Chapter 15 #2
Faith waited for the calm that would inevitably come from being alone.
As a child, she’d come out on the porch at night at their beach cottage, cocooning herself in the hammock.
Back then, she didn’t know anything about worry or sadness, and being alone was a nice change.
Now, as she tried to get herself together, she just felt different.
Being here had made being alone feel different, and that only added to her agitation.
The door behind her opened, but she didn’t look to see who it was. It was probably her mom, ignoring Nan’s suggestion, and coming out to check on her. She loved her mother, but she was tired of talking. It wasn’t going to change anything. All it would do was point out the obvious.
“I do think about other people,” Casey said, walking around to face her.
“And, yes, I enjoy being happy. It beats the alternative.” She sat in the other rocker and looked down at the floor.
Faith followed her line of vision, noticing how the new lumber was a stark contrast to the old wood floors of their childhood cottage.
“If you weren’t so busy being miserable, you could be happy too.
It’s a mindset, you know.” She looked back up at Faith.
“I should be miserable. I never get to see you, and when I do, we fight, I’m trying to be in the present, not dwelling on the past, and—yet again—I’ve stepped on your toes.
We’ve never really resolved whatever the issues were with Scott, and now I’m losing him.
That entitles me to be miserable, but I’m not.
You, on the other hand, have had nothing go wrong in your life, apart from a crush that didn’t amount to anything, yet you can’t be happy to save your life. ”
“Casey, I don’t have feelings for Scott anymore, but I am still hurt, because you should’ve stopped to look at my face when you left the party with him.
You should’ve taken in what was around you and realized that I was there!
But you were so worried about yourself that you never even noticed me, or my feelings, nor did you think to ask—not then or after.
Why did you think I wanted you to see him?
Why did you think I was so excited to get you two together?
Not to become a couple! Because I’d found someone I truly enjoyed being with, and I wasn’t in your shadow.
I trusted you enough to share that with you.
” She was rambling, and she caught herself, so she stopped.
When she looked over at Casey, her sister was crying.
“Do you know why I didn’t notice you?” she sniffled. “Because, for the first time in my
life, I found that one person who complemented me in a way that no one else ever had.
He was so full of life and genuinely interested in me as a person that I fell in love with him instantly that night, and everything else faded away.
When I was with him—you’re right—I didn’t notice you because I didn’t notice anyone.
He was perfect for me, Faith. I knew you liked him, but it had been years!
You hadn’t seen him in ages, and all of a sudden you started seeing him again.
But as friends. I didn’t think it was that serious at the time.
” She tipped her head back as if the gesture would keep the tears from rolling down her face, but they came anyway.
“For me, it was like a lightning strike. He’s the man I promised to love for the rest of my life.
He’s the daddy of my little girl. I miss having coffee with him at the kitchen table in the mornings, even though I had to look at the back of his newspaper,” she said, laughing through her tears.
“I miss having to pick his book off the floor because he’d leave it there and I’d nearly trip over it.
I miss… him. I’ve tried to move on, and this trip…
it all was in an effort to do that, but you know what?
It doesn’t stop me from crying every night when I go to bed.
I miss him so much, Faith.” She burst into tears.
Faith stood up, and leaned over to embrace her sister.
While she still didn’t feel like Casey had gone about it the right way, she understood now.
Casey cried, her face against Faith’s chest, sobbing, as the crashing waves seemed to be hushing them, pushing them to be better with each other.
In that moment, Faith couldn’t help but think about that photo in Nan’s book.
When Faith was a baby, it had been Casey who’d held her to quiet her crying, and now, here they were—the two of them again—but it was Faith who was taking care of her big sister.
She realized right then how right Casey and Scott were for each other and how much better they were when they were together.
It also made her think about how no one really has it all together. No one’s life was perfectly happy.
“You need to tell him,” she said as Casey’s crying quieted down.
“Take a chance.” She smiled, thinking about how she sounded a lot like Nan.
“He’s leaving you because he wants you and he can’t have you.
You’ve been too busy. Remember, you just said that there was a time when he was the only thing you noticed.
You’ve changed that, and he feels it. You need to show him how you feel. ”
“Maybe.”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“Because I don’t know if it will help.”
“But what will it hurt, Casey?”
Casey was quiet, clearly thinking it over. Then, unexpectedly, she said, “You seem very sure about your suggestion for me to share my feelings. Have you shared yours?”
“What?”
“By your outburst today, I can tell how you feel about Jake. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds at the party at all. It wasn’t intentional.”
“It’s okay. I overreacted, and I’m sorry too.”
“So have you told him how you feel?”
“Sort of.” She hadn’t really told him. She’d tried to plant a kiss on him instead. She needed to take her own advice. “You’re right, though. I should be honest with him. And I can see how hard that is. Calling Scott would be hard for you to do, I know. If you need me, I’m here.”
“Thank you,” Casey said, leaning into her sister.
They stayed out on that porch just like they had as kids—the two of them with nothing between them but their past.