Chapter 14 #2
“I feel the same way. Friends,” he smiled. Then, reaching out to help her up, he said, “Shall we go back to the party?”
Faith grabbed his hand and stood up, letting go to brush the sand off her bottom, and trying to get feeling back in her legs.
Her anxiety over the moment had made them wobbly.
As she walked up the steps, she thought about how much of a scene she’d made.
Her sister had said she was dramatic, and she may have been right.
She was at a party, yet she was fighting with her sister and trying to kiss the host.
She was tired. She wanted to go home. She wanted to get in her car and leave. It was all too much. Jake didn’t say anything else. He was quiet the whole walk back to the house. As they entered the crowd, the chatter was amplified in Faith’s ears, slamming around in her head, giving her a headache.
She walked beside Jake to the tent where Nan was sitting beside her mom, an iced tea in her hands, the wine long gone.
Her mom was smiling, unknowing, but Nan focused on her, an unreadable expression on her face.
Concern? Confusion? Had Casey come back up spouting her irritation with Faith to all of them?
Clearly, she hadn’t by the look on her mother’s face.
Nan was so intuitive, so sharp, that she could always tell.
Faith tried to smile, to put on a happy face and play the part.
“I’ll see ya later,” Jake said as he headed toward a group in the other direction, leaving her with her mom and Nan.
Faith caught sight of Chuck in the crowd and he waved.
She thought about how Jake’s father felt about his business developments, and she realized that Jake probably didn’t want yet another person in his life shooting down his dreams. Even if they were ridiculous.
She understood, but it didn’t make it any easier.
The sadness over their unresolvable differences and the eventual loss of her most favorite place were weighing heavily on her.
Her head pounded, and the sun and wine were only making it worse.
“Where have you been?” her mom asked with a grin.
“We’ve been having a great time up here.
Your nan’s been telling me stories about you girls that I’d never heard.
Did you know that you two got into her baking flour when you were just a baby and you had it all over her kitchen?
She didn’t ever tell me that.” Her mom laughed, looking over at Nan, but Nan was still eyeing Faith, her gaze appraising.
Her mom’s words were barely registering because Faith was still in a fog from what had happened with Jake, and the fact that Nan clearly noticed made her self-conscious.
Why had Nan even tried to get them all together?
Faith wasn’t anything like her sister, and rather than moving forward, the trip had felt like a backward step for them.
Her poor mother had packed half her house in preparation, and Faith was ready to leave having used none of what she’d brought.
To make matters worse, Isabella was being dragged to adult parties.
Where was she anyway? Faith hoped that Casey had her off somewhere playing.
“I’m going in to get some food,” her mom said.
“If not, I may not be able to drive home!” She held up her wine, probably the same one that Faith had brought her, only half of it gone.
Her mom was not a drinker. She usually nursed her glasses all day, making Faith wonder how she could muscle them down once they got warm.
Her mom excused herself, leaving her alone with Nan.
Faith sat down as she watched her mom heading for the house.
Instinctively, she found herself scanning the crowd for Jake, but she stopped herself.
“Would you like to talk about it?” Nan said out of nowhere.
“Not really,” she answered, but gave Nan a gentle expression to let her know she wasn’t trying to be rude. What was the point in telling her about it? None of it could be changed.
“Well, then. If you’re not going to talk about it, I will.
Casey came marching up from the beach, looking like a firestorm.
Then, she collected herself, got Isabella, and said she was taking a walk.
You are nowhere to be found for ages, and when you finally emerge, you look as though someone has put you through the ringer.
Jake darted off like a flash. From what I’ve seen of you and Casey this week, I’m willing to bet that Jake is in the center of your spat. ”
How does she do that? Faith wondered. Nothing could get by Nan.
“Let me offer you a little advice. I don’t care whether you want to hear it or not.
I’m telling you anyway. Don’t let whatever it is with Jake cloud your issues with Casey.
It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the two of you.
You’ll never agree—you’re too different.
But, one day, you’ll learn to appreciate your differences.
In order to do that, you both have to find your own happiness.
And I don’t mean a man. You have to be happy in your own skin.
You are who you are, Faith. And you are wonderful. I think it every day.”
How could she feel wonderful when she’d just made a fool of herself with Jake? She always got it wrong. She always came in second. She didn’t want to sit and feel sorry for herself, but the facts were glaring.
“I’d like to tell you something else,” Nan said, breaking her free from her thoughts.
“John was just a boy when I met him. He’d moved in a few streets over when we were in high school, and the teacher had put him at a desk in front of mine in our English class.
I remember the sweater he wore on cold days—it was a blue cardigan.
As I looked at the back of him every day, I wondered about him.
I wondered what it was like moving to a new place.
I wondered what he did after school. I didn’t love him then.
I didn’t know him. But I wanted to know him.
That’s how it starts, Faith. Nobody knows if they’re meant for one another—I certainly didn’t know back then that this boy sitting in front of me in English class would be the man that I would spend every day wishing to be with again at the age of ninety.
I didn’t know that he’d be the one who kissed my forehead every night before we went to sleep or the one who wasted away the weekends staying in bed, pulling me back in every time I tried to get up.
You won’t know, Faith. But if you give up, if you don’t try, you might miss it. ”
Nan made it sound so easy. Faith wondered if she’d ever had the trouble that Faith had experienced. “I can’t get it right, Nan,” she said, struggling to get the words past the lump in her throat. “I can’t get any of it right.”
“You don’t have to get it right,” Nan said, smiling, her gaze wise and experienced.
“What fun would that be? What seem like big, difficult hurdles to you now will be a blip when you’re my age.
It will all be part of your journey to where you’re meant to be.
At ninety, I finally have it all straight.
I know exactly what I want. It’s simple.
I want my family to understand each other, and I want to know that when I leave here, I can sit with John and feel like I’ve done something for my family. That’s all that matters.”
Faith sat quietly, thinking about her grandmother’s words.
It was difficult to have Nan’s perspective, given her age and experience.
Faith watched the people around her now, how they talked to each other, how they laughed together, and she wondered what she was doing here with them at this party.
She didn’t have the kind of money that Jake had.
She wasn’t used to his lifestyle. She didn’t agree with the whole reason for this party or the plans he’d made.
Being here was causing old wounds to be opened and making her fight with Casey.
None of it seemed to be helpful in any way, and she thought again that maybe she’d better just leave.
But then, her gaze fell on Jake. He was standing with a group, a drink in his hand, listening to whomever was talking, but his eyes were on her, all the way across the lawn.
He was looking right at her. She smiled.
Given what had happened, it wasn’t the most obvious choice of response, but it was a natural one.
Just like Nan had wondered about John, she wondered about Jake.
What if he was like that boy in English class?
What if, one day, she’d know him better than he knew himself?
Maybe it wouldn’t happen, but maybe it would.
Jake looked away, but she kept glancing over at him.
But then, Casey emerged with Isabella and stood next to him.
She said something into his ear, and he bent down to talk to Isabella.
Faith was far away from them, but she felt farther and farther away as she watched them.
He’d told her they should be just friends and she’d got carried away, romanticizing again.
She had to face facts: All he wanted was to be friends.