiles back. “Wow, you just went for it.”
“I know,” I say, pleased with myself. “All confident and fearless.”
“And adorable and wobbly.” His voice is low and husky from drink.
“Bold and wobbly,” I correct.
His free hand rests on my waist, hot through my sweater.
I want his skin on mine. “More, Ru. Please.”
His eyes dilate, dark and alluring. He takes my drink then places both our cups aside. “Okay, but just this, Sully. We’re too drunk for move beyond kissing.”
“You too?” I was afraid I might be the only one. Ru drunk is very much like Ru sober, only perhaps a bit more giggly. But still kind. Still careful.
He’s nodding as he leans forward, and we’re kissing again. Slower this time.
I’m learning the shape of his mouth, and I love this feeling. His lips on mine. His hands on me. Mine running through his short, soft hair. I want to climb into his lap, into his clothes, maybe even into his skin, and stay there forever.
I must be clumsy. I know I am. Bumping our teeth and noses, but if it bothers Ru, he doesn’t show it. What I lack in finesse, I’m making up for in enthusiasm. He kisses me through it, unhurried.
We shift, and I do end up in his lap, his back against the sofa cushions. I make a happy little undignified noise into his mouth and feel him smile against my lips.
I slide my hand to curl into his shirt, tug him close, keep him against me.
The room feels pleasantly spinny. A fun kind of spinny, the kind where the world narrows down to only him and me and the way we move against each other.
The easy way he lets me take the lead as we collapse farther into the cushions.
I pull back long enough to breathe, then kiss him again, deeper.
He takes his own turn for a breath. “I can’t believe you’ve never done this before. You’re very good at it.”
That makes me grin. “What can I say?” I murmur against the rough skin of his cheek. “I’m a natural.”
“Mm-hmm.” He hums softly, one arm around my waist, fingers slipping hotly under my sweater to caress my back.
He guides me in small, subtle ways, teaching without teaching. Little adjustments, a tilt of his chin, pressure at my shoulder. Our legs tangle. His kisses a trail along my jaw. I return the favor.
His thumb traces gentle circles on my skin, sending a rush of pleasant shivers up my spine. When we pause, it feels natural. Our foreheads touch lightly.
“This what you wanted?” he asks, a hint of vulnerability laced in his voice.
“Oh, yes. Very much.”
“Good.” He brushes my hair behind my ear.
I’ll replay this evening in my mind over and over. So perfect. Everything I wanted from a first kiss and the next several dozen more I steal between ragged breaths.
There are more things I want, things I’ve only seen people on screens do, things I imagine doing with Ru, but I think he means to deny me. He said only this, no more.
We’ll see.
I snug a leg between his and press my erection against him. A jolt of pleasure zings though me, wringing a whimper from my lips. Why does his thigh feel so good? I wish he’d grab my ass. Something.
But though he’s obviously as affected as I am, he doesn’t move to progress things any further. A boundary I know I should respect, but I didn’t expect it to be so hard.
Or for me to be so hard.
Or for him to be so hard.
I tuck myself against him, cuddling in. “I like being drunk with you.”
“Yes, this is very nice. More than nice…” He trails off, kissing my temple and leaving me to wonder what’s more than nice.
He holds me close. Like I belong within the circle of his arms.
I close my eyes, grinning into his shoulder, feeling all warm and happy and brave (if a bit unsatisfied in one insistently throbbing place) in a way that’s brand new and entirely welcome.