Chapter 14 Agastya
Sometimes you desire something so desperately in your life that you pray for it every moment. It’s as if not getting it might end your life. You endure it, watching the days pass as time slips through your fingers. The urge intensifies, the hunger grows, and your stomach feels empty yet full.
You cannot describe what is happening or realise it is taking place. You confront your deepest fear: failure, the collapse of your life, when you long for something dearly, but destiny has planned something entirely different for you.
I went through it three years ago. A beautiful young woman captured my heart.
My first glimpse of her was awash in the early morning orange hues.
I bounced in sync with my horse while crossing the grassy fields on the outskirts of Suryagarh.
It was just another day, and I was returning from one of my encounters with the prince of a small state.
Her convoy walked along the muddy road. As I approached the palanquin, frowning, I noticed a beautiful princess peeking out. Her eyes resembled a doe’s, her face was small, her brows were thick, her smile was bright, and her standards were high.
My heart raced as my horse slowed down. I watched her, absorbing every glance offered in that moment.
But as soon as she disappeared from view, my troubled past dragged me back to reality. Clinging to the hope that she might understand and trust me, I started looking for her.
I found her at a friend’s wedding. A month-long celebration drew us closer, transforming us from strangers to friends. However, when I tried to shift from friends to lovers, sharing my past, she shattered my heart with just a few words.
“You’re a manwhore, and I’ll die before getting married to one.”
I returned home, trying to overcome my persistent thoughts about her. But her words cut deep, brutally. However, the fact that she made a choice, and I wasn’t the one, helped me move on from her.
For days, I questioned myself. I hated myself because I wasn’t the one she wanted. I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t measure up. I sank deep into a well of negative thoughts, believing nobody deserved a person like me.
Until I met a pair of eyes that looked at me from the other side, her gaze was that of worry, yet filled with happiness for me, with no doubts, even though she knew nothing about me.
“What do you mean?” she asked, and I couldn’t help but look into her eyes, seeking to dissolve the memory that still haunted me with a smile.
“One is dead for you, the other is dying for you, and one is waiting outside to die for you,” I replied, gazing into her hazy eyes.
Her flushed cheeks and luscious red lips, even more alluring after her orgasm, completely captivated me.
She gulped nervously and furrowed her brows, her face filled with questions.
“What do you mean? Please don’t tell me you’re going to kill him,” she whispered slowly.
I pulled her closer in a gentle hug. “You need to choose for yourself. Everyone deserves better.”
I didn’t come here to act on impulse. I wanted to see her before leaving for Mehrangarh. However, things slightly spiralled out of control, and it just happened.
My soft spot for her was growing, making its own space. I could barely remind myself that I might end up disappointing her. But that never changed the fact that I cared for her. I always did.
“Suman,” Daadi-sa’s loud voice echoed again, and I knew she had something to say.
She appeared confused, so I nodded with a smile.
“I hope you find it interesting,”
She rolled her eyes in disbelief and pushed me away.
“Go,” I bit my lower lip.
I didn’t know why, but my heart felt as if it were breaking as I watched her leave. I wanted to talk to her, listen to her, and keep her close, but that didn’t seem appropriate in our case.
I wanted her to stay, not just because I could make her.
I wished for her to choose to stay, to remain even after knowing everything about me, after seeing all of me: my broken self, my angry self, my reckless self, my childish self, my mature self—all the versions of me that people barely ever saw.
I wanted her to stay, even after everything, with a choice.
She might’ve had a better option waiting for her outside. But I couldn’t keep her just because I could.
I wanted her to refuse this marriage proposal on her own.
Nothing is more beautiful than being a choice and yet being chosen.
I made my own choices and stood here before her. If this was the opportunity God offered me after a heartbreak, I wanted her to make her own choices and stand before me.
I intertwined our fingers. My heart was longing to claim her lips, to make her mine, to taste every inch of her, and to make her feel that she owned me, not merely because of our relationship, but because I truly belonged to her.
She widened her eyes, gesturing for me to leave, and I nodded, stepping away from her. I leapt outside through the window, stealing a last glance at her, savouring the exquisite taste and scent of her presence.
My heart ached. Perhaps that was the last time we were meeting. I had long desired it. I wanted to learn about all the pain she had buried inside her and tried to make her feel special.
But, for that, this bridge needed to be crossed.
I returned to where Eklavya was and saw him waiting at the palace’s main entrance. The palace buzzed with visitors, the feast still ongoing, and joy filled the air.
This was the perfect opportunity to reach Mehrangarh before the head commander returned.
Everyone was busy; they didn’t even notice we were gone.
I mounted my horse, and we both raced toward Mehrangarh in disguise.
We needed actual evidence.
The sun descended in the west to rest, and we reached the outskirts of Mehrangarh just as darkness enveloped the light like a blanket.
We both dressed in the Mehrangarh army uniform, Eklavya stole from the soldier who visited Mahabaleshgarh for the feast with Princess Rashmika.
We couldn’t enter through the main door; instead, we walked toward the back of the palace. It was darker, and people headed back to their chambers, so we chose a passage that directly connected us to the weapons warehouse.
During my previous visit, I gained a good understanding of the palace’s infrastructure. The warehouse was at the back, so if a war ever occurred, they would break the gigantic wall for quick, easy access to the weapons, while pretending to be unarmed to all visitors.
We couldn’t break through the high wall, but could dig down.
We both started digging, choosing a safer spot away from the watchers. The plan was to dig a small cave under the wall that would open onto the other side.
By the time we were done, it had grown darker, and thankfully, no one noticed.
We filled the hollow space with some mud, not entirely, because we also needed to get out.
We crawled slowly into the palace. A few soldiers were watching nearby. I waited for them to move slightly to drink water and then ran towards the warehouse without making a sound.
My heart was hammering. And it beat even faster when we both saw the lock on the warehouse door.
“What do we do now?” Eklavya whispered, and I wiped the sweat from my forehead.
I gulped nervously and looked at a huge lock. We had nothing to put inside, and suddenly, I remembered my lady’s luck.
I drew my dagger out. It was a sharp blade with a curved tip. I offered a brief prayer and slowly inserted the blade’s tip into the keyhole.
It got stuck, but I tried to figure out how to unlock it. Because of the blade’s thinness, it slipped in with some effort, and I tried to unlock it.
Suddenly, the footsteps of soldiers grabbed my attention, and we both shared a fearful glance.
I quickly pulled the blade out, and we stood next to the door.
The soldier looked at us and said, “I’m going to sleep for a while. Keep your eyes open.”
We both nodded, playing wise like the soldiers of Mehrangarh.
Once he walked away, I took a deep breath, and we both started over.
This time, it slid inside quickly, and I turned the blade to unlock it. Placing the dagger back in its place, I moved away for him to open the door.
We both stepped inside, taking the lock with us.
I knew she was lucky to have me. A smile spread across my face unexpectedly. But it disappeared as soon as I noticed the dark warehouse.
Eklavya closed the door behind him, and I tried to find the lamp.
I bumped into the table in the pitch-black darkness, and after a few tries, my fingers found the lamp. Oddly, it was hot, meaning someone had been before us.
“We need to find stones,” I mumbled to Eklavya.
While he looked around, I gathered some dry grass. We both attempted to ignite it.
My fingers turned cold, aware of how much was at risk. I was sweating.
Suddenly, the dry grass ignited, and I used it to light the torch.
The warehouse room brightened slightly, and Eklavya blew out the grass fire, covering it with sand so no one would discover it. We walked around, examining the iron shelves stacked with scrolls, mortar, and other items.
There was a stone table in the middle, and I stepped closer to it.
“Begin examining the scrolls and documents,” I instructed him.
As I walked into the warehouse, there were swords, spears, bows, arrows, and many other weapons. However, my feet suddenly felt a different surface when I walked further.
My brows drew together.
I stepped back into this place; it felt hollow.
The tension mounted in my mind. I bit my lip and called out slowly, “Eklavya,”
He approached me, and I signalled for him to step onto this small surface.
He appeared confused, too. “There is something,” he said.
We both knelt, rubbing the sand off until our fingers found a three-foot-wide, iron door to the basement.
“Bastards,” I muttered, trying to act normal.
It was fine. I hated small, hidden places; they suffocated me.
I gulped, gathering my courage, and we both opened it. I looked at the rope ladder hanging inside.