Chapter 1 Suman #6
I felt uncertain, but I sensed they were discussing the same kingdom where he had secured his alliance.
I finished serving and filled their empty glasses with water when Kunwar-sa said, “Let’s eat, Bhai-sa.”
Ranaji nodded and looked at me, asking, “Suman, has Rani-sa eaten lunch yet?”
My heart raced slightly, and I tried to respond steadily.
“Not yet, Ranaji. She just had a plate of raw mangoes. We’ll serve her later.”
He turned to Kunwar-sa. “Did you bring her raw mangoes?”
He chuckled, admitting, “I wouldn’t have gone otherwise.”
Ranaji cautioned, “Limit the mangoes; otherwise, she’ll complain about pimples.”
I smiled and nodded. “Yes, Ranaji.”
They asked me to leave. I returned to the queen’s chamber.
The day unfolded routinely. I cared for her, helped her bathe in the evening, and gave her a foot massage before she went to bed.
?????
I felt a profound sense of peace and fulfilment; I wanted nothing more.
The love I received from Nandani and the trust and importance everyone placed in me were enough for me to dedicate my entire life to this kingdom: Suryagarh.
After that incident, life gradually returned to normal, and I resumed my daily chores.
The days passed, and thankfully, I did not see Kunwar-sa again.
I didn’t know where he was. Nandani hadn’t given me tasks like delivering his lunch or supervising the attendants as they cleaned his room. Perhaps he had gone somewhere.
He had been attending meetings and negotiations since Nandani got pregnant. Meanwhile, Prince Ranvijay, Kunwar Agastya’s older brother and Ranaji’s younger brother, was in the kingdom overseeing construction on the outskirts, which was at its peak.
Kunwar-sa would leave the palace without saying a word and disappear for months.
The previous three years had transformed the kingdom. And he had noticeably changed after returning from a wedding three years ago. He might have matured, but the responsibilities had likely affected him.
What am I thinking? And why do I care?
I took a deep breath, gathered my thoughts, and returned to work.
I had spent all my time caring for Nandani.
It had been two weeks since I had last seen him in Nandani’s chamber.
My life was getting back on track, but my thoughts weren’t settling.
I had been having terrifying nightmares since that day.
Some nights, I would wake up drenched in sweat.
Just moments away from consuming me and freeing my soul, the flames haunted me deeply.
The only thing that brought me comfort during those nightmares was the memory of his hand resting on my head. I shifted to my right side beneath the comforter in my room. It was past midnight, and everyone else had already fallen asleep.
After that day, I developed the habit of leaving my room lamp lit. A few fellow attendants asked me about it, but I could only say that it helped me stay alert in case Nandani needed me in the middle of the night.
With my eyes closed, I tried to drift off to sleep and push away the thoughts of that day, but it felt impossible. I pulled the comforter over my head, hoping it would protect me. However, as soon as the comforter trapped me in its heat, flashbacks of the blazing pyre flooded my mind.
I felt my heart slow, my cries grew louder, and people watched me with my hands bound to the wood. I couldn’t help but push the comforter away and sit up. It was getting worse.
I immediately looked at my wrists. The marks from the rope had faded, yet they had left me with a lasting fear for the rest of my life.
I pressed my palms against my face and tried to remind myself, ‘This is Suryagarh. You are safe here. No one is going to burn you alive. You are safe, Suman.’
I inhaled deeply and glanced at the metal jug beside my mattress. Leaning forward, I picked it up, but let out a frustrated sigh when I found it empty.
I stood up and walked out of my room to the kitchen. It was midnight, and I couldn’t understand why the morning light felt scarier than the night’s darkness.
In the darkness, I could hide from the light.
Without taking a lamp, I entered the kitchen to fill the jug, and I noticed a few attendants were still awake.
“Why are you awake?” I asked one of them, who was lighting the stove, before looking at me.
“Prince Agastya has returned. He’s asking for something to eat,” she informed, and I lowered my gaze for a moment.
“Oh,” I nodded, looking at her and the other attendants chopping vegetables, grinding dried chillies, and boiling milk. I gulped as I watched them and placed the jug in the corner, saying, “Let me…” The attendants glanced at me with a frown.
“You should get some rest. Rani-sa would want you bright and early tomorrow morning,” she said, making me smile and shake my head.
“I can’t sleep,” I insisted, sitting down and grabbing another knife to chop vegetables. After slicing, I assisted the attendants with the cooking.
I glanced at the bowls filled with four vegetable curries, two sweets, and Rotis14 and frowned slightly.
“He doesn’t like beans.” I pointed to a bowl, and the attendant turned to me.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot,” she said, taking the bowl off the plate and looking at me with a confused expression.
“Onions,” I reminded. She set a bowl of sliced raw onions before lifting the plate. I watched her walk away with the plate.
Taking a deep breath, I immediately stood up to follow her.
“Listen,” I called.
She glanced back at me, and I nervously swallowed as I looked at the plate. “You should rest. I’ll take it to him,” I offered, extending my hands. She stared at me momentarily before leaving the plate without a word.
I smiled and said, “You look tired.”
She returned the smile and walked away quietly.
My heart pounded heavily with every step I took toward his chamber at night. The moon shone in the sky, and stars scattered like a blanket. The chilly wind made me shiver before I entered.
Illuminated softly with a few lamps, the chamber glowed, and I breathed deeply before I saw the light streaming from his bedchamber.
I bit my lower lip as I entered and glanced at the couch, expecting to find him sitting there. But he wasn’t.
I quickly scanned the place, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Feeling anxious, I called out, “Kunwar-sa.” My voice came out slowly and slightly unsteady, as it was my first time entering his chamber past midnight. It was painfully silent.
I noticed a guard outside the bedchamber. “He’s in the courtyard,” he informed me, and I nodded.
He might’ve come to inform me, since he walked away right after.
As I ambled toward the courtyard, I noticed him seated before a heap of firewood in the farthest corner. The surrounding darkness intensified my fear as I moved closer. He was facing away from me, looking out at the open garden. The clatter of metal made my brows furrow in confusion.
Quietly stepping forward, I noticed a large bowl of powder in his hands. The grey substance smeared his hands. A heavy iron mortar rested beside him, and his expression appeared serious from this angle.
I focused intently on his eyes, observing the powder between his fingers and faintly catching its scent, bringing it closer to his nose.
The confusion was evident; beads of sweat glistened on his forehead. He bit his lower lip as his hand instinctively brushed against the dagger at his side.
My heart raced as I watched him pull the knife from its golden sheath. Holding it, he scraped a small amount of powder onto the blade’s tip and leaned closer to the fire.
He placed the blade into the flames, and suddenly a bright spark erupted from the powder, making me shiver to death.
The fire gradually transformed into shades of blue and dark orange.
A smile spread across his face as he exhaled. And suddenly, he looked at me.
Fear washed over me, and I stammered, lowering my gaze. “Um, di…dinner.”
I took uncertain steps forward, kneeling to place the plate before him. I could feel his intense gaze on me.
“Soyi nahi abhi tak?” “Why didn’t you sleep yet?” he asked dryly, washing his hands in a nearby bowl and pushing aside the items he had used to reach for the plate.
I gulped nervously, lowering my eyes. “Neend nahi aa rahi thi.” “I couldn’t sleep.”
He wiped his hands with a cloth, and my heart skipped a beat when I noticed the small cracks on his fingertips, stained with grey powder that had turned black.
“Kyun? Ullu ho?” “Why? Are you an owl?” he sneered, catching my attention with his face, making me grit my teeth and take a deep breath.
“Aap bhi to jaag rahein hain—aap ullu hain?” “You’re awake, too—are you an owl?”I couldn’t help but counter.
He brought the plate closer, tearing off a tiny piece of roti and setting it aside.
“Hum to aur bhi bahut kuch karte hain... Tum karogi?” “I do plenty of other things… will you do that as well?” he asked neutrally, showing no emotion on his face as he took a bite and then glanced at me.
I lowered my gaze and gently shook my head as I poured water into his glass.
The silence lingered as I sat across from him, resting my hands in my lap, and directed my eyes low as he ate quietly.
I didn’t fully understand why I was here, but it felt comforting to be around him.
“Chintit ho?” “Are you worried?” he asked slowly.
I raised my gaze to see him licking his fingers, then nodded.
He nodded slightly and spoke calmly, “Go to bed…nothing will happen.”
I lowered my gaze, feeling a gentle wave of comfort wash over me with his words. I didn’t get up; I couldn’t. While he ate silently, his soothing presence sent waves of comfort I hadn’t felt in ages.
He didn’t ask me to leave again and continued concentrating on finishing his dinner.
I watched him clean his fingers in the bowl, then pull the plate toward me as I stood up with it in my hands.
Glancing at him briefly, I turned around to leave, but he called, “Suno,” “Listen.”
I halted and turned to see him placing small stones into the mortar with unwavering focus.