Chapter 7 #2
He dipped his finger again and looked at me, pushing his finger closer. “Taste yourself,” he offered, and I didn’t know what came to mind. Without a second thought, I tasted it off his finger, and my eyes widened as I realised what I had just done.
What?
“Um… I’m really… sorry.” I stuttered.
He wiggled his eyebrows with a faint smile. “Ah, royal, huh?” he teased, and I immediately rose.
I shouldn’t be here.
Turning on my heels, I ran away.
“Aye, Suno.” “Aye, listen.” I heard his voice in the distance, but turning a deaf ear, I dashed back to my room and closed the door behind me.
I sat on the floor, pulling my knees closer to my chest. Leaning on my knees, I let my emotions and memories flow freely through my mind.
When I married my husband at sixteen, I was a young girl, unaware of what to expect from him.
Yet, in the back of my mind, I held an image of him as a cheerful, loving, and supportive man who would take an interest in nurturing my desire for knowledge.
However, as days passed, the tearing of my clothes from my body caused my dreams to leave my soul.
After the three days of marriage, I realised that if I lay on my back with my skirt lifted to my waist and legs apart, the pain would be less.
The pain that Nandani always described as pleasure, which I could never relate to.
He would come, lie on top of me with his face in the crook of my neck, and start doing what all husbands were supposed to do.
He often told me that, as a wife, I should keep my husband happy.
And it went on.
Days turned into weeks, and my body got used to it while my expectations died. I was never told I was beautiful, intelligent, or worth something.
And when I held Princess in my hand, a thought crossed my mind: if a girl is to enter this life, she must choose her parents wisely.
Sometimes, he would yell at me. He’d ask me to make sounds for him and smile or react to reassure him he was doing well.
However, he was unaware that if our soul is wounded, we cannot fake it.
And I couldn’t either. Tears streamed down my face, and after three months or ninety-two nights without a break, he finally grew tired of me.
My stomach ached, and when I could no longer bear it, when my face lost its rosy hue, my berry-like lips dried, my eyes went hopeless, and I seemed lifeless, he finally left me.
No! Not for my benefit, but for his. He deserved better. He deserved someone who could smile, make sounds for him, and keep him happy.
Clearly, I couldn’t do it.
Over the past seven years, I had forgotten or moved on from every bit until today, when I realised I had a husband again, not really a husband! But a husband—a half-husband, though.
But I couldn’t deny that he had some kind of claim over me.
The pace and intensity of our interactions changed from before the incident to after, and I was afraid my heart was misinterpreting everything.
I didn’t know how to tell my heart that he was a prince and I was just a maid. Our backgrounds and castes were different, our clans were different, and we were different. He was my saviour, and my heart—oh, my foolish heart—kept falling for his teasing words.
I didn’t realise it until Ranaji rewarded my hard work and dedication with that necklace. It wasn’t the first time he had given me something expensive. He trusted me and always seemed happy with my work.
He had given me gifts on Diwali, Holi, his crowning ceremony, Prince Ranvijay’s wedding, and several other occasions. I always loved receiving appreciation gifts, but this time it hit me harder.
It made me think of the distance between us, particularly the space between Kunwar Agastya and me. I had to hold back any emotions that would’ve arisen in my heart to avoid being hurt by them.
I exhaled deeply and crawled under my comforter, accepting his kindness and flirting in another direction. He was just toying with our situation. He had always been that way—nonchalant, lighthearted, joyful, and never serious.
But I wasn’t so foolish. Had I really been so desperate for the last seven years? A man would flirt with me, and I would fall for it.
Urgh.
Focus. Suman. Focus.
My sleep was chaotic for some time, and I was restless. I had never experienced that before.
?????
I couldn’t recall anything from my dreams, but I realised I hadn’t truly slept when I woke up.
My head felt heavy; I tried to get out of bed to bathe. After my bath, I went straight to Nandani’s chamber, only to find that the trio, who were just two in count before the day, were sleeping peacefully: Ranaji, Rani-sa, and their little princess.
I began my daily chores by cleaning the chamber and guiding the attendants and maids in the tasks they needed to complete. It wasn’t difficult because, over time, I understood what needed to be done, and these attendants shared that awareness; I only needed to supervise them closely.
Reva ran toward me, her beautiful smile conveying the message, “King Abhinandan has arrived from Mahabaleshgarh.”
I smiled, filled with joy and anxiety about the challenging moment ahead.
Three years ago, King Rajvardhan’s declining health led to the passing of the crown to King Abhinandan. However, something unexpected occurred, and King Rajvardhan did not survive. Mahabaleshgarh was still struggling to cope with that loss.
But he was in a better place now. If anyone had seen him in his last days, suffering and gasping for each breath, they would’ve understood that sometimes it’s easier to give up.
Not all wars are meant to be just won.
I turned and returned to Nandani’s chamber to wake Ranaji and greet him.
“Ranaji,” I called, standing far from his bed.
I heard Ranaji’s voice reply, “Suman?” as the curtains were drawn.
I lowered my gaze and informed him, “King Abhinandan has arrived at the borders of Suryagarh.”
He immediately stepped off the bed and nodded at me. “Prepare the guest rooms for everyone,” he ordered, and I left the bedroom.
I entered the common attendants’ chamber and moved into the sanitation and cleaning section. I asked a few attendants to join me and briefed them about the guest rooms.
I spent the entire afternoon preparing for the guests and returned to Nandani in the evening.
I saw Rani-maa, Daadi-sa, and Queen Trisha sitting together.
I greeted everyone, touching their feet.
“Ah, Suman. How are you, my child?” Daadi-sa asked, her warm smile inviting.
I smiled back. “I’m good, Daadi-sa,”
She rested her hand on mine, her voice laced with sympathy. “Are you really okay, Suman?” she asked again, and I felt she understood me.
I nodded and shifted my gaze to Nandani, who was watching me suspiciously.
“Um… I should get something to eat for you.”
“No need,” she responded immediately, and I bit my lower lip, unsure what to say.
Honestly, she’d kill me for hiding the truth, and if she found out from someone else, she'd kill me and then bring me back to life with an elixir just to kill me again.
“I have to handle the preparations,” I said, excusing myself.
I spent the rest of the day in the kitchen overseeing our purchases for the big feast, which was just five days away. I counted everything and assigned tasks to the staff. We were to make laddoos the next day.
By the time I finished, it had turned dark, and I felt exhausted. Thankfully, the work kept my mind occupied until I returned to Nandani’s chamber to check on her. I saw her sitting on the bed, feeding her baby with great care. Attendants surrounded her, and she lifted her gaze when she spotted me.
“Leave us alone,” she said, glancing at the other attendants as I approached her.
I sat on the bed in front of her, and she looked at me with exhaustion.
“Is everything okay, Suman?” she asked. I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t lie to anyone except her. She was the one who had always supported me.
I shook my head slowly, trying to express myself. That was probably the right thing to do. It was essential to forget what happened between Kunwar Agastya and me on that cremation ground.
“What happened?” she asked.
I lowered my gaze as I replied, “I lied to you about my visit.”
She touched my hand, encouraging me to look at her. “And what was the lie?”
A single tear rolled down my cheek as I replied, “My husband… he died.”
In my mind, I vividly pictured my late husband as I spoke, glancing into her eyes, which turned upset.
“Oh my God! How?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“I don’t know,” I said as she softly laid the baby on the bed and wrapped her arms around me.
“Are you okay, Suman?” she asked, rubbing my back. I nodded and closed my eyes.
“Yes, who would feel sad for a husband like that?” I said with a slight chuckle.
She patted my shoulder, saying, “I hope his family didn’t trouble you this time.”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t know why, but I sensed that revealing it to her would make
it a reality. Sharing the story of what happened afterwards would complicate matters for all three of us. Those two were meant to be together.
“No, they didn’t,” I lied.
She pulled back, her eyes fixed on mine as she cradled my cheeks. “You’re a brave girl.”
“Rani-sa,” an attendant entered, and we both turned to look at her.
“Yes?” Nandani asked, her frustration evident. Although she had already stated her desire for privacy, they had chosen not to grant it to us.
“Rani-sa, it’s Prince Agastya.” The moment the attendant mentioned him, my heart raced with exhilaration.
“What happened to him?” she asked.
“We don’t know,” the attendant said, shaking her head. “He asked for dinner, and when we went to serve it, he refused to eat and sent us back. This happened sixteen times. We tried all the dishes, and he rejected everything without even looking at them,” she explained.
I lowered my gaze, feeling a slight knot form in my stomach.
“He asked for dinner and then refused to eat sixteen times. I hope we’re only talking about one night?” Nandani asked, frustration clear, and the attendant nodded.
“Ji, Rani-sa.”
She shook her head and muttered, “First Rudra, then this kingdom, and then his brother.”
I bit my lower lip and tried to say, “Um… I’ll take care of it.”
She lifted her gaze and exhaled.
“Yes, please ask him what he wants to eat, and if he’s still acting the same, let Rudra know. I don’t have the energy to deal with his wicked games right now,” she said, and I stood up from the bed.
Taking a deep breath, I walked toward the kitchen and asked them to prepare a plate for him with all his favourite dishes, reminding myself: ONE LAST TIME!
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