Suman
I was trying to walk as fast as I could. His footsteps trailed behind me at the same pace. What the hell just happened? A girl? How could I have such bad luck in just a month?
No, the girl wasn ’ t the misfortune; my choice was indeed one. But I didn ’ t agree to the bet.
Yes, I did not. I did. Urghhhh. Yet, I didn ’ t even respond to him.
“ Why are you running?” I heard his voice, and a shiver ran down my spine. I took a deep breath, trying to focus on my walking while ignoring him, but with his long legs, he quickly closed the gap and started walking beside me.
As we moved through the less crowded—the empty—gallery, with all the attendees rushing around joyfully, he said, “ Don ’ t worry, I ’ m in no rush. You can take your time.”
The teasing in his slow, deep voice made me take a deep breath and look at him, momentarily pausing my feet. “ It ’ s wrong; you ’ re getting married in just four months,” I mumble.
He inhaled deeply, gazing at me, and stepped forward. Fear surged through me, and I instinctively stepped back, glancing around.
Another step closer, and I felt my back hit the wall behind me. I shifted nervously from foot to foot, watching him approach, erasing the two-foot distance between us. I tried to say, “ What are you doing? Kunwarsa, someone will see us.” My voice came out shaky.
He replied slowly, “ Tooti footi, kachi pakki, nakli, asli hi sahi, thodi si patni to ho na hamari, shart haari ho to vo to karna padega. ” "Real, fake, broken, half-full, you are my wife, even if just a little. Now that you have lost the bet, you have to do that.” His slow voice made my cheeks flush.
I couldn ’ t understand why his words weakened my knees, and I tried to respond, especially to the half-wife comment.
"Aap hamare pati nahi hai... vidh..." “ You are not my husband… I am a wid…” I found myself unable to finish. The colorful memory of that day and the thought that he could die after marrying me echoed in my ears, leaving me speechless.
How can I be a bad omen for the person who saved my life?
“ Say it,” he urged, his gaze intense, and I opened my eyes, staring back at him with equal intensity.
“ This is wrong. You should act as if I ’ m dead. Please, I know you ’ re just teasing me, but don ’ t do this,” I pleaded.
He inhaled deeply while looking at me. There was a calculated pause between us, and he nodded slowly. “ Fine,” he said. “ but even if you weren ’ t my half, little bit of a wife and had lost a bet, I would still ask you to keep your promise. I ’ m committed to my bets.”
"But I didn ’ t agree."
I noticed an attendee approaching us; I immediately pushed him away and started walking normally.
"You did," he said, trailing behind me.
He seemed truly happy for the first time since that incident. Yet, his presence made me feel uneasy. I averted my gaze and observed him as he twirled his dagger.
"Vese agar sabko pata hota to tumhe hamari bhatiji Kaakisa kehti ya Maasima?” “ Let ’ s say that if everyone knew about us, what would my niece call you, Kaakisa or Maasima ?” he inquired, his lips curling into a teasing smile.
I clenched my jaw. “ My dead husband has five children, and I ’ m technically their mother, so what would they call you? Father?” I asked, and he turned to me with annoyance, making me smile.
“ Shut up,” he whispered; a victorious smile remained on my face as we walked into the kitchen together.
As soon as we stepped through the door, we became strangers again.
I noticed him reverting to a serious demeanor. He asked everyone to pay attention before lecturing them about the sweets they needed to prepare. It was early morning, and no one had gotten any rest, not even for a moment. It felt like a festival in the kingdom.
"Suno," “ Listen,” he called, as always.
I didn ’ t know why, but I remembered him whenever anyone called me ‘ Suno. ’
“ Ji,” I replied, watching him animatedly count on his fingers.
“ 800 tons of gram flour for laddus?" he asked, furrowing his brows. I lowered my gaze, recalling that during Ranaji's coronation ceremony, we had ordered 200 tons of gram flour to accommodate all the kingdoms. This time, the feast would encompass six times as many people as the last one: the entire villages and Kingdoms.
I suggested, “ One hundred nine villages will be invited, so I think we should plan for 1,500 tons, “
He noted this down with the help of an assistant who wrote everything.
“ And dry fruits?” he asked, and I calculated the amounts of dried fruits while assisting him with the details. “ 10 tons of cardamom, 150 tons of almonds, 150 tons of peanuts…” I said, and he widened his eyes at me when I finished.
“ I thought ladoos looked smaller,” he remarked, making me chuckle softly. I shook my head. “ Yes, only if a small group is eating, but not if the people from one hundred and nine villages are going to feast,” I replied.
He smiled. “ You ’ re so smart. I thought you ’ d be dumb,”
I inhaled deeply. “ I ’ m glad to hear about the changes in your perspective regarding me,” I murmured, and he stared deeply into my eyes for a few moments before responding in a similarly slow tone. “ Want to know about any other changes?” he asked.
I sighed, rolled my eyes, and returned to assigning everyone their duties for the day.
Finally, when I finished, I told all the attendees to take a break since no one had slept.
However, I realized Nandani had welcomed her daughter, and we still hadn ’ t had the sweets.
I watched Prince Agastya leave with a few cooks and attendees toward the storeroom while I took out the pot to make the Kheer (Sweet dish).
I tried to avoid looking at the fire. I selected the small stove to prepare the meal for the family. After boiling the rice, I made the Kheer and garnished it with dried fruits. I served five bowls for Ranaji, Nandani, Prince Ranvijay, Princess Aishwarya, and, of course, the youngest Prince, Kunwar Agastya.
I walked into Nandani ’ s chamber and noticed her sitting with Princess Aishwarya. The baby struggled to latch onto her nipple. She looked hungry, but it seemed difficult for the little princess to grasp her mother ’ s nipple.
Nandani raised her eyes and watched me approach the plate.
“ Since it ’ s a celebration, we shouldn ’ t set the sweets aside,” I said, smiling. Princess Aishwarya stood up. “ I will take the first bite,” she said excitedly as she picked up the bowl.
I smiled at her, sat beside Nandani, and looked at the baby. Seeing her made me feel I would never experience the feeling of holding my baby in my arms.
Some things are not meant for you.
“ She is struggling,” I mumbled, and Nandani nodded, lifting her gaze to meet mine.
“ She is. Here, , take your baby in your arms, too. You cared for her better than I did to bring her into this world,” she said as she placed the baby in my hands.
The baby opened her eyes and looked at me, distressed, which made me chuckle. “ She craves your scent, Nandani. Children recognize the smell of mother from the womb and seek it immediately after birth,” I said, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “ May God bless her with all the greatness and love a girl deserves,” I added, returning her to Nandani.
Nandani once again put the nipple in her mouth and pressed her breasts, as the physician had taught her. Once the baby started tasting, she learned. I smiled, and a tear of joy rolled down my cheek.
"You should rest now, Jiji," Princess Aishwarya said, and Nandani nodded. “ I ’ ll take the bowl for Hukum,” she added, taking one more bowl. I smiled at her as she left.
I set out another bowl for Ranaji next to Nandani ’ s on the bed and said, “ I ’ ll send Ranaji in.”
Nandani smiled and nodded. “ And you should rest too, now,” she said, and I leaned in to kiss her forehead. “ You need rest, Ranisa,” I reminded her. She chuckled, realizing the deeper meaning behind my calling her by her title.
I took the plate with the last bowl and left her chamber. On the way, I saw Ranaji talking with the physician and tried to speak. “ Ranaji, Ranisa is asking for you,” I informed him, and he smiled. Of course.”
I walked past him when he stopped me. “ .”
I turned to face him. “ Ji, Ranaji,” I asked. He removed one of the expensive jewels from around his neck and extended his hand toward me. “ This is for you,” he said, and I felt a slight shiver run down my spine. Something struck me hard.
Sweat pooled in my palm as I cautiously extended my hand and watched him place the necklace into it.
It felt heavy.
But the reality felt heavier.
For the past few days, I saw myself as more than a maid.
“ You took great care of Nandani,” he said. I bit my lower lip, suddenly at a loss for words, and replied, “ It ’ s my job and responsibility.” My voice came out shaky, and he continued, “ Also, if you see Agastya, please tell him to let me know before he leaves for anywhere.” I nodded slowly and turned to walk away.
My pace slowed, and my mind felt tense with all the memories and thoughts of the last four years. I was a maid, just a maid. Why had I acted like something more for the previous few days?
I entered Kunwar Agastya ’ s chamber and attempted to call out, “ Kunwar Agastya!”
I waited and heard from the other side, “ Come in.”
I took a few steps into the chamber and saw him sitting on his couch in his bedroom, holding rolled letters in his hand with an inkpot beside him. The lamp illuminated his surroundings, although the room ’ s corners remained dim.
Kneeling, I placed the plate in front of him.
“ Did you taste it?” he asked, and I shook my head absentmindedly. My fingers clutched on the beady garland.
“ It ’ s only for royals,” I said. He dipped his finger and sucked the tip, then shook his head. “ You forgot to add sugar,” he said.
It wasn ’ t possible. I shook my head in disbelief. “ No, I didn ’ t,” I countered.
He dipped his finger again and looked at me, pushing his finger closer. “ Know yourself,” he offered, and I didn ’ t know what came to mind. Without a second thought, I tasted it off his finger, and my eyes widened as I realized what I had just done.
What?
“ Umm, I ’ m really… sorry.” I stuttered.
He narrowed his brows with a faint smile. “ Ah, Royal, huh?” he teased, and I immediately stood up. I shouldn ’ t be here. Turning on my heels, I ran away.
"Ayee, Suno.” “ Ayee, listen.” I heard his faded voice, but I dashed back to my room and closed the door behind me.
I sat on the floor, pulling my knees closer to my chest. As I leaned my face into my knees, I allowed the emotions and memories to flow freely through my mind.
When I married my husband at sixteen, I was a young girl, unaware of what to expect from him. Yet, in the back of my mind, I held an image of him as cheerful, loving, and supportive—someone who would take an interest in nurturing my desire for knowledge. However, day after day, as my clothes were torn from my body, my dreams began to leave my soul.
After three days, I realized that if I lay on my back with my skirt lifted to my waist and my legs apart, the pain would be less. The pain that Nandani always described as pleasure, which I could never relate to. He would come, lie on top of me with his face in the crook of my neck, and start doing what all husbands are supposed to do.
He often told me that, as a wife, keep your husband happy.
And it went on.
Days turned into weeks, and my body got used to it while my expectations faded. I had never been told that I was beautiful, smart, or worth something.
And today, as I held Princess in my hand, a thought crossed my mind: if a girl is to enter this life, she must choose her parents wisely.
Sometimes, he would yell at me. He ’ d ask me to make sounds for him and at least smile or react to reassure him he was doing well.
However, he was unaware that if a soul is wounded, you cannot fake it.
And I couldn ’ t either. Tears streamed down my face, and after three months or ninety-two nights without a break, he finally grew tired of me. My stomach ached, and when I could no longer bear it—when my face lost its rosy hue, my berry-like lips faded, my eyes looked hopeless, and I seemed lifeless—he finally left me.
No! Not for my benefit but for his. He deserved better. He deserved someone who could smile, make noise for him, and keep him happy.
Clearly, I could not do it.
Over the past seven years, I had forgotten or moved on from every bit until today, when I realized I once again had a husband—not really a husband! But a husband—a half-husband, though.
But I couldn ’ t deny that he had rights over me somehow.
The pace and intensity of our interactions changed from before the incident to after, and I was afraid my heart was misinterpreting everything.
I didn ’ t know how to tell my heart that he was a prince and I was just a maid. Our backgrounds and castes were different, our clans were different, and we were different. He was my savior, and my heart—my foolish heart—was falling for his teasing words.
I didn ’ t realize it until Ranaji gifted me that necklace. It wasn ’ t the first time he had given me something expensive. He trusted me and always seemed happy with my work. He had given me gifts on Diwali, Holi, his crowning ceremony, Prince Ranvijay ’ s wedding, and several other occasions. I always loved receiving appreciation gifts, but it hit me harder this time.
It made me think of the distance between us, particularly the space between Kunwar Agastya and me. I had to hold back any emotions that might arise in my heart to avoid being hurt by them.
I exhaled deeply and crawled under my comforters, accepting his kindness and flirting in another direction. He was just toying with our situation. He had always been this way—never serious, lighthearted, joyful, and cheerful. Nonchalant.
But I hadn ’ t been that foolish. Had I really been this desperate for the last seven years? A man would start flirting with me, and I would fall for it? Urghhhhh.
Focus. . Focus.
My sleep had been chaotic for some time and not peaceful at all. I hadn ’ t experienced that in ages.
I couldn ’ t recall anything from my dreams, but I realized I hadn ’ t truly slept at all when I woke up.
My head felt heavy, and I immediately tried to get out of bed to bathe. After my bath, I went straight to Nandani ’ s chamber, only to find that the trio—who had been just two yesterday—was sleeping peacefully: Ranaji, Ranisa, and their little princess.
I began my daily chores by cleaning the chamber and guiding the attendees and maids in the tasks they needed to complete. It wasn ’ t difficult because, over time, I developed an understanding of what needed to be done, and these attendees shared that awareness; I only needed to supervise them closely.
Reva ran toward me, her beautiful smile conveying the message, “ King Abhinandan has arrived from Mahabaleshgarh.” I smiled, filled with joy and anxiety about the challenging moment ahead.
Three years ago, because of King Rajvardhan ’ s declining health, the crown was passed to King Abhinandan. However, something unexpected occurred, and King Rajvardhan did not survive. Mahabaleshgarh was still struggling to cope with that loss.
But he was in a better place now. If anyone had seen him in his last days, suffering and gasping for each breath, they would have understood that sometimes it ’ s easier to give up.
Not all wars are meant to be won.
I turned and returned to Nandani ’ s chamber to wake Ranaji and greet him. “ Ranaji,” I called, standing far from his bed. The curtains were drawn, and I heard his deep, hoarse voice reply, “ ?”
I lowered my gaze and informed him, “ King Abhinandan has arrived at the borders of Suryagarh.” He immediately stepped off the bed and nodded at me. “ Prepare the guest rooms for everyone,” he ordered, and I left the bedroom. I entered the Common Attendees ’ chamber and moved into the sanitation and cleaning section. I asked a few attendees to join me and briefed them about the guest rooms.
I spent the entire afternoon preparing for the guests and returned to Nandani in the evening.
I looked at Ranima , Daadisa , and Queen Trisha, who were seated together. “ Pranam, Daadisa ,” I said, approaching her and kneeling to touch her feet.
“ Ahh, . How are you, my child?” she asked, her warm smile inviting. I smiled back. “ I ’ m good, Daadisa,” I replied as she rested her hand on mine, her voice laced with sympathy. “ Are you really okay, ?” she inquired, and I felt she understood me. I nodded, shifted my gaze to Ranima, and bent down to touch her feet.
“ Pranam, Ranima,” I said as she wrapped me in a loose hug, gently patting my head. “ God bless you, ,” she replied. I turned to Queen Trisha and joined my hands in respect. “ Pranam, Ranisa.” She smiled and nodded at me. “ Ji, Pranam.” I noticed Nandani watching me with suspicion and attempted to say, “ Um, I should get something to eat for you.” “No need,” she responded immediately, and I bit my lower lip, unsure of what to say.
Honestly, she would kill me for hiding the truth, and if she found out from someone else, she'd kill me and then bring me back to life with elixir just to kill me again.
“ Um, I had to handle the preparations,” I excused myself. I spent the rest of the day in the kitchen overseeing our purchases for the big feast, which was just five days away. I counted everything and assigned tasks to the staff. We will start making ladoos tomorrow.
By the time I finished, it had turned dark, and I felt exhausted. Thankfully, the work kept my mind engaged until I returned to Nandani ’ s chamber to check on her. I saw her sitting on the bed, feeding her baby with great care. Attendees surrounded her, and she lifted her gaze when she spotted me.
“ Leave us alone,” she said, glancing at the other attendees as I approached her.
I sat on the bed in front of her, and she looked at me with a somewhat tired expression. “ Is everything okay, ?” she asked. I wasn ’ t sure, but I couldn ’ t lie to anyone except her. She was the one who had always supported me.
I shook my head slowly, trying to express myself. It may have been the right thing to do. It was essential to forget whatever had happened between Kunwar Agastya and me on that cremation ground.
“ What happened?” she asked, and I lowered my gaze as I replied, “ I lied to you about my visit.”
She touched my hand, encouraging me to look at her. “ And what was the lie?” she asked.
A single tear rolled down my cheek as I replied, “ My husband… he died.” In my mind, I vividly pictured my late husband as I spoke, glancing into her eyes, which turned upset.
“ Oh my God! How?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“ I don ’ t know,” I said as she softly laid the baby on the bed and wrapped her arms around me. Are you okay, ?” she asked, rubbing my back. I nodded and closed my eyes.
“ Yes, who would feel sad for a husband like that?” I said with a slight chuckle. She patted my shoulder, saying, “ I hope his family didn ’ t trouble you this time.”
I closed my eyes. I didn ’ t know why, but I sensed that revealing it to her would make it a reality. Sharing the story of what happened afterward would complicate matters for all three of us. Those two were meant to be together.
“ No, they didn ’ t,” I lied. She let go of the hug and stared at me, her eyes fixed on mine as she cradled my cheeks. “ You are a brave girl.”
“ Ranisa,” an attendee entered, and we both turned to look at her.
“ Yes?” Nandani asked, her frustration evident. Although she had already stated her desire for privacy, they had chosen not to grant it to us.
“ Ranisa, it ’ s Prince Agastya,” the attendee said, and at that moment, my heart raced with exhilaration.
“ What happened to him?” she asked.
“ We don ’ t know,” the attendee said, shaking her head. “ He asked for dinner, and when we went to serve it, he refused to eat and sent us back. This happened sixteen times. We tried all the dishes, and he rejected everything without even tasting them,” she explained.
I lowered my gaze, feeling a slight knot form in my stomach.
“ He asked for dinner and then refused to eat sixteen times. I hope we ’ re only talking about one night?” Nandani asked, her frustration clear, and the attendee nodded. “ Ji, Ranisa.”
She shook her head and muttered, “ First Rudra, then this kingdom, and then his brother.”
I bit my lower lip and tried to say, “ Umm, I will take care of it.”
She lifted her gaze and exhaled. “ Yes, please ask him what he wants to eat, and if he ’ s still acting the same, let Rudra know. I don ’ t have the energy to deal with his wicked games right now,” she said, and I stood up from the bed.
Taking a deep breath, I walked toward the kitchen and asked them to prepare a plate for him with all his favorite foods, reminding myself: ONE LAST TIME!