Chapter 43 #2
I recognised his handwriting the moment I unfolded it. My fingers trembled slightly as I read:
Suman,
Pata nahi kyun, jab pratham baar tumhe dekha tha to kuch kshanoan ke liye dekhte hi reh gaye.
Sabki drushti se door, tum ek kone mein khadi, chupchaap apni oadhni ke pallu se khel rahi thi.
Tab humein koi aabhas nahi hua. Uske pashchaat kadachit humne tumhaari oar dhyaan se, nayan bharke dekha hi nahi.
Mann mein kabhi koi tumhein lekar aisa vichaar bhi nahi aaya.
Parantu jab tum kisi kaarya se kaksh mein aa jaaya karti, ya humaare bhojan ityadi ke vishay mein paraamarsh lene aati to kuch to lagta tha, kintu uska bhi humne kabhi avlokan nahi kiya.
Lekin, sab parivartit ho gaya jab humne tumhaare sasural se aaya wo patra padha.
Use padhkar jab humein gyaat hua ki tumhaare samudaay mein vidhwa streeyoan ko sati pratha nibhaani padti hai to hruday mein ek vichtra si vyatha utpanna hui.
Aisa laga maano tum humse punah kabhi kuch kehne nahi aaogi, bhojan ke vishay mein humse kuch poochne nahi aaogi.
Bheetar hi bheetar ek vyakulta ne humein gher sa liya tha…
Yun to koi anya stree hoti to hum uski bhi raksha karne awashya jaate, kintu raksha tak to seemit tha.
Parantu jab tumse vivaah ka prashn utha tab bhi humein kuch anuchit nahi laga.
Ye jaante hue ki humaara Rashmika ke saath sambandh nishchit tha, uske uparaant bhi humne tumhaari maang bharne se tanik bhi sankoch nahi kiya.
Kyunki us samay humaara wo nirnay humein uchit laga.
Uske paschaat bhi humne anekoan prayaas kiye tumhein apne vichaaroan se nikaalne ke, kintu jab bhi hum tumhein dekhte, to bas dekhte hi reh jaate. Humaare netra maano keval tumhe hi nihaarne ko tatpar rehte.
Tumhaari upasthiti mein, humaare aas-paas sab shaant bhi tha aur aandhi bhi utni hi teevrata se beh rahi thi.
Dheere-dheere jab aabhaas hua ki tum bhi humaare vishay mein kuch aisa hi sochti ho to hum swayam par sayyam hi nahi dhar paa rahe the. Jitni baar tum sameep aa rahi thi, hum behak rahe the, phisal rahe the, aur tum to humein rok bhi nahi rahi thi.
Pata hi nahi chala ki kab Suryagarh ke mahal ki ek daasi, humaare mann mahal ki rani ban gayi. Jis hruday par se humaara vishwaas uth gaya tha, socha tha ki ab ye kisi kaarya ka nahi, us hruday ko humse anumati liye bina tumne apne paas le liya.
Aur tabse humne swayam ko kisi aur ke samaksh hone ki kalpana tak nahi kar paaye.
Humne kabhi nahi socha tha ki humaara ek nirnay humein jeevan mein yahaan laakar khada kar dega. Ki jo vyakti sadeiv kisi rajkumaari ke premi hone ka swapn dekhta tha, wo antataha ek saral, saadhaaran si kanya par mohit ho jaayega.
Hum tumse atyant prem karte hain, Suman.
Tum jab dukhi hoti ho to humein bilkul accha nahi lagta. Mann karta hai ki kuch bhi aisa boldein ki tum bas muskura do. Aur tum jab khush hoti ho to humaara mann phool sa jaata hai, prasann ho jata hai.
Tum saath hoti ho to samay maano ret ke bhaanti haath se phisal jaata hai, aur jab nahi hoti ho to yahi ret kaantoan ki tarah chubhti hai.
Hum thode dusht aur sharaarati hain, maante hain ki tumhe bahut tang bhi karte hain, kintu tumhaare saath ye sab karna humein anuchit nahi lagta.
Tumhaare saath to jaise hum apna youvan aur baalpan, dono hi jee rahe hain.
Vishwaas hai ki tum rusht bhi ho jaaogi tab bhi prem karna nahi chodogi. Chintit rahogi humaare liye.
Eshwar hi jaane kya likhe jaa rahe hain hum.
Likhna to waise kuch vishesh aata nahi hai humein. Ganit aur ganana mein nipun hain hum, to sabhi bhaavnaaon ko ek jut karke likh diya. Aur antim parinaam yah aaya ki, is sansaar mein hum sabse adhik prem keval tumse karte hain, Suman—aur sada karte rahenge.
Upahaar mein tumhe kya dein samajh hi nahi paa rahe the, to socha chalo kuch likh lete hain.
Kabhi-kabhi bhool jaati ho tum ki tumhaara pati bhi hai, usse bhi prem karna hai, isiliye smaran karaane hetu ye patra upyogi hoga.
Theek hai, to, accha…
Tumhaara priya, Agastya.
(Suman,
I don’t know why, but the first time I saw you, my eyes simply stayed on you…
for a few still moments. You stood quietly in a distant corner, far from everyone’s gaze, quietly toying with the hem of your dupatta.
I didn't feel anything then, at least that’s what I believed.
Perhaps after that day, I never really looked at you again with any true attention.
Never once did such a thought wander into my mind about you.
But whenever you would enter my chambers on some errand, or approach me to ask about meals and arrangements, something in me stirred, though I never paused long enough to understand what it was.
But everything changed the day I read that letter from your in-laws.
And when I learnt that widows in your community were expected to burn on their husband’s pyre, a strange sense of anxiety arose within me. It felt as though one day you would stop coming to me, stop asking me if I’d eaten. A strange restlessness took hold of me…
Had it been any other woman, I still would have stepped forward to protect her, but only protection, nothing beyond.
Yet when the question of marrying you arose, I felt no hesitation.
Even knowing that my alliance with Rashmika was nearly certain, I didn’t falter for a moment while marrying you. It felt undeniably right.
I tried many times afterwards to drive you out of my thoughts, but each time I saw you, I could not look away. My eyes seemed to exist only to find you.
In your presence, everything around me felt still and calm, yet a storm raged with equal force.
And when I realised that you, too, perhaps felt something similar for me, I lost control of myself. Every time, the closer you came, the more I slipped… and you never stopped me.
I didn’t even realise when a maid of Suryagarh became the queen of my heart. A heart I believed broken, useless, which I had lost faith in, you claimed that heart without even letting me know.
Since then, I haven’t been able to imagine myself with anyone else.
I never thought one choice would bring me here, that the man who once dreamt of loving a princess would instead fall irrevocably for a simple, ordinary girl.
But I love you, Suman. I love you deeply.
When you’re hurt, I feel unsettled. I want to say anything, do anything, just to make you smile. And when you are happy, I feel as though something inside me blossoms.
When you’re with me, time slips like sand through my fingers, and when you’re gone, that same sand pricks like thorns beneath my skin.
Yes, I know I’m mischievous, troublesome even. I tease you more than I should because with you, none of it feels wrong. With you, I feel like I’m living both my youth and my lost childhood at once. I believe that even if you’re angry, you won’t stop loving me. You'll still be worried about me.
I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.
I’m not particularly good at writing. Yes, I’m adept with numbers and calculations, so I gathered every scattered feeling I possess and set them down for you. And by the end, the result is that, in this universe, I love no one more than I love you, Suman. And I always will.
I couldn’t think of a gift worthy enough for you, so I thought of writing this letter. You sometimes forget that you have a husband who needs your love too… so let this letter serve as a little reminder.
Alright then… enough for now.
Yours, Agastya.)
I broke into happy tears as I read the entire letter. He shook his head.
“See? That’s exactly why I didn’t give it to you earlier. Someone would’ve thought I made you cry,” he said.
I laughed softly and playfully slapped his chest. “You’re so stupid,” I muttered, pulling him closer. “My love… Agastya,” I whispered, cupping his cheek before pressing a tender kiss to it.
He chuckled softly. “Yes, your love… and baby, Agastya,” he replied, and I smiled, pressing the letter to my chest.
“I’ll keep this close to my heart,” I said, feeling the warmth of his presence beside me.
He gulped. “Umm… now, for the muhdikhai71,”
?????