Bexley
September
“Okay, girls, here’s your breakfast.”
I gave our usual server what I referred to as my get-by smile—the one I used when I was forced into a situation I didn’t want to be in, like this one—as she placed our orders in front of each of us.
It was our monthly girls’ Sunday brunch date, the first one I’d been to in a few months. The first one ever since the accident. I’d seen my friends, of course, just more one-on-one instead of a group environment.
“So, does anyone have plans to attend the summer festival?” Maya questioned as soon as everyone had their food in front of them.
“I won’t be here. I’m heading up to my parents’ cottage for an end-of-summer vacation.”
Poppy went to her parents’ cottage every summer. She’d never missed it, so it didn’t surprise me she was leaving.
“What about you?” Poppy asked Maya.
“Liam and I are renting a bed-and-breakfast on the outskirts of town for a week. We figured we could use a little time away from my ‘rents.” She winked.
Liam was still staying with Maya’s parents. He had planned on getting an apartment with Joe, Maya’s brother, until Everly stepped back into the picture and they moved in together. He’d just started on the force a little after Christmas and was still saving for a place.
“Are they getting to you or are you having a harder time sneaking around?” Poppy questioned.
Maya let out a laugh. “Well, obviously they know we are together. However, they don’t want us ‘doing it’ under their roof,” Maya said, using air quotes. “My dad was very specific with that.”
Poppy and Everly both let out a laugh. “Little do they know you two have been sneaking around since the beginning. When is he planning to get his own place?”
“He said he was going to look again soon. There has been little available that is affordable in the last couple of months. Of course, my parents are thrilled to have him staying with us.”
“Of course they are. You can’t get pregnant if you aren’t ‘doing it’.” Everly said, using air quotes again and winking.
Everyone at the table laughed, while I poured some hot sauce on my eggs and took a bite of my bacon.
“What are you doing, ?” Maya questioned.
“About?”
“The summer festival?”
I shrugged, taking a bite of my lightly buttered toast. “I don’t think I’m going to go.” I sighed.
“Why not?”
Once again, I shrugged. “I don’t know, don’t feel up to it. Plus, none of you guys will be there.”
Maya looked over to Everly. “Aren’t you and Joe going?”
Everly shook her head. “No, Joe has something to do for work that night, some special project that he can’t talk about, and I have to run the support line that night at the office. It was supposed to be Clara’s turn, but she is away at a conference.”
Maya shrugged, giving Everly a look that she probably thought I hadn’t seen, but I had. She’d been doing this every time I’d been around, which had been little. I mean, you hit and kill someone with your car and see how often you want to leave the house.
“Please stop doing that,” I mumbled.
“What?” Maya questioned, shoving a forkful of food into her mouth.
“Stop acting as if I can’t see your expressions. You are sitting right in front of me,” I barked.
The girls all stopped eating and looked at me. I’d been a little less tolerant of things that never bothered me before. The expressions being one of them. I’d changed in so many ways in the past few months, and I knew it worried my friends.
“I think Maya is just worried about you, as we all are,” Everly said, taking her therapist tone.
She’d been doing that a lot too when I was around. That ever-so-calm voice hoping to not have me blow up at something one of them said. Every single one of them looked at me differently.
“I’m fine.” I huffed.
“How did that date go?” Poppy asked, trying to change the subject.
I thought back to what she was talking about and shook my head. Maya had suggested I try using one of those dating apps after the accident. She’d bugged me about it so much, I finally allowed her to build me a profile and help me pick some guys. I’d known it was going to be a mistake.
I let out a sigh. “It was a nightmare. Won’t be doing something like that again.”
“Yeah, those dating apps can be messy,” Poppy replied. “I had one date from hell off one.”
“Thanks for that warning,” I muttered. “Regardless, I’m not really all that into dating right now anyway.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking about you putting yourself out there on those dating apps, and it doesn’t sit well with me. What if you were to meet someone through friends?” Everly questioned.
I looked up at her as if she were crazy. “Through friends? I don’t think so.”
“Yes,” Maya interjected. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
I could feel her wheels at work already. I sighed again. “Well, since I hang out with all of you every night, and we have a small circle of guys that join us, who would be the ones introducing me?”
“Duh, me, of course.” Maya shrugged, beating Everly to it.
I shook my head. “I’m good, really.”
“Oh come on. I was actually talking with Liam the other night, and we have someone who might just be perfect for you.”
I shook my head. “I doubt it. I know everyone you know.”
“Are you seriously telling me no right now?” Maya said, sitting forward, Everly and Poppy joining her.
“I am. I’m not interested.”
“How can you say that? You don’t even know who it is.”
Everly leaned in and whispered something to Maya, then she whispered back, and then they both turned and stared at me. Alarm bells were going off inside of me.
“Alright, well, tell me this, is he actually blind?”
Maya glanced at both Everly and Poppy before looking back to me. “No, why?”
“Well, I was thinking, if he was, then I could wear yoga pants, put my hair in a messy bun, with no makeup, and then and only then might I agree to go.” I shrugged.
“Hate to break it to you, but no, he isn’t blind. Just do this for me.”
I picked up my coffee and took a sip. Then shoved a piece of mango in my mouth, shaking my head. “Why? I already told you I’m fine, and I did the online dating thing for you. I don’t think I need to do more.”
“Well, I’m worried about you. We all are. We are all worried that you might just give up and be alone and miserable for the rest of your life.”
It was true. I’d thought about giving up. The accident, the aftermath, had been hell for me. It wasn’t just the accident, either. It was the fact that the guy I’d been seeing and hiding from my friends had broken it off with me shortly after that accident because I wasn’t fun to be around anymore.
“How about this?” I made eye contact with each of them. “How about, I’ll think about it?”
Maya clapped her hands together and began lightly bouncing on her chair with excitement. “Sounds good to me.”
To Maya, that automatically meant I’d said yes, which I hadn’t. I cleared my throat, placed my hand on her arm, catching her attention, and looked her directly in the eyes. “I said I’d think about it.”
I opened the door to my one-bedroom apartment and stepped inside, flipping the light on in the kitchen. I placed the bags that contained the few things I’d picked up from the store on the table, along with the bag of books I’d purchased. I grabbed my sweater off the back of the chair and quickly unpacked the bags and put the food away, before grabbing a can of soda from the fridge. I picked up the books and carried them into the living room. Leaving one on the table, I shoved the rest on my bookshelf and sat down.
The apartment was quiet, almost too quiet. I’d never noticed it before today. Flipping the TV on for background noise, I picked up the book I’d chosen and opened it up, reading the first page. I struggled to concentrate and finally shut the book and put it back on the table.
This had been happening too much. My mind wouldn’t shut off. I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe I was totally unhappy here, I thought to myself. I wasn’t one to think of myself as miserable. I used to be the one to laugh, to cause others to laugh and to have fun with my friends, but as I looked back on this morning’s brunch, I realized I was only going through the motions.
Each laugh was forced, and I realized I’d only agreed to go to get Maya to stop asking me and because it was something we always did. I hadn’t said yes because I’d wanted to go; I was perfectly happy staying at home and alone.
I was literally going through the motions. I wasn’t living.
I let out a sigh and picked up my phone. I opened up my chat between Maya and I and started a new message.
: Got a minute?
Maya: Hold on…
: Okay
I sat staring at my phone, then saw the little dots bounce. I smiled to myself, thinking of Maya in the restaurant this morning, all giddy because I’d told her I’d think about her blind date suggestion.
Maya: What’s up?
: I have a question for you.
Maya: Okay
: This blind date…
Maya: Hold the presses. You want to go?
: I didn’t say that. I want to know who he is.
Maya: That, my dear, I refuse to tell.
: Then no.
Maya: Come on, you can’t say no because I won’t tell you who it is.
: Yes I can.
Maya: If I tell you, you’ll say no, anyway. Plus, it might ruin it if I told you.
: You are impossible.
Maya: Yes, so I’ve been told. Does that mean you will go?
I tapped the edge of my phone, contemplating who it could be, but no one came to mind. Dax was, well, Dax. Tate wasn’t my type, and Hudson, well, he was just a loner.
: Fine. I’ll go.
Maya: :) YAY!!!!!
: When is it?
Maya: I’ll have to get back to you with those details. Leave it with me.
: Maya???
Maya: Leave it with me.
: What have I done…
I giggled to myself as I typed those last words. I set my phone beside me and took a sip of my soda when my phone vibrated. I picked it up.
Maya: You just agreed to what could be the best thing to ever happen to you. Talk soon ;)