Chapter 17 Suman #3
My face nestled into his neck. I felt at ease in his arms.
The tears ceased as he gently caressed my back. My hair fell to one side, which he prevented from falling back further.
“You undid my braid,” I said, chuckling through my tears.
“Oh… I’m sorry, I was just combing your hair.”
His slow voice made me look at him, and I gulped silently.
He smiled weakly at me and added, “I promise I will never ask you to do anything for me after we make love. You can rest,”
I instantly erupted with soft laughter, playfully slapping his chest.
“That wasn’t the moral of the story,” I said, and he furrowed his brow.
“It wasn’t?”
I shook my head, laughing at his cluelessness.
“No, it was not.” My cheeks hurt, so I closed my eyes and pressed my face against his chest.
He silently brushed my hair, caressing my head, and spoke slowly. “Suman,”
“Hmm?” I hummed, feeling his other hand caressing my jaw.
“Can I tell you something, if you won’t judge me?” he asked, and I opened my eyes to look at him.
“Never,”
He sucked his lip slightly before he continued, “Um… I know we have choices in life, but we have shortcuts for everything.”
His words made me crease my brows in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
He closed his eyes for a moment, shifted slightly, pushing me off his chest, and said, “I can't tell you like that.”
I sat up, listening to him, and he turned his face away from me, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“You don't have to tell me about your life. It’s not my place to know, and your comfort is important. If something is bothering you, you don’t have to share it,” I said, kneeling behind him.
His soft curls looked mesmerisingly beautiful as he shook his head.
“I want to tell you. I mean… You know, you can leave me after this, reject me. There’s no foundation.
I’m sure that man, or any man, would be a thousand times better than I.
Also, I’ll keep an eye on him so he’ll never hurt you, but you must know this is your choice.
I know you’ve never been given an option before, but I want to offer you one.
I want you to decide for yourself. You’re not sixteen anymore.
You're older, much more intelligent, and more mature than before. You know people now. All of this is... maybe a mere attraction; I’m not sure yet.
But I believe you deserve much more than this.
I’m not the man you think I am. I’m not like my brothers, who saved themselves for their wives.
I’m not the ideal husband. I prioritise the kingdom above anyone else.
I can kill without thinking twice; blood doesn’t frighten me, and fire doesn’t scare me.
I could die for our kingdom without a second thought, Suman,” he said all at once, and I felt a lump form in my throat, unable to respond.
My fingers turned sweaty and colder as I listened to him. I didn’t know what to say.
“I've done unethical things,” he whispered, and I lowered my gaze. “I have done things a woman wouldn’t want in her husband. That’s why I’m telling you, you can leave if you want. I mean, that man is great, and… he will keep you happy,” he kept sputtering, his voice hoarse.
I couldn’t help but shift closer and hug him from behind.
“I don’t want to marry him. Do I not have a say in who I choose to marry or not if I have a choice?” I asked, and he touched my arm silently.
“Suman,” he breathed, falling silent for a few moments, then continued, “I was just fifteen,” his voice trembling.
I shut my eyes. Nothing could touch me.
“Rudra Bhai-sa was twenty-two and was practising celibacy back then, while Ranvijay Bhai-sa was our Guruji’s36 favourite student.
He had appointed him as his assistant to teach other students as well.
I always felt like a lost cause; I was intelligent, but mostly distracted.
Until then, I had been living with both of them.
But Rudra Bhai-sa then went to Suryagarh to work as the personal guard for the former king, our uncle, the elder brother of our father, while Ranvijay Bhai-sa stayed with Guruji,”
He paused briefly, and I noticed him scratching his fingers.
“We were out of the money our Maasi-maa earned for us, and I had just finished my training. Like the basics, the advanced training provides actual war experience. Then, I began working as a soldier in one kingdom. Since I was just fifteen, I was assigned to serve under the married princess of this kingdom. She was in her thirties—neither very young nor too old—and had two children; I didn’t know them and never had the chance to.
While standing outside her chamber, I learned about their bedroom activities.
However, they were mostly either fighting, yelling, or something else was happening between them. ”
He stopped, inhaling deeply, and I opened my eyes, remaining still, listening to him quietly.
“You slept with that married princess?” I asked cautiously, and he sighed.
“Well, you made it easy for me,” he said.
I shifted to sit beside him and held his hand. “Did she force you?”
He furrowed his brows. “I wasn’t mature enough to understand what was forcing.
But she was attractive; she would call me inside when changing, like asking me to help her tie her blouse, and do similar things.
The prince was outside for a tour or a visit.
They used to live alone in this small state, under a bigger kingdom. ”
I nodded. “Oh, then?”
He smiled slightly at my response.
“Then, one day, she asked me to strip naked for her, as if it were some prize. I felt bad, but she argued that I had seen most of her, so I should show myself. That day, she laid me under her, and it happened. She rode me. When it happened a few times, I tried to ask why she was doing it. Her husband was good. She said something that I didn’t know.
She said she also loved her husband, but at a certain age, love fades, and things come down to needs.
The husband wants a wife to run the home, and the wife wants her husband to do the outside work.
And she said that her husband couldn’t satisfy her,” he intoned, and my lips curved into the slightest of smiles.
“Well, don’t worry; I wouldn’t want our first time to be like that; me riding you.”
He let out a chuckle. “That wasn’t the moral of the story,” he said, looking at me as I furrowed my brows.
“It wasn’t?” I asked, tilting my head.
He shook his head. “No, it was not.”
I smiled as he held my hand and continued. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t make a good husband. The girl I liked called me a manwhore, and you deserve better, Suman, seriously,”
I lowered my gaze to our intertwined hands and brought his hand closer to my cheeks.
“With my experience, I know what a man’s touch is, and I can bet your touch is something that doesn’t exist in any other man.
You might convince me to marry someone else, but there’s no guarantee that I wouldn’t be afraid of his touch.
Don’t worry; I don’t want to stay with you if you don’t want to,” I muttered, and he immediately pulled me closer, shaking his head.
“It’s not like that,”
He shifted slightly, pulling his legs up, and I couldn’t help but slide into his lap, spreading my legs apart.
My breathing quickened at the position.
“Then why do you want to push me away?” I asked.
“Because you deserve someone better.”
I gulped and cupped his cheek, saying, “I just want to ask you one thing.”
“Anything.”
“Will you leave me for any other woman?”
“Not even on my deathbed,”
That was it.
“Then I choose you, no matter the consequences,” I murmured, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me, flipping me onto the bed in a swift motion.
My eyes widened in shock, and he brought his lips dangerously closer to mine in a mere moment.
“I’ve never kissed anyone. Do you want to take the lead?” he asked, and I gulped nervously.
“Me?” I questioned, and he nodded.
I sucked my lip. “I think I have bad breath,” I stuttered.
He shook his head. “It's okay. I have tasted something that used to make a man obsessed with a woman so that bad breath wouldn’t affect it.”
His words flushed my cheeks, yet I brought my trembling fingers close to his cheek and looked at his lips; they were a darker shade of rose. I gently brushed my thumb against them before momentarily lifting my face and pecking at them.
I looked into his eyes, confused.
Did he like it?
And he smiled a little.
“My turn,” he murmured, leaning closer to press his lips on mine.
Our noses touched, and I felt his hand wrap around my waist, bringing us closer. He parted his lips, drawing mine into his mouth momentarily before lifting his face to meet my gaze again.
My throat went dry. My heart raced, and my eyes widened with the sensations flowing through my body. The new itch in my core caused me to pull my knees up, and I curled my cold toes hesitantly.
He gazed at me silently, and I questioned whether he wanted more.
“My turn?” I asked, and he nodded.
I sucked my lips, tasting his saliva off, and cupped both of his cheeks again, firmer this time. Then, I lifted myself and kissed him.
But before I could do anything, he pressed his lips against mine. My head dug deeper into the mattress as he opened his lips wide and sucked the breath out of me.
My body ached, and I felt the wetness of his mouth dirtying me with every lick. He caged me tightly when I tried to slip my lips out of his range. He abruptly grabbed my skirt and pulled it over my thighs before moving both his legs between mine.
A slow and deep moan escaped my lips when my legs parted. I turned immobile and breathless.
He pressed his lips against mine, leaving me breathless. My eyes squeezed shut, and my head tilted back to escape, but he’d already shifted before I could react.
When my heart pounded, and my breath became short, I pressed my feet into the mattress, lifting my torso against him in response.
He groaned. “I want to be inside you, right this instant,”
I felt weak suddenly. A moan escaped my lips in response, and suddenly, he pressed his hardness against me, causing me to clench onto the bedsheet.
“Kunwar-sa,” I mewled. The uneasiness of his length was brutal.
And, suddenly, he moved off, breaking the kiss, and sat up.
“Oh my God!”
He palmed his face, and I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
My breathing laboured, and I panted visibly. I placed my hand on my chest to calm my breath, then sat up, pushing the skirt down to my feet.
He looked at me. “Are you okay?” His eyes expressed concern, and I nodded. “I’m sorry, I think I lost… my control,”
I swallowed hard and shook my head shyly. “You didn’t,” I managed to say, and he looked at me silently for a moment before lowering his gaze into a smile.
“Fuck! This is going to be intense. You want it too,” he said, and I slowly shook my head, adjusting my dupatta, trying to conceal the smile that was dying to appear on my cheek.
“Um… I should probably go,” I said as I attempted to get off the bed, but he stopped me.
“Suman,” I gulped silently, looking at him, and he added, “Stay, please.”
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