16. Lena
16
LENA
A week had passed since Lena’s shopping trip and she’d been writing, walking, eating too many cream teas and generally enjoying being in Cornwall. The story Thomas had told her about Branok and Demelza still haunted her thoughts and sometimes her dreams, but she was thinking about how to incorporate it into her story. It would be a lovely addition to the romance she was writing about two lost souls falling in love and healing each other.
Today, after a morning of writing, she’d decided to pack up some lunch and a flask of tea and to head down to the beach. She included a notebook in case inspiration struck then walked down to the beach.
The sun was high in the sky, the breeze whipped her hair around like a crazed hairstylist and she smiled as she walked. It was a glorious Cornish day and she was filled with a sense of hope and joy.
When she reached the seafront, she removed her shoes and strolled across the sand towards the cliffs. She set up camp there on the picnic blanket that she weighed down with her trainers and rucksack then she got out her notebook and pen and set them next to the flask of tea and her camping mug.
For a while, she just sat there, gazing at the sea, watching as each wave rolled in to the shore, catching the sunlight like diamonds had been scattered across the surface. She had her sunglasses on but even so, it was bright, and so she got her baseball cap from her bag and pulled it on, tucking her hair underneath it to stop it tickling her face. She’d smothered herself in factor 50 sunblock because she didn’t want to burn, and she stretched out her legs in their cropped white jeggings and closed her eyes for a moment.
The more time she spent in Porthpenny, the more it embedded itself in her heart. She’d heard that Cornwall could do this, steal your heart with its beautiful coastlines, superb sunrises and sunsets, and the rich history that emanated from every tree, cottage, rock pool and grain of sand. It was the most beautiful place on earth, and she wished she’d been born there so it was her home.
And yet, it could be her home.
She didn’t have to have been born there to make it her home now, did she? Lena had always thought that the world should be without boundaries, that people should be entitled to have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and a safe place to call home. Did it matter where that was? Colleagues of hers back in London had left the UK to live as far afield as Dubai, New Zealand and Switzerland. It was true that money and skills opened doors, of course. Lena had always thought people should be free to live where they chose as long as they were prepared to work for a living and to contribute towards society. The fact that wars still happened, and people still suffered such horrors broke her heart, and she wished humanity could find a way to exist in peace. There was enough suffering in life without people adding to it.
She lay down and pulled her cap over her face, listening to the sea as it rolled inwards, lapping at the shore then dragging at the sand as it retreated. It was like an endless dance between two unrequited lovers, a push-pull of love and desire without a satisfactory conclusion. Further along the beach, a dog barked, and someone whistled a familiar tune. The fresh sea air caressed her bare skin, and she was soothed by the sensation. She felt herself drifting and let herself lean into the feeling of detaching from consciousness while the world carried on around her.
She was rudely awoken when something cold and wet landed on her legs then nibbled at her hand. Sitting up quickly, her cap fell from her face, and she squinted against the brightness, patted the mat behind her to locate her sunglasses. She put them on, finding instant relief from the glare of the afternoon sun.
‘Sorry!’ Thomas was running towards her, and she saw that a large brown and black dog was running towards him. ‘She was chasing her ball.’
Lena stood up and waited for Thomas to reach her. ‘That dog is with you?’ she asked.
‘Yes.’ He beamed. ‘This is Fifi.’
The dog dropped a ball at his feet and he laughed, his face brighter than she’d ever seen it before. It was like all the stress and pain had fallen away and Thomas was a different person, possibly more like the man he’d been once upon a time before life changed him.
Lena realised he was wearing shorts, and her eyes wandered down, drawn to his left leg. It was thinner than the right one, a deep red scar running from the ankle to the knee, punctuated by indents on either side where the screws must have been.
She looked up and saw something flicker in his eyes, the joy fading like the setting sun.
‘And who is Fifi?’ she asked, louder than was necessary, but she felt a need to divert their attention from the fact that she’d just been staring at his leg.
Thomas seemed to visibly collect himself then he leant over and picked up the ball. ‘She’s from the rescue sanctuary. I’m fostering her for a while.’
‘Of course you are! You told me as much in one of your messages. I’m so sorry, I was dozing off just then and I started awake and hadn’t connected the dots. Gosh, she’s big, isn’t she?’
The dog stood at Thomas’ side, panting, dripping wet and sandy from her fun at the beach. She was gazing up at him like he was the best thing since sliced bread.
Thomas reached down and smoothed a hand over Fifi’s head, and she leant against his leg, closing her eyes as he stroked her ears. ‘She’s lovely.’
‘It looks like she’s very fond of you.’ Lena smiled, and to her relief, Thomas did too.
‘Would you like a cuppa? I’ve got a flask of tea with me.’
‘I’d love that, thanks.’ He sat on the sand in front of Lena’s picnic blanket and Fifi sat next to him. He pulled his rucksack off his back and got a portable bowl out of it then filled it with water from a metal bottle. When he set it in front of Fifi, Lena’s heart melted. What a gorgeously caring man he was.
She poured tea into the camping mug for him then filled the metal cup from the top of the flask with tea for her. ‘So how long are you keeping her?’ she asked, making sure to keep her eyes off his leg.
‘I’m not sure yet. But I’ve officially started volunteering at the sanctuary now, so I take her with me every day and then she comes home with me at night. To be honest, I’ve grown very fond of her already and the thought of returning her for someone else to adopt isn’t very pleasant. Of course, I want her to have a good home, but I want her to have one with me.’
‘That’s amazing, Thomas. What happened to her?’
He told Lena Fifi’s story, and she bit the inside of her cheek as tears threatened to fall. ‘That’s so sad.’
‘I know, right? Who could desert a precious girl like this?’ He rubbed a hand over his face. ‘I shouldn’t say that. It’s not fair for me to judge anyone. I don’t know what their circumstances were, and they did leave her at the rescue centre, so they were trying to do the right thing. Perhaps they were ill or had children and had to choose between the dog and the children. Who knows? The important thing is that she’s here with me now and she’s safe and well.’
‘She adores you,’ Lena said, watching as Fifi had a big drink then lay down next to Thomas and rested her head on his thigh. Her eyes closed and she visibly relaxed. ’She feels safe with you.’
‘Thanks.’ Thomas smiled and colour appeared in his cheeks. ‘That’s a nice thought.’
‘Thomas… I feel safe with you too.’
‘Do you?’ He raised his brows.
‘You’re such a kind and sensitive person and I feel like I can trust you.’
‘Well, that’s good because I feel the same. I’m sorry about this.’ He tapped his left leg. ‘Pretty ugly right?’
‘No. Not at all.’ Lena meant it. Scars were not ugly. They were signs of what someone had been through, challenges they had met head-on and overcome. ‘You’ve been through a lot. I prefer to think of those scars as your battle scars. You fought to be here today and that’s amazing. You’re strong and resilient and I love that about you.’
‘Lena…’ His eyes darkened as he held her gaze. ‘I like listening to you. When I saw you earlier, I was worried about you seeing me in shorts. I can’t remember the last time I wore shorts, but I’ve been spending time with the dogs up at the sanctuary and they’ve made me rethink. They go through so much and yet they still trust, still find every ounce of joy in life that they can, and they’re still so friendly and keen to be loved. It takes some of them longer to come out of their shell, and some of them will always be guarded, but the majority of them are desperate to be with people, to show affection and have that affection returned. Their capacity for forgiveness and healing is incredible.’
‘They are very forgiving.’ Lena gazed at Fifi and at how she’d already given her heart to Thomas, and she knew in that moment that the dog would spend the rest of her days as a devoted companion to the handsome ex-footballer. ‘They have scars, sometimes physical, definitely emotional, and yet they’re still beautiful. Like… like some people.’
‘Are you saying I’m beautiful, Lena?’ He laughed and it was her turn to blush.
‘You are.’ She paused, realising something else was different. ‘Thomas, where’s your cane?’
He flashed her a smile then pulled a folding cane from his rucksack. ‘I’m trialling this one. I’ve been working extra hard at building strength and flexibility through yoga classes and at home, and while I’ll still need it at times, I’m trying to manage without it when I can. I think I’ve ended up relying on it more than I needed to, kind of an emotional crutch as much as a physical one, if that makes sense.’
‘That’s amazing.’ She blinked away fresh tears. ‘Now… finish your tea.’
‘Why?’
‘Just do it.’ Lena stood up and removed her hat, her T-shirt and her jeggings. As she dropped them to the sand, she felt Thomas’ eyes on her and she tried to be brave. To believe that she was beautiful despite her own scars. She’d put her bikini on under her clothes just in case. She didn’t really believe she’d go into the sea, but she’d thought it was worth wearing it because life could be unpredictable. And seeing Thomas being so brave had made up her mind.
‘Lena?’ His eyes roamed over her and settled on her stomach, and she nodded.
‘I have scars too.’
‘What happened?’
She looked down at the scar that ran from underneath her ribs to beneath her bikini bottoms. She’d spent a lot of time hating it but now it was time to start accepting it. Really accepting it , not just paying the idea lip service.
‘It’s a story for another time. I will tell you, I promise. But for now, can we just go in the water before I lose my nerve?’
‘Of course.’ Thomas gently woke Fifi then he stood up and removed his T-shirt and his shorts.
‘Budgie smugglers?’ The words escaped Lena’s mouth before she could stop them. She slammed her hand over her mouth.
Thomas blinked then laughed. ‘It’s been a long time since I’ve been swimming, and these were all I could find this morning. I know they’re awful and I wasn’t sure I’d even go in the sea but I thought there was a chance.’
‘Actually, you look kind of hot with a 70s or 80s vibe.’
‘I’ll take kind of hot .’ He winked. ‘You look hot.’
‘With my zipper?’
‘Your what?’ he asked.
‘I always think my scar looks like a zipper. And these other smaller ones here look like buttons.’ She pointed at the small round scars where the surgeon had initially inserted the laparoscope and surgical instruments. That had been before he’d realised exactly what he was dealing with.
Thomas held out his hand and she took it. He raised her hand to his mouth and pressed a gentle kiss to her palm. ‘I don’t know what happened to you, Lena, but I do know that you’re every bit as brave as you said I am. I hope you’ll tell me what happened one day because I want to know everything about you.’
Her throat ached at his words and so she nodded, afraid to reply in case she started to cry. They were united through their traumatic experiences but also in the way that they both wanted to live despite them. Moving on from trauma, whatever form it came in was challenging, because trauma was something that a person never got over. Scars would fade but never fully, and as for the emotional ones, they would always be there deep down. All people could do was learn how to deal with the emotional scars when they resurfaced, learn how to manage them, and, of course, how to release them. Pent up emotions were not conducive to living a peaceful, happy life.
Lena wanted to live peacefully and happily, and she had a feeling that Thomas did too. As for Fifi, she was already embracing her happy new life with the human she quite clearly adored. Humans could learn a lot from dogs, she thought.