Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Saylor
L ast night, I'd run for cover in my room. I wasn't sure what Marshall would say about us, and honestly, I couldn't handle it. So I'd disappeared, escaping from his potential regrets, rules, and limitations. I didn't want to hear them.
I listened for him to come home. He hadn't come to my door or texted. I should have felt relieved, but that hurt in its own way.
I wasn't sure what last night meant because I'd avoided having the conversation.
It was immature, but after Flynn, I don't think I could handle someone else telling me I wasn't wanted.
I was good enough for sex but not for a long-term relationship.
Which was ridiculous because I wasn't looking for anything serious.
I was a mess, and today I needed to go to the Kingstons' and socialize over dinner. Would they think something was going on between us?
I got up, showered, and went downstairs for breakfast.
Marshall was already up, and Hayden was at the counter. I was surprised to see her this early. The sun poured in through the many windows.
"How was your night?" I asked her.
She smiled. "Great."
"Good." I was pleased she'd found friends on the island. It would ease Marshall's mind.
"Dad made a stack of pancakes again. Do you want some?"
My stomach growled. "Sure."
Marshall grabbed a plate and stacked two pancakes on it. Hayden slid the syrup over to me.
I cut into the fluffy pancakes, wondering when I'd had something like this to look forward to in the morning.
"I thought we could head to the beach this morning before we went to my parents for dinner."
"That sounds fun," Hayden said, then looked expectedly at me.
"I'd love to," I said, hoping Hayden would be involved in more activities like this one.
Marshall poured coffee in a mug and set it in front of me. His energy was light and happy. Was it because Hayden was here for breakfast, or was it what we'd shared last night?
I thought breakfast would be awkward, but Hayden's presence had granted me a reprieve.
I ate the pancakes, the blueberries bursting on my tongue.
They were delicious. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually eaten pancakes and syrup.
I was sure it wasn't healthy, and I might gain weight, but for once I didn't care.
I wanted to enjoy these little things in life.
Hayden finished first, cleaning up her plate, then disappearing into her room.
"She's up early," I remarked over my coffee.
"Yeah, I was surprised too. I hope it's not the only time. That's why I asked her to the beach. Might as well take advantage of her good mood."
"Don't be surprised if it disappears at some point."
"The only thing predictable about teens is their unpredictability."
We laughed together, and it felt good to be with him like this.
"I'm going to get ready," Marshall said as he went upstairs, leaving me alone in the sun-drenched kitchen.
I had two options: I could enjoy this day and the people I was surrounded by, or I could worry about the what-ifs. After Flynn, I was weary of wondering what men were thinking or what they wanted. I wanted to live in the moment.
So I finished my pancakes, cleaned up the kitchen, and then went upstairs to find a suit, a coverup, and my beach bag. I filled it with sunscreen, bug spray, and a paperback.
Downstairs, Hayden sat on the edge of the pool, her feet dangling in the water. She looked up at me and smiled. "Dad's getting things from the storage shed. A few beach chairs and a football."
Her nose wrinkled, and I laughed. "You don't want to throw a ball on the beach."
"Not really."
Marshall emerged from the shed, his arms stacked with chairs and umbrellas. "You ready?"
He was excited to spend the morning with his daughter. This was what he wanted when he decided to spend the summer with her.
We each grabbed a chair and followed him to the beach.
He placed everything down on a flat expanse of sand between the line of trees and brush and the water. He set up the umbrella while I put out the blanket. Hayden set up the chairs. Then she grabbed a stick and drew in the sand.
Whatever she was drawing had a lot of lines. She hadn't drawn anything for me before. I'd only seen what she'd done in the graphic-design program. She had an eye for color and how things should look.
I left her to it and opened my book on a chair. A shadow dropped over me. I looked up to find Marshall. "You want to go for a walk?"
"Sure." I set my book in my bag and sprayed sunscreen on.
"We're going for a walk," Marshall said to Hayden, and she nodded.
"Yeah okay."
We took off to the right, walking slowly, stopping occasionally to check out the seashells. It was too late in the morning to find anything good. The treasure hunters got up early to grab the best items before the rest of us woke up. I hadn't been up early since the first week I spent here.
"You disappeared last night," Marshall finally said when we were sufficiently far away from Hayden.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hear that you regretted it or it never should have happened." I tensed, not wanting to hear what he had to say.
"I don't have any regrets."
"No?" I asked him, checking out his profile, which was relaxed.
"Do you?" He squinted at me.
"Not at all." I was worried about a lot of things, but I didn't feel regret.
"Did you want to talk about it?" he asked carefully.
"I don't know what it means. But I liked it." And I wanted it to continue.
His forehead creased. "Do you think we can keep doing whatever it is we're doing without any expectations or labels?"
I was leaving at the end of the summer. I shouldn't worry about the drop in my stomach at the news that he didn't want to label what we were.
"I have Hayden to consider. I can't be involved with someone when I only just reconnected with her. She's my priority," he said by way of explanation.
"Of course. As she should be." It gave me an out. I didn't have to put expectations on whatever this was. I could just enjoy it. "I don't want labels, but I also don't want to think about what you're doing when you're not with me."
Marshall's expression softened. "If I'm with someone, I'm exclusive. I'm not screwing around on you."
I grimaced. "I don't want to be like this, where I don't trust people. I wasn't a jealous person before."
"It's understandable that you have trust issues right now. It's a fresh wound," he said softly.
I bit my lip. "And anything happening between us is probably too soon."
"We're not going to worry about the details. We're going to enjoy ourselves. I think we both deserve to be selfish."
I let out the breath I'd been holding. "I can do that."
Marshall turned around, and we walked back toward Hayden. "I don't want to say anything to my family."
"Of course not," I immediately agreed.
"Or to Hayden."
That shouldn't have surprised me, and I shouldn't be having a physical reaction to his declaration. But I was disappointed. A part of me apparently wanted more, but I'd have to shove those feelings down because it wasn't the right time.
When we got back, Hayden asked for sand toys, so Marshall returned to the cottage to grab them. Then we spent the morning making an elaborate castle with a moat. It was fun and made me feel like a little kid again.
It was clear that Hayden enjoyed making things. When we were packing up to leave, Hayden said, "Phyllis asked me to paint a mural at the center."
Marshall paused. "Really?"
"She's not sure what she wants. She said I could give her a few ideas, and she'd take a look at them."
"Are you going to do it?" Marshall asked.
"I don't know. I've never drawn anything that large."
"I can help you with scaling your design," I offered.
"I'm only here for the summer, and I'm probably not good enough to do something like that."
I looked to Marshall because this was his opportunity to step in.
"I've seen your work. I think you can do it," Marshall said simply, picking up the chairs and heading toward the cottage.
"I think this is an amazing opportunity for you," I said to Hayden, worried I'd said too much. Would she resist the more we pushed?
"I'll think about it," she finally said.
Inside, we parted ways to take showers and to get ready for family dinner. Marshall offered the bathroom to me first since he still needed to hose off the things we'd taken to the beach. I showered quickly, then moved to my room to choose a dress.
It was slightly awkward because I was Marshall's roommate slash friend with benefits. I wasn't sure what he would consider me, but whatever it was, I shouldn't be at a family dinner. I should be avoiding his family at all costs.
I hoped no one would figure out that we were more than roommates. I'd have to act like nothing had happened. I'd already done that all morning with Hayden, so it shouldn't be a problem.
I picked a sundress, packing a bathing suit in case we ended up in the pool or at the beach. When the shower came on in the shared bathroom, I went downstairs so I wouldn't be thinking about how Marshall was naked in the shower just steps away from me.
When Marshall was ready, we all piled into his truck and headed toward his parents' home. I'd never been there when we were dating. We mostly avoided our families, enjoying our time together like only teenagers can.
We wanted to escape our regular lives. It was interesting that I was finally meeting them now when nothing was supposed to be happening between us.
Marshall parked, and we got out. He knocked on the open storm door, and his mother waved for us to come inside. She moved toward us, pulling Marshall into a hug before doing the same for Hayden.
"I'm so glad you could join us," Joy said to me, but I felt like her statement was for all three of us. Marshall hadn't bothered to attend any of the other Sunday family dinners since he'd been back.
"Everyone's here. Come on in," she continued as we followed her into the kitchen. I knew Marshall had a large family, but this was overwhelming.