Suman
“ Go back, please,” his words tightened my chest, and I stepped away from him. But he looked worried—not just worried, but troubled and unwell. What was wrong with him, and why was he wearing black clothes and kohl around his eyes?
Had he been somewhere? Why was he so hot? It seemed like he had a fever.
It was early morning, and I had woken up because of the racing thoughts in my mind. I sensed something was amiss when I saw him nearly sprinting to his chamber.
After following him, I realized that something was indeed very wrong.
But he threw me out of his chamber.
Since then, I had helped the maids in the kitchen, yet he still hadn ’ t called for breakfast. It was nearly afternoon now. I felt worried because he had given me that black thread the other day, and now it was missing from his hand.
I tried to focus on watching the maids make ladoos, but my mind was preoccupied with him. I just wanted to know if he was okay. I knew he wouldn ’ t tell me unless something was wrong. He had been tough on me lately, but he cared. It wasn ’ t as if he hated me or didn ’ t want to see me. If he hated me, why would he meet with me before leaving the kingdom? Not just leaving but handing me his dagger.
Yes! I should return his dagger. He asked me to keep it safe, so I quickly stood up, went to my room, grabbed it, and brought it to his chamber.
As I walked in, silence engulfed me. I attempted to call out “ Kunwarsa,”
The chamber was dark; all the curtains were drawn, blocking the sunlight. No attendants were present.
I narrowed my gaze at his bedroom curtains, and a knot tightened in my stomach. I hadn ’ t seen him with Nandani or Ranaji since this morning.
“ Kunwar Agastya,” I called again, but he didn ’ t respond. I just wanted to check if he was okay since he hadn ’ t seemed well the night before. I couldn ’ t help but pull back the bedroom curtains and peek inside.
I felt increasingly anxious now.
Nervously gulping, I walked inside and glanced at his bed, which was draped with curtains. “ Kunwarsa,” I called softly again, trying not to draw anyone ’ s attention to the fact that I was in his chamber when I shouldn ’ t be.
He didn ’ t respond, prompting me to move closer to him. The afternoon was getting late, and he rarely slept for this long.
I parted the bed ’ s curtains and gazed at him—half-naked and covered only to his waist with a duvet with his chest facing the bed.
The view made me bite my lower lip as I blinked nervously. Walking to the side of the bed, I noticed his closed eyes and steady breathing. His hair fell across his forehead, and his lips looked redder.
“ Kunwarsa,” I called again.
Leaning in, I touched his forehead with my fingers to check his temperature.
He opened his eyes wide, catching me off guard. Inhaling deeply, he looked at me from tip to toe, and his gaze softened with surprise before calming down and closing his eyes again.
“ Are you okay?” I asked, and he nodded slightly. His green eyes, accentuated with kohl, were mesmerizing, and the tan of his skin made my cheeks flush, reminding me of the warmth he radiated.
“ I came to return your dagger,” I said, placing it beside him.
He gazed at me silently, prompting me to step back and consider leaving.
“ Suno,” “ Listen,” he called, and I turned to look back at him. “ Stay,” he demanded, and I bit my lower lip.
“ If I will, you ’ ll say you asked me to stay because I wanted to.”
He inhaled deeply and lazily extended his hand, asking for mine. I gulped nervously, unsure of what to do. My mind insisted this was wrong, but my heart wanted to surrender and stay. “ For me,” he whispered, his gaze locking onto mine as he brushed my finger. A slight tingling sensation coursed through my stomach as he cradled my hand and drew me closer.
Slowly. Very slowly.
I sat nervously on the edge of the bed, my legs dangling down, watching him move closer to me. As he shifted, the comforter slipped, and I accidentally caught a glimpse of the lower curve of his back. “ You ’ re naked,” I scoffed, looking at him as he brought his forehead nearer to my hip ’ s side.
“ That ’ s fine; you won ’ t be disappointed. “ His words made me smile slightly, and I realized he was simply Kunwarsa Agastya—unapologetically, Agastya Dev Singh, who doesn ’ t care.
I felt the rough texture of his hand intertwining with mine. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I noticed the slight cracks on his fingertips, which had healed considerably since the day I found him with the mortar and that gray powder. “ Kunwarsa, are you really okay?” I asked in a serious tone. “ I mean, if you feel like sharing,” I added.
He shut his eyes and took a deep breath before gently shaking his head. Overcome with emotion, I gazed at his face and squeezed his hand tightly, asking, “ What ’ s wrong?”
In that instant, I lost track of our roles. I overlooked the existence of a world beyond these drawn curtains—just him and me.
“ I went to a… brothel last night,” he interrupted the silence, triggering a sudden tightness in my chest and a dryness in my throat. The words hung in my throat as I struggled to ask, “ Did you cheat on your fiancé?”
After a brief pause, he shook his head and murmured, “ I ’ m sorry about last night. I did not intend to raise my voice at you.”
“ I know,” I replied, but the word ‘ brothel ’ occupied my thoughts. “ Why did you go to the brothel, then?” he asked as he moved closer.
“ Will you promise to keep this between us?” he asked, and I swallowed nervously.
"Yes," I agreed in a slow voice.
“ I suspect that Mehrangarh is conspiring against us, and its chief commander possesses vital information. Last night, he visited the brothel, and I went there to gather that information,” he said.
I furrowed my brows. “ But you ’ re marrying the Princess of Mehrangarh, and the commander must have seen you. Didn ’ t he recognize you?” I tried to ask, but he shook his head.
“ I couldn ’ t meet him directly. I sent an old frie… I mean, someone I know, to him, and she got this information for me,”He said, his thumb gently caressing the back of my hand.
I bit my lower lip and tried to speak in a slow, calculated voice, “ Someone you know means a girl, and you know her because you have a history with her?”
He opened his kohl-rimmed eyes and gave me a slight nod.
“ Oh, so you have feelings for her?” I asked again, and he shook his head. “ No, I ’ ve met her only a few times before,” he added.
I blinked silently for a moment and asked again, “ So what happened then?”
He squeezed my hand gently and closed his eyes, hiding his face like a baby. “ Ummm,” he mumbled. “ I asked her to get that information, and she asked me to sleep with her in return,”
I felt a slight lump in my throat at this revelation. “ So, you slept with her?” I asked slowly.
But to my surprise, he shook his head. “ No, I denied it, so she asked me to fuck her with my dagger,” he spoke, and I felt a knot in my stomach; the words hung in my throat.
“ But you left your dagger with me. How can you… I mean, how do you do that with your dagger?” I asked, watching him gulp. I could see his Adam ’ s apple move in his throat as he swallowed.
“ Yes, because I didn ’ t want to be involved with anyone,” he said. “ But she drugged me with something to make me lose control and heighten my desire, you know,”
I felt my palm growing colder with his words. “ So, you…” I couldn ’ t say anything, so I simply stared at him. He shook his head while gazing back at me.
“ That ’ s why I asked you to go back yesterday,” he said.
I inhaled, realizing the gravity of the situation. “ Oh,” I said, trying to calm my pounding heart and continued. “ But you didn ’ t have to do it. I mean, Mehrangarh is close to you. You could have gone to your fiancé. Bearing that drug would have been difficult. She could have hel… helped you,” I cleared my throat slightly, looking at him.
He turned around, staring back at me with no emotion. “ You ’ re stupid,” he drawled.
I gulped silently, lowering my gaze. “ Am I?” I muttered, straightening up and locking eyes with him.
I didn ’ t, but I could feel my cheeks heating up under his gaze, and my mind was flooded with the memory of seeing him half-naked in my dream.
“ So, are you still under the influence of drugs? Am I in trouble?” I asked slowly, and he smiled, looking at my face while shaking his head. “ No,”
I bit my lips, uncertain about what to do next. The memory of yesterday warmed my cheeks, but his revelation about a woman he had slept with stirred something else within me.
“ So, you slept with that woman before? Was it for pleasure or to gain information?” I hesitated, and his smile faded slightly as he lowered his gaze.
My gaze also landed on his bare chest, biceps, and muscles. He wasn ’ t as bulky as Ranaji, and while all the brothers were the same height, he was leaner than him.
He lightly sucked on his lips and shook his head, sucking a sharp breath. “ Will it hurt you?” his voice was low.
I gulped nervously, unsure why it was already causing me pain. “ Why would it hurt me? I mean, you ’ re getting to the Princess of Mehrangarh,” I preached, and he lifted his gaze to meet mine.
“ But we ’ re kind of married too,” he intoned.
I shook my head. “ That ’ s good for fun and delusion to keep us happy, perhaps, but in reality, there is no ‘ us. ’ You are a prince, and I am just a maid. While I may be in a stronger position than other maids, well-respected and loved, I am still a maid. I ’ m thinking about going back to Mahabaleshgarh because it ’ s clear that I ’ m causing problems in your life,” I attempted to express while looking at him, his gaze intensifying as he shook his head.
“ You can ’ t go,” he proposed, and I shook my head. “ It ’ s good for us both. Perhaps we ’ ll forget each other,” I wished, but he shook his head.
“ Do you want to stay away from me?” he inquired, and I didn ’ t know how to respond. I was uncertain, too. A war raged in my head. “ I don ’ t know,”
"Then, do not go," He requested, voice loathed like order, and I gulped nervously. "But, you are gettin—“
“ I am already married, . Bhaisa will never allow me to marry another woman. Can ’ t you understand that? My life is fu…messed up. You don ’ t want to be with me. I can ’ t be with another woman. I ’ ll die longing for a relationship with… love,” he said with agony.
My heart suddenly felt heavier. “ But you love the Princess, right? No one will ever know what happened between us.” My voice slowed, and he shook his head.
"No, we don ’ t love each other. She loves someone else," he stated in a low, frustrated voice, and I couldn ’ t stop the tear rolling down my cheek.
“ So, why are you marrying her?” I asked, unable to understand. He inhaled deeply. "You can ’ t understand that," he said.
Gulping, “ At least try,” I pleaded softly. I didn ’ t know what was happening to me now.
He bit his lower lip slightly and lowered his gaze. “ There ’ s an army waiting on the other side of Him, waiting for all the Hind. It ’ s enormous, and Mehrangarh is aiding that by supplying explosive powder.”
“ The one you were making the other night?” I asked.
He nodded. “ Yes, that one. However, that powder requires something substantial- perhaps equipment as large as a full-grown elephant. You know, it ’ s massive. I still don ’ t know how they ’ re going to get it across to this side. Huge mountains separate us. I learned about this before Rudra Bhaisa ’ s wedding, and since then I ’ ve been gathering information. It seems Mehrangarh might also be preparing. I mean, we didn ’ t have any contacts, and I wasn ’ t suspicious until I discovered that Songarh was selling yellow sand in large quantities to Mehrangarh. Therefore, Songarh ’ s connection with Mehrangarh made me feel uneasy.”
“ Why don ’ t you tell Ranaji anything? And does Princess Aishwarya know about it? What about Prince Ranvijay?” I asked immediately.
He gulped, shaking his head. “ Rudra Bhaisa had bigger problems at the time. He had just conquered Suryagarh, and our troubles were just beginning. Another issue could have broken us, so I kept it to myself until I had the full story. But when Ranvijay Bhaisa married Aishwarya Bhabhisa, I saw an opportunity to investigate further. When Ranvijay visited Songarh after their wedding on Teej , he learned about it. Since then, it has been confirmed,” he said, and I felt my mind racing at this revelation.
“ So, does Ranaji know about Mehrangarh ’ s involvement?” I attempted to ask.
He nodded slowly. “ But not much. He ’ s just suspicious. I didn ’ t tell him anything because a baby has just arrived in the Kingdom. The other empires in Hind aren ’ t ready for a war like that either. Mahabaleshgarh is still recovering from the loss of King Rajvardhan, and Pratapgarh is under Mahabaleshgarh. Suryagarh is working hard to strengthen its ties with southern Hind. It ’ s basically family everywhere. And that army is almost twice the size of ours.”
“ What are you thinking?” I asked worriedly, and he lifted his gaze to meet mine. For a few moments, he stared at me before crashing into a smile.
“ Nothing. There ’ s still time. I mean, maybe a year. By then, we ’ ll be capable,” he said, and I exhaled in relief. He nodded, but I still felt he was concealing something.
“ Did you play any role in the alliance between Prince Ranvijay and Princess Aishwarya?” I asked, struggling to believe that Prince Ranvijay ’ s marriage to Princess Aishwarya was merely coincidental, especially since this state was abundant in that sand.
He shook his head slowly. “ No, but I mentioned how good Ranvijay Bhaisa is to Aishwarya Bhabhisa ’ s father.”
I couldn ’ t believe it. “ You are… I can ’ t believe you,” I gulped nervously, and he stared deeply into my eyes.
“ Don ’ t worry,” his voice was low. “ Everything is fine. It ’ s not as bad as I made it seem,”
I looked into his eyes. "But it looks bad," I hesitated to say.
"It's not," he insisted, and I noticed his gaze dropping to our still-intertwined hands.
"You trust me, right?" he asked, and I looked at him. "Why does it matter?" I tried to ask.
"I don ’ t know," he confessed before lying back on the bed, resting on his chest, stretching his arms, and inhaling deeply.
My stomach knitted.
"But we have to focus on the feast first. There shouldn ’ t be any mistakes," he reminded me lazily, closing his eyes.
I gulped silently, glancing at his hand, still holding mine as if he didn ’ t want to let go. Silence followed, and I shifted my gaze to his curly hair; he had a tiny mole on his ear. A slight smile crept onto my face as I brought my free hand closer to his hair.
"Your eyes look beautiful with kohl," I couldn ’ t help but say, and a small smile graced his lips. "Watch out. You seem to be falling for me," he teased.
I shook my head. “ You should be careful before falling if you have expectations. I don ’ t have any,” I replied softly, gently brushing his hair away from his forehead.
"That's good," he murmured.
I hesitated and gulped before asking, “ You didn ’ t explain how…can you… I mean… how can a dagger be used?” I struggled to find the right words.
He shifted slightly, covering his face with the end of my dupatta. “ You will get traumatized,” he murmured in a deep voice.
“ No!” I protested. “ Why? I ’ m experienced. I know things,” I asked, even though I couldn ’ t calm the butterflies in my stomach.
He inhaled deeply and lazily scanned the bed for his dagger before turning to me with his green orbs. Holding the dagger, he said, “ This is gold, and this part goes inside the core,” then pointed to the handle.
My heart raced at the sight of it. I gulped nervously, staring at the nearly one-inch-thick straight handle of the dagger. That was it!
“ And doesn ’ t it hurt?” I asked.
He lifted his bewildered gaze to me. “ What ’ s your experience with sex? How much have you enjoyed it?” His question caught me off guard. It felt like we had been friends for ages.
“ Umm, how can I explain this to you?” I managed to say, trying to conceal the warmth rising in my cheeks.
He inhaled deeply and shifted closer, resting his head on my lap. Then he asked, “ Are you comfortable?”
I felt a flutter in my stomach but nodded. “ Yes,” he asked, “ tell me then?”
I didn ’ t know how to tell him. I mean, where should I start? As I hesitated, he sucked on his lower lip while waiting for my response. But I truly felt compelled to tell him, as if he were the one who needed to know.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked in a low and comforting voice.
I blinked quietly and nodded slowly.
“ Always?” he asked, gazing into my eyes, and I couldn ’ t help but nod once more.
His face stiffened. “ That bastard had one job, and he could not even do that,” He cursed softly under his breath, and I couldn ’ t help but smile when I heard him. “ You know I ’ m glad he ’ s dead; otherwise, I might have sliced him into the same number of pieces he slept with you,” he said, smiling at me.
“ That would be ninety-two,” I said softly.
He sat up quickly and turned to face me. A few moments of silence followed. “ In how many days?” His gaze intensified.
I gulped nervously, answering. “ In three months,”
“ Motherfucker!” he cursed, looking away from me. His hands were tightly clenched, and I opened my fingers to let him withdraw his hand, but he looked back into my eyes and pulled my hand. “ Hey, I ’ m not leaving you.”
I chuckled, and a tear slipped down my cheek. He moved closer to me and gazed into my eyes. “ Did he ever please you?” He asked, and I swallowed to moisten my dried-out throat.
“ I ’ m not sure what you ’ re asking,” I said, gazing softly into his eyes. His face drew nearer, and I blinked, feeling my breath grow heavy.
“ Like kissing you?” he asked, and I shuddered.
“ Anywhere?” he asked slowly while I shook my head.
“ Never went down on you?” he asked, and I looked at him in confusion. “ Like kissing you down there?” I felt shy hearing him lowering my gaze and shaking my head.
“ And have you ever had a… release?” he asked slowly, as I lifted my gaze to meet his eyes. I didn ’ t understand why his words stirred something in my lower belly.
I shook my head slowly as he blinked silently, lowering his gaze with furrowed brows. “ You know, summoning someone ’ s soul after death is possible. I mean, we can summon that bastard ’ s soul into a bottle and bury it underground so he never rests in peace—“
“ Stop!” I cut him off, shaking my head.
“ I don ’ t want to do that or anything related to him,” I clarified, and his gaze softened as he looked at me. After a brief pause, he gently leaned in closer and kissed my forehead. “ I ’ m here for you,” he drawled.
I froze and stuttered, replying, “ I know,” before inhaling deeply and murmuring, “ So?”
He narrowed his brows.
“ How does that dagger work?” I hesitated, unable to set my curiosity aside, and he chuckled softly before responding.
He mumbled, “ Um,” rolling his tongue over his lips, “ so it goes in. Like the time you are comfortable using your hand. I mean, for thrusting,” he said, and I sucked my lip, feeling hot.
“ So, you did that to… women? Is that what you meant by… killing women?” I asked slowly, encouraging a slight nod from him.
I bit my lower lip. “ I mean, why would someone…” I was uncertain of what to say. “ It is terrifying.”
But he shook his head, chuckling softly. “ You don ’ t understand women,” stepping closer and gazing deeply into my eyes.
“ When a woman tastes sin and craves it, she can either rise like a phoenix or become a slave to her desires.” His voice was deep as he inquired, “ Are you saying that once a woman knows satisfaction, she can ’ t avoid it?”
He nodded. “ But the woman working in a brothel experiences that, right? Why isn ’ t she satisfied and asked you to spend a night with her?” I asked.
He bit his lip slightly. “ You ’ ve experienced it too. Are you satisfied?” he asked, leaving me stunned to hear him.
I shook my head.
“ Sadly, the world of man is too occupied satisfying themselves to understand what a woman wants,” he sighed, and I couldn ’ t agree more with him. My husband never understood that the problem was with him, not me.
“ I always hated what my Maasima did and how she lived her life. Growing up, I idolized her as my mother, but when I learned about her past, my feelings shifted to hatred. However, after her death, I realized she was a woman with desires that exceeded those of a man—whether physical, emotional, or financial. A man would come, show her some love, and then leave her to fend for herself. She had no choice but to move on. In the process, she lost her virtue; her image faded, and she became a slave to her needs, which ultimately ruined her.” He paused as I cushioned his hand, curious.
“ Do you think I ’ m becoming a slave to my needs, like how I keep coming to you?” I asked in a low voice.
He shook his head. “ No. You rose like a phoenix; you are stronger than you think,” he replied, and I gulped nervously as I glanced at his dagger.
"Do you still do that? I mean, recently?" I asked, blinking nervously.
He shook his head again. “ That was almost three years ago when I was searching for some important information. I sent a woman from a brothel to a king to gather it, and she developed feelings for me, asking me to please her in return. But when I refused, she insisted. So I showed her another way,” he explained, lowering his gaze as he spoke slowly.
“ Okay, that sounds dangerous. And, to protect them from you, I ’ m taking this dagger away,” I suggested in a low voice, pulling it from his hand.
He smiled and leaned in closer. “ I already gave it to you,” he said, drawing near to my cheek and whispering, “ As in, you own Agastya Dev Singh, half-wife.”
I closed my eyes, feeling his soft lips on my cheek for a moment, which made me smile.
“ Agastya!” Suddenly, Ranaji's voice echoed in the chamber.
“ Fuck!” Kunwarsa ’ s eyes widened in shock, and I felt like I was going to die right then.
A wave of panic surged through my nerves, and my eyes widened in shock. “ Ranaji,” I muttered, but he quickly covered my mouth with his hand. I could hear his footsteps drawing closer as he scanned the room. “ Hide,” he urged, and I glanced toward the edge of the bed. However, Ranaji might notice the curtain moving. I gulped, filled with fear and anxiety.
And suddenly, Kunwarsa lifted my legs and wrapped his hand around my waist, pulling me closer and making me lie on the bed. I couldn ’ t believe how effortlessly he lifted me like a leaf. My heart pounded in my mouth.
“ Shh,” he hushed me, and I clenched my fists in fear.
“ Calm down,” he said. I met his gaze and briefly gulped nervously. Then, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down until my head rested against his chest. A wave of fear washed over me.
“ Agastya, are you awake?” Ranaji asked again. I could sense he was very close. We were both dead.
“ Stay quiet,” Kunwarsa muttered softly, tucking the surrounding comforter. He then turned to the side, using his body as a shield and resting his head on his elbow, hiding me behind him.
I felt my heart racing when he spoke. “ Ji Bhaisa,” his voice was calm, filled with the timbres of sickness. I shifted even closer to him, my chest pressing against his back. The moment he quickly took my hand, wrapping it around his waist and covering it with the comforter, I felt a knot in my stomach.
I heard Ranaji draw the curtains open.
“ It ’ s the afternoon. What are you doing in bed?” he asked, and I heard Kunwarsa sniffle lightly.
“ Aarrghhh, Bhaisa, I slept outside last time, and arrghhhh, this cold. My nose and head hurt. Oh my God!” He sniffled again, and I heard the faint sound of Ranaji sitting on the bed.
Oh, my God! Such an actor!
“ What? Why did you sleep outside?” Ranaji asked, sniffing again and sneezing forcefully. “ Aaaaaaggghhhhhhhhcccchhhiiiiiiiiiii.” I quickly shut my eyes, unsure of what he was doing.
“ Oh, it looks dreadful,” Ranaji remarked, then quickly added, “ Try to avoid the baby and Nandani.”
Kunwarsa sniffled again. “ Of course, Bhaisa. By the way, what happened?” he asked innocently, as if no woman were in his bed, as if he weren ’ t naked, and as if that woman weren ’ t hiding behind him under his comforter.
He was so insane.
I couldn ’ t resist pressing my forehead against his back. It felt warm, and my fingers could sense his tight abs beneath them.
His cologne overwhelmed me, making me forget everything again.
“ Ah, nothing. Princess Rashmika has arrived with the head commander of Mehrangarh. I hope you can meet them. But right now, please take care of yourself and get well soon. Do you have a fever as well?” Ranaji asked, and Kunwarsa stiffened a bit.
I supposed Ranaji got close enough to touch him.
“ It seems like a fever. You should get some rest. I ’ ll send for the physician,” Ranaji said.
Kunwarsa shook his head immediately, and I couldn ’ t help but smile. “ No, I just need to sleep. That ’ s all I need,” he said.
I felt Ranaji get up from there. “ Okay. Get well soon; there ’ s a lot of work pending,” he said.
I felt Kunwarsa shift his hand beneath the comforter to grasp mine and turn slightly toward me. I closed my eyes immediately, feeling incredibly shy at that moment. He was completely naked, and though I couldn ’ t see all of him, a blush rose to my cheeks.
“ So, half-wife,” he muttered slowly, wrapping his arms around me. I snapped my eyes open to look at him.
“ I need to go,” my voice came out scared.
But he smiled and leaned closer to my ear. I gulped nervously and tried to push him away. This bed, the comforter, and he all carried his scent. Everything felt overwhelming, yet for countless wrong reasons, it somehow felt incredibly safe around him.
As he approached, I looked into his widening eyes. I turned my face slightly to the side, unable to meet his gaze. It was beyond my capacity to stare into those eyes that could pierce me without touching me. Sensations coursed through my body as he slowly reached my ear.
The tip of his cold nose brushed against my cheek, prompting me to blink silently and part my lips. It felt more intense than I could endure.
I clenched my fingers around the bedsheet, unable to control the shiver that coursed through me. Then I felt his hand glide over mine, reaching for my palm.
His slow, deep voice, saying, “ In my bed and under me, your hands should wrap around me; don ’ t restrain yourself,” made me dizzy. I felt him clasp my fist and pull my hand toward his neck, causing me to wrap it around him.
I opened my eyes, watching our hands touching, my fingers tracing his neck and shoulders, and I could hardly believe it.
His shoulders were broad, and he was strong—much stronger than I was. I shivered when he kissed my cheek. My eyes blinked rapidly before closing tightly, and I felt deeply shaken by the gentle touch on my skin.
I bit my lower lip and attempted to ask in a slow, broken voice, “ Are you trying to seduce me, Kunwarsa?”
He kissed my cheek again and, with a deep voice, said, “ Yes,” causing me to roll my toes. It was a bold statement.
I experienced a surge of sensations in my lower abdomen simply from hearing his ‘ Yes. ’
But the last thread of sanity had not broken within me as I reminded him, “ Your fiancé is in the Kingdom, Kunwarsa Agastya.”
He paused and lifted his face to look at me. I gazed into his eyes and hesitantly pulled my hand back from his neck.
“ You really had to spoil it?” Upset, he said, “ It could have been our first kiss.”
I shook my head. “ It doesn ’ t matter what type of relationship you two are in; it ’ s still cheating until you ’ re not separated,” I explained slowly, and he inhaled deeply, moving away from me.
“ Okay, as you say, half a wife throwing full-time tantrums,” he said slowly, pressing his face into the mattress and releasing me from him.
A slight smile crossed my face at the sight of him acting like a baby pleading for candy but getting denied.
I pushed the comforter aside and tried to get out of bed.
But I noticed him lift his gaze and look at me silently, his expression weary. “ You ’ re forgetting your dagger,” he said, pushing it toward me. I gulped nervously as I took it in my hand.
“ I hope it ’ s clean,” I mocked.
He smiled faintly. “ He takes a bath with me every day,”
I laughed a little.
“ Don ’ t use it,” he said in a deep, concerned voice, and I shook my head.
“ I wasn ’ t going to anyway,” I said slowly, and for some reason, I felt comfortable with him now. It was as if I didn ’ t want to leave.
But I had to.
I looked at his hand resting on the bed, and I couldn ’ t help but take it and kiss his knuckles. “ Thank you for trusting me, Kunwarsa,” I said slowly, and he inhaled deeply.
“ I want to hear you say thank you for thrusting into me, Kunwarsa,” he said in a slow, teasing voice, and my eyes widened in shock before I clenched my teeth slightly.
“ I ’ m sure you ’ ve heard plenty of it. How about a change?” I said, and he laughed. “ Hahahahahaa,”
I smiled and glanced at the dagger in my hand.
I did not know, but taking this dagger with me felt wrong. He had brought me a black thread; since then, his thread has been missing, and now this dagger, too, when he was working on something dangerous.
He was used to this dagger. Not only for sinning, but also for killing, protecting, and even playing. It felt like his second hand.
I swallowed quietly and glanced at him.
“ I think you should keep the dagger with you,” I said slowly as he gazed at me. “ Why? Are you upset?” I smiled to show that I wasn ’ t upset and shook my head. “ I don ’ t need to take it. It ’ s about trust. And I trust you,”
I didn ’ t understand why I said that. Perhaps we both recognized what was between us, despite everything we were saying to one another.
After everything he said to me, I sensed he was not interested in any girl. The way he returned from the brothel and shared everything with me made me confident that he would never make a mistake.
If he would, I would understand there would be reason for that.
Moreover, his safety was at risk. I can ’ t imagine what might happen if he ever got into trouble and couldn ’ t find his dagger; his situation would only worsen.
“ It ’ s alright, you can keep it. It ’ s been with me since I was born. My mother used to carry this dagger. It has witnessed my life more than anyone else has. It has seen all the phases I ’ ve lived and loved. It has observed my innocent and sinful times without any judgment. It ’ s precious to me, like a part of my life, and I want to share that part with you. I don ’ t know what the future holds for us, but I just want to give you a piece of my life,” he said, and I lowered my gaze to his clenched fist, listening to him. I swallowed silently and pushed the dagger to his side.
“ Don ’ t give me this dagger, then. Make me your dagger—a chamber for all your secrets and innocence. You haven ’ t shared much about your life with your brothers, who raised you like fathers, but you ’ ve given me glimpses. I feel it ’ s a greater gesture than giving something dear to your heart,” I attempted to express as he placed his hand over mine.
“ It would be too dark for you to be the chamber of my heart,” he drawled.
I bit my lip. “ Still, I want to be more than just a half-wife, a dinner, Kaakisa, or anything you want me to be. I want to be the keeper of your secrets, as you mentioned in front of Princess Aishwarya when you said your biggest secret is that you already have a wife,” I said slowly, and he nodded in agreement.
“ Okay, whatever you want to know, I ’ ll be honest,” he intoned. I looked at him, held his hand, and kissed my fingers with deep emotion.
“ But don ’ t go to Mahabaleshgarh,” a faint smile crossed my face as I nodded.
“ I will try,” I said, pulling my hand back as he loosened his grip. I parted the curtains and walked away from him.
Unknowingly, I sensed a sudden shift between us, as if a thick wall had just crumbled. Yet, I still couldn ’ t fully grasp what he had told me; it was overwhelming to process at that moment.
“ Hey, Dinner. I want lunch,” he suddenly called out. I watched him part the curtains and stand up, a white cloth wrapped around his waist.
“ I will send another attendee, Kunwarsa.”
He looked at me and smiled. “ And the deal is still the same. If you want to get killed, I can gladly invoke my right,” he said, opening his arms wide, and I shook my head.
“ In your dreams,” I exclaimed, and he laughed. “ You mean wet dreams,”
I felt a sudden blush spread across my cheeks.
“ Kunwarsa,” Suddenly, my gaze fell upon an attendee entering the chamber, and as soon as she spotted me, her eyes widened slightly in shock.
I immediately turned to look at him. “ Kunwarsa, Nandani said it ’ s kind of urgent. “ He looked confused and nodded.
“ Okay, let her know I ’ m on my way,” he said, and I hurried past the attendee, eager to jump into the well and assess the groundwater depth.